Saturday, 27 October 2012

She drains the sun.3

She starts laughing and sits up and I stare at her chest and how the sun goes through the window and she smiles at me, colliding with the light.

Then the red haired woman takes my hand and strokes it, closing her eyes, dipping in the sunlight which among the rainy days seems rare and how the fog had taken over Edinburgh for the past few days where I had just wanted to lay in bed but instead my need had taken over and I’d been fucking other girls literally.

She stands up and undoes the curtains looking outside, hands crossed over her chest.

“Don’t you just hate heteronormativity?” She says all of a sudden and I stand up to see what she sees. All I see is people scattered but I just can’t give a damn, yeah, we’re all closeted to some extent, but I can’t say I hold any hate.

That’s what I say to her.

“Sometimes I wish I could just grab someone and murder.” She laughs, hair in eyes. “I mean, we’re still the deviants and freaks. I was sitting in the bus and this man kept talking how he met this guy who was typically gay and stereotypical and how annoying we were. Looks like he’s never touched a woman besides his hand in a wig from all the fallen pubic hair.”

“We can’t go radical because of that. I’m just used to shagging without caring.” I smirk, looking outside already seeing a couple.

“I ended up in an accident with a girl. She was accused of homophobia but things got out of hand. I ended up killing her but she was the one who pounced on me. Felt like I could go out. Never made it on the news, some small article on the Metro. People don’t just care anymore.”

I stare at the woman.

“When was that?” I ask her.

“Ten years ago.” She smiles. “I started stabbing her. We had been in the kitchen, she was my sister before I was going to university. I ended up quitting after a few years, I wanted to study LGBT instead of some boring men who would dump women and how everything would work.”

She exhales.

“That’s why I like selling ice cream now, no now knows me. I’m just like Kevin Spacey in American Beauty, I can’t stand it. Only I’m actually gay if I get killed and I’ve got enough murders on my fingers to lick off in job interviews.” She just keeps looking down, the sun going a bit off, but still in her red hair. “I’m Karen.”

I shake her hand.


She continues staring at the street, knowing that we’re the gays.


I SPENT ALL WEEK THINKING HOW THIS WOULD TURN OUT I GO FOR A NAP AND I CHUCK OUT ALL THE OTHER IDEAS XD anyway, I'm pretty content with this chapter and I'm sorry no sex scenes but there will be more XD YAY xD

Feel free to request the next chapters:3

Thank youuu:3


Tuesday, 23 October 2012


I couldn’t stay at Jamie’s for long so I had to back to my parents each day and the first time had been obscure.

I sat watching my brother eating quietly my parents discussing what had been in their heads and what roamed in the streets.

“Dreams are too real, they are pictures which you want to come true.” I had Jamie’s voice in my head and his lips on my cheeks, lips and how he had licked me briefly on the clit. I couldn’t hold myself. I had wanted more, I wanted to pull his hair, exposing his neck, feast on it, licking, hearing him moan, go down.

I felt awkward I felt different, if you have sex with the right person your vision changes, you become closer with the right person and I was awkward. My parents had sex. Matthew just kept chewing, eyes down maybe he had also sneaked out to meet someone but he just kept looking down.

I felt as if I would be grabbed by both legs and taken on the table, spread out and the whole inside me would be seen, that there is a path inside to me which Jamie built on. I wonder how his first time went, I couldn’t think of any analogy how would it be to a man, I could be checked, I could be pregnant, but then he could be checked as well.

I couldn’t eat longer I could feel his hands -

I masturbated in the shower, red faced and wanting more.

When everyone fell asleep I ended up opening the water and calling him.

“Hi.” I mumbled, whispering.

Jamie had been drinking something.

“Hey.” He said.

I smiled, the tiles cold and easing as I pressed my legs together feeling myself sliding into something cold, the floor but I could hear Jamie slide in how much booze he drank and what he had heard. In the end he took his guitar, I heard his matches and he soon enough started smoking.

I think I fell asleep as Matthew had laughed, muffling his voice.

He picked up the phone and I snatched it from him.

My brother raised his hands.

Jamie was there.

“I love you.”

We hung up.

The next day we made love again, it was like a drug, painful, consuming, it was sex. You can’t get enough, you surrender to your partner and it is a fucking equal game. It had still been painful but I ended up not caring glancing down to see him inside me, both soaked up and tongues intertwined, it had been more than sex, I had gone on top, he had shoved me against the pillow, raising my head, taking me from behind, licking my neck.

It had even ended up with sex and music. A few hours a day we’d be given and Jamie would flick an old vinyl he had taken from a neighbor who had died or not cared or a used CD and he would go inside.

A cigarette would be even smoked during sex and quickly describing the pub, missing and Matthew, my parents choices of clothes.

Then Jamie had mentioned his family coming over, handing me the cigarette.

“Embarrassing eh?” He smirked. Jamie went back to bed as I left.

The man pounded on the window grinning at me as I left in his unzipped old hoodie, the zipper was long gone. I just hid the sweater in my backpack in the subway and slept until my stop.


Friday, 19 October 2012

Dagger In My Head3

It’s amazing how naive women actually are.

Kate ends up showing after the concert again and taking off all her clothes as I trace my lips on her hands as she lifts them up maybe pray for a God which she does now which doesn’t exist, Kate from all people should no that no sin will send you to a place which actually doesn’t exist.

It’s amazing that men and women who presume to be straight see the opposite gender as an object, but in homosexuality we still do, we just shove them away and have relations with people we love and trust to some extent.

Just like I do Kate.

I tilt her head, lick her neck up to her lips.

It’s amazing what hate can do to you.

The deal was simple.

I grab her lips.

She doesn’t want Jamie for me, simple, she gives me herself in exchange.

Once, after every concert instead of going to an after party and getting drunk with her husband she uses her fingers to thread her own problems away and swallow them, the parasite inside her, so that she could avoid it by smiling, so that no one would she the lack of teeth and tongue if the mouth is closed.


I was thinking I'll look through the previous chapters and sleep with an idea and write in the morning, but I actually failed XD so here is the latest chapter feel free to request the next:) I hope you're enjoying it!


Wednesday, 17 October 2012


Jamie then stares at both of us and I don’t think he came, maybe we are starting to be too excited and then Kate throws herself on her knees and starts sucking off Hince.

I see him close his eyes and holding her face, holding it quite harshly and I wonder what and how does it feel. I just stare as both have their eyes close and I want to touch Kate, but I don’t in the end, just leaving them there.

In the end he comes and screams, thrusting harder in Kate’s mouth and kisses her on the mouth. Then he looks at me, maybe hinting that I am the third wheel and that I should just wrap up my clothes and leave.

Kate walks over to me, neatening her hair, running her fingers through it and kisses me hastily on the lips and I try to catch them for longer.

“Well, I guess that was good.” Jamie says rubbing his eye and Kate just smiles at me.

I try to smile back.

“Should I go?” I gulp and just stand there looking at Kate’s used gold coat and Jamie dropping off the condom into the garbage. I might’ve just been on the pill, for whatever reason the fact that me and Kate didn’t use a dam could’ve been the same for Jamie, but I try to shrug it off, feeling rather odd.

I come over to him and kiss him, he doesn’t really kiss back, I guess all the pieces fell into place.

I exit the kitchen to leave the lovebirds to make out.

I try to make myself look fresher in the bathroom and for whatever reason I just start crying, my head bent down as if I could get it chopped off by a guillotine and I just look up, maybe expecting some sign from religion but I believe I’ve committed enough sodomy in this case to simply get sent to hell straight away and I sigh, lonely in this bathroom so that I could turn off the lights and I would still be alone.

I can see Jamie thrusting into Kate as she moans and I wonder if he does it gently and how much he means each thrust in favor to her pleasure.

Sex changes a person even if not the first time, your thoughts are moved after you have good sex, it doesn't have to be the first time it can be any of them.

I apply eyeliner on my eyes, poking my lips enough, brushing my hair with my fingers, Kate’s eyeliner and I start going through the nail bottles and I find the same melon one, no one is looking for me anyway, I’m not the one in marriage.


I hope you enjoyed it and no this isn't the end, there is actually a lot ahead to come XD so please feel free to request the next chapter! Yes, more sex ahead XD


Monday, 15 October 2012

Untitled 5Silence Seems To Feed Us 10

The way from Edinburgh was even more dull and Alison seemed to have no attention, reading a copy of metro left by someone who had jumped off near the borders and she just kept ignoring me.

I started going insane, walking out for a smoke and she wouldn’t even stare at me. It wasn’t jealousy it was more like obsession over possession and I threw the cigarette in the train trails hoping to be left on this stop and my coat should be enough, with age it had protected me so should be worth something against the cold.

I knocked on her window and I wished that the train would leave and I pressed my cheek against the window, Alison looking at me through her lashes and I wonder if she wanted to slash my life as well.

Instead I just kissed the window and headed back in, telling her that we should indeed start a band as more people were joining in to London.

Untitled 5Silence Seems To Feed Us 11

Sunday, 14 October 2012

Paper Guns

“Oh my God, I hate Zooey Deschanel!” Jansen exclaims holding her face in her hands, her hair unneatly kept in her bun as I see the other guy from the movie jump around because he got some pussy yesterday and I just end up laughing with her or maybe even with him, but he’s not noticing that I’m laughing at him, instead Jansen looks like she’s seen hell as I pour milk into the bowl, slowly spilling as I see Jansen start making noises so that Zooey would go away.

In the end I just stand up and turn off the television before she actually starts shaking from side to side. I end up poking her temple hard so that she’d snap from her hatred and she throws something at me and I quickly dodge myself from what happens to be a gray sock.

In the end Jansen redoes her bun which makes it look more messy but it doesn’t really look like a bird’s nest even if drenched in black ink. The woman slides against the wall, flicking through channels ending on a weather forecast which hisses no rain and she keeps flicking through Nicki Minaj and more bullshit as I start watching her from the kitchen, eating my cereal spoon by spoon.

“Oi, when is Pixie coming?” I asked, rubbing the milk from my mouth, shivering slightly from the cold, unused to the feeling of morning and lack of snow outside even if it feels like the whole building and people are now made of ice. I hesitate and I end up going to the corridor and stealing Jansen’s bright pink scarf and I breathe no warm air.

“M, I guess in about half an hour.” And she heads into the bathroom most likely to brush her teeth, look up as she does, she also does in the night as the makeup slowly washes off. I used to watch her do it back when we just moved together.

“So, you a lesbian?” She had asked, muffling her voice with toothpaste and she had been wearing silver hoops and my hair had been a bit longer and dyed chestnut brown.

I just hesitated and nodded.

Jansen just spit it out, she had just been Jane then and then she had read this novel and called herself Jansen as well even if she weren’t really masculine but Jansen was something you would never call feminine or masculine, she was just something in between, people would just call her a dyke, but she’d call herself butch even with the skirts, I was the one who wore jeans and would struggle applying something in the first years and Jansen would do it for me.

I had done the wrong motion of giving her mascara and then listened to her saying that she didn’t like mascara besides that purple one she had.

“Good. Me too.” And Jansen had smiled.

“So how is she like?” I say, blushing lightly, I’ve seen Pixie before and I’ve heard Jansen describe her in detail up to her nipples and how their sex had been while I had travelled to London and walked around. As far as I’ve been told they nearly made out on my bed and that had really been it.

“Oh, good, you’ll like her.” Jansen said, looking at her nails.

“So she’s black?” I ask.

“Yeah, for fuckssake.” Jansen sights.

“I’m just-” I’m not racist. “Where is she from?”

Jansen just ignores me and I sigh, putting my bowl back into the sink where I had taken it in the first place.


This is actually more like an experiment really, basically I want to hurl myself back into fiction and point is if you like this please please please request the new chapter XD Basically I want to have fiction on request basis as well and yeah:D

I ended up half sleeping half awake thinking about the plot during a day nap. I don't have a name for the main character yet XD Am I supposed to say the flaws? And Pixie is just her nickname.

I hope you enjoyed it and thank you

Feel free to request fiction XD


Paper Guns 2

Friday, 12 October 2012

I Can't Wait5

If I’d wake up when I was a child and I’d see myself I’d let him play my guitar, wouldn’t matter how many times his fingers would overlap and no more noise would be made as he’d hang it back to me, I’d be happy on both sides.

I see Meg sitting on a table in the cafeteria, flicking through a magazine her hair in a low ponytail as she eats school pasta.

I sit besides her, she’s not among the teachers and I myself am not among the students.

I don’t say anything and she replies mutually as I watch her, as she loosens her hair and Alison is off today, a towel was wrapped around her head as I left her, a cigarette dangling and she kept breathing out smoke through her nose, smirking lightly then she started doing smoke rings as her eyes were red from her insomnia and a starting cold.

Meg was too different from Alison with her skirts and how she had held her fork instead of Alison holding it up ready to slash anyone’s eye like this and that.

“Did you fail yourself as a child?” I ask her, eating my pizza, refusing the meat version as today it seemed odd that they put an uneven amount of meatballs on each slice and the next ones would cover all the cheese and would end up running all over the plate like Mario Kart, as if I’d be young again and I could eat them with my mouth.

“No, I don’t think so.” She says coldly and closes her magazine. Meg keeps chewing looking at me as if she were only older and not a middle school teacher with children just started to sneeze on purpose in class.

She chewed slowly and observing me.

I felt a bit uncomfortable from her edgy stare, not telling me to leave me alone but rather demanding explanation.

In the end Meg returned to her magazine, started shaking her leg as I observed blue heels slowly clicking against the floor under our feet, maybe on the head of a fly in the basement and I wondered how many meatballs I’ve gotten as a child.


I'm sorry I've been awfully busy with my studies lately but now I'm finally on holiday, sleeeeeeep :3


I Can't Wait6