The morning is surrounded in a bunch of puns, standing in queue for the shower with Miles as Julian tries to shave Carlos for the fuck of it, but Carlos seems to think that he had done everything to deserve this as we still get praise for the drag show, which seems to be ages ago and I don’t even recall doing the obscure waltz with Miles anymore, all I can feel is Hince’s words and as I had been walking back I had met him and he had nodded at me. When I was heading up to the turret I had be given a very small note, saying to see him and my day was bound to be surrounded by this. Going up to Julian seemed awful and betraying, while I had not known Ezra or Cookie properly, they had still seemed to haunt me but Julian seemed like a low blow even to myself even if I could live with sending over people off.
Carlos gets sent off to get the buoy and Miles just seems tempted to shoot at the poor boat instead to which I’m sure Carlos would flip at all of us, but instead we all wait and I just see Captain Hince out of the corner of my eye who approaches Miles, after giving me a small smile, puts his hand on the Chief Petty Officer’s shoulder and whispers something into his ear, while his eyes still locked on mine and it makes me feel too uncomfortable and I either want to shoot Carlos even more or I want to be the one in the raft.
I glance away even if Hince desperately tries to make eye contact with me and I see Miles shakes his head. Julian just looks at me confused as Pete and Carl just sit on the deck, smoking, knowing that someone will eventually alert them when Carlos is back and when we should all get back to our positions.
Carlos eventually gets back and we all have to depart as Hince checks on all the turrets from while to while, making me nearly miss the damn buoy, but I hold myself as Carlos loads some shells and then sits near the door, smoking and not even looking if I’m getting the target to which Captain Hince approaches me. I feel him near me, but I stay near the sights, feeling my anxiety levels rise and I wonder how come he hadn’t told anyone about Ezra, but instead Hince just watches me and when he leaves I finally shoot and I start coughing, realizing that I’ve been holding my breath for far too long.
I do feel like I’ve punched myself in the stomach, after everything is over, the buoy is long gone and we all get petted on the head by Miles and Hince is long gone, but in mind he still walks around smoking cigarettes and reading some daft russian novel. I wonder how long can I slack off and I can’t even tell myself to flirt with Julian, who asks me a few questions which I don’t think I even answer besides the one about me having a lighter and he just watches me. I wonder how much is he even attracted to me, how much regret will he have and we’re alone in the turret, as he seems to be entertained by the shells and I wonder why are we even still here.
Once he gets closer to me, I stand up feeling fear explicitly on my lips and I just smile and I walk past Julian to increase my pace and soon enough I’m up on the bridge, shaking again as I knock on Captain Hince’s room, as if knowing that he wouldn’t be on watch, I don’t think he’s ever even done anything else than read novels, I wonder how come he even is Captain and when I open the door, I see that his hair is damp from a recent shower and he motions for me to head inside and he stands way too close to me, which makes me feel too uncomfortable. I notice his dark red robe. What if it was someone else? Maybe then he just wouldn’t open.
“I can’t go too vocal about Ezra, m’boy, after all, people might doubt God and that is not something we want now, because war is approaching, war can be seen and well, you get two effects either people believe in God or they don’t and frankly, you don’t want to send people to hell, give them the doubts do you?” It’s more of a rhetorical question and he sits down, as I look at his desk, trying to find the book, but everything seems to be scattered and eventually I see short stories by Chekhov which doesn’t seem like a far off idea for his mind, so I just let my eyes rest there until I feel his hand on my chin and I am forced to look into his eyes.
“I want someone else to send off, boy.” And frankly what he is doing doesn’t seem too heterosexual and natural, if that’s what he wants to call it. His eyes flick onto my lips and he grins to himself. “So who shall it be today, Turner?”
I feel too uncomfortable and I don’t say anything and I shake my head.
“Or do you want me to give you a name?” He leans in closer to me. “Because I can give you a name.”
I just stand still.
“I’ve got a man in mind.” And I feel like I’ve shot myself in the leg and I know that it will get cut off and that then I will keep bleeding, which will be with the sound of eternity hissing in my ears.
“Well, did you fuck him then?” Hince asks against my lips and I give up, closing my own eyes, I’m not stupid, I know that he’s above and he can just give me up, he can tell everything, I am gay and he knows it. He’s holding me firmly by the cheek and I keep my eyes closed, his breath against my lips. “I know, who else would be doing this job, m’boy? Only a man who enjoys another man. I know.”
And he kisses me.
It is a kiss.
But it’s revolting as he crushes his body against my own, letting his hands wander and I don’t do much, I know what I have to do and I kiss him back, my hands trembling as he takes them and pins them above my head, his mouth going down to my neck.
“I-I didn’t, sir. But-” Hince presses another kiss against my lips. It doesn’t even feel like a kiss, it’s too metallic and it gets worse when he slides his tongue in and his hand goes to my pants and I just lean back and I open my eyes to look at him and
it’s bizarre, looking into the eyes of someone possessive and he reminds me of Ezra somehow, only he has a different veil on, something with Captain of the ship written in bold letters. I glance down to see his boner and frankly, I know it’s going inside me and it makes me even more uncomfortable. I wonder if by going on my knees that would get me slightly out of this but the perspective of holding his cock in my mouth is even less appealing. I wonder if my decision even has a weight in this.
“Miles Kane. He’s gay as far as I know and I’m sure he’d love to sleep with you, m’boy.” And my blood freezes as Hince watches me.
“What?” He smirks and presses a kiss against my cheek, licking it. I focus my vision on the Chekhov book, my mind trying to recall some short story but all of them had been so horrid that I had chucked them out of my mind as soon as I could and I just lean back to look at Hince, trying to soften my gaze.
I give out someone else though.
“I think Pete and Carl are fucking.” And I kiss him, feeling like a mass murderer. I’m the boy with the rifle.
He presses me against the wall.
“I’ll bring them both.”
“Just not Kane, right, Turner?” He’s playing a game, it’s a game for him, it’s like a student in love with a teacher, he’s toying with me and I’m his to some extent. I kiss him harder and I wonder where the fuck do I turn as I let him take off my pants and I feel way too naked as my shirt is discarded and I open his robe, quickly grabbing his cock and hoping that I will be able to erase this from my own mind and I wonder how would I have felt many years ago the only cock I’ve ever touched then being my own and dreaming of Matt’s.
I go on my knees and I hope it’s enough even if I am naked.
He tugs on my hair way too much and he wants me to take more, so I hardly hold from gagging, but I manage somehow and I feel myself randomly counting to make sure this is over sooner, I even start counting faster or sometimes slower, to relax myself from thinking that he is surely taking his time and soon enough, when I feel him thrust too hard, I hope all of this will be over, but instead he yanks me back up and frenches me and I feel bizarre holding the older Captain as he nods onto the bed and I just pale up.
“Stop making that face, I’m sure you’ve been fucked.” Hince mocks me as I am pinned against the bed and I just keep kissing him as he runs his hands through my hair and I want my comb all of a sudden, my mind entirely wandering elsewhere, I want this over with and I lean my head back as I feel himself position and I just spread my legs.
He goes inside and I resume the counting as Hince starts biting my neck and he takes my cock in his hand. Well, that’s charming and I just sigh, close to a yawn before he goes inside me and I try to keep my breathing even, I try to relax myself as there isn’t much of a moment before he’s in and he harshly starts thrusting.
I wonder if I can ask him to slow down, but soon enough I get used to it and I stare at the ceiling as he moans against my neck. Then he takes me by the chin again and kisses me again, I hold myself from pulling away and I know he won’t last long and he doesn’t. I shut my eyes as he comes inside me and I breathe deeper, trying to focus on my breathing as he still keeps stroking my cock up and down. Hince collapses on my shoulder and mumbles for me to come. I push him aside slightly, getting the hair off my forehead as he still works on my cock and I wonder what the fuck do I do.
I take his hand off and start jerking myself off, watching him and I hope he just won’t get hard again and I just close my eyes, I want to keep Miles out of it, so I just imagine someone random sucking me off and I come, it’s not too great, but I achieve what Hince had wanted.
He goes on top of me and I’m scared we’ll go through round two.
“You should keep yourself for the other men, though.” And he frenches me again.
Of course, the one against the gays is gay himself and I wonder about his wife.
“Still, bring me Pete and Carl by tonight, otherwise I’ll even send you off myself.” He strokes my cheek. “No matter how good of a fuck you are, I can always get a new one.”
He bit my neck, shoved my clothes in my arms and told me to dress up as he watched me and I couldn’t even feel more violated as his green eyes were directed at my cock, as my whole body was screaming for a shower and I didn’t even feel like crying. I just wanted to turn on the hot water and go underneath it. He just told me to make sure that I had both of them and that I had enough energy for him to fuck me again if he wished so. He even repeated his habit of grabbing me by the chin, forcing his lips shut against my own, proud of himself of his young toy boy sailor.
I left Hince in a hurry, nearly running down the stairs, putting my hat on as I made a run for the bunks which had Julian walking around bored and I shoved Julian away as he tried to ask me something and I apologized grabbing all of my clothes, ignoring his confused questions, merely replying that I needed a shower. Jules had followed me though, concerned after all I had a bewildered look in my eye and even I had only went under the shower, Julian was still asking me questions as I sat on the floor of the cubicle, turning up the water as hot as I could, trying to muffle out both Hince and Jules.
I even closed my ears with both my hands as Julian opened the curtain to see me shaking and he just looked behind before he himself stripped off his clothes and I stared at him naked.
“Julian, not the best...” But he was already in and he sat besides me.
“I never managed to get caught.” You shithead, you just did, but I don’t say anything, glancing at him. I can’t tell anything, but instead I smile at his gentle self and I just sigh, wanting a cigarette and just when I wonder how is Jules doing with the heat he stands up to decrease the heat.
I stand up and I take the soap to which Julian takes from me and I just swallow watching him get closer, my lips feel invaded, my whole body is bizarre and foreign to me now as Julian strokes my cheek and starts washing me with the bar of soap as I watch him do so, feeling excited which is odd and I watch the younger man and I’ve got a bizarre tingling feeling in my chest as I watch him.
He goes on his knees.
Shit, Julian don’t and I pull him up which causes the opposite reaction I had expected and I wonder how the fuck do people not think the navy is not gay as he presses me against the wall and I shiver from the cold wall, as the water had not yet warmed it up properly yet Julian’s lips are against my own and it’s weird having something Miles had and I wonder if I kiss deep enough if I will feel my lover, but I don’t, yet I still keep kissing him, wondering if Julian will do for Pete and Carl. I wonder why hadn’t Hince gone for Julian, when Julian seems to be a better kisser than I am and as Miles had put it, has a hot ass. I try to shove Miles away and I wonder how long do I have to shove him away, what if because I’m shoving him away, that’s why Matt is creeping on me?
Because I had been shoving away Matt for so long, that he sees the gap so he appears, the damn fuck.
I don’t think I know what I’m doing with making out with Julian and soon enough I lean back, still exhausted and water pretty much between us. I press my forehead against his shoulder and I wonder how the fuck do I tell him to fuck off, how do I simply tell him that not now and if he were to be now he’d be off the ship and maybe even wherever they are keeping Ezra and I wonder if I should even try and see if he’s still in church and I wonder if I can even pray.
Julian still keeps looking at me, full of hope. I wonder if he’s fallen for me and sometimes when you feel depressed, the feeling that someone else might love you in empowering, as I keep brushing Miles off in my mind. I kiss Jules again, regretting and I know we should stop.
“Not now, love.” I say against his lips, looking into his dark eyes with a small smirk, outplaying myself and we just shower pretty fast, acknowledging that we might get caught even if Jules said he never happens to get caught. He hesitates because I’ve been refusing him and I can’t really tell him, do you know what Jules, it’s for your own good. In the end Miles finds us as we are dressing up and he observes both of us, juggling with a few thoughts in his head and once Jules leave, he tries to ask me something, but I just pretend to be interested in putting on my shirt and I avoid his glance.
We keep our silence.
“We need to clean our guns.” He says quietly and leaves in the end and I wonder how obvious, but then everything is obvious and I try to recall exactly how he had looked, but I don’t think it had dawned on him yet and I know that I’m an asshole.
I WON NANO!!!!!!
YES I REACHED 50 K AND I'M SAD THAT 50 K WAS REACHED A SCENE AFTER THE ANGST AND THE ANGSTY CHAPTER WILL BE POSTED TOMORROW :O
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED TO MILES SO FAR AND TRUST ME THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO COME!!! I'M REALLY TRYING NOT TO SPOIL HERE AND I AM EXCITED.
SDGJHDSGVHJSDVJH YES I DID NANO :O SGVHJSDGVHSDGVJHSDVGHJSDVGSJHV
Anyway, I was thinking to just have Hince here, but then Juju's scene isn't too big so I chucked it in, again keep the calm bits here.
I asked my gf hey so who puts the buoy in place and her answer was simply send off Carlos which was my original idea, so yeah xD
What was going to happen between Al and Hince was long planned and was nearly decided after I've decided about that one stand he had with Miles before, so yeah.
Basically the events unfolding here are the start of the angst pretty much and I guess set up the scene for part 2, so yeah. Obviously there will be some light chapters, I hope, but a lot of angst ahead :\
It's weird to talk about these chapters without mentioning what's ahead, I'm serious xD
I'll be honest, I feel horrible for Julian and he was meant to be the first one off, I think Cookie was intended to be the second, Ezra just… err happened xD so yeah and I really like Julian in this story a lot and yeah, I feel bad for everyone.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and tomorrow it will be basically the heaviest (or second) heaviest chapter, actually there is a bunch ahead so yeah, but yeah. I just finished writing the other chapter to reach the word count so I am pretty sad xD
Thank you for this November :3
To Miles 18