Tuesday, 8 February 2011


I flick my lighter.

You're pregnant!

I flick my lighter.

I keep smoking and nothing, I even do regular checks, feeling that soon enough my drug will be taken away from me. Only then when I was waiting and when I was pregnant, I sat there waiting, wondering what was that inside me, as I had been young and the cigarettes were just a mere thought.

I had my legs under myself, wondering where had the music gone.

I headed out, as I knew what was there building inside me, laughed, as if it were all a blur and lit my last for the other months fag.

Fine, I lied I smoked a lot and ate a lot of junk my doctors shove me, my ex now erased from my memories, if he cannot accept, it's not my fault.

I had been smoking, nursing Zane and as he grew up and yanked the fag from my mouth. I laughed at his coughing, knowing that he like his father would never like it, bitter never sweet and he'd wonder how come and I'd just ruffle his hair.

He had been twelve then, both of us on the sofa as he just stared at the turned off television, as his own imagination was drawing images. I knew what twelve was like, I have been twelve and not that long in nearly the same world which surrounds my son.

I remember I had been changing lighters, a sparkly pink one, as all were out of stock as I had ranted on a pale Zane, everything around him spinning, I put him down, trying to lull him into my plain thoughts, as he looked at me and told me.

My son was a homosexual.

You're not supposed to judge yourself with that at twelve out of all the ages, then he had told me, everything, the two kisses he had shared and the one heterosexual attempt he had and what he felt. He had sat up then, his body shaking as I got a blanket, sat beside him, not knowing what to reply, as I had tried to imagine my son's tongue and body besides a reflection, I imagined the rainbow flag and woman loathing as some associations crept up in my head, as I rubbed his back.

I needed time.

I lit a cigarette, watching my son shiver the future into his veins.


I recently published my novel, 13 is an Utopia which is now available on Amazon

and Create Space

The short story was intended to go on, as I enjoyed Zane's mum, perhaps even more than any parent shown in 13 is an Utopia, because she has Zane's genes and if a parent deserves a backstory, it's definately going to be her.


  1. This was quite a story to initate your new site. The site looks great and I wish you all the best with it and your new book.

    Jeanette Cheezum

  2. Thank you! It is my 'old' site, just new stories, yet the same classic, I'd say, format.


  3. Most intriguing. I would certainly enjoy reading more about her.

  4. Thank you! She is indeed a fascinating character through out the entire novel.

  5. That is an interesting pre-story and now I want to read the novel just to hear more about her. I'm fascinated by her sort of carefree attitude towards smoking around her son and I wonder if she thinks that contributes in some way to his being gay.

  6. Yeah, I quite enjoyed her with every appearence of hers and her connection to the story. I hope you'll enjoy the novel as well! Thanks!