Stale Smoke In A Running Circle8

His mouth is still on my neck, sliding down and I can’t stop, his eyes close on mine as he kisses me and it feels right.

It feels bizarre with him just being with Thom recently, but I say nothing, my hair feeling short and spiky all of a sudden even if it had grown and it’s as if I know that I’m finally back after the written old letters I’ve sent and it’s as if I am back in the airport and we are talking about how big we will be, what we will buy. Jamie wants leather shoes, new ones not used or a lucky dip in a charity shop, which the shop assistant’s didn’t fit into.

Jamie keeps stroking my hair and I don’t care who is cheating on who anymore, I don’t care who he was with, grabbing his mouth and I know I have nothing with Alex, I don’t care.

I really don’t, it’s more about the moment and how his hands slide up and down.

If he were to cut my hair, I wouldn’t mind, I wouldn’t mind if he would see me as a bloke.

When I think of it, what would a female even be? Where does gender end? Why is there only two genders?

Why do we still have some rules, people watch a show about a man who eats people. I don’t find that not sexy at all, but people get excited and it’s ok, as l long as it doesn’t fall into the LGBT letters.

Jamie always liked some homoerotism in our songs, but they would never make the cut, when I would choose more honest songs, he wouldn’t be open. But even if you’re gay, it’s ok to be with a woman.

But would I be one? In my jeans, I could be a tomboy, but all I did was dye my hair back when I was a teenager and my friends were always blokes and I wouldn’t even date them, I just felt distant and annoyed when I would get my period.

I don’t really have a sex life, so I feel weird if I go to the GP to ask for contraceptives, which one of Jamie’s friends had told that now she had no periods, making her like a full woman now, all in her energy and not feeling what it’s like to count the days until the period and waste money on period essentials. She had flicked her brown hair back, lighting a cigarette, exhaling, she was pretty and she tingled my feels a bit and I had realized that sexuality is fluid sometimes or sometimes people are too pretty for your sexuality to notice it’s drifting somewhere else.

So she had told about the mini pill, which had taken away her period and I had felt jealous and maybe then I wondered how would it be to be a bloke, to have her in my arms as she was only attracted to older men and I was older than her already, but she wouldn’t think of me as a bloke unless I identified with one. She said she had dated a transman once, now today everyone is single and everyone is sleeping with everyone, I wonder how come we don’t put our hands up and dive into an orgy?

But what is it to be a man?

What is it to be a woman?

Is it the word which appeals more to you?

But there’s so many women and so many men.

It even feels bizarre to think of myself, maybe I’m just trying to fit in Jamie’s box.

I don’t know.

I pull him harder, actually daring myself to slide a hand down his pants, something which doesn’t feel feminine. And I see Jamie’s friend laughing slightly, saying that I’m not a lady, maybe the other woman, just like she is.

Why I’m not doubting Jamie’s sexuality?

Because I’ve seen him look at men, I’ve seen him check them out and I’ve suspected other men’s lips upon him.

Do I just want Jamie too much?

I start frenching him even harder, not bothering to look and I start stroking his cock, as he slides his hand to the front of my old ripped jeans which I’ve done some pins with and drawn upon, sewn on something on the back, which I don’t even recall, something I had grabbed just to be with the morning and see the nuisance which ended up being Thom.

Jamie fingers me a bit too harsh but soon enough I become wet and the fact that I’m touching him turns me on too much as well. I keep kissing him and I can’t stop, I start breathing harder and harder, pushing away from his lips, feeling sweat slowly appearing on my forehead, I feel cold all of a sudden, a shiver running through my body as Jamie closes his eyes and our lips come crashing as I bite his bottom lip harder as I clench my teeth not to reveal my orgasm’s sound to the air, as I open my eyes and I’m still shivering.

I hug him tight, and I start crying.

-

As you might have guessed the female friend which Jamie is referring to is Lana, because I ship her so hard with Alison, that it hurts T__T but I don't think this is a story about them XD I've got others XD But yeah Lana is gorgeous and I pretty much wrote this chapter to Lana and finally got into Young & Beautiful after ages XD

I've been fiddling with the idea of Alison being a transman in this story and yes, it is a sudden turn, but discovering your own gender identity or sexuality is a big turn after all, so yeah :) I'm pretty much figuring out with Alison both her gender identity and sexulity XD so yeah, me and Alison are fiddling her :)

I hope you enjoyed it and it is quite a daring story which actually taking all these characters and putting them very AU and their sexualities and etc.

I hope you enjoyed it and please do request:3

Sorry that it takes a while as the queue is long, but here, get a longer than usual chapter :D

<3