They say there is a sadness which doesn't allow one to create and one which does. But what about the happiness which consumes one and somehow love crawls under the skin?
Or is there just some passion gone terribly wrong?
I would never knock on his door, expecting everything to go wrong, instead I drive myself crazy with all the thoughts and making up all the odd stories in my head to kill time. I imagine all the scenarios in which he would love me just as desperately as I would or some reality where he would just push me over and I wouldn't be talking to myself on the couch while staring at the ceiling, making sure that Kate is asleep, the thrill of the honeymoon long gone which I will never recall and all reality blurred to such an extinct that I don't even know if I am drinking any more.
I do nothing.
I've told myself the real story all the time, making sure that I've remembered and forgotten every detail of his skin and how it had felt to kiss his love against his lips. The problem is that there is no ending, no spoilers and nothing to hint anything otherwise. There is just a crashed by my own mood and feelings bachelor party. There are feelings which have gone sour for anyone else. I can only think of my own ending to brace myself to sleep. And maybe that is solace.
Maybe I'll forget your face someday, but for now it's pure agony and I've made my decision with another woman. Be the story teller before I sleep, lure me into those dreams where neither of us are cowards and where we both lose ourselves, I don't really believe that somehow we are not whole but we would surely become something.
To describe something wild, nothing comes to mind to fit it and how to describe it.
When does love collapse?
Why does it end in a whimper?
Why does the receiver of the last letter never respond?
Where do the kisses of love go?
And when will I ever stop telling myself all these stories where we had once loved each other?
The last story is always the truth,
That you were my muse.
That you carried me through life, only
To immerse me in water one last time
So that when I open my eyes
I would see the stars
And you hidden in the dark.
There will never be a truth as vivid
As the one I've told.
Take those steps back, with me in your arms.
Take a future where we fear no man.
I will always mourn.
I've decided to finish off my favourite stories or reveal the final chapters, so that there is nothing left of fanfiction which I didn't neglect. There are a few stories which are on hiatus, which maybe will be turned to fiction later, but for now, I'm showing these loved stories their deserved ending.
Blunderbuss started many many years ago and whenever I had a short idea, it would be tied into this bizarre AU. By the end I had a connection with a guy, which ended up being doomed, so I decided the last chapters to our brief relationship. It seemed like a fitting story to pour my feelings into.
The story ended way before the relationship had, if I recall correctly. It holds how I thought things would end. It's sad to end a story which spanned many years, but here it is.
Thank you for the support and it had been a request originally, back when I had done those. I just want to say thank you.