Thursday, 13 June 2013


The gay bars are small on a weekday but that was when Thom lured me in after shaving my head, saying that I look more gay with less hair, the clipper vibrating against my head, making me feel uncomfortable as I see all the hair go down, revealing my eyes, making me open to the public, making me feel naked as if balloons are behind me, tied to my back, dragging attention.

We walk into the gay bar and it feels real with women kissing and men leaning down to kiss other men, it feels natural and real unlike men and women who don’t know what they’re doing, all of sudden the norm feels weird and a pervertion with tacky music blasting from speakers and no one on the dance floor.

Thom grabs me and starts doing weird dances by himself as I grab some bad cocktail for myself and a mojito for Thom, forgetting what he said he’d drink, but I get nervous and I still get a few women check me out in a gay bar, but then maybe they think I’m an ftm which I never understood, how can a ftm be a lesbian? Why are lesbians attracted to ftms? Thom seems to dance with another man and it feels weird, letting my emotions open up and then Thom starts dancing with another woman, people actually are joining in and Thom is photobombing them and I see him wave at me. I leave the drink to get spiked as if we are in Brazil and I leave to Thom, taking his guiding hand, Thom says that I’m off sale to a woman and on sale for the guy. I guess for Thomas gender is blind with him being somewhere between pansexual and bisexual, while I am more strict even if this may be the first time on an actual gay dance floor, you don’t feel the love, you don’t even feel the sweat because anyone is barely dancing, but once a girl puts her hand on my butt, I leave, knowing that I’d get the same treatment in any other bar.


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