Thursday, 13 March 2014

Saints Preserve Us

My hands tremble as I keep watching the news, a cigarette dangling from my lips as I keep watching the media and from while to while I flick through the news channels in some odd hope that everything will go away, even if the mechanism has started and all is beyond my control. Kate tells me to soothe myself down and I glance down at the Rubik’s cube in my hands and I can’t seem to shake sleep off, so I keep twirling it around far too sleepily yet I still hear Alex’s footsteps as they are much heavier than Kate’s and Kate would be loud and would have already started a conversation with me. I turn around, inhaling and I watch my son, I blink a few times trying to stay away, regretting spending too much time at the range and the fact that doing it without a caddy in the rain seemed to soothe me somehow to get my thoughts out, to get everything out of my system, dragged me in just to drain me now. I nod at Alex and he gets next to the television right when they show a catapult.

“Hey, dad.” I exhale, holding the cigarette tight between my lips, still turning the cube around. I don’t know how come I’ve managed to solve them before. I sigh and I look up, nodding again, my brain is too turned off and I’m waiting for the interview to pop on the channel. Alex struggles. I move lightly and nod at him to sit next to me, but he doesn’t.


“You know how I told you I didn’t want to go with Arielle to the prom?” He is quite pale and his hair is messy, hands fidget and he’s in socks, still in school clothes and I just shrug and nod, so what if he doesn’t want to take Arielle. I’m sure he expects a reply and I shrug again 

“Yeah, no bother you can take Alexa or-”

“I don’t want to. I want to take...” And he stops. I try to flick a few girl names in my mind as I actually take the Rubik’s cube down and I take the cigarette in my hand, watching that half of it is gone already and I had chain smoked two already, the smoke sticking to my tongue far too much. I motion him to keep going as I rub my eyes. It’s just nine p.m. Kate’s too busy watching something on E! and I don’t want to bother, so I had taken this television and I don’t feel like having her snore next to me as I nearly bite my nails. 

“You can take whoever you want, Alex, we’ve talked about it.” Instead he doesn’t interrupt me and he keeps standing, far too much fear flashing in his eyes and I just continue smoking, wondering what is troubling him and the interview is about to start as I see flag waving on the screen. Alex is fully shivering and I don’t dare myself to approach him, my sleep still tugging on me to fall down and curl up to the side, not even approaching Kate. 

“I...” I feel like he’s about to break and I just stretch out the cigarette box, Alex takes one, not even realizing that I’ve never even known that he smokes. That gives me a small smile, but that doesn’t give me one in reply. “I want to take Miles.”

I stop with the lighter burning in my hands and I blink. I inhale and I start coughing. I violently shake my head and Alex starts trembling even deeper and I just stand up and take his arm, I’m too surrounded by own coughing so I motion him for a moment and he’s nearly as tall as I am. 

“Christ, do you have to take him to the prom?” I keep coughing. “Do you have to...”

I struggle to find the words. 

“Christ, Alex, can’t you two just lock yourselves upstairs or something?” Alex freezes, tears stuck in his eyes and an odd smile passes on his lips as if he has seen a miracle. 


“I know Miles. He’s that fellow who came last week no? So invite him over, whatever. Just keep it low for fuck’s sake no fucking prom.” I hold from rolling my eyes as Alex just stands there. I’ve been there, Josh was crying last week over his daughter and had asked me what would I do with Alex and I asked him why is he asking me and that made me wonder. I had actually stayed up all night, wondering and the only person I could pinpoint with him was Miles who had even given me a flyer one night saying that I should stop destroying people’s lives and I just walked off to have Alex apologize, explaining that if Gillis would win the upcoming election I would be the Secretary of State and being in the Republican party I was of course conservative.

Which needs an explanation. 

“Shouldn’t I need to be against abortion?” Me and Josh had both flicked lighters at the same time. 

“Naw. Why? Sign that you’re against it and use a condom properly. Get money, get a nice house.”

“My house is nice?” I hesitated.

“Not as nice as it could be.” Josh had smirked. 

I look again at Alex who is still smoking, bittersweet from the scenario which his life has given him in the form of his father and I just shrug, smiling lightly. I blow a smoke ring and Alex tries to do one and coughs, which causes me to laugh and I just rub his shoulder, turning off the television, I know what’s going on in Ukraine anyway. I face him and mocking Kate take her voice and ask him about Miles. 

“Y-you’re not pissed. It’s against the bible-”

“Fuck the bible. Kate drags us to church coz she thinks she can dress up better than Karen for it.” I smirk. I recall how Karen got some hand made dress from India and Kate kept nagging how we should go and that I should loosen up for a bit. In the end I had to take a week off just for Kate to say that elephants in India looked ugly up close. And once she got three dresses Karen had said that she looked like a democrat in them, causing Kate to start quoting the bible which I had to learn for some speech as me and Alex watched her and in the end Alex started playing flappy bird in full volume in church with the sound on as someone decided to recall that condoms weren’t a bad thing and then everyone realized that not all of us had a dozen children, realizing that condom users or great pull outs were done among us. 

“I thought mom believed in God.” Alex just blinks, still a bit shaken and the only thing which I don’t offer is alcohol and drugs are out of the question as I’ve seen him pass a blunt with Matt and Kate had told me to fuck off, because she was also planning to do it later and I was the only sober one for the golf dinner as everyone else including the guests decided that it was a great idea to mix a cocktail party with sunglasses. 

“It’s not God who buys her a new wardrobe every Christmas. It’s Jesus.” I smirk at my own joke. Alex just smiles lightly. I bite the insides of my cheek, playing with the Rubik’s cube again, making sure I get the corners done first. 

“Look, Lana told Josh, Josh told me because Lana came out and he decided that she’s into witchcraft and I had to tell him that it’s not that.” Alex gets pale. I should really pick my words, but instead I focus on the cube. I glance at him, but I’m sure he can interpret my sleepy gaze as something else. “Look, just keep low profile and you’re fine. You’ve got a lock.”

I pause.

“Did you tell mom?”

“Mom said to talk to you.” Typical Kate. I tug on the Rubik’s cube. 

“Still what did she say?” I ask, wondering what did Kate say in the middle of Kim Kardashian giving birth or something on television and Alex just shrugs. 

“Nothing really. She said it’s ok and that as long as I tell you it’s ok and Miles is a darling.” Alex shrugged. I just agreed and I try to get the middle right as Alex watches me and doesn’t hold and takes the puzzle thing away from me and solves it causing me to sulk and he just pouts instead. I’m sure he wants more from me, but after I’ve heard from Josh that Lana muttered an Al, that it could’ve been mine, of course it crossed my head and I wondered, I’ve talked to Kate of it as she had been applying fake eyelashes and asking me if she needed a boob job in the middle of the conversation. I wondered about it for a while. The bible doesn’t say a lot, I mean, I think so. I’ve learned chunks and written notes to remember and wondered when the fuck can I go to the bathroom instead and pretend that I have diarrhea to avoid the whole thing. We’re all split in two, we’ve got those who actually believe that abortion is murder, we’ve got the ones who frankly don’t care and are closeted gay men but because they sponsor us, everyone keeps quiet and we’ve got those like me and Josh who were chucked in because of his dad. 

It puzzled me for a while. It wasn’t wrong, but it still nagged at the back of my head. I would never do anything that flyer which Miles had given me told that other parents do. I don’t think I’d even be mad. I’d really just shrug, it’s not for me to decide or dictate. All I can do is ask him to keep low profile and frankly fuck just not loud enough for me to blame the wrong countries while I watch television downstairs and that’s all I ask for. 

Miles had always been vocal about my job though, leaving booklets and asking me to sign petitions even when he and Alex wouldn’t have been so close. He seemed like a nice lad, but they didn’t seem to fit in my head too well, I guess because I haven’t really seen them together. Inviting Miles to dinner would involve Kate showing me her entire wardrobe and choosing the perfect tie for me when I would just wear a t-shirt, not bothering, when even Lila’s friends come over Kate thinks that it’s sexy when I wear a tie. Soon enough she’ll ask me to put on a tie when I sleep so that I wake up not importantly with a morning boner, but with a morning tie. 

“Just keep it low, please. That’s all. You got the room. Kick me, Kate and Lila out for the day if you wish, but please...” I blink trying to stay awake. “Don’t make it public. Josh is already getting warnings. And tell Lana to shut the fuck up as well. No one wants to know that we’re somewhere liberal. Soon enough they’ll think we are secret spies for President Martin.”

Alex smirks. 

“You think John will win the next election?” Alex asks and I shrug, hoping though. 

“He should. I mean, I’m tired of saving the whales and thinking that pandas will sink or whatever bullshit he’s into.” 

“Supposedly Martin has a trans child. I mean, that he has a daughter.” Alex tells me and starts shuffling the Rubik’s cube again. I sit up, gaining interest. 

“Really? How do you know?” I ask.

“Miles said that this girl who looks awful like Martin’s child had been asking for help from a LGBT organization where he volunteers in, but she is declining saying who her parents are and Miles just has a hunch, but it’s odd because Martin is pretty much democrat, so doesn’t make sense.” Alex sighs. “I mean, it would make sense if-”

“He was republican. I know.” We both tense up. I look down. “Just because-”

“You still vote against gay marriage a-”

“I do. I never denied that, but I’m not kicking you out of my house, am I?” I snap it lightly, which causes Alex to be alarmed. I try to soften up, but he has a point and I’ve given too many speeches and it still puzzles Alex more than a Rubik’s cube why have I not done anything, why haven’t I converted him into therapy? “Kate uses protection, we don’t believe in God, so why should I believe that homosexuals are wrong? Alex, don’t be daft.”

He is still tense.

“Martin had that scandal and look what’s happening in Kansas. And let’s not forget that he’s doing nothing about anything besides the fucking whales anyway.” Alex nods. I don’t think anyone believes in Chris these days. Not even his vice. I’ll be surprised if he manages to the next election without getting kicked out of the White House. 

“I know. Just...” 

“Officially, I hate gays. Yeah. As a politician, yeah.” I nod. “But I do want to meet Miles.”

Alex smiles.

“If you promise me he won’t give me another petition to sign unless he allows me to sign it as Frank Sinatra Jr or something.” I smirk. 

We depart and I fall asleep with Kate still watching, we didn’t discuss Alex, instead I just curled up, not facing Kate and falling asleep to the thought of me playing golf, something I had been doing for the past years, something relaxing and it’s always the range which always holds my earliest memories. 

I still drag Alex next day as usual to the meeting and Kate comes along just because she can get to see Karen and we all have to smile at her and Julian as in our wives’ heads it seems to actually matter what everyone is wearing, they depart in silence as their skirts seemed to be the same only in different colours. 

I keep nodding at Liam, who no one seems to bother to actually argue on his theory that we should cut off everyone’s genitals because Jesus came to him last night after his bachelor party (which Josh had told me happened in a strip bar earlier) to prevent everyone from having sex, as God will give us babies without sex. I glance at Alex, who I dragged along who seems to be playing something else than Flappy Bird and I quickly glance at the screen to click the home button before anyone notices that he’s on Grindr. 

As soon as Liam finishes I drag Alex outside for both of us to smoke and before I lecture him to not fucking have Grindr here he takes his iPhone out which I am thankful does not have a LGBT friendly case instead an exterminate the fucking whales, which Kate said all family should wear as we are a proud republican family. 

“For fuck’s sake after Julian showed up on a conference and said that Grindr was a fucking coffee shop app-” I start nagging as soon as we’re out because Casablancas had managed to flash his iPhone with Grindr on it and the jokes about all republicans being gay surfaced again, causing all the actual conservatives to mumble how the fuck could Julian ever think it was a coffee shop app unless he’s blind. Alex still keeps scrolling through Grindr and I remind myself to sumbtly hint that people should at least turn off Grindr when here since they are openly gay in apps. It’s not something I wouldn’t expect after hearing Liam’s theory on sex and life. 

“Dad, why is John Gillis here?” Alex cuts me off as I keep looking with my sight vision and I blink a few times to make sure it’s real. 

What the fuck.

“What.” I say and I yank the iPhone from his hands and I look at the future president’s photo as he seems to be in a wig and showing his torso rather suggestively. 


Please bear in mind the whole story has a satire feel to it for both political parties and etc. 

There was a recent odd thing I saw about Santorum saying that the Grindr app on his iPhone was due to the fact that he thought it was a coffee shop app of sorts and then Callie said imagine if you turn on Grindr at a Republican convention or something. To which I said yeah and two of them hookup. I started thinking of a story with Hince in it and Callie just blurred out what if it's Jack and Jamie there. And thus we started talking about it and I dropped writing To Miles for the day xD but I promise I will pick it up tomorrow :O 

I'm back to being a Hince fangirl so yeah :O and I've pretty much been into Fiji again and discovering Scarfo so it's like a fetus Jamie party haha xD and the title was taken from Fiji's song.

I kept thinking and the idea that Jamie would have a gay son who he accepts became Alex with his boyfriend Miles. I'm trying not to spoil anything xD I decided to make Jamie be in the golf business as well as I enjoy golf and I miss playing it so yeah xD 

I'm also using a lot of musicians for the first time, I don't know why but I pictured Josh Homme as someone who had dragged Jamie into politics. 

I'll also say that Jamie will pretty much be noble through out the story, so it's not a one time thing here, just saying :)

I hope you enjoyed it and I'm really nervous about it and please request it you did :) there's more ahead and yeah :3


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