2012

Makes me wanna fight.

My way out of the closet.

And I hurl her against the wall, gripping her wrists against me. She arches her back, hair folded in a red bun.

She spits in my face,

fucker.

I hit her between the legs.

It seems like a stupid blow, by my arms are taken. I release one hand of hers to slap her across the face, letting her cheek hit against the wall.

“Cunt!” And she pushes me off with her leg.

“C’mon at me!” I fucking yell, taking my scarf off, feeling blood from the roof of my mouth, I stick a finger in it, more fingers and I grab her sweater.

“Why did you fucking do that to my sweater!” She screams.

I hurl her again, pressing my lips against her neck. I could just bite her neck through and let A and B mix to make clots. I’ve had too much biology. 

“What the fuck did you do? I fucking thought you were gay!” Joanna punches me across the face.

“I fucking am.” My lip is now trembling. 

All the drunkness under rainbows is gone.

Maybe not in the way she expects it.

Joanna heads up to me, fixing her hair back into her ponytail, not enough time for a nice bun. I look at her breasts swallow, fixing my suit. 

“I told you I’m gay.” I say.

“No, you’re not.” And she grabs me by the collar and kicks me down onto the floor. She grabs my button up again.

I swallow as it rips.

“Shite...” And I look up to pray at Edinburgh and amused at all the busses passing and a few people noting the bandages across my chest.

“What the actual fuck.” And she kicks me in the ribs.

“Oi!” I stand up and I grab her by the hair.

“You never told me you’re a fucking woman, since when were you planning to tell me, huh? Just kissing me as a man!” Joanna exclaims and I stop, taking out my buscard, before she hits me again and I rub off the blood, taking out the busscard. 

“Let’s go home.” I mutter. “I’ll explain.”

“You said your name was James!” Joanna exclaims again and I stare at the rainbow necklace around her throat and the two tattoos under her ear now mixing with blood. A fight near Leith, seems too typical. I take out my pack of cigarettes.

“Jamie.” I mutter. “Seemed logical. I mean I like Hince and all, but felt like a change.”

I can’t seem to light my cigarette. Neither does Joanna help. 

I feel her ruffle my hair, but instead she pulls it and punches me under the jaw and my teeth feel as if they’re about to break. 

-

This was accidentaly found by Callie, it was written back in 2012 and we had both found it ironic, having 1 1/2 chapters done and I've been rather tired so I don't have much written because all chapters ended up being too long so I'm like 1k behind on frankly everything to post it xD and at the same time instead I ended up rereading it myself and musing on what to say.

I'm surely incestious with my name apparently xD this is so much before I came out to myself as trans, so it's even odd and funny because I had chosen my name because of an entirely different story. 

I don't touch it up at all to be honest, I kind of wanted to leave it. I have no idea what to do with it, I guess... a fun throwback really xD and yeah it's interesting to see how I wrote differently back then kind of language-wise, I kind of threw a bit of that dialect away obviously. 

And yeah, I hope you enjoyed it and forgive me and yeah, I really wanted this up as a sort of... laugh at myself, because when you come out as trans, everything makes sense and heads up for the trans Jamie here too xD

I hope you enjoyed it and yeah, if I find the guts to finish the second chapter and etc, then I'll go deeper on the backstory for now I want it as it is with it's ambiguity and everything

Named it 2012 for the year's sake really.

Thank you

<3

Jamie