Friday, 24 December 2010

Papercut. Chapter 20

I am her teacher. I stare at her hands on my neck as I look down, they are there, stroking as my eyes are closed, her lips trailing up as they are above my lips and I open my eyes. Her silky hair on her shoulders, like a scarf around her neck, different steaks scatter. She rubs her thumb against my neck, her hand traveling up. She brushes her thumb against my cheek, now her lips repeating the same pattern her palm did.


I gulp, as I notice half her face now covered by a black feathered mask, her eyes boring into mine. One violet. One emerald. She leans in, not tearing her eyes off my lips, as mine are locked on the eyes, a love triangle. Her fingertips stroke my hair, going deeper until she could feel my scalp, she grins at the fingers piercing the skin, as she holds her distance, eyes now up. I could feel her breath on me a few days ago, but now it's gone. She does not let me move as if it were all based on her actions. I lean in, as she smiles, a grin forming on her lips. How long was this taking?

I’m her teacher.



Three years, when I had started dating Lola.

“I like you.”

I don’t know who said it, everything a blur of delight, as she leans her lips against my own, the kiss never there. She leans back, tearing off her mask, her hair bleaching out.

“Say hi to Roman. From Lola.” With that she kisses him, as I feel myself take over his mind. I breathe out, my breath a pill. I stare at her. I bore my eyes into her, feeling a sudden pain. I look up at her, everything moving, shaking, blackening. I make a move but nothing, I just stand my hands pressed against my head. There some hatred lull inside, I should crack open against the wall to watch the ceiling crack as I'd stare onto the sky, watching eternity.

Wake up.

Instead I see her sip from her Starbucks cappuccino brought out of nowhere. She sits there in nothing, her eyes both birth, holding different colours. She grins, biting her thumb and then she stands up. Lola throws her mask away and before it hits the ground it vanishes leaving nothing.

I feel somebody’s hand upon my shoulder. Kayleen.



She had two coloured eyes.

I stare at Alice in shock, my dreams shattering.

Same hairstyle.

Same eye colour.

Same gestures.


I snap out of it, staring at the dark haired girl. She’s a fucking copy. I feel sick. I feel desire. Get rid of her. To kick her out, to scream into her ears, to suck the air out of her lungs. Instead I stare at her for a while before hardening my gaze, getting rid of the soapy softness. I get sick, I loathe her… because she reminds me of Lola.

I can see them both laugh, singing songs, each holding a big oval mirror in front, beating the life of the floor, as they stare at each other, grins held open. They look familiar, as the grab each other's hands, glance and then turn their attention towards my own, tearing it apart into two divides.

I lean against the desk harder, feeling a sharper pain that causes me to shiver. It eases me, as I watch the kids embarrass themselves, I don’t care about their names. They can wear fucking name tags if they want to. They can pour milk out of cartons into each other's mouth, the liquid spilling, eyes full. I glance at them, imagining the load of blood in their bodies, exposing wounds bursting the liquid out, draining the life out of them.


Her hair is red.

Not a bloody red.

But red.

I spring up, my body standing straight, as I watch a nerd explain biology which I should have learnt at the hellhole called school. Blood. Scarlet red. Knife. Light blue.

Were her lips a bloody red colour? Would I taste her blood? Would I want to? Did I want to make her scream in pain, in my arms, defenselessly, crying out for help. I hug myself around my torso, skipping three students in a row, her screams clouding my head.

I don't.

I don't want to cause her pain.

Not her and nor Lola, for Kid’s sake.


Papercut. A big massive chunk of my life, as the story went, the first draft for five months, the plot and Roman himself changing in the first month.

Tomorrow shall be a year since the first draft was done and left waiting to be published and the biggest to date, each losing at least several k in length.

The ending came all of a sudden.

It's the eve of Christmas and, me, being in love with Papercut, never hiding it, the eve of the end went everything was told.

The end was left unknown, different and the actual ending papercut had supposed to have was the end of part one until I decided to rest for a while and the thoughts that is actually the end and the epilogue burst into mind,making myself jump and in a minutes Papercut was finnished, making me look back now, to see that I have subconsiously known the ending all along.

I started from telling the ending as it starts the story, now if to look at it. Massive spoiler. Massive author's note.

How Roman was created, the soundtrack and behind the scenes.

Anyone actually interested in the story behind? Anyone want to know what the real ending was supposed to be like, please tell either in the comments, twitter or poll (to your left, scroll a bit) about to find everything else behind the scenes.

To mark the year, tomorrow in a few hours another chapter shall be published.

It feels like New Year, I'd like to thank all, even if I'm still here, posting, advertising, bothering people with questions, searching for ideal songs, writing whenever I can and losing topics due to thoughts, I love it.

I can't really write author notes if to be honest, feelings coming in front, revealing my nature rather than what I want to be.

Thank you for being there.

Happy Holidays!

Chapter 21

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