“You make me go insane and that’s why I think I’ve been holding all these years.” I had whispered in Al’s ear as he had turned around, a bit flushed but he had to just breathe a bit deeper to get his thoughts away then and that had still given me a boost.
Later on we had went out together to eat and looking back then at the evening, I still wondered how much we had looked as a couple and in my head I had wished we were together when things with Arielle weren’t something Al had wanted and I had kept observing him sometimes looking out of the menu and he’d wait until my eyes would meet his and he’d go back down, as if to assure himself that I still loved him.
"Have you ever thought that maybe he’s doing for the whole interest of are they fucking or not? Once you knew about The White Stripes it still had the whole why are they still together, so that’s an exception. They will gave interest." Hince would blow on his cigarette as it would continue lazily burning. "While if me and Alison got together, yeah, great lets see them fuck on stage. But then what? Yeah you see us fuck and that’s it, the singles get annoyed and pray that well break up because they can’t get the guts to fucking date. That’s it. You lose."
I palen and I keep watching Alex with Alison laughing about something and drinking each other’s shots, still three shots in a row in front of them.
"With you and Al, it’s even better, you’ve got the whole tongue in cheek interest, the whole sin thing going on. You just can’t say you don’t love each other, you love the sex behind the scenes but you don’t want gay men in your iPod, do you?"
I don’t hit him. I don’t even change topic, I let Hince’s smug face fade away as his interest in me is now a loss which even he sees.
“Even those who say gay is ok, the won’t go supporting you and they’ll fucking support any cunt who happens to be do something they are used to on television, the gay jokes will continue because the homophobes are in power and those who will accept you will be backstabbing your carreer by giving the homophobes the power to turn you into powder. That’s why you don’t come out, Kane.” I just freeze and he watched me amused and through his own fog of alcohol and earlier taken drugs I’m guessing and easy smile, as the drugs start wearing off. I watch him.
The loss of Paris seemed like a heavy load, something like a blade cutting the fabric and even if there had been no blood, I still cringed at Alex’s lack of time and how I would just can myself inside and when I started touring and giving myself a schedule I felt as if now he had all the reason to ignore me under my own flesh. He’d still visit me but we’d be scared to touch as I had known who had given him his shirt, who had planted a kiss of trust on his lips just for me to peel it off.
I'm sorry that it has taken so long to write it but it is over 3k isn't it? XD Anyway, don't worry I'll be writing more often now with weight off my back, so yeah. Don't worry I'm not planning to break up anyway who wasn't supposed to break up XD
The longing through out the chapter is pretty much quite intense, so yeah. The line about the break up came to my head randomly I believe a few weeks ago and I had written it down wondering who from the story could've said it and it even seemed ironic for me to choose Arielle, because I frankly dislike her, so yeah. Break ups are always messy if they're with someone who you're not meant to be with or frankly someone vain like Arielle in this story. I don't know why people hurt people and you're the culprit. I don't know.
I started tackling Miles' depression in this story just like in a lot of my stories mental health is a theme which goes through out only Miles is also suicidal which brings it up in the story again with the whole metaphor of water since that seems to be his choice of method, I'd say.
I dunno when it comes to depression it's really from day to day and on bad days from hour to hour.
Water in the night seems beautiful and odd. I guess through out the stories it's seen what fascinates me in an odd way, that's why I enjoy any rides from busses to trains which inspire me to no end.
Homophobia is always a key element because frankly I won't shut up until we are all accepted and people stop excusing homophobes, you're not helping if you're supporting the ones against it. It's that simple. It's human. It's a human right. We are all people. We all deserve the best and same.
In general my stories are all to increase visibility through characters which I love and I hope will make a change in this stupid world where people think that heteronormativity is ok. I guess I like my stories deep and with meaning.
Apparently I have an obsession with Hince ruining everything XD and yeah, I love him to bits anyway xD
Pretty much the message is simple, stop supporting homophobic things, if you are, well, fuck you. That's it. I'm just tired of fighting over it. And if I'm not enough or my stories or people who get killed aren't enough, well, then, that's something I am not interested in and frankly it won't matter because the time will come when all will be alright and we won't have to fear getting killed, at least not as much as now.
Please feel free to request and tell me if you enjoyed it and thank you :)