Sunday, 6 February 2011

Papercut. Chapter 27

Feel the main character snog the main heroine, look at the scattered locks, as they melt in each other's mouth, lips biting, then the hair bleaches out, the skin tans and turns into crisp, yell, spill the popcorn, I'm in the seat, the library I came from with broken canvases falling from the sky, the sky resembling eternity, something endless I'll never be able to reach, even if I'll hold my hands together, there'll be a light guiding up, as if I'm supposed to jump above, watching the purple mood swing over my shoulder, take my tongue, pull. Remove the french and gasp.

She's besides me a room away, just a mere wall, under the warm covers, a nightgown covering the pale body and blood red hair.

I turn my head, pressing my cheek deeper into the pillow trying to numb the upcoming tingle numbing my right arm, going upper, a hit to the head, as if somebody turned over a bucket of cold water over me.

I close my eyes.


“Roman? You ok?” She pulls my hand, grinning maniacally, nearly skipping like a school girl as my cheeks give out everything. Her hair is up in a high ponytail revealing her cheekbones and every area of her face which was lightly hidden behind her hair before. Basically, three years isn’t much of a deal. I dated once a girl, well, my ego did. Long ago. He also dated a girl older than hi-

I bite my lip, gripping my grip on Alice’s hand as she takes it as a sign of closure and brushes her arm against mine. I glance at her, not even forcing out a smile as it comes out naturally. I nod, holding myself from further action corrupting my brain at the current moment. I watch her ramble at the endless homework she still has to go through, as she laughs at her teachers, fixes her ponytail and smiles.

“I hated my teachers too. Load of weirdos. But university isn’t much a difference despite the fact that less useless… subjects.” I say trying to keep on with the conversation, realizing that I may have added too much pauses in my speech and taken too much time to think instead of saying the first thing that came to my head. “So big muscular guy killing everybody with the good guys or romantic comedy?”

My fear of blood kills violence.

She seems to hesitate for a moment tapping her index finger against her lip, as she catches me stalking her for that half a minute, eyes caught, pin me, baby.

Go inside me, rip me apart as I'll do it.

“Let it be the second, you ok with that?” I nod, causing her to throw one arm around me pulling me into a half hug, let's change roles, both of our cheeks exposing the closure. Then we both pull back as it was our turn to get the gates. We bought them without saying anything off the topic of cinema to each other, mostly discussing which row.

Back… row? There is no hesitation, there is just tension and the lack of release just depends on who do you want to blame it on.

Like the one behind you, tied my hands, my eyes with the blood I once spilt.

“Ok, yeah, the middle seats over there.” Alice smiles, glancing at me earning an approval in the form of a light nod. “So do you live with your parents?”

Go personal.

Is a relation with yourself a sin, I can feel his hands on my neck, they are rough and there is no interest, as he raises the blindfold revealing one of mine bloodshot eye, his hands upon my lap.

I love myself.

“Um, no. Flat mate. She studies poems and stuff. Literature in other words. Relax, she’s got a boyfriend and isn’t exactly my type.” I say spilling the beans straight away, as they scatter and burn.

“Oh, unfortunately I still live with my parents.” I hear that in a light haze, feeling a weak pain in my head.

Kayleen smiled at me warmly this morning, her eyes pleading for something I didn’t even want to even think. I didn’t imagine that kiss in the cheek she gave me right away as I walked downstairs half dazed. It was real, as I felt her lips brushing against my cheek. Then she did something which was rather in a girl’s nature after a while.

“Won’t you kiss me g’bye?” Those words were like thunder on a nice sunny day. I stared at her, feeling as a cig dropped from my mouth, a shouting voice in my head, dreams of pressing herself against that bookcase, the same books. He stepped over the line. I stared at her then, turning my head, pretending to be interested in the colour of the leafs in the tea bag breaking it in half, feeling my hands shake.

“Why should I? Don’t you have a boyfriend, Kayleen?” Before I could say anything she turned away, biting her lip, muttering curses towards herself. I swore I heard her shut the door with a bang. I didn't picture her outside, I knew she'd sit somewhere on a bench, the leaves cutting the flesh, as she'd, fuck, lay, him above. I hope he didn’t rape her and that I won’t become a freaking father at nineteen. I hope he used protection. Long love.

I drank my tea, having the image of her hugging myself as she swam on, trying to open the second eye, grabbing his chin and biting it, as his hands would be locked behind.

He fucks up my life.

I fuck up his life.

And being on top is fucking sexy.

Chapter 28

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