Friday, 10 August 2012

High Addiction

When you become of age when you sit alone in an airplane it feels like everyone who walks past you might be a coincidence in sex and everyone seems to speak Portuguese as if it were an inner flight connection and people laugh at my ability to speak English and check my passport twice, three times and four and ask each other stuff even take out a book and what matters is how the service is zero and how rare English is even with the amount of tourists and advertises to travel.

I lean back so that I will see the window and I wonder who will the other person be, hopefully it would be someone nice and someone to talk to but that’s just in my head as I bite my finger, staring at the tempting no smoking sign and maybe no one will appear after all and maybe the whole plane will be empty and I will be able to smoke and I wonder if I do nothing will they tell me to turn down and off the music in order of different flight attendants speaking the same portuguese but with different accents.

I feel old, it feels odd to actually have something to remember and recall and I watch the women and men pass.

I recall that once I had been seated next to a religious women with beads sticking out, hair frizzy and the lack of touch cringing on her neck and I knew that if the plane would fall I would ask her to pray myself being excluded from religion as I blushed at a few memories and leaned closer to hug the chair with my back and feel nothing soft just nearly plastic chairs and the wrapped bed covers for a long flight and useless movies which were only made for all of us to be the same for the same flight, our only choice being drinks and three different variations of food.

I cannot speak portuguese so therefor I don’t and it’s a small mutual agreement in which people are the culprit and I will be forced, my only answer might be in Europe they speak, so I just don’t smile back and they don’t at the pale skin and the dark hair, the plane is empty and the language clings onto the wall, maybe foreigners expel such experience and I blame my lack of ability and just look around, the shifting and hesitating not even worthy now of mention.

The plane is actually empty I note standing up and falling down to listen to voice morph into an ugly vulgar song which I shall never know and which will fade into an abyss.

And the abyss becomes black like a smile against it as a woman and lady even comes to my mind sits near me, older and fixes her make up, humming something, taking a piece of gum and shielding her eyes from everyone for a bit and she offers me gum, I take it and chew slowly, staring at the lady.

It had been too awful with turbulence and the woman checking everything even walking between rows as she walked around until the turbulence lurched and no one spoke english as usual and she had been drinking some orange medicine and drinking water to slurp it in and as I had tried to ask for tea she helped me with saying Cha and I thanked her, pissed at the entire country and their lack of culture as they had closed the window and she said she had been claustrophobic with a wink to me after that and headed to the bathroom and I wanted to follow her with sex and the imagery filled.

I did nothing and she came back.

The imagery in my head was beautiful and seemed endless like a chewing gum and then she came back, her bra off as I swallowed watching her look at me and smile and I watched at her ring, maybe we were both sexually frustrated, fuck I wanted to fuck her too badly with everyone asleep and I was starting to see her walk naked before me and sit on me and start riding me crazy and I wanted her.

Fuck, I can’t do it and I glanced at the ring on her finger and she laughed, covering her mouth.

High Addiction 2

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