Thursday, 3 December 2015

the animal four

That night I had heard Lazarus watching My Little Pony as usual and singing like all the bad youtube videos which feature it. I had sat next to him once just to watch it and it just gave me a wave of nostalgia, since the creator had been the one who worked with the Powerpuff Girls, which I had discussed with Dick once and he replied that he has a hunch that Buttercup is a trans man and I just nodded, thinking of that conclusion myself. 

We do have fights and usually they’re between the same people that being Nathan and Julien. For some reason every time Julien would open the door and call out for the older man to get his pizza, that would end up with bruised noses and the only person who would stand up to them would be Peter with the sole fact that he wouldn’t want anything bloody on the carpets, but until blood starts gushing no one else really cares. The last fight started out and dragged from the staircase into the corridor, with the pizza lying forgotten and Dick not spitting into it for once. Instead both him and his boyfriend headed out of their room to look at the fight. The boyfriend now graced our apartment every time with a t-shirt which had said “down with cis” which was clearly a really bad joke and meme, but the guy found it somehow something to take to heart and he had worn it to us, while glaring at me. Maybe he had some stashed jealousy because Dick had started talking to me sometimes and he had asked me to check out the back of his head when he was trimming it once. Was that intimate enough?

I didn’t think so, but apparently that had been enough for the said boyfriend to wear a “down with cis” t-shirt print, it was a pink shirt with the letters in black and I was offended that it didn’t come with comic sans, but alas nothing can be true perfection. Nathan and Julien kept beating each other up with Peter screaming that no blood should go on the camel coloured carpets which graced the entire apartment, uniting it with some camel bond, maybe we were all lost camels wondering in the desert of life in this apartment. 

When it came to family, with enough pestering Dick had told me about the rest and told me that he wasn’t in any speaking terms, due to his transition and same for his boyfriend and this was uttered as the other boyfriend was drinking coffee. Dick just scratched his neck, widening his eyes at his boyfriend, probably mentioning that he should be nicer to the other flatmates, since we were all like a fucked up family now and until we would find something else we would be entirely stuck together. His boyfriend didn’t talk to his family either and the shirt just seemed to justify that fact in my head. Peter actually kept in touch with his entire family and now I recalled that I had seen his mom once and they were both smoking in the kitchen together, gossiping about something. 

Julien never spoke of his family so both me and Dick assumed that there was surely some bone to pick there, but we kept it as such, both holding some silence as if assuming that either of us will find out and then tell the other. I didn’t even notice until now properly that me and Dick had managed to talk actually quite a lot and gossip about the rest and I presumed Julien and Nathan would gossip, since sometimes they would pick up their laundry together. I just assumed that Nathan had talked to Julien for the sole fact that he was interested in young men still and that was what drove their friendship, but Julien perhaps was too straight to care or even notice the older man’s endeavors towards him. He would try to talk of his army experience to Julien, but the younger man had none of it and would just excuse himself to eat some jam. Even I would listen to for the fuck.

Frank still kept in touch with his family, even if every single time he would call them you would hear angry screeching on the phone on how they had regretted that he had gotten his ex-wife pregnant, make note that Frank is 21 and already divorced and with a child. 

The days went on and I couldn't force myself to start looking for a job as I had seen Frank rapidly reject interviews and that made me wonder if I even wanted to go through the same process, but I was in the pile where I had no experience and I had no idea what would anyone ask of me and what joy would I even bring to any company’s table. I knew that sooner or later my money would run out, but until it would start tipping the sand watch significantly I had no intentions of doing so. 

Nathan had actually decided to talk to me and that was just once, when some religious folk had decided that it was more than enough of a household to choose, he had called out my name and started screaming how they should talk to another gay in the house, who wasn’t him. They had started talking on how much the country had sinned, that we were damned and that they believed that this was a normal household and were thankful that the older man had chosen me to listen to them, that I would soon be on God’s path even if I was a filthy sinner for being gay. I had to stand there and listen to them, just picturing Julien and Nathan’s bloody fight earlier, as they both had to scrub the blood out with toothbrushes because that was the choice of weapon which Peter had assigned for them, since they weren’t his mate Frank. So I kept listening and listening and they kept talking and talking even if my head was already on the door frame and I couldn’t stand listening any longer. That’s when they left, with giving me a free book on how to save myself on judgement day (hide from the meteors for instance). 

I had no idea what to do with the book other than to give it to Lazarus, who had an extensive book collection of first edition of Dickens for some reason, which he would mainly acquire when he travelled to the UK for no particular to me reason because he hadn’t told me until I was actually writing this and apparently as he was growing up his father had read Dickens to him back when he was small. That was the sole reason and that had built enough love in his chest. I had a teacher who couldn’t stand Dickens and confessed that to me when I was struggling with him, that some people just have authors they cannot stand and apparently we both shared that with Dickens. Lazarus was curious about my small notebook where I scribble all of this and he eased down once I told him that the names were altered, he doesn’t care about the actions, because of all the rest, he had stated, he is the most noble and even said that I can ever quote him on that. After that we proceeded to watch Pewdiepie videos which reminded me of a laughing Julien last night to the same recently uploaded videos I could hear across the corridor. 

I had seen Julien the next day in Gamla Stan buying Le Monde and that’s how I had found out that he knew French and then I had asked him if he was French, because I couldn’t really tell it by his accent. We ended up walking around and the man had said that it should be fun to play hide and seek here, to which I was surprised and my first reaction was fear that I’d be searching for him as if in an endless labyrinth until the dawn and then I would simply not find him or end up finding Lazarus instead in an antique store. By the end of it we had agreed and it had taken me twenty minutes to find the other man sitting on some footsteps next to the church, so that hadn’t been as hard. The problem was that when I was hiding, I had the fear that I should go somewhere and hide properly, but instead I didn’t. I just sat on one of the benches near the big staircase and waited for him to find me eventually. So I just kept writing in the notebook, now I actually bother and try to write down what is happening, because they say once you start a journal, that’s when things start happening and I wouldn’t mind a change. 


I'm deeply sorry for taking so long to update and I've frankly vanished from earth's surface as I actually came out to one family member. It wasn't taken well. It gets discussed deeply more in the story as I came out and that wasn't recieved very well, if to be deadly honest. I needed time for myself and to be a punching bag apparently. 

It's also been hard fighting with depression, because I've been so drained from everything. 

It was a nightmare to get the story going, so I would get brainstorming with Callie as she would ask me questions and I would just play a Sonic racing game, I actually deeply miss that. I've also been pondering and I'd like to announce that I think I'll dedicate December and so on to the animal, so I hope you've been enjoying it so far. I also want to stay with fiction for a while, so I'll be writing that unless my mood changes. 

Peter is based off every single landlord I've had and is blown up to be a very realistic douche. 

I've been pissed off at the tumblr's reaction to many things so Dick's boyfriend is a sort of embodiment of that. 

I've actually desperately started missing the animal since I finished it along with Nano and I can proudly say that it's my 5th Nanowrimo win. 

The chapter is a tad bit shorter because the next two paragraphs should go together really xD I'm sorry that there's not much backstory, because all of this was written in a very big hurry and yeah.

I really really hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please tell me so in the comments below.



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