Monday, 21 February 2011

Papercut. Chapter 29

But what then happens to me?

Do I fade away?

I try to move my arms as the tingle goes up, as I see hazel eyes in front of me. He leans in, his hair bleaching out, his eyes lightening to a familiar green which I see in my reflections. Then he looks up, both our eyes green, he is a mere reflection, the tension as if it were the reflective substance in front, he doesn't touch me, but I already feel his lips wander upon my neck, the tension rising, as I feel some hands under my shirt, as I breathe heavier and I open my eyes. Did I say that I wanted him inside me aloud?

My other self smirks, as my body is no longer mine. He ruffles his head, his desires, letting them open, splitting them as an envelope, standing exposed, so identical, before letting go. Then with a quick move, he drops something over my eyes, a veil of honesty and innocence and he leans it, mouth slightly open, closes them upon my lips, as I feel the warmth around them, I feel my own mouth open, the vanity of having sex with myself, to discover what lies underneath the covers attracts me, I open my eyes to see a pair of hazel eyes and deep attraction, as I feel myself blush and he feels it. I wonder as I can't imagine myself with another body, we both close our bodies, the tension all over as he opens his mouth and I let my tongue slip inside, I touch his, I want him, as he continues to rub his body against my own,

we're married.


What happens to me?

Get lost. Go to hell. The question echoes in my head as I open my eyes. I feel dazed, tired, exhausted as I want to fall on the ground and beg everybody to leave me to lie down here, like in that video, Radiohead’s “Just” and wait for the end of the world, I want him to pick me up, I shiver.

“Roman, did you like the film?”

I look sideways, tilting my tongue to one side as I see the Lola lookalike stare at me with her big two coloured eyes. Her gaze practically yells out every single thought and intention in her mind, which causes me to shiver lightly, as I see Roman in front of me again and he's there, the mouth practically devouring mine and the intentions open, as if he could jump on me and go on top.


Stop even calling me Roman.

“Hey, you can call me Norman if you want to. It’s like… a nickname, Roman, I mean.” I lie, Rome wants Lola.


Alice wants me or rather Roman, while Melvin is ruffling my head and it's not Roman washing my head in a bath-

Stop it, Norman.



Kayleen is-

I watch her make-out with whoever the guy is. Love slaps in the face, so I just look at her, knowing that I had kissed, a small soothing feeling that it's her is there and I wonder if and where the feeling ends, as if it's a line, as I had seen Roman's fantasy, I wonder if I'll see Kayleen and I imagine or rather I see her, tying me up to a chair, her red hair reaching her lips, as she gets rid of it, with a fling, as I hear a familiar song filled with the tension we lack or rather she gives or the flirting notes I hold, I feel a need to add a feeling towards her, even if she holds nothing, as the passion for Roman is now locked, as I have him beneath me, even if I have never felt it. It feels sexier having him underneath or if he feels like it, I can be the one, I just don't want him to stop kissing me, as I wonder where our bisexuality ends and then I see Kayleen kiss my neck, as if she were Roman, I see her take her shirt off, it feels like a massive orgy, pornography with tension, as I feel my hands sliding down her shoulders, have you ever given a person pleasure, so that the eyes are nearly closed and the rhythm is held within mouths, she licks my lips and I rub my tongue, our mouths not touching, eyes held. She tasted.

Her boyfriend. Soon enough she pulls away from him and I feel that she leans back towards me, sliding her arms over my own, grinning into a small kiss. I feel calm. I press her towards me, she tastes, she tastes like Roman.

“Roman? I mean Norman.”

“Rome? Rome?”

“Jesus Christ, Melvin, we’ll be late.”

“Buuut mum I wanted that big red balloon! I won’t!”

“What? What do you mean next time? I am waiting for you half an hour already.”

“Oh my God, how are you?”

“He cheated on her? That bastard!”

He pulls her back in, she's yanked away from me, as he runs his hands against her shoulders, a motion to soothe. Kayleen hesitates for a minute, but gives in, her lips sold at a weak price and he tastes them, a tongue running over, faceless.

Do we all want Roman, should we kiss in front of him, while touching him?



It’s an exit.

I see her sit there, legs held open, jeans, eyes locked, a wooden chair, eyes held behind, an eyebrow raised as I'll walk up she'll tell me what she knows and Lola will yank me to ask where is Roman and what is going on, then some blur will happen in the white and I'll flip her over.

But I’m sick, let him realize what he is doing beneath.


The attraction between Norman and Roman is building and I love it, I love writing when I don't know and I am a reader myself and I love their attraction and it's stronger when in the first draft it was between Kayleen and Norman, but I know where I am going so yeah.

Did everyone get their copy of The King Of Limbs?

This is behind the scenes,

let's be honest, no Radiohead would make my work different, less intense, personal between the characters and I started listening to Radiohead when I was writing Papercut.

If we are going on track list the whole tension between Roman and Norman was written because of Lotus Flower and if the track would've been longer, they'd make love.

I am honest in my stories, at least I try to be and sometimes I hold back, but then it just goes wrong, my poems are open, I just forget about how open I went and post.

There is nothing which should be held.


(2014) I didn't think I'd do behind the scenes so many years later, but bullshit, they fuck here XD so I have no idea how the fuck did I put this in the homoerotism category and the fact that Norman states their sexuality. So… yeah, congrats to me, Papercut is now officially queer XD

Chapter 30

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