Saturday, 1 June 2013

She drains the sun.5

“Boyology a teen girl’s crush course on all things boy.” Karen says and actually starts tearing all the pages she can from the book, her eyes cold, lip in a angry snarl, quickly glancing at me before we both get kicked out for wrecking a book and Karen says that she won’t pay for anything heteronormative. We pay anyway while buying The Well Of Loneliness, she also grabs the Advocate, Curve and Diva, irritated.

She comments on Diva being blind to trans women but still reads it, taking out wafers, her mouth open and reading like that in the gardens. I could only nod yesterday, saying that Karen was doing everything in her defense as we were allowed to smoke, Karen crying, actually pissed at being blamed for being a lesbian, but she still was violent towards the woman, maybe her first killing was different, maybe she had an actual knife to her throat, but this time she was burying someone alive with a shovel, even leaving the shovel besides her as she waits for the wimping to stop, to make sure the woman is dead.

What made me stop during the interview was that Karen only killed women, but then men didn’t even exist in her book.

The two men playing american football caught my eye from being used to try and keep my eyes on them and the guy playing football with beer ridiculous.

Men didn’t exist, they didn’t even reflect in her sunglasses, they never touched her hair and the devil never touched Karen, she would avoid the devil which were men, instead she’d go for the recent fallen angels, ignoring those who went to hell ages ago.

“Y’know I had a boyfriend.” Karen says, lighting a cigarette, now taking off her glasses and watching how the football lands in the middle of the grass for her with seagull walking around thinking if it’s worth to mate with it before the blokes get back to it, fiddling with their own actions, shirts loosen as their thoughts and they take it in the end.

“I killed him too.” Karen laughs, putting her sunglasses back on. “Fucking bastard cheated on me and fucking hell, sex ached, I told him, that it fucking aches and he told me to just deal with it. Asshole.”

She exhales.

“I still wonder how we are all bisexual, supposedly. I mean, are you attracted to men?” I look at the men and their penises freak me out. Karen continues. “It’s not the penis, it’s how they use them. One of the best sex I’ve had was with a trans woman, found another girl, oh well.”

I actually wonder. I actually wonder.

“I got a few years. I proved rape. I proved a lot of things.” She chews on the tip of her cigarette. “Asshole. Feels like he comes back from the dead sometimes, with all that curly hair and smile, pressing my lips against his. Until you realize how bad men are you keep men on your mind, it’s... awful.”

Karen starts packing her bags until she gets hit by the football, her lipstick smudged and left to decay on the ball. She puts in on the grass, run backwards, arms spread out and kicks the ball hard, reaching the guys playing football so that they mix balls and we actually leave, leaving manhood behind, Karen lighting another cigarette and she feels like an acoustic guitar again, something prude about her silence.

“I understand sometimes it’s hard to think, it’s like cracking a shell open, but killing the thought inside it, so that it will bleed. And then, you actually describe what happened.” Karen smiles. “I know. I shouldn’t think about men and sometimes I just stop to think what if I am bisexual, but I’m not, but the thought still terrifies me because everything I feel towards men is what a heterosexual woman feels like, rape and violence and fear. So how come I’m not straight then? Because I’m not. Because I have a choice and you are born your sexuality, but still, a person is attracted to people. A lesbian can fall in love with a man, obviously she won’t, because she is not dumb. But a gay man with a woman, yeah. But then... I lost my thought.”

I laugh.

“But we are forgetting that the point of being gay is falling for people, rather than their genitals, the only division is some are women some are men on the inside. Some don’t know they are women, some don’t know they are men, because society is a fucking cunt. Assholes. If I could stab more people I’d stab every single motherfucking cunt who doesn’t think I don’t have the rights to marry a woman they would rape.” Karen stops. “Heterosexuality is rape, I mean sure, maybe it had meaning before, but now, there’s nothing left it’s like a used condom, you know it won’t protect you, but you’re a dickhead so you just use it again, knowing it will rip. At least Jack, the guy I was dating, was bi. Only thing which attracted me, I listened to him talk how he found men attractive and I would just sit there, listening, having the whole side of the coin flip over, hear about real men who care and everything, sure he was abusive, but I guess he was just coming out. He cheated on me and when I killed him, he asked about this guy who came looking for him, dragging Jack’s guitar. I told him and he listened. He agreed there’s no need to put a gay person behind bars, heteronormative crimes shouldn’t even be looked at. Every revolution needs victims. Someone falls under the tank, but you still get independence. Some people aren’t just fated to see what’s above the tank, just what’s above the clouds.”


Karen in this story is one of my favourite creations and she even shines harder than anything else in the story, she is the story. She's very radical and very loud in her opinions, which I may share, but surely would not act upon and etc. Karen shares my thoughts like every other character I've ever done. I really love Karen :3

I still get a bit scared of her sometimes XD she's pretty violent and yes, she should be sentenced and why isn't she xD but then that's the point. It all depends on each case really, she actually had one full homophobic incident with self defence so yeah, buuut no spoilers :P

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and I know they haven't been having sex lately D: go do stuff, women D: XD

So feel free to request and thank you :3


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