Friday, 30 November 2012

drive to recast

They had slapped the door in my face.

I think after a while they had realized with all my three brothers they had enough grandchildren and I’d be the naked branch for them.

They had let me in a year later.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been this old.

It felt old.

It had been just a few exchanges and money from them for college, my music hadn’t given me anything yet and the way I coloured with crayons wasn’t too bright.

I want to colour my life in crayons.

I started growing gray, I had laughed more dull.

I had wondered if I had cancer, reading all the leaflets when I was at my GPs and Prince Street should’ve been lit.

I remember wondering how would it be living in Gorgie with Domino’s on the first floor and I wondered how would it be with pizza away so near, would it be like the ocean? I haven’t really gone anywhere besides seeing it from a distance and never holding a map in my hand.

There is nothing to control, just grasp as I had grown older, failing and just going on, making now my own money, the instrument between my legs as I’d eye the people and hold the bow.

It’s a feeling of dismay as we will never be accepted and the table is filled soon enough with children and I just have nothing, too numb for drinks and the crayons all broken with all the paranoia.

My neighboor also plays the cello and she has her hair up and dyed blonde.

We don’t have a Domino’s downstairs and she looks better than I do in her capes with no sleeves and she looks a bit chubby which is funny to how skinny I am these days.

I had my hair cut again at a barbers with men eyeing me for a bit as I had tried to find my credit card emptying my wallet with my driver’s license.

“Cathy.” I heard the woman call me, as she eyed my license and I payed for my cut.

I left, having oral fixation but no desire for cigarettes, just the movements, lighting and exhaling and I pulled my collar up, my fingers playing with my pockets as I wandered to see how Christmas would tackle my city.


I guess I want to go back to something dark and I was trying to find a title through watching different bits of Mulholland Drive.

I'm ill so yeah, a small piece of writing while I'm sleeping.

Feel free to request, Kathy would love it. S'nice to see my characters in my head XD Ok, bed.


drive to recast2


  1. Love it! Next chapter?

  2. :D yaaaaay :D I'm glad you love it

    Sorry for the long wait but it's number 37 on the request list:3 please keep checking:3

    Thank youuu:3