Thursday, 31 May 2012


I hate London

I miss London

And that’s with what I lay awake sometimes.

And I inhale the smoke he gets out from his mouth and we end up trailing at this time of the month, it’s the beginning of June when you start getting bored and the end of summer seems far and everything is infinite and daily become nothing, the same toast with jam only without any rush and walking around the streets, only CDs making the day brighter or band rehearsals but that would be it.

I walk into everything he does and he trails behind me and we don’t speak for an awful lot and in one store he waits outside smoking the summer air, his hair a bit longish and clearly hadn’t been cut last week and he seems untouched by the chain smoking he’s been practicing with me and I just stare as if he would be the shop display instead of me and I guess

Yeah, he’s cute

And there’s too much time to kill, so we head outside and wander off deeper into London and each buy a 99 flake, to sit on someone’s stairs as the buildings get pricer and we don’t bother and then he starts asking about me, finnishing his cone and the heat gets stronger and he unbuttons his shirt, revealing a necklace which has no meaning behind for me and I lean stronger against the stairs.

I reveal my age but he takes me to the pub anyway and I watch him drink cheap alcohol as  I end up with one pint and he has three and we leave, Jamie complaining how hot it is.

In the end we get bored with the day and leave all the apartments and back where I heard him play just to stop at what I believe is his doorstep, the boredom is the factor so we both head in and he presses me against the wall, taking a condom from somewhere behind me as he kisses me and my chin aches from his piercing and I hold my eyes open as he flushes and is messy, getting rid of my shirt and alcohol mix with cigarettes as I have no bar on and he takes his shirt off, summer air and I feel his sweat as he mutters something against my neck and my jeans are off.

I keep gasping as he grinds against me, taking the hair off my forehead.

There are a lot of meotions and none as he goes in.

I gasp again and he tells me to ease, holding my cheeks, kissing me, spreading my legs, the carpet’s edges digging into my back as then he pulls me on top, but he does all the moves.

In the end I ease and I sink deeper and deeper, gasping, more sweat and we both come and he holds me for quite a while.

I keep breathing heavily as we avoid contact despite our bodies still linked until he slides out and takes off the condom, pulling me towards him, both eyes closed and we kiss.

Underwear on and we stare at the door and open it in the end to look out on the street and we share my first cigarette and another to make a longer chain to exhale together out of the summer and boredom.

I hate London.


Monday, 28 May 2012

I Can't Wait3

Once you start caring you hear all the rumors around you as if someone is passing a big green top hat around and it flashes in your eyes, so I start hearing more and more about Mr. Hince and Alison, how Mr. Hince has a dog and that his ring is made from white gold with Kate written on the inside, that he had fucked Alison once in the cafeteria, that he takes his dog out.

And he does.

I walk in the park once, eating an ice cream and I see him in a sleeveless shirt due to weather and he throws the frisbee at the black labrador and the dog catches it and he strokes the dog’s ears as I see the gold bracelet dangle on his hand and I start digging into my cone as I fix my sunglasses, watching Hince do his life.

I see him with the dog again the next day and as he throws the frisbee on the way to school with the labrador I imagine his cock slowly going inside Alison as she cringes at first and then pulls him closer, gasping, tongues out, his hands harshly around her body, looking forward to each thrust of pleasure and I keep sucking on my peppermint candy as I go inside the school and Mr. Hince walks past.

A day off.

And the hat is passed on as

“Jack fucks Alison now.” And I hear a few giggles and I see a teacher turn around, her hair in two high pigtails and her skirt red with an older teacher.

“That’s your teacher you’re talking about, girls.” And she shakes her head as the pigtailed teacher just glances at me and smiles.

She looks young and I glance at her chest mechanically, our society and television provides us enough boob information, so I need a smoke and I head out to see Alison all black, gloomy and with a lighter she flicks and glances at me, chewing her cigarette as she watches the flame die.

“Some assholes believe we fucked.” She exhales, as I look at her big black ring. She seems too black today with her hair down and looks like she had used scissors yesterday on her hair so I glance up to see the sky with her.

“Fuckers.” I laugh.

We never fuck in school.

We fuck outside school besides when we just started dating which was years and a year really.

I Can't Wait4

Sunday, 27 May 2012

Red Barrels

He’s standing outside smoking, it’s the first feeling you’ll ever get with the man all dressed in red and Jamie behind me nudging me to head up and in the end they are the ones who hold the conversation instead of me as I just look at Jack and smile, he’s too red and his cigar is nearly over so he catches it’s death and throws it out into the grass.

“Alison.” I say out of the blue and then my hair hides me from how red he is and he laughs.

It had been after Jack and Meg split up and the word of Jack cheating spread out so we headed inside as Jamie talked to Meg and I saw his two barrel on the table next to all the garments and Coke and make up and an amp lying around and Jack lit another cigarette.

His gun had been red then, painted red and now the colour had all worn off.

I had the thought of sticking his gun before his cock as he just talked and talked and I listened and listened, nervously glancing at the gun before asking him why did he need a gun on his table in the first place.

“To play russian roulette of course! Double the fun!” He laughed his cigar in mouth as he blew two smoke rings and the third was faint as he coughed lightly and pressed the double barrel against his head and I expected it too shoot and for the red blood to go outside into the red room, but it didn’t, instead Jack just laughed and handed it over to me, giving me the cigar for strength as I started tearing off the paint with my fingernails which had red varnish, smudged as I clicked and he started kissing me with force.

You become a groupie to the man and he hurls me on the floor.

All morals are gone when he is inside and I play with the gun.

He starts going outside from me and I try to play the game again.

A bullet for each.

With my blood just as red as his cigar’s lightening and the matches all over with our faces now clasped onto as we death.


I've been using the idea of Jack having a double barrel too much lately and I like it quite a lot, I guess it's the only object which travels on purpose so yeah xD

And the last sentence is on purpose, the 'we death' :3 And literally to confuse minds, Alison talks about the gun's paint being off, so would that mean that she's alive or some other sort? :D


Pale Blue Eyes

What Difference Does It Make7

The relationship between Alison and Jamie amuses me up to the point that I wake up and Alison is sitting on my knees and slides a knife on her tongue, leaving the red trail on my back as I feel something slice it and I gasp.

I look at her as she lays down besides me, smiling, her teeth red and how the blood slides out in a path for dreams to follow and her eyes seem blue as she stands up, naked, the clothes shattering like confetti and she breaks a piƱata on the way to the bathroom and I wake in the middle of the night to Paul and his glasses on my back as I stand up.

He wakes up and I stroke his hair until he falls asleep and I smoke in the bathroom, filling up the bathtub.

Straight men amuse me.

They love women, but not a person. They love models, they are women, they love things which scream that

I think being gay is the acceptance of a person rather than humping someone

I take out the cigarette, knowing that Jamie won’t go for Alison.

What Difference Does It Make8

Saturday, 26 May 2012

Untitled 5Silence Seems To Feed Us 8

She kicks us out.

And Alison just stands there besides me, her hair tied up behind her in a messy bun, holding my guitar and the guitar case on the floor.

I quickly light a cigarette and give the younger woman a quick drag as I pack the guitar and she stares. We don’t have a studio any more, but at least we rehearsed for a few months and quite a while and the amp plays funny when I plug in it back at home but after a few kicks it’s back to what it was and Alison tells me to cook, flicking through channels, she starts feeling like my own child as she stops on some news channel and then on some pop chart for us to mock it and I look at her.

I love her.

I give us both some bread and make tea as we sit watching the weather forecast for Scotland for absolutely no reason and Alison mentions she’d never been there and I mention Edinburgh and she just nods, her feet digging into my side as the tea seems useless to the hot weather outside as I look at all the flies and even a lazy bee try to be creative by knocking itself down against the fridge and by the end of the day we buy ice lollies and eat both fruit flavoured, no dairy in, so it’s good and we smoke a few cigarettes both rereading any fiction we grabbed on my shelf and spending the evening on television again, not enough money to drink.

We head out to the night and make our way to someone’s back pool an hour later to knock each other in and then head back home, fully dry and I call my ex getting a deal for using her studio for later as Alison just stares at me from behind, maybe praying that I wouldn’t get another woman.

Jealous daughter.

I take a sip of an old whisky bottle we got for her birthday from someone.

Untitled 5Silence Seems To Feed Us 9

Friday, 25 May 2012

Christmas Carol

I hate how people overdecorate a holiday. No one puts Easters eggs on the lawn like my neighbors used to put lights all over the ground on Christmas that everyone had to walk in through the backdoor and of course that only applied to the family, everyone else could step and break the lights, because the family has Christmas inside while the rest, we don’t.

Not really.

Instead the house looks like a mistletoe shrine and slowly paper tissues start filling the floor up like snow as Jamie walks around sneezing, him avoiding the NHS at all costs for an unknown to me reason and throwing tissues all over and any kind of doctor syrups and medicine left from Kate who left to Peru for some shoot and party she should attend.

I sit and look at the jungle sky with all the mistletoes and I glance at Jamie who keeps coughing and avoiding medicine due to some heavy allergic reaction he had in childhood, instead he drinks tea and worsens his taste with chain smoking and opening windows to let the snow in.

Eyelashes turn into snow as he stares and smoke runs out of his mouth and his fingers turn an even blue as he opens his eyes and I see the wrinkles around his face and a very light stubble due to the late time and how the clock starts ticking as if it could be New Year.

But it’s not and Kate will be back for New Year and Jamie will give Lila Grace the gift I helped him choose because he had forgotten and didn’t ask Kate.

I walk behind him and I put my hands on his shoulders and slide them down to his elbows and he leans his head back, but still nowhere close mine.

It shall be the hug.

And my head against his back

Let it be the kiss

And let Christmas be New Year

For once

But it’s not once the clock strikes all it can

And the silence thickens

With the snow

And he closes his eyes

To drag the cigarette and a gone Christmas out

Jamie closes the window, not turning around and gripping the handles stronger, his fingers and even blue

Which I look upon

And want to kiss

But I don’t

And that becomes Christmas again


Because the wrinkles stay on his face after the snow melts and we hold, never ever kissing again.

Just holding.

A cry and a tear and a scream.


I actually really enjoy Christmas and I end up giving the opposite when I write xD

The Circle

Thursday, 24 May 2012


You open up to no one.

You make love to no one.

Sex becomes a functional word rather than something else, it’s making love to no one, it just slides out of you into the depth of no one as the stage and the faces mix, sometimes I see the outline, but I prefer not to

It’s like performing to death, birth and infinity

You don’t know what it is

It’s nothing

But it sees you

And you stroke your neck

No one strokes your neck

And your voice is there

And it doesn’t crack it fades into the dark

And you watch it slip

With age

To no one


Ache Head

Tuesday, 22 May 2012


People started having sex when I was fourteen, both guys and girls and I guy from my band had it with a girl a few nights ago mentioning how good you felt and how suddenly you feel different just staring at the sky and then everything made sense and clicked.

He dated that girl for a good while later.

I remember the trip I had with my parents and how I wondered off to see newsagents scattered and people smoke rolled up tobacco and laugh.

I remember the street and how someone had decided to build a tent above a store light and I just sat there waiting for maybe my parents to trigger along.

I headed into one of the newsagents and bought two postcards, each postcard was meant for two people and I walked into a post office paying with local coins to see the Queen and I handed them off, ruffling my short hair and in the end I was out to walk through the tall houses which seemed older than all the streets I’ve walked back home.

I started hearing music and I walked on further, twirling slightly and then I came back to my fast pace with huge footsteps glancing at how the white Converse shoelaces started getting gray as they interacted with the loops.

I saw a young man playing with a piercing in his nose and his chin pierced as he just sat underneath a staircase, playing, not looking up and I just stopped as he let himself smoke a cigarette and he glanced at me, as I stayed there and I wondered how flat I was for whatever reason and I looked at his pierced ear and how the smoke slowly went from his mouth.

He surely had to be in his early twenties.

His dark green eyes fixed on me and then he started playing again as I sat on the sidewalk on my hoodie, rolling up the sleeves of my shirt and he stared at me and started laughing and in the end he stood up and picked his guitar and started packing.

I watched him for a while and I didn’t say anything and he just left.

I sat there for a while and he strolled back.

“What’s your name?” He asked me a bit worried and he stared at the blonde steak in my hair and I glanced up from the ground, my Converse and jeans, I blushed.

Maybe I could have sex with him.

“Alison.” I said and he replied with an oh and smiled.

He lit another cigarette, looking at my bright black t-shirt with random colours splattered all over.

“Jamie.” And he smiles.

Jamie seems a bit too ugly at first sight and his voice is too soft, barely ruined by smoking as if he had just started recently and the pierced chin still has one of the after piercing earrings and I smile back, still on the sidewalk.

“You play guitar, Alison?” Jamie asks me, smiling and smoking another cigarette, his clothes stale with smoke as if he could’ve had a gray cloud triggering his moves and waving hi to everyone else.

“No.” I say and look at him.

He seems nice.


The name came from Callie saying that it's Fiji there as in Jamie and that's where the title came from, really while she was reading.

Even though Jamie is way before Fiji here, I still find his choice a bit odd, I mean no offense but I'm not interested in imagining his parents have sex in Fiji.

I apologize heavily for not making the request yet, I got caught up and I realized that it might be more interesting as a novel in the end, but I promise she'll lose her virginity soon, as that was the request.

I'm sorry about that and as an apology I'll have the next chapter starting from Saturday, as I'm running late and I hope I will be forgiven and you loved it as much as I do :D



Sunday, 20 May 2012

What Difference Does It Make6

I head into the bookstore, just browsing and I see Alison flicking through expensive books of photography, her camera in hand and I see Jamie browsing around, showing her random books and I see the ring on his finger and how heavy Alison’s finger might feel in this context.

In the end Jamie goes out with a few books in hand and I watch him smoke for a bit and it gets a bit too attractive so I go outside and ask him for a cigarette, neither of us talking and Jamie flicking through one of the books, poking his bottom lip. I understand why Alison goes for Jamie. I understand why Alison goes for Paul.

I don’t understand how neither of them don’t go for her, so I head back in and I see Alison sitting on the floor and flicking, her hair covering half the page and I grab a random book and sit besides her, really looking at hers and she even holds the page longer now for me and I nod with a small sound.

In the end she throws her arms around me, pulling me close and I dig my face into her hair, feeling the covers hide me from the light and I escape for a while my lips glued to her hair and I see where the black fights with the pink and I want to sleep with her, dream something as I hold her to wake in her arms and see dreams fade in her eyes as the morning comes to day and we awake.

I pull back and I think of Paul who pushed me out, saying he had to meet a friend and he was cooking tonight and I thought of him messing with his hair and putting on a tie just because I’m a pest sometimes and he’d walk out and then we’d spend the evening with wine, laughing, maybe playing some darts for no reason and then kissing until sex would evolve

And I get an erection, so I pull back and I smile at Alison.

What Difference Does It Make7


I open a new chewing gum and I look at the other girls around me in the hotel lobby and I keep chewing, sometimes shifting closer to the door as they all exchange cigarettes and lighters with different things either carved into them or drawn and I take a drag from one which my friend has, pulling my hair back, my hands trembling.

You’ll get Richey, I’ll try Nicky

My friend kept saying over and over in the concert as we both managed to get near the stage.


I walk inside the hotel.

I’ve got a room.

I book in, my friend choosing to be outside and I take my hat off, holding it in my hands as I start going up as I see the bus pull up with all the manics get out and I turn around to stay in the lobby, holding the given key and I start blowing up bubbles and they all pop before they even get a glimpse of the life around before I’ll lose my virginity.

Just the thought of it makes me sweat.

On the last tour a girl I knew lost her virginty to Richey as well, she said it had been bliss and she came out with a cold, but her mission was long achieved.

I kept chewing until they all came inside and after a few minutes I stood up and pulled Richey’s sleeve.

“Hi.” And he smiles.

We all know what backstage is, backstage and the fuck area is spread out, Richey nods and we go upstairs and I offer him gum.

He doesn’t say much and once we enter his room I see some bottle laying around and he takes off his shift, vodka now being his drink as half of it goes onto his neck and his body as he undoes his belt and I see his cock and erection.

“I come from Osaka.” I say, trying to strike a conversation before we elope but instead he starts undoing my dress, harshly takes my breasts and squeezes them, vodka being his sweat.

“Cool” is the only thing he says and he takes my underwear down.

He bends me over and pushes my head against the mattress as we’re on the floor and he thrusts inside me and I scream.

I feel a pain through out my entire self piercing.

“NO!” I scream and he pulls out, lighting a cigarette.

My vision is too blurry and I look at his cock, how it’s lubricated with both of us and I keep gasping.

“What?” He blows a few smoke rings, laughing.

“I-I’m sorry. I don’t.” And I try to gather something, but instead he pushes me on the floor.

Richey thrusts inside me again, moaning, commenting on my virginity and my body briefly, stroking me to ease but I don’t.

“You knew what you came in for, give it.” And he keeps thrusting inside me, spreading out my legs to his liking and I don’t do anything, I just stare at his face, how he looks before the orgasm and how he feels inside and he pulls out as he comes.

Then he lights a cigarette and I look at the fact that

Was I raped?

I look at my shaking self and a bit of blood on my thighs and I look at my customer and he opens the window.

In the end no one really knows what to say to you.

Saturday, 19 May 2012

Jack's Gun

“I think he likes blondes.” A girl giggles as I just shuffle behind people who made the way in and started drinking our vodka and I try to find Jamie.

“Yeah, that’s why she’s going so blonde lately.” The other girl replied, one has dark brown hair the other seems too bleached and both in platform boots with The Kills t-shirts, maybe there had been a giveaway and I’ve seen them walk around poking people, just asking random stuff before giggling.

“Spinster.” And they both end up laughing, holding each other’s hands and I just stop to look at them, feeling smaller even if I am taller and then they look at me and then back at each other, laughing and it feels like everything goes mute besides their laughter as I get a headache and they take a bottle of vodka and share it between each other.

One points at me.

“I’m sure Jamie would cheat if she’d be more willing. So stuck up.” They’re drunk.

I should call the security, but then I’m not better on the drinking state, seeing Kate walk around with a bouquet which apparently Jamie had gotten her and I’ve seen them kiss already, I wonder where would Jack be as he promised to pop in, both of us muttering too much about Moss and my current relation.

“Hey, Alison.” One of the girls scream at me and I don’t turn around. “I could fuck Jamie.”

And I stop.

I hear the room stop.

“Shame you can’t. I think he likes blondes and people with less boob.” And she laughs. “You should chop the rest, the little bits you have.”

The blonde breaks the bottle of vodka and it’s on the floor as the brunette strokes the blonde’s hair back and kisses her on the lips, forcing her tongue in and then the blonde breaks her.

I end up being next to them, holding nothing in my hands.

“What, bitch?” And she laughs and the brunette chokes on her own laughter.

I just stare I think I might’ve slipped something or maybe I never did, but I got a punch in my face and I fell.

Then I felt a kick in the side of my ribs.

“Hey, fuck me, I’m kicking Mosshart!” I feel people running round checking for security as I curl into a ball and my hair feels like a chocking scarf and I just lay there as she pour vodka over my face and I breathe it in.

I stand up and I look at the girl.

Then I see Jack holding her from behind, the brunette just staring and now trying to hold a conversation with Jamie who saw nothing.

I feel a shard against my face and I take it out and it happens too fast, I trace it on her face.

She kicks me down.

The blonde and Jack end up hurling each other against the floor as I just watch, my head buzzing too hard as I wish I had a gun.

I’d pull her hair and I’d click it.

To get more silence.

With Jack taking her body out and then we’d sit.


Friday, 18 May 2012

Dagger In My Head2

She just lays there for a while as I light a cigarette for her, turning off the lights, she does it for me, maybe for her not to see me so I just lean closer into the couch so that I’d fall behind and maybe then

You have bad thoughts after an orgasm comes always, so the only light comes from the tip of each cigarette, so I observe the tip get up and the rustling of clothes and I see how the tip gets dressed and just stands there observing the other tip.

The tip dies and my eyes get used to the dark and I see Kate standing in the middle, darkness on both sides and I feel how sweaty and how wet it is from the waist down and around my breasts as her mouth had been there and I finnish my cigarette, now my tip being the one to die as she fades out into the light.

Dagger In My Head3

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Sparkly Plastic Machine2

The morning is like unboiled egg yolk, it’s disgusting with the morning erupting the air and all three of us opening the small window and leaning out to smoke and we have a big gray building with no windows just walls and traces of morning rain, the frying pan.

Our smoke is like snow so technically we have all season so we can clap our hands, instead Paul gets pushed out by Daniel out of mockery and I look at the stray cats below and a few on the roof and then everything goes silent.

Daniel goes to make us breakfast before I kick him out and I see Paul on the floor laying shirtless besides the cue now smoking for the room to sink in afterwards and Daniel watches him from the couch as I make us all salad, satisfying all the stupid preferences and I put on the apron after I’m done making it just to feel something and no hands behind me as I wonder how long would it take for Daniel to mention Paul’s kiss rather than my stolen cue.

I pour more sauce into the salad, unscrewing everything there is for the sauce to be some sort of soup material and then I throw the salad away leaving everything unnoticed by the two men.

Wednesday, 16 May 2012


Jamie walks in.

And makes everything awkward at least for me as he sits in front of me and it’s about the thoughts of just being on stage and the guitar between my legs as now my head is filled with imagery of his wife cheating on him with my tongue as we sit together and I see Kate laying naked in front of us both and we lick her all over, sometimes our tongues intertwining.

I don’t comprehend it, so I leave it there, not knowing what the fuck could’ve Kate told Jamie as he lights both me and him a cigarette, exhaling and looking up.

This is where more than ten years lead you as we smoke and sit there, all the time avoiding sexual interaction at maximum and now it were to collapse all of a sudden and Jamie leans to kiss my cheek, and I


to see the man I’ve loved for years and he kisses me, both of us shaking, feelings mixing, a confusion of love between the three I guess as I wonder how seen is Kate in my mouth as we french slowly and I feel his hands creep onto the back of my neck as he plays with my hair, clutching my head and frenching me for the first time in years if it ever happened, the dreams now nearly torn and faded that the past is just as bleak compared to the current reality with the colours at maximum that the eyes are just closed as

we kiss

Alison and Jamie

The Kills

VV and Hotel, everything rushes as his hands go onto my shoulders and I am against the table heavily breathing.

He kisses me.

Jamie tells me the number he has as he licks my neck, biting slowly and going under my shirt.

I gasp as his tongue runs on my nipples and

I want Kate.

I start thinking of how she’d look seeing wether she’d be jealous or her hand would go down and I pull Jamie up again and we stare.

It’s too awkward.

We pull back.

Jamie doesn’t really have an erection, neither I am wet, so he sits besides me on the table and we’re back to the chain smoking vegans.


Tuesday, 15 May 2012

What Difference Does It Make5

We end up taking a bath later and in the morning Alison walks in when Paul is sleeping and we silently drink tea, as I just look around ignoring Alison and her coffee. She mumbles how Paul broke up with her since she stumbled in, a warm coat for her red eyes in this hot spring and her clothing seems like the first thing she found and a scarf is just hanging around her, something like what she paced around in the town with after Jamie got married.

That’s roughly when Alison met Paul, most likely he soothed her and that was it.

I kissed the same mouth she kissed, so roughly we had shared a kiss and we had shared the same body, I had penetrated a body which penetrated her, well, nearly there and I look at Alison and her coffee and I take her hand, smiling, not saying anything as neither does she, the morning doing the silence for both of us which we don’t say.

In the end we go outside just to stride as I excuse myself and quickly mumble into Paul’s ear that I’ll be out and drop a note just incase for us to carry the woman’s heavy coat as we walk past the drowsy streets with the loud cars and Alison still shakes and on the nearest bench she ends up crying and I just stare at her before I head off and buy her some cotton candy at a stand and we both sit as she holds it without eating it.

“I don’t like cotton candy.” She mumbles in the end holding and it feels like it’s gonna end up melting in her hand.

“Neither.” And then we look at each other.

I think we both have the drunk dumb feel where we could’ve kissed, but we don’t and Alison just drops the cotton candy off onto the pavement as if it would, it is, it feels like a balloon which floats away and we watch the cars.

I don’t mention Paul.

I just head in and see him lying on the bed diagonally when I drop off Alison and head back at noon, smiling and clutching my pillow, my tie loosen around his neck and I start counting his stubble before he wakes and I smile.


Feel free to request a next chapter!


What Difference Does It Make6

Monday, 14 May 2012

Candy Cane2

I fall into the lukewarm to me water and Daniel pulls me close, kissing my face all over slowly, his eyes closed, most likely excited from tension as he frenches me a bit too eagerly but then holds himself, slowing down, stroking my hair, easing me under his touch as his fingertips touch my cheek as I open my eyes and I feel the water go hotter as I ease and I just end up in his arms around me, the hug surely different from Jamie’s.

I feel his light stubble on my cheek unlike Jamie who had been clean shaving lately after I had mumbled years ago that I liked him clean.

I sighted, my hair going deeper into the water as I sunk in and Daniel grabbed a cigarette, giving me the first drag as I looked into the wall, seeing a reflection I did not and I exhale, looking above and closing my eyes as Daniel took my hand.

I shake from while to while nervous of how calm it feels to live with him, even if sometimes I just wake up and I see myself wandering off home in the night as he lays and then he opens his eyes and he doesn’t touch me, he just looks until I lean in to kiss him.

He makes toasts in the morning and cuts fruit salad before I wake, his eyes scanning through the morning newspaper as he consumes a banana with the information and I wander in his pajamas, kissing him and falling in his arms for a more soothing relaxation than sleep.

Daniel kisses the back of my neck.

I feel bad for not letting him come, so I tense up and he tells me it’s alright.

I look to see him soft, his eyes soft and I kiss him, gently letting my tongue in as he holds my waist and I take his hand and get two fingers inside me as he now holds his eyes open as I get turned on as he plays with my clit and I gasp as I try to get him inside but instead Daniel holds my face and hushes me and we just stare at each other for a long while as I start to cry and he holds me, kissing my shoulders.

I end up missing Jamie too much sometimes, but it’s more of a I can’t look into your eyes, Jamie, because our love was not enough, maybe because it weren’t love at all and I kiss Daniel, shifting and letting him go inside me, as I’m on top and he thrusts his hips up, our lips parting for gasps of air and the water running out onto the floor and the bath mat and we hold hands, tongues rubbing in mid air before they sneak into a mouth of ours and Daniel bites my nipple and pulls hard as we both come and we both shake and thrust before collapsing underneath the water to go on the surface a second later, coughing and laughing, Daniel still inside me as we kiss.

Candy Cane3

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Stale Smoke In A Running Circle4

He skips his bus stop surely, as we go past King’s Cross and Charring, as he just looks into the window and my mouth has a very foul taste which I can’t get rid off, he nervously suggests to get out and buy some chewing gum in a store, desperately trying to achieve time, but I don’t budge.

It’s my bus stop and as I stand up Alex grabs my hand and holds it, looking past me, but he’s not drunk, he’s drunk with his own thoughts, drowning, so I take him by the wrist and I pull him out along with me and the bus drives off, as we both go rather deep into the neighborhood, Alex following me silently, keeping his wrist at bay in case I want it and he’ll feel me again.

I stop and I quickly glance at him.

I walk in the door, as Alex waits outside and I see Jamie and I feel Alex behind me.

“Come in, Alex.” And I don’t say anything to Jamie, shuffling past him, grabbing Alex by that suggested wrist and we just head inside, the living room stares at us in awe and I just press my head against the old couch and Jamie says nothing neither does Alex.

“Alex is going to stay here for a while.” I say, looking up, wondering how much smoke as gathered here over the years. And Alex just looks around, most likely thinking if he’ll fit into my hoodies and I just look at Jamie with his glass of tap water, he drains it and leaves the apartment, maybe expects me to follow him but I don’t, instead I try savoring the taste in my mouth and I head into the kitchen opening the drawers and taking an apple and throwing half to Alex after I split it open with a knife.

I look at the floor and I start crying to which Alex hugs me, but doesn’t say anything, most likely just to hold me longer and I press my head against his shoulder, feeling the fabric and wanting to sleep so that when I wake up everything will be as granted with Jamie gone.


Feel free to request the next chapter


Stale Smoke In A Running Circle5

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Bar Eyes (Used Lighter Prequel)

I pulled the hood up, making it too obvious as I recall now, as I was too shy to flash fake ID, so I’d try one pub every day, none taking only when letting me sit inside with the smell of alcohol and cigarettes and laughter as I’d sip coke.

I was too shy to ask for the bars which didn’t ID you, but I would smoke some cigarettes, hoping my coke looking like it had rum in it, as I’d wander off after a glass back onto the street to see some people scatter as the night would fall into it’s break and I would just stroll back home, hood up again.

I stopped once in front of a bar as people were walking out of a restaurant looking at the fake decorations of black flowers intertwining and a few old tattered posters.

I walked in, no men on the entrance to ID, maybe due to the region not being in the centre and a big black door to open up laughter, beer and smoke just like any bar and I walked in, past all the people to one of the bar stools and I sat there, twirled a bit and I looked to the bartender chew on a cigarette.

“What can I get you?” With a string of mockery and I said rum and coke. He looked at me, chewing the tip and poured me half.

I didn’t complain as I got it and I swallowed a bit down, before he gave me a straw and started serving what appeared to be a cheap stag party involving nearly middle aged men yelling at each other to drink more beer and I caught a pair of brown bar eyes look at me. I looked at the bartender and smiled, finishing my drink and he poured me another half, watching me as I gulped it down, my hair showing from my hood.

I looked as a few men dropped their shots on the floor at the same time and one of the men yelled the bartender to come over and he jumped from behind and started cleaning up, staring in front.

I got three more drinks and one of the men managed to get into a bar fight with some woman who didn’t seem too attractive and in the end the man had glass in his arm.

I kept drinking, as I suspected he had started giving me coke but the thought that it might still be alcohol was starting to make me nauseous but I kept watching how the fight resolved even if it were over with the woman hissing at the man and how the man grabbed her shoulders, forcing a kiss and how she hurled him aside and through her shot into his arm, blood trickling down and how the brown bar eyes caught the red and he told the man to follow him.

Neither came back and my coke was finished.

I considered myself officially drunk for the first time in my life most likely for the fuck of it.


Basically this is how Alison ended up being bitten in detail, as requested. :D I hope you enjoyed it!!!:3 Feel free to request the next chapter or anything else :3 Please do :3


Bar Eyes 2


It doesn’t and shouldn’t feel wrong, you’re just another in the crowd staring at the screen which happens to be a stage and the screen contains people who move and who if you could, touch. I light a cigarette, flicking too many times, looking at her body fling herself more hysterically and then expecting Jack to maybe miss a note and I just inhale watching as the song ends and they both stand up.

I don’t have the guts to say anything, as Alison doesn’t say anything about me as well, yesterday we just smoked three cigarettes and left, not really saying anything as she met with Jack later.

It’s more of me knowing rather than not knowing and Alison just smoking it out but the smoke dissolves before it reaches my mouth, she still kisses me briefly but we don’t make out, we never did.

I start my second cigarette by the time they kiss on stage and I just stare along with people’s excitement.

It’s a venue in England, I didn’t travel far, there is nothing wrong neither there is nothing wrong in seeing a relation dissolve for the crowd and the concentration remains between the lips who depart and brake on stage.


Wednesday, 9 May 2012


I just sit there as Kate walks outside to smoke and I just start smoking inside my whole body smelling of Kate as I want her naked in front of me and I want to lick her on the table, trace her nipples, as she tugs my hair, her lovely hips thrusting up to meet my lips as I kiss her clit and start licking fully.

I smoke.

I start touching myself, holding the cigarette, not caring feeling Kate in my mouth as I trace the inner of my mouth longing for the taste and gasping harder and harder as I rub harder my clit, sometimes sliding a finger in, but mostly rubbing like we did, as I clench the cigarette harder and Kate is now begging for me to suck her as I stroke her thighs.

I lick her inside and thrust my tongue in as I start fingering myself and then back to my clit, rising my shirt up and playing with my nipples, gasping, the cigarette nearly dropping out of my lips that I crash it against the table and spread my legs out, my whole body against my hand.



I come and I hold my hand there. I should taste of Kate, so I gently touch my fingers and suck, my mind racing as I just sit there waiting for Kate.

The blonde walks in holding a mug and stares at my body.

She drops on her knees and I spread my legs wider, she just blows on my clit and stands up to make herself tea.

“I liked it.” I say in many pauses and Kate just tenses, not saying anything. “I liked sex with you.” I say as if it were candy and Kate pours herself tea, not looking at me, not saying anything.

Instead she grabs her mobile and calls, not putting the phone next to her ear as she sighs and I hear Jamie on the other line and I don’t say anything neither does Kate. She doesn’t respond as well when he calls back and I just press myself harder against the wall, fixing my shirt and pulling my underwear up.

I never have the conversation in my head what Jamie said and what Kate said, I just sat there as Kate spoke, myself hearing half the words as she left the room and headed back in, not saying a word in a trench coat and high boots, waving at me and leaving me in the kitchen.

I look at the ceiling as she slams the door, Jamie saying that this could be my home and I wander off maybe used to thinking to the thought of Jamie naked and I’ve seen him a few times, once erected. I relight the cigarette and I wonder how would they look making love, bringing back the images of nightmares and then I feel Kate’s nipples in my mouth again and her small body thrusting, bones, she’s not that skinny to the feel and tongue.

Jamie would be inside me as I would be with both of them.

I keep smoking as I’m left here in something which Jamie says home is and I just smell Kate with Jamies lying around.


Chop Your Head Off In The Office

An office would be somewhat of a bus with all these people sitting and you keep staring ahead, wanting the seat upfront, right or left due to preferences and you don’t want anyone sitting next to you, they can break the glass, can’t they? And then you just sit there all over again on the bus stop, waiting for the job with a cigarette if you can afford it.

Second seat with Paul’s neck right on front of me so that I go to his office on lunch break and I invite him over to eat and I watch him eat as he just looks down, past the food as if he’s looking bellow at the people who serve the bus or who are on the lower floor of our double decker.

Sometimes I get to pissed at him and drink my juice with a pissed face but then he just looks at me and I feel him patting my cheek but he doesn’t.

We’re on a light and we move, as I stand up with my suitcase and sit besides Paul staring at the world in front we’d pass, as he looks at me.


I had the idea for a few days and here it is, I like double deckers and I'm obsessed with the front seat so I actually shift when it's empty XD I'm insane and yeah



Monday, 7 May 2012

I Can't Wait2

High School is the place you won’t even miss as it just flows and is heard. Alison bragged that she got back to it, enjoying the job, but she wouldn’t want to be thrown from classroom to classroom as we do with no one caring about the knowledge obtained, as we both sit outside, as I wonder how come no one cares, but all we do is sit around passing the nachos gained in the cafeteria lines.

We don’t do anything in school, besides our first kiss as she turned around and she clutched my neck, pulling me closer and we made an agreement of holding.

She fixes her hair and we both mutter something.

Our excuse is the projects we always have, myself always doing things for school’s social events and Alison helping me. No one has evidence and I’ve been told to have been trouble sometimes and then someone labelled me socially awkward which gave us a laugh.

I’ve been at her house with all those records stocked up, we don’t just fuck all the time, usually we sit, showing each other obtained records in thrift stores while chain smoking and smiling, music expressing ourselves, sometimes we both pick up guitars and we actually do what is expected of us before I fling it aside and Alison keeps playing as I bite her neck, I told her I loved her and she turned around once and replied mutual.

I pass her the nachos and we finnish them, muttering what to do with Halloween as I throw the nacho pack away and the drama teacher strolls by, waving at Alison, his other hand with a ring in his pocket, maybe still shy being too young and already married.

I look at Mr. Hince and back at Alison.

I’ve heard the rumors of their fling and I’ve heard other female teachers ask Alison during a coffee break, myself strolling behind her with her electic guitar, waiting for her.

I never asked her neither that cut out photo of them grinning.

The only thing I’ve seen well, was today.

I walked around her apartment, left from her parents, stopping on a vinyl with a woman with a man, both quite dim.

Alison sat on the floor, watching me, smoking, the used packets of cigarettes between us, as if we could do a campfire and do marshamallows from them. I should ask her if we have marshmallows, but I don’t, intstead I sit down and I put the vinyl to play and Alison just closes her eyes as her younger voice fills the room and I suppose Mr. Hince must be the guitar there and I just fall on the floor, the cardboard small boxes my pillows, as Alison crawls to me and we kiss.

I slide a hand up her back, stroking her, unclasping her bra.

Music speaks for more.

I keep rubbing my tongue against her, not mentioning anything, as I take off her shirt and she undoes my jeans and I open my eyes to see my woman flushed and I stroke the redness in her cheeks, kissing her and leaning to see her a bit teary and I pull her on top of me, as she strokes my cock through the underwear and I take off her jeans and we lie there naked, sharing a cigarette, letting the vinyl finish.

 I Can't Wait3

Sunday, 6 May 2012

Sparkly Plastic Machine

It’s too much time to kill, so choosing something from a vending machine at night is another way when hunger is at your throat.

I want to buy something from the stores which are closed, but instead I stand in front of the vending machine with chocolate not feeling like chocolate, as Daniel tries to play pool behind me.

I turn around and hit the white ball, turning back to the vending machine, Daniel’s tie loosen, unlike me he didn’t try to sleep and Paul lulls with his beer, flipping through channels when the television is off, closing his eyes and glasses falling down on the sofa with him.

I hit the white ball again as I catch Daniel who asks me what will there be for breakfast and I tell him bacon, mockingly and he smirks.

I hit a few more balls, even if Daniel wins and the vending machine stays open for the night.

I choose some crisps and I share them with Daniel before we decide to lift Paul up to the bed, leaving the weird lobby and in the elevator Paul wakes up to look at both of us.

I choose to share my chewing gum with Daniel as Paul wakes up and kisses Daniel briefly, who kisses him back.

I raise an eyebrow, carrying the cue back with me for no reason, maybe to break it with the morning, as I try to play with the gum in my mouth, watching Paul try to hold on his feet as Daniel tries to look away.


Sorry for the delay and I hope you enjoyed it:3 Feel free to request further :D

The weird lobby is actually a room I know XD so yeah xD it's a weird nice room:3

Thank you


Sparkly Plastic Machine2

Saturday, 5 May 2012

Humming Television Set8

We sit with Chinese, the television on and our legs entangled, each of us timidly eating with our own chopsticks, sometimes glancing at each other and only then we both smile, really unused to our own fact and we keep eating.

Daniel puts the boxes away and pulls me into his arms and I turn myself towards the television set, switching channels as he kisses the back of my neck.

In the end I switch it off and I watch the black glossy screen reflect us and I smile.


And that's it, really:3 I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and I apologize for the short last chapter and recent delay,s it all really sums up to the whole fact when you end stories, when you have nothing else to tell as sad as it is and I didn't kill them off, so yeah XD

I hope you enjoyed it and thank you

Thank you


Friday, 4 May 2012

Dagger In My Head

The smoke is too stale that I can barely see and I have the light off, the cigarette dangling off my teeth and I light it to make it burn more and I exhale trying to make the smoke strong and hard.

The light expands with the door as she walks in and sits on the couch beside me.

For a second she doesn’t do anything and neither do I and then she looks at me and presses a fresh kiss on my lips and I take her because of the body and her lipstick sticks to her lips so I scrub harder with my tongue.

I slide a hand between her legs and she closes her eyes.

I give her the cigarette and she drags it.

I slide two fingers in her and she flinches.

A deal is a deal.

So I keep licking her until I’ve had enough of her body thrusting against my mouth and how her hands trail on my own as she licks me as well or massages my body, saying how I were on stage until Jamie walks in with us both dressed for a brief second and then I take off her shirt and start biting her shirt, telling her that I love her with my lips trembling and Kate doesn’t do anything, just keeps dying her hair blonde when she has to and I kiss another kiss on her shoulder.

I trace my fingers on her shoulderblades and she presses her face against the sofa, it’s too much like prostitution and I sit beside her naked, giving more smoke into the room, giving yourself in order not to give your husband away and I just lean back and look at the lady.

I do a smoke chain, coughing and finnishing myself off.


I've had this for a long while if to be very honest xD I think I wrote it before I had the request and kept it, as I've been quite busy in general with study and health, sorry about that and I hope you enjoyed it:3

Thank you so much


Dagger In My Head2

Thursday, 3 May 2012

What Difference Does It Make4

I call Paul to have breakfast with me but instead I greet him as I go down and I light a cigarette and so does he, fixing his hat and smiling for a second we both smile and smoke silently, hunger staying away but in the end we head in and I feel as if we all live in the same building and Alison would be watching us from above, also smoking.

And maybe she could be the prostitute and we would become a bordell and Paul would have a sign.

I just look at Paul and he smiles.

We both get alcohol and both take a shot each as I stare at him, feeling as if I had taken four more shots.

Paul looks at me.

“I don’-”

I press my body against his and I kiss him, my hands on his waist and I start forcefully licking his mouth, holding him, taking his wonderful hat off and breaking the kiss to see Paul look at me lips, avoiding my eyes and he also leans in, pulling me by the collar, I don’t have a tie yet and we’re on the floor.

Both men and it’s wonderful as he tears my clothes away and I pull his, stroking his cock once I can reach and Paul watches me, as I take his scarf and tie his hands up, biting his neck and his eyes glow as he gets harder and I take him in my mouth, he puts his hands down and strokes my hair, thrusting in my mouth, I gag once, but I get used to it, taking him fully and sliding him out and I keep repeating before he starts thrusting harder and then I just give a final lick and pull him to my mouth, his lips and we kiss, biting each other’s neck as I start thrusting against him and then I’m in.

“Alison and me are over.” And I slide inside him, as deeper as possible, I hesitate as he mentions the female but I keep thrusting, his legs wide open and his hands tied up tighter and we both come, but my mind is too focused on confusion, as I look down at Paul covered in sweat from his waist down he is a mixture of both of us and he pulls me on top and kisses me, smiling, as if I were a cigarette in the night and he kisses me again.

I pull him towards me and I hold him.

Too tight and I bite his hair for a bit and he smirks and I close my eyes, too nervous for words, so I just hold the man in my arms, he falls asleep as I start shaking, wondering and a bit regretting and understanding what I’ve done.

I take another shot before returning to sleep with Paul and I shiver.


I'm sorry for the recent delays and I think and hope I'll catch up on the other two today :) (as in yesterday's and today :D)

Thank you for waiting


What Difference Does It Make5

Wednesday, 2 May 2012

State Of Magic Play

Don’t touch me but you still did until you started dating her.

I snapped at you if you liked her too much and you just nodded and you said you loved her in another way.

“Where were you?”

Jamie asks, both of us making no touch a religion and sometimes we crawl into each others’ bed on tour and Jamie just turns away from me on stage and I gasp getting a quick sip of water before I can and Jamie just looks at me even more.

My lips are trembling.

“Last day of magic.” And the lights should crush down and the words just go through my mouth as I feel his love stroking my face, something beyond a brother but never a love to penetrate the pain before you get used to the feel so we just kiss in bed.

“I’ll be the man with the broom.” And shove me aside, will you, you’ll let me brake with all those glances and smiles won’t you, Jamie?

You’ll just keep nodding, because I’ll never drag you by the collar and you just press me harder to see where will I brake up to the point that I think when I will be dying you’ll be standing still, maybe kissing me briefly as I die in your arms but you won’t be the one to say ‘I love you’ as a lover, as something we were and we are.

So keep strumming, keep strumming dear, as I keep singing

and you’ll have that longing

all your life


you and I are lost

in a state of magic play.

as we end

and leave the stage.

Dagger In My Head

Tuesday, 1 May 2012

Candy Cane

I keep brushing my teeth as he watches me on the edge of the bathtub, the idea being of sleeping first rather than everything, everything is too formal rather than Jamie doing some vegan food in the oven and then eating it with plates on the knees rewatching Twin Peaks for no reason, trying to spot something missed.

Daniel hugs me from behind and I shift myself closer, my hands on the sink as I try to understand how soft my face would be.

He invited me out for dinner earlier and it had been weird with everyone just waltzing around and I just had a dark blue suit, chewing slowly, Daniel saying that it wasn’t a dancing place, but it felt like Christmas with all the lights and we hadn’t kissed properly, the man waiting until I would and maybe in all this haze he kisses me harder and I don’t flinch, no mistletoes scattered and I close my eyes to ease seeing a happy woman in the reflection and I just turn around to let my tongue in and he presses his body against me.

We can greet the new year like this like we did last year with the snow and the couples dancing around as I watched with my hair still black and messy and it had been after Jamie had called me saying he had watched all of Twin Peaks with Kate over the weekend.

Then we rewatched it on New Year’s eve, you never mentioning that the New Year started instead we briefly held hands and that’s how the year went even if I lived and slept in your bed, crawling to your side by the end of the night and mumbling something as you’d listen and I would fall asleep.

Daniel pushes me to the bathtub, filling it in, taking my clothes off, giving me an option of a bath as he sits on the floor, my legs around his neck and he takes off my underwear and I stroke his hair, quickly leaning to kiss his forehead and he strokes my legs and maybe it’s my face or maybe it’s Christmas but he lightly kisses my clit and I fall into the bathtub, laughing and wet, as he strips and joins me, running his hands through my hair, pulling my lip with his own and stroking my body, playing with my nipples, as I keep frenching him, nervous, timid as he puts me back on the edge.

Daniel gives me a full lick and I grab his head to press it harder and hold my legs as he sits in the water and I start trembling from the cold and he throws water on me, but instead I keep gasping, stroking his hair as his tongue thrusts in and out of me as I bite my lips every time and thrust slightly against his mouth, stroking his daily stubble and I catch his eyes and he likes the colour of my cheeks as I stroke his cheek more, as he goes slower, his fingers on my clit now and I barely sit.

He spreads my legs wider as he takes out his tongue and just works on my clit, briefly going to lick my entrance and when I’m near he thrusts in again and I come, clinging heavily onto his head and he just smiles, pressing his head against my stomach, kissing it and kissing me all over until I am in his arms and I curl myself, quickly glancing at his erection.

Fear seems to fade and he tells me not to bother, kissing my cheek, mumbling love into me.

Candy Cane2