Monday, 11 February 2013


“I don’t like socializing with people any more.” He still lights a cigarette and people walk around, a window will be opened once all the noise ceases.

I can’t help but feel aggression rising up. Instead I just pull my blonde hair back. He told me I look like a stick while his wife is a twig.

Music stopped helping me, it just makes everything worse, wounds open up as I sit with my new boyfriend both eating corn, butter being passed among us. Jake keeps eating more corn than I do.

Jamie doesn’t talk to many people but with me he gets a bouquet and forces it inside me down my throat, letting holes to breathe, but stretching it to get more pain so I feel no ease.

I don’t know what to say, I just feel anger and lately I’ve been retraining from any sex, frustrated and even more, last night I even was alone without Jake and I kept crying and slamming my hand against the closet door, harder and harder, louder and louder and then I started screaming, howling, music would do everything worse pour salt over the wounds, cliche would fling like wet bandages.

“I just like hanging out with Kate.” I want to murder him, the reason I’m going bald and gray. I give out a moan, a howl and I crouch, my hair going between my legs, arms and all of a sudden I want it to be short and I want a dress, I want a cocaine addiction, I want to be an early Kate Moss with stars in her eyes.

Jake comes to pick me up.

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