the animal seven

I felt odd the next couple of days, giving myself too much candy and feeling awful guilt as apparently Dick hadn’t broken up with his boyfriend and he had told me when I asked him that he was indeed in an exclusive relationship with his boyfriend, just shrugging at whatever I could throw at him and that’s when I realized that I should really keep my damn nose out of it. I wasn’t now the one to condone cheating because I had done it holding hands with Dick. 

I tried to get my mind off it by hanging out more with Lazarus, who was complaining that I hadn’t been writing enough in the notebook, but I just replied with a sole that life can be boring and the past few days have just happened to be so as well, to which he replied that I was a fool and that I should admit the guilt which I have been spoon feeding myself just because of a spurt of tension I had slept with Dick and since I had no intentions of continuing it was fucking my mind up. Maybe I just wasn’t the hooking up type and that’s why it was really screwing with my head so badly. I wondered then how would the hooking up type be, but I had stayed away from Dick as he himself had found it weird, that I had decided to eat breakfast in my room instead of sitting with him. 

Then the trans man still in his starry pajamas just knocked on my door, allowing himself in like he always would. The only awkward person had been me. He asked me whether I had wanted to talk about it because he still valued my friendship.

I think we all have to make note that we’ve still all got friends, maybe not in the ways that we want to, but we still do, sometimes we’ve got them far away, sometimes we meet them online, but they’re still close to us regardless and Dick had happened to be my friend, who I had screwed and that in the end was the thing screwing with my head. I just remained seated on my bed, since that was all that we’d gotten from Peter. I suddenly felt ridiculously anxious and a bit guilty that I had described it all rather vividly in the notebook which I’d also given to Lazarus to read in his own pleasure. I wasn’t sure how much he enjoyed the gay shenanigans, but he seemed rather intrigued in how it was to share an apartment since he had gotten his from his grandparents. I was always jealous of those which didn’t have to search, as I was struck with some eternal thought that I’d always be searching or at least for a good while. Looking back at my notes it feels as if I was talking about something else like love, but it’s something as simple as an apartment really. But I wouldn’t want to split it with anyone at all, because then it wouldn’t hold a point of having your own apartment. I dreamt of it far too often, getting bored of all the other men in the apartment, getting bored of all their antics, as Julien and Nathan got into another fight again.

This one felt as if it was scripted before and well thought through because no blood was spilled and they made sure not to hit each other hard enough, as if it was a bit more allowed just because they had both not managed to ruin any part of Peter’s property. 

I had met Julien while waiting for a train and he had a bruise under his lip after the fight. He just approached me, grinning and offering to spend time together. During the whole train trip he didn’t blink an eye and kept looking outside, as I kept scribbling and he asked me if he could ever read everything I’ve written, but I just shook my head at the curly haired Julien. He just shrugged, as if knowing that one day I would do the crucial decision of showing or not. But he had been mentioned here, while showing it to Lazarus who had barely cared was much easier for the sole fact that I didn’t have a proper relationship with him. We were just two people who ended up being friends and he would listen to all my shenanigans. Hell, I’ve even written here that Julien doesn’t have a pretty face. I just apologized again for not showing all the scribbles, but instead Julien was now on his phone, texting someone from what I understood his quick typing and grinning, as the train filled up. 

When we reached the centre stop there were far too many people, so we ended up going opposite direction apparently as when I looked behind me I couldn’t find him. I got sad by the events and I started wondering as I was walking around with the people slowing down with their count as the streets would become less crowded, the cars a bit less existent and just standing all over the place. That was the usual depiction of an ending day. I had wondered if I should head back and he was just there waiting for me. 

I felt an intense curiosity as I sat on the stairs of the soon to be closed mall in the pitch black afternoon, whether Julien was actually being friendly or perhaps a bit more, but I didn’t seem to understand his sexuality just yet, as he simply just wandered around life quietly and I didn’t hear much of him in his room besides some loud laughter as he would take a call from while to while, but he was as quiet as if he was never there. 

I got far too sad and I couldn’t help but wonder what had ran through Julien’s head on whether he was interested in me, but then I was running too much ahead and everyone knows that the easiest way to kill time was to fall in love or believe that you are. It was an easy and sweet getaway to just believe that something exciting would be rushing your blood, but even if it never happened that’s just how we all survived all the school years, so how come adulthood was any different? We clung onto love because it was such a great placebo with all the side effects. 

Reading through, I didn’t end up telling all about how Dick had talked to me, he just told me how he didn’t want a plain fuck to ruin our friendship, that it was just a one time thing and he really didn’t want to explain this again, he had mumbled it, feeling a bit guilty but I just stared at him. I just chipped in saying that I didn’t have any feelings anyway, just that it was weird to hold him in my arms, to which Dick grinned saying that most likely it was my first hook up, to which I had nodded. He seemed even more amused by me and said that if I ever felt like it again, I was more than welcome to screw him or get screwed. I thanked him and our conversation was over. The next morning we had breakfast together and he was flicking viciously through the television, stopping on the Simpsons, laughing at their jokes which I thought could’ve been off until I realized that he was back to being genuine around me which somehow eased me up and was nearly erasing the uneasiness I was feeling towards him. 

Now when it came back to Julien and his whereabouts I had no idea, so I ended up walking around the city centre again, just because I had thought that those were his plans originally, hoping to bump into him. Instead I ended up going into the Sci-Fi store with a weird hunch and it ended up being true, as I saw the curly haired man browsing through some comics and then he just chose something, going to a corner and then I saw him peeling off something before sneaking into his bag.

Great.

-

This chapter is a bit shorter than the rest, because I didn't want to interrupt the scene, so I figured that I'll drag some anticipation here >.>

I wanted to make all the characters imperfect in many ways and kind of make them unstandable (sort of), the point was to make them very very human and flawed. That's why I gave Julien shoplifting, to be very honest. 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you did, please tell me so in the comment section below. You'll make my day.

Thank you

<3

Jamie

the animal six

I was ridiculously horny that day, which would explain all my following actions and the fact that I was sucking on some lollypop from a pick and mix I had bought earlier, wondering if a simple jerking off would do, but my mind was wandering too much, a bit of a disastrous twist when you start wondering if the porn you’re watching is adventurous enough and then I had decided to download Grindr, musing out nearly out loud with the tune of the Kardashians which I was more than positive that Peter was watching in his breaks of watching it and playing Black Ops on his Xbox. The idea was awfully shallow and I had taken the consequences that I would be pretty much regretting a plain hookup even if there were plenty of men in my area and I had much more than a gut feeling that I would run into them at Coop while choosing ice cream or picking bananas, but when you’re horny, you’re not thinking.

Neither was I thinking when I was biting the lollypop and saw a familiar small neck tattoo on it a few meters away from me, getting closer and that’s how I found out that Dick was cheating on his own dick of a boyfriend. I didn’t know if they had some sort of agreement (I always picture Richie from Looking asking that to Patrick, dunno why, I probably want to bang the fucker far too much). I kept biting until I reached the stick and I was with a big boner as well and also with the idea that I could score a quick shag and I had known that he wasn’t interested in me, so just spicing up a bad friendship didn’t seem like a bad idea. If I had known that Lazarus was gay, I would’ve done him as well at this point. So I pick up the phone, take a sort of flattering photo of me biting the stick of the lollypop, hesitate before sending it to Dick, it’s one of those moments in life where I just show the notebook to Lazarus later and he tells me that I’m fucked up and asks how was it as I sit on his floor and he sits in front of his PlayStation, racing some older Sonic game in a matching t-shirt, as if to symbolize or emphasize his love for Sonic, which is already pretty big. 

So I had the last moment of regret and anxiety and I still messaged Dick and most of it was because I was horny, I wanted sex, that was it. 

He didn’t get back to me right away, which caused me to consider that maybe my hand was the best and most trustworthy partner of all since I couldn’t even get laid by a roommate who didn’t care about me. 

Dick first went into his room with all the junk groceries, to make all the crisp shrines and stick all the cookies in the right places and that’s when I heard a knock on my door with Dick looking at me a bit confused, but he seemed to have shrugged it off by the time he headed towards mine. He motioned to his room. He locked the door as I sat on his bed. Dick told me he’d be in his binder and he was okay with me touching him down there and that he’d do it through the back door, because he wasn’t feeling like a top today and if that was okay with him. It felt a bit odd how Grindr hookups would work, but it was laid out I guess and with everything entirely on the table with all the fetishes. 

Dick took a sip of water from a cup, feeling a bit uneasy and I wondered if it was me or if it was him, but I had really no idea what to do with the fellow trans man with his undercut. He sat next to me and I think that’s when our nerves got the best of us, that’s one split second when you think if you’ve actually got some tension between you, before you unwrap that disaster of a first kiss, he got the strands of my hair out of the way, tugging on my small ponytail and letting it loose. We stared at each other for a while, as I stared into his hazel eyes and I figured that it’s a part of the experience to have some tension and let you believe in some love before you actually get to the deed. Then he leaned in and I won’t ever say that it was bleak, but it had started filling up with some ridiculousness of the choice of the situation and how we were all about to dissolve in a very sexual manner. 

The older man had pushed me down, straddling me, opening a drawer near the bed and taking out the condom. I wondered how many men had sneaked into this apartment for him to cheat on his boyfriend or maybe they had been over for a while and I had no idea? I wondered why did I care as he leaned back down to kiss me again, with tongue and all. 

Lazarus came into my mind again and how he would react. 

I pushed the odd neighbour away, but I felt as if everyone who I had known were now staring at me and wondering, why the fuck was I about to fuck Dick?

I flipped him over, running a hand down his body, knowing that the binder will still be on. I apologized for not knowing how to touch if anything, but it seemed a bit straightforward as he had shown me how, it felt different but it certainly didn’t feel any less gay. I didn’t know how could anyone even claim that. It made me furious and still does. But now Dick was in my head and his hand in my pants, stroking. He put on a condom on me and went down on me. Dick was about my height, so I just motioned with a hand that we could try and 69 to which he shrugged and did it. I felt clumsy, following directions, but in the end I got a hang of it but I was clearly getting more bothered than Dick was by all the directions, as I had felt a bit horrid that I was completely lost in the beginning. Dick on the other hand had a pure knowledge of what he was doing, I had to hold myself down from coming in his mouth, so he had stopped. He looked at me through half closed eyes and sweating, holding his moans with biting his mouth and his hair was all tussled despite all the hair products I had known he had used every single damn day. I pinned him down again, moaning against his mouth as I stroked him again, now letting my fingers go inside him as he had asked. Now he was touching himself as I had now been about to enter him. 

I kissed him again before positioning myself properly and I watched him touch himself for a while, kissing him right above the hemline of his black binder and travelling up to his lips. I went inside Dick, as he moaned outright and loud that I wondered if anyone would actually hear it or if there was a chance that his boyfriend would come in and it dawned on me that I as the one time lover was as much to blame as poor Dick was. I looked down at him, as I was thrusting, heavily turned on by him and he kept pulling me down with his teeth on my lip to kiss. I slowed down just to torture him, as we both just felt even far more frustrated. I kept going slower and slower until I heard Dick moan and then cover his mouth as he came, squirting, digging his other hand into my hip heavily that it ached and I came, watching him and closing my eyes. 

We unrolled of each other after a while, breathing now stabilized. I helped Dick remove the covers and offered to give him my today’s laundry slot, thanking him again with an odd kiss which felt like Cinderella’s carriage turned pumpkin. We both sat there in the laundry room, watching the sheets spin, as if reminding us that the sex was now done and neither of us felt horny again. I glanced back at him, sighing, as he didn’t look back at me. Dick thanked me for the sex. I nodded, feeling a bit odd and that’s when I had decided to go to Lazarus and show him all of my notes, including the sex scene which I had explicitly written down. Lazarus emphasized that he was straight, but that I should if I could maybe become an erotica writer since I had decided to capture everything. 

Lazarus greeted me with the sounds of a new My Little Pony episode in the background, as we were watching it with some idiot’s commentary and I sat down there to watch all of the ponies’ shenanigans, as he flicked through the small gray notebook reading it. I felt a bit odd about Dick right now, but I knew that just like Cinderella’s carriage I didn’t want the night back and I was okay with just dancing with the Prince once. 

-

I am desperately missing the animal.

I know, I've been terribly behind on posting things. I ended up with a a root canal which is still not fixed, but I've went through phase one, so I feel much better now. I was pretty much a ball of pain for several days so I didn't manage to post anything. I've been terribly tired and everything, so I've been off schedule but now I'm back. 

I'm terribly sorry and if you enjoy the story please tell me so, so it doesn't feel like no one is reading it. 

I've been terribly missing the animal and me and Callie keep discussing it a lot. Also since the apartment situation is such a reality I miss ranting about it. 

This chapter is the only thing which was divided as it was written. Dick was originally not going to be big of a character as I was planning the story, because I wasn't sure if I wanted to include a trans man at all to avoid my dysphoria. I didn't want a sex scene because I thought that it would trigger me, but as I kept writing Dick I fell in love with the character and wanted to fuck some shit up xD Dick is also some idealistic form of myself, somewhat close to how I'd like to look when I imagine him. He's amazing, I dunno I just love him loads. 

Also, I know that Julien isn't a lot in this chapter, but Julien's appearence was inspired when I had seen a photo taken by Hedi Slimane of Louis Garrel (yes, from The Dreamers) but it didn't register in my head and you couldn't see his face properly so I pictured Julien differently, but based off dear Louis. I'll keep silent about more about Julien for now. Also the name came to me with that said photo. 

I believe I was horny when I wrote this. 

I also tend to stick everyone into Coop, for some reason. This is beyond me. Usually you shop around and the supermarkets tend to stick together very often, so you can pop in one and then to the other. 

It was written fast and yeah. I hope you enjoyed it :3

Please please tell me if you did so

<3

Jamie

the animal five

I try not to spend that much money these days for the sole reason that I need to last, even if I hadn’t held and after Julien had found me we went to the alcohol store and we just started buying so much booze, saying out loud what we could mix with what and that ended up being a very big cheque along with my ID getting checked and I had to thank that I had taken time off before storming off from university, so that I was over twenty to buy everything that my heart desired and Julien himself was happy at that small coincidence we had forgotten on our way there. So we had taken the long ride with all the bottles clinking and I couldn’t get myself to ask anything about Julien and he just stared as I was writing in the notebook, but figured that it was some odd adolescent poetry perhaps. He was nice to look at when he closed his eyes and his legs were against the opposite chairs and I wondered how long he would sleep, as I just continued staring at him while scribbling. He was all dressed in black today and I couldn’t understand what the branding was, but he seemed to come from somewhere with money as he had the latest iPhone and I couldn’t help but wonder why did he leave?

Neither of us spoke much about the past besides Dick sometimes, but he would mostly just moan that it was a nightmare once he came out to his parents which were mostly unforgiving. Maybe because we had all known that something had brought us here and if one would ask, the others would follow and there had been just a sole mutual silence. We didn’t even know what to talk about sometimes, like Peter had decided to bring us all together and said that it mandatory that we all would come out from our little rooms into the kitchen (Peter had lived in the living room, so that had been taken). We were all dragged out to play Monopoly and because we all didn’t talk much to each other, we just remained silent and kept such until our turn was made. 

Julien asked if we would be betting to which Peter replied that he has no interest in losing money to us under any circumstances. Peter just like any landlord was a greedy cunt, whenever he’d offer to drive you somewhere you’d end up with a 200kr bill, at least by the end of it and he’d remind me that nothing in this life is free. That happened to me once and I was more than thankful that I had my wallet on me because I had just wanted to try and feed the ducks nearby and because it was snowing Peter had offered me the ride, which I had presumed was free. 

The silence had been so pregnant that it was Dick who had decided to break it, with bed hair and presumed that his day had gone well since he had been sleeping and I had been the one to wake up the poor trans man as Peter had asked me to wake him up. I wondered if he had slept so long every day and what was the source of his income, I knew that he would do videos and sometimes with his boyfriend, but I was positive that he wasn’t that big to get his wallet filled. 

When I woke him up or rather when he opened the door I saw the Ouija board in the corner, which I knew he wouldn’t mind if I would address it in front of the rest, he was a bit sleepily surprised when I asked about it, but just shrugged, saying that he didn’t mind talking to someone every once in a while and he had a medium friend who gave it to him because the other would get possessed by demons in his household, so it was Dick’s now. 

After the game of Monopoly (because Dick talking about ghosts is far more amusing than 6 grown men just rolling dice and Peter getting so agitated about the game which had lasted up to 2 am in the morning) Dick had called me in, asking if I was curious about his Ouija board still, but instead I had said that I actually wanted to stay away from such things and wasn’t Dick concerned that it would haunt the house? Dick said that the house wasn’t haunted, but there was some entity which he would flirt with. He joked that it was some genderless ghost because they would get angry when asked about the gender and Dick had proceeded to flirt with them whenever he would get bored, a bit too amused and knowledgeable on what to do if things got out of hand by his friend. I wondered who this friend was, but Dick said that they lived in a different city now, also jumping around from city to city in searches of apartments and places to live. It wasn’t just the capital which was a pain to find a location where to live. 

Dick’s boyfriend had showed up again in the night, bringing the ridiculous amount of eggs for his lover, as the eggs would eventually show up on Frank’s porch since he was the egg eater and now that he had lost his job, he was thankful to Dick for the small chip in. He would cook them at the precise 4 o’clock in the morning, resembling the cock he was. 

I took a small bath, far too tired and Dick had been knocking on the door, so I didn’t bother and I was covered in bubbles anyway, he had decided to come in and lean sitting against the wall, musing out loud if he should dye his dark hair blonde for a change and I just shrugged, dunking myself in further into the water, feeling far too tired and feeling every single muscle ache in my body, as I was used to showering but today I didn’t care of the hygiene, all I wanted to was to somehow relax and listen to Dick’s now ghost stories, as I would still hear his loud voice from underwater and soon enough, when the bubbles had gotten thinner even Julien joined in and he sat on the lid of the toilet instead, giving Dick the courtesy of the floor which he was now laying diagonally spread out on. I watched the two men and I had barely known their ages, besides Dick who had declared to be 24 just now. Julien claimed to be younger than that, scratching his eye and I was just a bit over 20. 

In the night all of Nathan’s three cats had decided to raid Julien’s room or at least attempt to and the whole night I had to stand sleeping through the noises of cats scratching here and there, meowing or crying. What is the sound of a cat crying anyway? Was that crying? I never had a cat so I couldn’t differ if they were hungry for Julien’s flesh or if there were actually trying to pray to his ghost since perhaps he was death and no reactions were coming out of his room at the three felines viciously scratching at the damned door. 

Then at four Frank had cooking with his old habits dying hard since now he had nowhere to go and nowhere to work. I could hear the cats shift now to the kitchen, they didn’t sound interested at all in his eggs, but it seemed that now they decided to stay and keep company to the second person who worked out in our home, after Dick of course, I wondered if Nathan’s cats and Frank would ever actually become friends or if they were just solely plotting against poor Julien which had an allergy to everything in the household apparently. 

That morning Nathan had gone and the parcels were left alone for his cats to chew on and I was the one who took the mail, not caring far too much and surprised at the letter addressed to Max. I had no one who would even write or even care for me, at this point university had started and my mother had stopped calling, probably understanding where I had hidden or maybe she just had a bad gut feeling that I was dead and she would be doing my funeral and who doesn’t love flowers on their humble grave? So I had decided to take and actually open the letter which had Max on it and I opened it to reveal vintage porn magazines with an eBay receipt or invoice. I looked at the address again, it was ours but it was for a Maximus Erectus which was surely not my name and I just left the poor envelope open at the kitchen, closing it briefly with duct tape and not bothering to close it other than enough for someone not to see what was in it. I stayed in the kitchen, hoping for the Maximus Erectus of our apartment to show up, but I had gotten hungry for some nachos so I headed out to the Coop nearby instead, pretty much giving up and seeing all of the advent calendars and Santas even if we had just dipped into the beginning of November, that had apparently been enough for the poor Maximus Erectus to get out of his cave and retrieve his treasure of vintage porn and for me to never find out who was it. 

Then there was a scandal that apparently that morning Nathan’s cats had been fed licorice by Frank and that caused a whole frenzy and another fistfight which led a ceramic Eiffel tower statue to collapse and both had to pay double the amount to Peter, who was yelling until it was time for Frank’s breakfast. Licorice had to be healthier for the cats rather than Dick’s addiction to Lindt, which I had seen him hogging in Coop that day. 

Then as I had come back, not only the letter was gone but a second statue was broken by the same Nathan but Julien this time and they were forced to pick up the shards with their fingers, allowing some blood to come again at the carpet, friendly reminder that you can’t complain on your landlord because you’ve got nowhere to go, that’s why we all keep silent on whatever Peter causes us to do and thank the Lord that we’re not paying high fees on a boat hotel which has no kitchen. That’s all I’ve got to say about the apartment situation which the notebook has lived and breathed and been sewn into. The fucking Eiffel tower wasn’t forgotten as Julien was asked to find a similar one on eBay and we all had to pay it out of our pockets, solely because he hates us with no rent discount. It wasn’t too expensive but even five was a bit too much for that shitty tower and we all had to give Julien the fiver and he then bought it on his card. 

-

This chapter is longer because the next chapter is actually the only part of the story which was divided from the rest. I hope you enjoyed it!

Landlords are always friendly at first with games, then all hell lets loose :) (I hope the smilie conveys my dead eyes xD) 

The idea of giving Dick an ouija board and the friend he mentions was actually a small nod to 500 another story, a fanfiction of mine which was set in a specific region of Sweden where me and Callie lived in for a bit which was very very and I mean very haunted, which gives the background to the story and is based on some real events which we've seen there. 

Also stuff like paying landlords money for rides was things I had encountered but I'm not writing those out of spite, there's plenty I write out of spite about xD

I don't have much backstory because all is told and all was brainstormed really xD

I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please tell me so in a comment below or social media:)

<3

Jamie

the animal four

That night I had heard Lazarus watching My Little Pony as usual and singing like all the bad youtube videos which feature it. I had sat next to him once just to watch it and it just gave me a wave of nostalgia, since the creator had been the one who worked with the Powerpuff Girls, which I had discussed with Dick once and he replied that he has a hunch that Buttercup is a trans man and I just nodded, thinking of that conclusion myself. 

We do have fights and usually they’re between the same people that being Nathan and Julien. For some reason every time Julien would open the door and call out for the older man to get his pizza, that would end up with bruised noses and the only person who would stand up to them would be Peter with the sole fact that he wouldn’t want anything bloody on the carpets, but until blood starts gushing no one else really cares. The last fight started out and dragged from the staircase into the corridor, with the pizza lying forgotten and Dick not spitting into it for once. Instead both him and his boyfriend headed out of their room to look at the fight. The boyfriend now graced our apartment every time with a t-shirt which had said “down with cis” which was clearly a really bad joke and meme, but the guy found it somehow something to take to heart and he had worn it to us, while glaring at me. Maybe he had some stashed jealousy because Dick had started talking to me sometimes and he had asked me to check out the back of his head when he was trimming it once. Was that intimate enough?

I didn’t think so, but apparently that had been enough for the said boyfriend to wear a “down with cis” t-shirt print, it was a pink shirt with the letters in black and I was offended that it didn’t come with comic sans, but alas nothing can be true perfection. Nathan and Julien kept beating each other up with Peter screaming that no blood should go on the camel coloured carpets which graced the entire apartment, uniting it with some camel bond, maybe we were all lost camels wondering in the desert of life in this apartment. 

When it came to family, with enough pestering Dick had told me about the rest and told me that he wasn’t in any speaking terms, due to his transition and same for his boyfriend and this was uttered as the other boyfriend was drinking coffee. Dick just scratched his neck, widening his eyes at his boyfriend, probably mentioning that he should be nicer to the other flatmates, since we were all like a fucked up family now and until we would find something else we would be entirely stuck together. His boyfriend didn’t talk to his family either and the shirt just seemed to justify that fact in my head. Peter actually kept in touch with his entire family and now I recalled that I had seen his mom once and they were both smoking in the kitchen together, gossiping about something. 

Julien never spoke of his family so both me and Dick assumed that there was surely some bone to pick there, but we kept it as such, both holding some silence as if assuming that either of us will find out and then tell the other. I didn’t even notice until now properly that me and Dick had managed to talk actually quite a lot and gossip about the rest and I presumed Julien and Nathan would gossip, since sometimes they would pick up their laundry together. I just assumed that Nathan had talked to Julien for the sole fact that he was interested in young men still and that was what drove their friendship, but Julien perhaps was too straight to care or even notice the older man’s endeavors towards him. He would try to talk of his army experience to Julien, but the younger man had none of it and would just excuse himself to eat some jam. Even I would listen to for the fuck.

Frank still kept in touch with his family, even if every single time he would call them you would hear angry screeching on the phone on how they had regretted that he had gotten his ex-wife pregnant, make note that Frank is 21 and already divorced and with a child. 

The days went on and I couldn't force myself to start looking for a job as I had seen Frank rapidly reject interviews and that made me wonder if I even wanted to go through the same process, but I was in the pile where I had no experience and I had no idea what would anyone ask of me and what joy would I even bring to any company’s table. I knew that sooner or later my money would run out, but until it would start tipping the sand watch significantly I had no intentions of doing so. 

Nathan had actually decided to talk to me and that was just once, when some religious folk had decided that it was more than enough of a household to choose, he had called out my name and started screaming how they should talk to another gay in the house, who wasn’t him. They had started talking on how much the country had sinned, that we were damned and that they believed that this was a normal household and were thankful that the older man had chosen me to listen to them, that I would soon be on God’s path even if I was a filthy sinner for being gay. I had to stand there and listen to them, just picturing Julien and Nathan’s bloody fight earlier, as they both had to scrub the blood out with toothbrushes because that was the choice of weapon which Peter had assigned for them, since they weren’t his mate Frank. So I kept listening and listening and they kept talking and talking even if my head was already on the door frame and I couldn’t stand listening any longer. That’s when they left, with giving me a free book on how to save myself on judgement day (hide from the meteors for instance). 

I had no idea what to do with the book other than to give it to Lazarus, who had an extensive book collection of first edition of Dickens for some reason, which he would mainly acquire when he travelled to the UK for no particular to me reason because he hadn’t told me until I was actually writing this and apparently as he was growing up his father had read Dickens to him back when he was small. That was the sole reason and that had built enough love in his chest. I had a teacher who couldn’t stand Dickens and confessed that to me when I was struggling with him, that some people just have authors they cannot stand and apparently we both shared that with Dickens. Lazarus was curious about my small notebook where I scribble all of this and he eased down once I told him that the names were altered, he doesn’t care about the actions, because of all the rest, he had stated, he is the most noble and even said that I can ever quote him on that. After that we proceeded to watch Pewdiepie videos which reminded me of a laughing Julien last night to the same recently uploaded videos I could hear across the corridor. 

I had seen Julien the next day in Gamla Stan buying Le Monde and that’s how I had found out that he knew French and then I had asked him if he was French, because I couldn’t really tell it by his accent. We ended up walking around and the man had said that it should be fun to play hide and seek here, to which I was surprised and my first reaction was fear that I’d be searching for him as if in an endless labyrinth until the dawn and then I would simply not find him or end up finding Lazarus instead in an antique store. By the end of it we had agreed and it had taken me twenty minutes to find the other man sitting on some footsteps next to the church, so that hadn’t been as hard. The problem was that when I was hiding, I had the fear that I should go somewhere and hide properly, but instead I didn’t. I just sat on one of the benches near the big staircase and waited for him to find me eventually. So I just kept writing in the notebook, now I actually bother and try to write down what is happening, because they say once you start a journal, that’s when things start happening and I wouldn’t mind a change. 

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I'm deeply sorry for taking so long to update and I've frankly vanished from earth's surface as I actually came out to one family member. It wasn't taken well. It gets discussed deeply more in the story as I came out and that wasn't recieved very well, if to be deadly honest. I needed time for myself and to be a punching bag apparently. 

It's also been hard fighting with depression, because I've been so drained from everything. 

It was a nightmare to get the story going, so I would get brainstorming with Callie as she would ask me questions and I would just play a Sonic racing game, I actually deeply miss that. I've also been pondering and I'd like to announce that I think I'll dedicate December and so on to the animal, so I hope you've been enjoying it so far. I also want to stay with fiction for a while, so I'll be writing that unless my mood changes. 

Peter is based off every single landlord I've had and is blown up to be a very realistic douche. 

I've been pissed off at the tumblr's reaction to many things so Dick's boyfriend is a sort of embodiment of that. 

I've actually desperately started missing the animal since I finished it along with Nano and I can proudly say that it's my 5th Nanowrimo win. 

The chapter is a tad bit shorter because the next two paragraphs should go together really xD I'm sorry that there's not much backstory, because all of this was written in a very big hurry and yeah.

I really really hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please tell me so in the comments below.

<3

Jamie