Friday, 29 November 2013

To Miles 16

The door is opened and light takes over the room as both me and Miles makes bizarre vampire noises, pulling the sheets over us and cover our eyes to which I hear a familiar pace and apologies as he heads towards us. It takes me a while to pull them a bit down and I see a smiling Julian. 

“Join in.” Miles yawns, as he motions and I honestly wonder how the fuck would my lone bunk bed handle one more person, when it is barely holding both of us. Julian instead just nods above, suggesting that we could just sit on the top bunk and even take the opposite bunk, so we all just climb above and sit up and I feel a bit sleepy and I still wonder of the time, but then I had one of those days when you fall asleep at seven p.m. just to forget everything.

Julian passes his cigarette pack, as we all take one and use the lighter one at a time.

“So, what are you talking about so intensely that you pretty much dumped all of us back there?” Julian smirks and then Pete walks in, waving at all of us, heading towards his coffin locker and we both hold our silence as he takes out a towel and all his necessities, salutes us and leaves, humming something. Soon enough Carl follows and I wonder if they are coming inside here one at a time to seem less suspicious, but then everyone, I’m guessing is aware and I wonder if Hince knows.

It makes me shiver a bit and I hope since they weren’t caught yet they simply won’t be so reckless. 

“Just discussing who we’ve fucked before.” Jules just looks at me, interested and I wish I could hide under my bed covers and it feels bizarre because frankly the only other person who seemed interested was Matt or Lana while she’d dye her nails just to kill time and once I’d get graphic she’d tell me to fuck off, coz she didn’t want to know and frankly I wasn’t interested in what she did with Alison, as well, so we just left it as such, while the drama seemed appealing to her with all the break ups. 

“Oh. And who have you fucked, Al? Anyone on this boat?” Jules smirks to himself. “Coz I’ve got an ex on board-”

“Yeah, hi, Juju.” Miles pats him on the head. 

“No, well, you too, but like Albert, you know the cook, I wasn’t aware that he was even in the navy, we dated, well, messed around like many years ago and then I try to get food, so I stand in the queue and then I see Albert looking at me with this pissed face. I don’t want the pumpkin and I’m like Albert, can I not have it and he just gives me a double dose and tells me the ice cream powder is over.” Juju sulks and both me and Miles start laughing as I can only imagine Julian walking out with the pumpkin and with no ice cream and then comforting himself with candy he’s brought along. 

“How long did you guys date?” Miles’ curiosity takes over him, as Julian tries to do a smoke ring and fails, he tries to blow smoke out of his nose, holding it far too long and ends up coughing too much. 

“N...not too long. It was back in middle school, I guess I was an early bloomer.” Sounds ironic but the thought of Julian in his early teens already sucking someone off doesn’t seem to sting reality and seems pretty accurate. “But it was pretty much me saying that I like boys and he said he liked boys as well and we pretty much sucked each other off, but like I never knew... he held a grudge. I mean I did chose the football captain later on. Yeah, I guess that wasn’t too nice.”

“Was the football captain hot at least?” Miles smirks and I can’t help but imagine Julian with someone much bulkier and stereotypically masculine against his baby face. 

“Well, he had a good cock, if that’s what you’re interested in, his blow jobs were very sloppy though.” He smiles, recalling and shakes his head, getting away from the break up most likely. I watch them interact and I wonder how come they had managed to chuck sex between them, but then the level of connection is bizarrely high which I’d even say makes me jealous and I wish I was protected like that, but then I’ve got Matt, who confuses me sometimes, but then, I’ve got Miles.

I glance at Miles and we quickly exchange smiling glances and focus on the blushing younger man. 

“How sloppy?” Chief Petty Officer Kane asks, wondering as he watches Julian’s lips turn into a grin.

“He thought you just have to take it in as deep and gag, don’t ask!” He lifts his hand up, laughing with us, fond of the bizarre memory. I can’t imagine how Julian had felt and I don’t even know myself what I would’ve said as I’ve pretty much has sex with people who knew what to do and I’d get told by Paul pretty much what he had wanted from me and it was very sexy when he’d pull my hair, telling me to either suck or boom him. 

“That’s... odd. Did you tell him, though?” I ask Julian, smirking at the odd image. Julian keeps laughing as he shakes his head. 

“No, he kept trying to blow me a few times and then I just said I wasn’t into blow jobs.” He says while laughing as me and Miles observe him. 

“Then why were you with him?” I wonder if I can hear a note of jealousy in Miles’ voice but I don’t and I watch Julian explain Miles how he was still a good fuck, how he had been young and they still managed to have something until he had to leave for the navy, but they were never too attached, so he still crosses his mind sometimes, but it’s nothing massive and it fades out once you change sides on the bed. 

I watch them and I wonder myself, but even for Paul, he had been my first and Jack was a consolation prize for never getting Matt, even if we’ve had so many moments on the edge and we’ve even shared a cigarette when we were younger, saving up money and he’d tell me how he wanted to fly and it wouldn’t be too long and I had flirted with the idea myself, but I think it had just been because it had been attractive to see Matt talk of it and I guess I just wished that one day I’d be in the back, hearing him mock me one way or another. 

“What about you, Al?” And even if Miles knows, the eyes are still focused on me and I just chew on the tip of my cigarette, watching both men and it’s bizarre because if you told me years ago that I’d have two attractive men know which past they would be competing again, I’d laugh and I’d just be thinking of my own best friend. I wonder when will I even see his handwriting again, it sometimes becomes bizarre when I just take out his letters and trace the letters, feeling how the pen had pressed harshly against the paper sometimes. 

“Oh, I just told Miles about him, well, he’s a nice guy, I guess, but straight, we never headed off anywhere besides a kiss. Well, he’s a pilot in the navy. I guess if you get transferred to a carrier you’ll get him and his cocky grin.” I smile sheepishly to myself and I glance at Miles, who seems to tense up and looks away, not even inhaling the cigarette but he notices my gaze on him, so he just smiles back at me, still concerned and drenched in light jealousy and the past doesn’t seem so far away for him. 

“Oooooh.” Jules drags it on and elbows Miles, who just tries to hold himself and I wonder how jealous had I seemed to Matt when he had the girls over and I had to be there for a cover up until the girl would head in, I’d have to wait until they were done and then she’d sneak out and watching him post-coital was torturous and I still wonder how come I had never grabbed him, made out with him, made him hard again, how come I had held, knowing that someone else was doing it sloppily and even if the girls had been lovestruck,  highly doubted there had been something stronger than I had felt

and I still sometimes wonder how do I hold.

“You never told me Matt was a pilot.” Miles gives out and I just take my chance to look at the other bunk, wondering how much this had been feeling as if Matt had been in the room, I’m sure he’d have enjoyed it and cracked up a joke, but instead he’s not here and I can’t pull him close into a hug, feeling him wrap his arms around me so that I can pretend that he loves me back, for a split second I’ll even hold his blue eyes against my own and I’ll try to keep my mind wandering off in a split illusion, which he won’t share with me. 

“Um, yeah, he is. He’s on a carrier.” I run my hand through my hair, nothing pretty much held in place anymore and I don’t have my comb to bring it anywhere close to being in place, so I just leave it at such. Julian unlike the rest of us, actually still has traces of lipstick only it had gone in a big stripe both ways, which gives him a bizarre comic appeal, yet there is something revolting but with it being Julian, he manages to pull it off and he is still in the wreck of a dress and it matches the bed covers. 

“Well, if he’s a navy pilot, of course he’d be on a carrier.” Miles snaps lightly, anxiety slightly reaching his face as we can always get transferred to a carrier and it can always be Matt’s carrier, it can be anyone’s carrier or we could get Hince’s ship all the time, of course not, but in theory you can get any ship and nothing really becomes your hope or something might happen to your ship or I can pretty much send off the entire crew. 

“He could be on shore, training.” Julian shrugs and watches both of us, but he still seems clueless and when you don’t want to see you pretty much won’t see who is fucking who and who seems to be toying with their feelings.

“He’s on the USS Ranger, happy?” I smirk at Miles. And Miles just nods. 

“So, you never fucked him?” Julian interrupts us curious about the former Matt and I just shake my head, relieving Miles again. It’s bizarre how Julian holds the carefree present and Miles seems to be holding the jealous past and I start feeling sleepy and a bit uncomfortable talking all about Matt and once again with Juju and I feel Miles tense up with the fact that Matt could be with us. Well, he is with us, being my greatest non-lover lover. 

“No, not at all.” I mutter, wishing it would’ve happened because frankly ever since he lost his virginity to a girl, he’s been pretty much unstoppable and I’ve had to listen all the time about it, so it was me being there, I was the friend drinking the milkshakes as he would describe how he had heard of some new sexual position and how he had tried it and I would just raise my eyes at him, begging for him to stop as I was not interested in how nice had some girl felt and I’d just get back home to wonder why hadn’t it been me. 

And then even with Paul, it hadn’t been me, for Cookie or Ezra?

Fuck, for Ezra anyone was good enough and-

Ezra will be dismissed in the morning and causes me shivers as Julian starts asking questions,

if my hands had wandered off?


if I had seen him naked?


and Miles watching me. I started feeling anxious again, but thankfully Juju started talking about some other guy he had sucked off successfully on board before he had started dating Miles and the only thing which seems to attract me is his and Miles’ relationship even if I know it.

“How did you guys... you know... fuck?” I motion towards them and Miles just smirks. 

Julian smirks and looks at Miles and they don’t even look like former lovers, but literally two guys who had managed to share a fuck and it seemed too fitting for both of them and once the passion and thrill of fucking someone who you don’t love had died off, they had ended it with that jerking off session, it should be weird, maybe even while one being on top and then just shrugging it off, not because you don’t feel like it,

but because you don’t feel like it at all. 

“Oh, pretty much...” Miles grins with his crooked smile at Julian and they just grin, a memory which is still shared and I guess even fond of, maybe even used to jerk off and mentioned the other day when the hatch is jammed followed with a light shove, asking the other to shut the fuck up. 

“We fucked in the turret. I still have no idea how the fuck we got away with that.” Jules grins at his fuck buddy and Miles just lights a new cigarette and I watch his lips and I just have to blink to shove my thought away and it’s not really Jules and him in the turret anymore and I just cock my head to the side, amused at their stupid idea. 

“Why the fuck did you choose the turret?” I can’t help but laugh, but I hold myself to hear the full damn story. 

“Because I hadn’t fucked anyone yet and Jules was there...” Miles looks away.

“I was too sexy.” Julian gives out a conclusion. 

“Not really.” Miles shakes his head, smirking at his own pun, which causes a pout from the younger male who now gets his second cigarette during our intense gay men talk. 

“I was.” Is pretty much his argument.


“You fucked me.”

“So? I’m sure Hince’s number two gets some dick sometime.” And I wonder how does Hince’s number two look like and why would he be unappealing, but you do have unattractive men, even if there are days when you feel like you’ll pounce at anyone who is walking on the deck. 

“What I meant is that I was sexually appealing to you.” Julian implies with a weird hand motion to Miles and Miles just starts laughing. 

“Yeah, you had a nice ass, happy?” Miles smirks covering his eyes with his hands and I watch his fingers and I hold myself from tracing them and I just play with whatever is left of my own cigarette. Juju seems pleased though. We hold a silence even if we’ve got a bunch of lovers to unfold, but it seems like a story for some other time. Miles nags that we should all go to bed, because Hince mentioned that there will be some training very early in the morning and that we should all be prepared to which Julian nags and hops off to get to his coffin locker, shooing us all off his bed and taking out some milk chocolate bar which he opens, to which Miles raises an eyebrow as Jules splits it in three parts and gives one each.

“Is this a bribe, Juju?” The Chief Petty Officer asks as Julian gets back to his bunk and me and Miles stay close for a while, as Julian strips on the bed from his dress, leaving himself in underwear before he pulls the covers over him. 

“If it was a bribe, Kane, I’d let you suck me off, much sweeter.” He smirks and turns to face the wall. I quickly glance at Miles who just makes his way to the bunk and I’m left to turn off the lights, so I sigh and I still hear them bickering as I turn off the lights and I head back to nearly trip on Miles’ hand as he strokes my leg and I feel myself turn red lightly as I just get to my bunk and I feel Miles’ hand get under the covers and I don’t make a noise until I squeeze it back, Ezra coming back to me like a ghost.

Sleep comes to me slowly and eventually even before I fall asleep I stretch my hand to search for Miles and I reach his cheek and I feel his lips on my fingers.

How come I was better than Julian and as soon as I take my hand back, I fall asleep.


I've written nearly 6k yesterday, so I was pretty damn confused where should I trim and leave for the other chapters and it's bizarre because this is pretty much a light chapter compared to what is coming ahead (the upcoming events had my partner rocking under the bedcovers so… yeah xD she's like an indicator haha xD) and I wasn't sure if I should add, but I can say that a new chapter should be up later tonight or early in the morning xD 

Like re-reading this to do behind the scenes pretty much depresses me as I feel horrid for all the characters with what will happen as it's written.

Oh, I've mentioned this to a few people, To Miles I guess will be able to be divided in two major parts or plots and this is pretty much part 1 and there's a lot I guess action-wise xD to come. Part 1 is not really nearing it's end but the events are unfolding and pretty much in the next chapter will show were everything is heading and then there will be a few more chapters and then part 2 which I'm pretty excited about as a lot of the events have been leading to that, a lot of hints were dropped and well, it's hard not to talk about the elephant in the room and you have no idea how much thinking I've spent on part 2 and it will be heart shattering and yeah, deaths ahead of course both in part 1 and part 2. 

Well, this chapter is pretty lightweight and I'm not sure there will be more comic relief, well, of course there will be some but part 1 is pretty much getting dark.

Ok, I guess I'll have to shut up and leave you waiting for the next few hours XD

Oh and I'm at 48 k (two more chapters written) and it's nowhere close the end, so… To Miles will be continued heavily after Nano xD gah, I just hope you love it as much as I do and I know I've been talking a lot about part 2 it's just that part 1 was basically decided at the early stages and part 2 was invented nearly accidentally xD so yeah, originally To Miles was well… I wasn't sure I guess if I should end it at part 1 but I had a few scenes of part 2 in mind without the big plot which it now has o.o 

So yeah, even if Nano is over, To Miles surely isn't :O and it will be updated maybe even more than the other miles ones, dunno, I pretty much shift all the time xD 

Drop me some kind words, at the end of nano any encouragement is highly appreciated and will pretty much shove me to write xD 

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did and I am happy that I went forward with the whole small story about the navy job which expanded into this story and I honestly love it and I am happy that I chose it as my nano novel and honestly, there is a lot to come xD (even in the next two chapters xD)

Thank you


To Miles 17

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