It gets me anxious.
It drives me to the edge, as I hope Hince is back and everyone seems scattered and I look like I’ve been buried as I head back to the tower and I go towards Hince’s room. He’s not in, as I keep knocking and I even pull the door handle towards me, I start breathing heavier, even if Ezra wasn’t in my liking, I wonder if I would be ok with him as a priest, it is shocking and somewhat expected that a man who is protected to never touch a woman, is gay, but it still strikes me and I can still feel his taste in my mouth and warmth in my hand. I keep tugging on my bottom lip, waiting for Hince, pressing my forehead heavier against the door and I feel flushed and embarassed.
But I’m still doing my job.
I am doing my job.
I want to sleep, but I want this over with. Something has too much rhythm in my head and I wish I’d just have Miles.
“You do know that in Portugal they have this bizarre tradition, where the bridesmaids dress up as the bride to chase away the evil spirits?” The voice comes with the hand that goes onto my shoulder and I look up, as I had given up a few minutes ago and just sat here, thankful that people would avoid the tower and most likely someone had stashed some alcohol and most likely now it was being passed around and I wondered if it would reach to spin the bottle, surely some bets would be made and some drunk dares, but would people have the guts to play a game which resulted in homosexual acitivity?
I glance up at Hince, who has his hat on and I just stand up and he helps me up. I wonder how he had looked back when he was young and if he still had those circles around his eyes and how much had his wrinkles changed him and if he was skinny before and what had he been doing
We head inside and Hince takes a box of cigarettes, stretches out to me and I just stand still, to which he shrugs and lights one for himself, letting the joy of the first drag keep our silence.
“Who is it, m’boy?” He asks me and I look at his table, hoping I’d see the bible, instead I see Fathers and Sons, which seems a nice choice all of a sudden and I’m happy to see it, so instead I leave my eyes rest there as the Captain follows my eyes then goes back to me to catch the faggot.
The word stings me and I just try to keep looking at the cover.
“It’s a good book.” Unlike Tolstoy, I want to add, but I add and I catch his dark green eyes. I try to scrub off the remains of my lipstick which isn’t too much and adds some bizarre masculinity in Hince’s eyes.
“Oh, yeah, it is. I don’t like the love line though. It’s too sappy, but Bazarov sure is interesting, I hope-”
“He dies. He confesses and dies from his own recklessness.” I spoil a bit too harshly and the captain is a bit stung, bites his lip, holds himself and just breathes out the smoke in a haste to inhale again. Hince falls down on his chair and starts looking at the box of cigarettes, before opening the book to the end and for a short while he scans it through, before closing it.
“Well, then he’s a moron.”
I don’t really say anything to him, instead I just shrug, feeling a bit chilly from the plain fabric as I couldn’t wear a shirt underneath or anything underneath and frankly I’ve got a big cut, which isn’t usual or handy as well and I’m in a skirt, meaning that I’ve pretty much got my legs exposed.
I could say that I don’t agree and back when I thought I could find myself a girl, I had read it and frankly, the tension described there would be the best I’ve ever read, so it was even a bit insulting, but I don’t say anything and I can see that Hince wants this over with, but he gives me time to look at the curtains, how they are tied to see the night and the moon and I can’t see him looking at it, unless he’s pissed drunk and regretting his life, maybe even breaking the window. Eventually he opens a drawer and takes out the nail file, showing that he’s got enough things to keep him occupied and I wish I never touched his novels.
"Son, I was thinking…" Hince says as he files his nails and looks at them, musing aloud. I see he wants a distraction to us both and I’m sure I am pretty pale at this point and shaking, it’s not even about Ezra, but about sending someone else. I thought I was cruel, but it’s getting to the point that I find it personal and I wonder how the fuck I’m I a gunner and how the fuck will I even shoot ships or maybe it’s because I know that Juju will be next and Miles could be among them all as well and my head. "Ok, well, nah, you could still be my son."
I try not to shrug.
"Basically I was thinking let’s cut off your job and mine. What if we try to catch all the homosexuals in two weeks? I don’t think there’s that many and frankly I’m sure you yourself don’t want a nasty queers hand down your pants." He smirks."Of course, Sir." I reply fast before thinking and I feel like about to faint and I even feel my feet wobble a bit, but I still stand still, things you learn and then Hince notices how pale I am and stands up, offering me his chair and I collapse onto it, closing my eyes and I feel his fingers on my forehead.
Ok, I know I skipped yesterday, but THIS IS LIKE NEARLY 3K @___@
The whole portuguese tradition caught my eye, as I am a superstitious person to a somewhat stupid extent if to be honest, but it's just some specific ones, so yeah, so reading about this one, I decided to use it as I came across it and I had the idea of doing a one-shot and then I have nano and I missed writing surreal things (but this one surely isn't as surreal as other stuff I've written, like Path (surely the height of that writing period I had xD)) so I was thinking and I decided to stick it in, to be true to nano and not just shove the one-shot into the word count, but use it as a dream, in general when you are writing nano, all is good and all will fit well somehow
and I guess it ended up being much much shorter than I wanted it to be obviously but story wise I'm happy how it is here and how it works here, if to be honest:) but I had much more in mind, but I guess, I'll keep it this way, dreams come back and continue (at least I had that through years) so who knows? :D
And I guess giving Hince a bunch of Russian literature which I had to be tortured with through school, I decided to give him one of the few Russian novels I've actually enjoyed, so yeah. I'm sorry, but I really don't get people's obsession with Tolstoy or/and Dostoevsky, I mean, there's much better novels to read than waste your time, but hey, this is just me, pretty much.
Hince's amazing idea came to me and I had written it down on my phone (I've been doing a bunch of notes lately, actually xD).
And I was thinking if I should end this chapter on a cliffhanger, but I decided not to, keep it simple, so… the big reveal, well, not a big reveal, but something will show up in the next chapter and I think I've decided who the next one who will be sent off be, so yeah, I need it to be a big blow, so yeah. I'm sorry and I'm guessing it will happen in the next chapters, so yeah
oh and I forgot to say that initially I was really musing about the fact if I should make Alex a bit cruel, and initially he wasn't going to go to deep into the fact that he's sending off Ezra, but yeah
I hope you enjoyed it and yeah, feel free to request
To Miles 14