Sunday, 30 September 2012

The Blunderbuss Angel said The Union is Forever 4

The first time I’ve tried a dress the zipper was a bit too loose, making me wonder if the woman who had left it might’ve been pregnant as I wandered into the closet, closing myself inside to feel as if the dress had licked everything inside.

I slid in the dress, taking off all my clothes, feel uneasy with my body for a mere second and I walked out, opening the window, leaning out to smoke a cigarette and look at how hairy my legs seemed to be today and I wished I had lipstick but piercing my lips to make them bloody so that I would be a bleeding woman
from a distance didn’t matter.

I ended up having an erection, aroused as the alarm clock seemed to lull on the table as I glared at it, it’s arousing being yourself, not in the sexual way but in the soothing way.

I watched the man walk out from his office, waving his hands around, a cigarette dangling from his lips like a bad escape method and I watched him for a while, in the end raiding my bags for a camera and I had caught him on a slide

as he looked upon the castle which his building was shielding and then the majesty was resurrected.

Thursday, 27 September 2012

Broken Black Varnish Requiem 4

“I was thinking.”

He grabs some print outs and I close my eyes.

“Yeah, same.” I reply, lips pressed and nearly praying to no God on earth but just to myself and his eyes.


“Not a donor?” I open my eyes exhaling, relaxed. My fear of being pregnant released as well as I do not want any hint of another man inside me.

“Fuck no!” Alex says biting his lip harshly and I kiss him. We start kissing a bit too lustfully as I take off his sweater and my tongue is too deep as I start taking off his jeans.

“I-” I start saying.

“It’s fine that it took you a year. You were on the thing with studies, chill, chill.” He soothes me, his hands strolling through my own, kisses fluttering. I hesitate and stare at the ceiling which ends up being his own eyes.

“Yeah. That’s good, great.” I mean it, trembling.

Alex is nearly crying.

In the end we both end up howling with tears and make more love in the end.

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Broken Black Varnish Requiem 3

The sky highlights itself during the rain in order not to get lost and I keep shifting from tea and the cigarette in hand as Alex tries to find the cookies and I look out on the street with no one besides a car.

In the end he joins me and wraps me up in the cover pink poncho we’ve bought long ago when we moved in and pretended to be a dinosaur under it with no head sticking out as if we’d be younger.

“Going through depression like the rest?” Alex smirks and drinks a bit of tea and gives me half a cookie, putting his arm around my shoulder. I hesitate and loosen up.

I sigh.

“Everyone starts being lonely and gloomy, as if there is nothing and you actually figure what if drugs are the only source of happiness for them.” I smirk. “Maybe we should legalize to avoid depression.”

Mindless chatter as I see Jack park the car and tilt his hat as he goes under the rain, opens the umbrella and goes to the trunk of his car, letting his feet into the puddles as he is going to be warm and in the arms of a woman soon and I wonder how many children does he own and how his wife looks as he looks to be a father of many. I look at the bags from toy stores and how he holds something in his mouth.

Jack looks at both of us, spits out, what I believe to be a receipt, nods with his hat falling lightly over his eyes, smirking at the gesture and soon enough he is in leaving the car like a shiny wrapper on the street.

It feels like we’ll never see him again but he goes back on with straps and a light cigarette nearly done and she grins at him, welcoming. The wife, the girlfriend and she kisses him as he quickly glances at me and heads into his own warmth to enjoy and drink.


I have too much dark thoughts in my head xD

I hope you enjoyed it :3

Thank you


Broken  Black Varnish Requiem 4

Sunday, 23 September 2012

Stale Smoke In A Running Circle6

I wake up, both of us on fabric made to be furniture, old and torn and I hear voices which have to be feet which go further into the kitchen and I smile, knowing that it’s Jamie not giving evidence to the second.

I hear a click of a different lighter, maybe Jamie had gotten a new one.

Then they exchange it.

I open my eyes to see Alex dangling and nearly falling off the armchair to see the light of morning and I see both Jamie and the shorter man with absurd dyed blonde hair in black loosen boxers, socks and Jamie actually naked and shivering.

The blonde man laughs at him and then Jamie notices me and the man turns around to smile at me, his crooked teeth showing in curiosity as I notice his wonky eye. He is quite skinny and loose, he inhales the cigarette and walks further into the kitchen, opening the fridge, taking bread out and using the toaster.

Jamie stands there stark naked as Alex makes a move and I see he closes his eyes not to shield himself from Jamie being naked but rather from the scene.

I don’t say anything.

The man doesn’t say anything.

And Alex pretends he is dead.

“I don’t like straight people. Too stuck up.” The blonde starts making himself tea and we all watch him with a leftover bit of his morning erection which he might’ve used and is fading off and we slowly all watch him sip his tea.

“I fucked a man.” Jamie swallows.

“Wrong.” The blonde little man smirks. “I fucked you.”

And then I’d expect Jamie to collapse but instead he puts his hand in front of his cock and the blonde man turns to see him and smiles softly as Jamie is still shivering from inner cold and I see the man just finnish his tea as if he were from Twin Peaks and holds some cold inner self.

He pats Jamie’s shoulder which is taller than he is.

Eventually the blonde heads into the room and manages to find his clothes, puts on a shirt and feels a bit unwanted shuffling between cupboards as he is the leading role right now and we don’t know what to do with him.

Eventually Alex wakes from his slumber and makes his way to the man as they exchange names, Alex and Thom and smile both.

“I’m not gay, but I mean, yeah.” And the man just smiles.

Jamie makes himself some tea as now I am the one on the couch, having Jamie’s shivers and I can’t help but want to glance at Jamie’s ass and see what had happened to it something like blood on a last night virgin’s covers.

In the end Alex and Thom communicate as Jamie sits besides me.

“I’m gay.” He shrugs and I just put my arm around him.

“Doesn’t have to be.” Thom says, struggling. “Yeah, you could be going through a phase.”

Exchanged Thom and Alex laugh. Alex on the anxious side, Thom on the drunken as if they would start dancing and exchanging music vinyls on the side when me and Jamie would close our eyes.

I can’t think properly and neither can Jamie and I just keep glancing at his ass which is hidden away from me.

We all share a cigarette box until it runs out and Tesco seems like another planet and Jamie is as naked as ever as Thom starts dancing to something on television.

Once it were just us two.


I'm actually quite anxious about this chapter as it is quite a turn but I've been very exhausted and I actually managed to fall ill and have a ton of homework and etc and etc and etc

I had the idea of Thom sleeping with Jamie back in the week but I got caught up with everything so yeah, I'm here :D yay XD I hope I'm still loved as I love you :3


Stale Smoke In A Running Circle7

Sunday, 16 September 2012

She drains the sun.2

I end up in the store later with an ice cream not bothering and finnishing it watching as I believe to be a homosexual couple of women as I recall the red haired beauty which I couldn’t just tilt over and go on top, spreading her legs out.

I see the butch woman smile at the femme and I recall how it feels when I was closeted and confused and I would try to understand why I can’t dance with a woman on the dancefloor instead of drinking orange juice with cheap vodka or some other alcohol in and I wish she would’ve walked in and I think she’s over her twenties, maybe she has another job and she just watches young girls and then touches herself.

I want to the classical couple make out.

I walk in behind them to try on a pair of shorts and they go in the same cabin, I close my eyes and press myself against the wall.

I don’t even know her name.

I think of that disco again and how on the next a girl had dragged me in, one which I had math with who had a northern accent and was drunk before even the beginning.

She had lured me in, whispering and giggling and in the end kicking the women’s door open exposing some girls who were fucking quite viciously, she had passed me the bottle of booze and I saw a joint getting passed around. I managed to ask for cigarettes and I had dug first time in for a pussy, spreading the fucked girl’s legs and feeling a mixed taste of sex, orgasm and two women making love as I had thought then rather than fucking ad it had been great, licking her as I eyed the icelandic girl called Bjork kissing with another dark haired woman with a slender waist and I was licking the breasts of a blonde who was biting her lips.

Some people know who is a lesbian and who is not, but the LGBT flag on her pin bugged me off, I had been proud amongst women I fuck but that’s it.

I close my eyes as I imagine the butch fingering the femme harshly, biting her neck and maybe even sliding a dildo out to fuck her tight vagina. I don’t even think that they’re even fucking, but I want to believe sometimes and I start touching myself glancing at the mirror to see the newly cropped black fringe and I see her close her eyes the fake eyelashes crossing the real, closing eyes tighter and letting her tongue out.

I gasp and keep fingering myself harder, looking at the mirror, it’s still an obsession with one’s body and I want to see her want me.

Eventually I come, thrusting and nearly knocking the clothing down behind my head and gasping, I’d kill for masturbation.

I eventually go outside my fingers still soaked so I suck them off, not seeing the couple, the shorts hanging around my neck and I smile and pay.

I want to see my fantasy strolling with ice cream, dipping her cunt in vanilla and strawberry, licking her lips and fuck I want her badly, I want to lick her, push her breasts as hard as I can and share a double sided dildo as she cannot even scream from pleasure. I don’t think I’m even such a bad shag.

I want to go back, so I go back past my school scowling a bit to not see her there but on the other side of the street, biting her nails and smiling at the sky above with her hair as some burning fire which I’m not even scared of.

I hesitate and I walk up, in some daze and I order ice cream, her pin is now gone and she seems a bit too thoughtful and I get scared of her age and it’s different when you are in a fuck club and I hope she would show me a dildo and shove it within me and I just take the ice cream, leaking in her own feelings and thoughts as in the end she smiles at me.

“You ok, love?” She asks me. What if she’s thirty? Fuck.

“Yeah.” I just say nothing wishing I were in London to dip my nose in specific literature which would still have barely any sex scenes and for erotica I don’t seem cheap enough sometimes. I don’t say anything and I eat the ice cream in front of her.

The woman leans out of the small caravan and looks around.

“C’mon, sweetie, let’s go.” And she slips back in, closes the window and I feel cut off. Fuck, what if she is thirty?

She walks out, smoking and I see her green platforms and her laugh as she closes everything.

I just shiver and she slips out a menthol cigarette and smiles at me.

I am underage.

I am about to make out with a woman twice my age, I feel music filling my ears that I cannot hear her conversation.


I manage to reply to something and walk closer to the Royal Mile, her red bag hanging on her hips and I wonder if we are headed where we are supposed to as we walk past Grassmarket where people are hung and I’m shivering even more.

I can’t stop shivering and people walk around in Hunters, a fair sign of rain or people just loving wellies too much and I am amused by my eye catching so many typical things to Edinburgh and the lack of rain today.

It even feels like I am walking alone, as if I am heading up to the castle from the bridges, walking past all the shops, wobbling around the houses and slipping them in mind, nearly wobbling from the scent and exhasution of beauty which is kept and I miss home all of a sudden and it’s a relief when we reach the Royal Mile and she takes out her iPhone, a white one and takes a few quick snaps most likely with my face so pale and I wonder why she needs it but once I’ve been invited straight to a club and well I’ve made out with people wobbling past and caught women who wanted me.

Then she laughs and we walk into some small store which sells cashmere one of the many and walk upstairs.

I look at the small room as she undoes her jacket and her shirt.

This is like a club I say to myself, scared and rushed as the woman goes down and starts undoing my buttons, tracing my clit with her finger first and then her tongue.

She closes her majestic eyes and I scream, shivering, thrusting my hips in as she smiles and laughs.

She bites my clit gently and pulls it with her lips, looking at me mischievously and taking off her own skirt, platforms aside as she keeps licking me over the fabric. The red haired blows on my clit, laughing and slowly dipping her finger in my entrance, and puts her mouth there before pulling it harshly down and pushing me on the wooden floor.

As I open my eyes from the impact she’s still licking the fabric and I see how she undid her shirt exposing her breasts and I am trying to grab hold of something but I can’t and she keeps teasing me and eventually she pulls my underwear down and pants with her teeth.

“Let’s get you ready, love.” She says even tenderly and spreads my theighs roughly as she manages to take the tight jeans off and leaves the rather odd smiling cow socks bought on the classic sales.

The wonderful woman with a not so straight sexual orientation takes in now on my bare skin as I scream out, my entire body shaking harshly as she keeps sucking my clit, her fingers tracing my entrance soaking it in.

“Kinky.” The older woman says and slides her hand in and tears her mouth with a cum trail between her red lips and my screaming vagina.

She presses her body against the bed, fingers hidden and desire behind buttons of a jean skirt and she screams, raisisng her skirt and I see no underwear and a thong lying aside.

I see the woman laugh and showing me how beautiful she is with her entrance and her ass and I just lie there, slowly taking off my shirt as she strokes herself, slowly, teasing and then sucking her fingers.

Then she goes on fours and smiles, exposing everything between her legs.

“Hit me.” She says, red hair against the boards.

I slap her buttcheak a bit weakly and I see a trail of cum leaking out of her entrance and I slide my tongue against it as I feel her entire body smile and I repeat it more and more until I sit up and pin her down, putting my legs into position.

The sex woman laughs and pins me back down on the floor.

And starts moving on me. She removes her shirt and beige bra, her breasts exposed and right in front of my face as I begin sucking and she strokes my hair.

“Such a quite lesbian, eh?” And she starts biting my neck as I gasp at each thrust of sex and I stop seeing anything, screaming her, calling even her an ice woman and she laughs, everything is an explosion of the scene and sex, sex is never so good

So good

“They say it’s better with the one you love.” I gasp as we are both near.

“Let’s play the fairytale then, bitch.” And I come, screaming, clawing her back, thrusting my hips up, gasping, screaming her calling her names, even swearing as I even squirt on her and I don’t even see her orgasm, I just feel her scream soaking up my self as she starts moaning and shivering and slapping whatever she can of my body and slamming her vaginal lips against my own and harder and harder and harder


It feels like I come again but it’s so long it’s beautiful us screaming, someone banging and I feel people bying cashmere and I hear the bagpipes and I sit up, my hair a mess and even braided with hers as her eyes are still closed and she looks at my stomach.

“Look at me, woman. I don’t care you’re age. I’m fifteen.” I say and I kiss her lips.

She kisses me so brief and collapses hands clawing my soul and tearing it hastly for the city, which is herself, making love to her is like making lvoe to home and I see some seagulls fly past as I wonder how we look, thirty and fifteen and I just kiss her, knowing home at last and always knowing with the streets and the music and the worn Hunter boots I need to use again to join the mass of love.

She drains the sun.3

Saturday, 15 September 2012

I Don't Like Giving Titles

The streets seem wider and it feels like tingles of electricity still go through you sometimes even when I raise my eyes at bars and I see my pint not being given I shout out and I still get scared and my eyes do catch females sometimes like the red haired girl in heels at the end of the street with short hair in the green coat.

Or sometimes it’s just no one and it’s the beer.

I look at a parent who drags a small child by hand the child being a bit too goofy and I just walk on, not knowing what they had been trying to achieve by pinning me down and I see the child’s dark eyes linger on me, maybe wishing it were as old as I am, I’d wish to be here but I’d want the memories to be more faint and distant and not so clinging as a shirt after running for no reason to an old used bookstore and dragging books ut, crossing legs as you feel both men and women looking.

It’s bizarre and obscure, allowing this sort of ‘sodomy’ to be allowed and now taken away from us.

I could’ve just fucked that child out on the street as the mother dragged him on into the direction of the old town, maybe to keep her child straight who she called as Ian and asked him to drag along as I’d call myself more new, true, I still stayed in the shadows and I don’t return your glance even now, but I still walk on.

We had met a few years later with the boy as I was having more alcohol and back when you could smoke in bars and people would discuss things before soberness would be a bad dream and an attempt to raise hands in the morning to pray for that feel they had forsaken and given in to sin.

I had been older and so had he, just sat with me.

As he had recalled,

“I click my fingers on the table, watching him throw another tantrum and laugh out before he enters the room and eyes me, smirking, collar up.

We share a cigarette.”

That was all you ever get from homosexuality, a shared cigarette which turns into a fag and you discard.

“Music was so rare you speak of, it seemed, you were still tense until you found interest, that had been the thing.” Ian speaks later, looking a bit down, shoulders loosened yet he is like a leaf holding onto the last things a tree can give before death.

“You seemed attracted.” Seems like a snap and a confession. Of course I had waited until the pub had nearly closed and I pressed him against a wall, a cubicle, waiting for the last to leave and quickly put my hand between his crotch, unbutton and reveal pleasure in my mouth as I started sucking the child off, it had been a weird comparisson and at the time I had known nothing, just the taste of his crotch and later on of his cum as he lunched forward and arched his back, nearly kicking me aside and pulling me forward.

It’s a sharred cigarette.

Then he had went down, a bit sloppy but looking at him had been enough and roughly thrusting so that he’d remember his as I believe first dick.

I came and hurled him aside, wanting a beer again and more thoughts triggered my mind.


I'm very sorry for not being able to post anything and if to be frank I haven't even been writing from everything going on and I'm finally back home for more than a week now. Hooooome, hoooooooome, it was good and is good to finally be able to walk around places not only loved but ones I've used like where Alison from Used Lighter used to take blood:) Really good to be back home, I'm serious, I missed you too much