Mother

I flick my lighter.

You're pregnant!

I flick my lighter.

I keep smoking and nothing, I even do regular checks, feeling that soon enough my drug will be taken away from me. Only then when I was waiting and when I was pregnant, I sat there waiting, wondering what was that inside me, as I had been young and the cigarettes were just a mere thought.

I had my legs under myself, wondering where had the music gone.

I headed out, as I knew what was there building inside me, laughed, as if it were all a blur and lit my last for the other months fag.

Fine, I lied I smoked a lot and ate a lot of junk my doctors shove me, my ex now erased from my memories, if he cannot accept, it's not my fault.

I had been smoking, nursing Zane and as he grew up and yanked the fag from my mouth. I laughed at his coughing, knowing that he like his father would never like it, bitter never sweet and he'd wonder how come and I'd just ruffle his hair.

He had been twelve then, both of us on the sofa as he just stared at the turned off television, as his own imagination was drawing images. I knew what twelve was like, I have been twelve and not that long in nearly the same world which surrounds my son.

I remember I had been changing lighters, a sparkly pink one, as all were out of stock as I had ranted on a pale Zane, everything around him spinning, I put him down, trying to lull him into my plain thoughts, as he looked at me and told me.

My son was a homosexual.

You're not supposed to judge yourself with that at twelve out of all the ages, then he had told me, everything, the two kisses he had shared and the one heterosexual attempt he had and what he felt. He had sat up then, his body shaking as I got a blanket, sat beside him, not knowing what to reply, as I had tried to imagine my son's tongue and body besides a reflection, I imagined the rainbow flag and woman loathing as some associations crept up in my head, as I rubbed his back.

I needed time.

I lit a cigarette, watching my son shiver the future into his veins.

-

I recently published my novel, 13 is an Utopia which is now available on Amazon
http://www.amazon.com/13-Utopia-Maria-Charlie-Wallace/dp/1456505149/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1296501844&sr=8-5

and Create Space
https://www.createspace.com/3537906

The short story was intended to go on, as I enjoyed Zane's mum, perhaps even more than any parent shown in 13 is an Utopia, because she has Zane's genes and if a parent deserves a backstory, it's definately going to be her.