Threesome 16

The stage sex, was carefully planned out, it was... Like some sort of sick twisted invitation for me to pay for my sins, for me to know what had I missed, what I couldn’t touch and him being with some other female, some sort of evolution of myself, something I hadn’t and couldn’t become, he was letting me live his fantasy where he would pin me for everything I’ve done, just as he’s always done and I was willing, I didn’t want to detach and it’s that state of mind where you think lovers are like dirt, just because you had broken up

And I knew friends couldn’t fuck, so we’d both walk in heels on that border, at least I was, seeing him fall in out of love, seeing him get frustrated at other relationships, see them fall apart and him pinning them down just as much and I wasn’t better, sometimes I wouldn’t act and that’s when he would be in the empty room, alone with his feelings

And I tell myself that sex is not exciting when it is

Just like love it may not happen. 

Why does it so happen that finding a long lost or rather shards of them within you, it causes you to rethink life again? And how come one glance will be full of ice and the other will be full of fire? But it wasn’t about Jamie at all, even if it had been for the past few years and soon enough even the stage tension will slip between our fingers no matter how harsh he might try to stage it and pull me by the hair to feel. I won’t feel it anymore, because love will eventually become diluted and that shall be it, thankfully.

I still have to kill time before he leaves so that he doesn’t see me sneaking back into Kate’s house, so that becomes an issue of just actually walking a few blocks down and keep walking as if there is something new to see, but instead my heart rushes far too much in my ears and my thoughts become far too cluttered to even thinking properly in how things multiple and add up. I end up getting a lump in my throat and I just want to head back and end up in Kate’s arms and between her legs, so I regret not drinking even more back at the pub, instead I’m left with the crisp air and some regret on how life goes on in all its odd ways with despair.

The more I walk, the more I pray that Jamie would just leave and I end up going back and sneaking through a different entrance, waiting for Kate to show up with a cigarette between her lips and I just look at her as if she’s got a halo.

-

I'm proud that I've been keeping up with the deadlines, so yeah, it's been hard and I was struggling coz it's late and I'm tired and I found that I was halfway through with this and since my writing was clunky today it helped that the chapters are very short. 

I've been rather nostalgic of old Kills stories which I've finished, so writing something like Threesome is highly enjoyable since the story is still ongoing and full force :D

Feelings change and so does their analysis with just seeing the person in question. I've had times when I thought my feelings were gone and then they weren't and that's pretty much the focus of this chapter. Another emphasis was the stage sex which was heavily staged between the Kills and that just amazes me how real it had looked and whatnot, so I went with my thoughts on it. 

Also it's odd to write Kate and Jamie as a couple still since there's all the split talking, talk about writing something finished now

I hope you enjoyed it and if you did please tell me so

Thank you

<3

Jamie