Wednesday, 18 February 2015

No. 1 Party Anthem 4

Waking up is claustrophobic when you know the streets, the sheets and perhaps not the person right besides you as the memory replays sex in loops and loops and specifically when his cock is in you mouth. He moans awfully loudly, thrusting, as I keep my throat relaxed, starting to stroke myself. I wonder if I should let him off easily, but I don’t, letting his slide hard and painful out of my mouth. I ache for him inside me. I stand up and press our cocks together, both of us wincing. He’s not tested. Fuck fuck. I recall the guy who was in a gang-bang with his ass full of cum from twenty different men. Fuck. Fuck this. I kiss him harder, as I get his hand and he strokes me.

“Please fuck me, pizza boy.” I smirk, as Alex doesn’t hold and sticks two fingers insides me harshly, I wince, turned on, moaning against his neck, as he sticks them in and out. 

“Fuck you, feels so good.”

“It’s going to feel better, Miles.” I have to take his hand out, just to drag ourselves to the bedroom. I go on fours and still decide to use a fucking condom until the wanker gets tested, as I throw one at him, lube as well. I hope pullouts isn’t the only thing he’s done in his life. Desire consumes all thinking and fear, allowing only actions to take over the mind in a sexual manner, as all leads to an accurate separate conclusion. I am still partially surprised that he manages to put it on. I feel entirely intoxicated as I feel his lips against the back of my neck and I feel as if anxiety comes and goes, as I know who he is and what we are doing and it feels as if I am getting thrown my fantasy right in the face, all of the implications of it, of how it is to actually be fucking a straight guy who makes sure to state explictly that he’s straight without any pondering on his sexuality and keep it all under wraps.

“Put your hand around my neck.” I beg him as he inserts a finger against inside me, as I let out a heavy breath, allowing him to tease me further, as he licks my neck, slowly positioning himself, but still continues to finger me anyway. He stops as the request. And lack of knowledge is one of them. I sigh, heavily turned on. “Jesus, you’ve never had that?”

I look back at him, but he does as I ask and it’s a bit too harsh, before he loosens, trying to understand the mechanisms, as I get more turned on by feeling at his disposition, my mind ticking in insane ways. He spreads me and slides in, lubed up, holding me harsher by the neck, as I hold my breath. 

“You see, I’ve never fucked a guy before.” He lies, pushing me harsher to him, bending over me entirely and slamming in me as deep as Alex can, as pleasure keeps rocking back and forth through my body, as he starts going in and out of me, holding my breath and biting either my neck or my shoulder, digging himself deeper and out, every fucking time that it becomes a slow, pleasurable, building up tension which I start praying would never end as he slowly gets the speed and by his breath I start feeling that he’s not going to last long and I gasp louder, as his grip increases on me and he looses it.

Alex keeps thrusting inside me in and out, as he starts coming and I get too turned on and over the edge, as I gasp, shouting out as pleasure takes over me and we do the last thrusts on the wave of pleasure, as it strangles us and then lets loose, as I just fall on the bed, wincing at the sudden choice of move as Alex gets out of me, I wince again, realizing how harsh we had done it and my neck a bit sore, as I roll on my back, Alex laying red faced and catching his breath besides me, wiping sweat off his forehead and he pulls the condom off, tying it, opening his eyes, a bit embarassed to look at me.

I feel a bit odd as well, just like you feel when you’re watching a porno and it’s over. Our silence seems to mutilate us and neither we are touching and I feel my back ache lightly. And I wonder for some reason of the condom/cinderella shoe analogy in Fight Club for some unholy reason, but I keep it to myself, as I look down, to see how frankly the fluid is still there, reminding that I’ll need to shower it off. I sigh out loud as Alex pokes the condom and then muses for a bit where to even put it. 

“Just put it on the floor, I guess or bedsheets, don’t bother.” I say and I hope it doesn’t sound as harsh as I had thought and he just drops it on the floor and I get my anxiety back with realization that if you’re just fucking, it’s just fucking and there’s nothing afterwards. 

I don’t even know with which words should I even speak, because I feel as if I have none, because it’s odd to see him just stand up and leave again, if he will, because he gets the easiest stick of them all, he wouldn’t have to get kicked out of home just like Jamie did or I wouldn’t have to drop education because the bills wouldn’t be able to be paid. He just goes on with his life, playing someone else at some point but never really truly feeling at what it is to be a gay man, really, because he isn’t one and because it will be easier and he will never have to struggle, besides juggling a secret which will easily be rubbed off unlike all of us left, wondering where does our life even begin, as we are getting mugshots to remind ourselves that there is everything wrong with us and the light blinds us, because it wants to. Or those who ran away and were never found even by themselves, so it becomes a question of fairness and why does it happen and should I even be pissed off?

It becomes more of a question is it pity of the self or is it actual trying to show some self-care and it becomes that many stories are forgotten, that many incidents are just shoved away because no one seems to be interested in something which cis women see as abomination or cis het men see as something wrong, flawed, the problem is that it starts stripping off not only the sexuality, but gender just because there is no desire to participate in a love we would never care about or some masturbation we could be doing along and as the years went by, the hate sometimes flutters down, but it’s still hard with recalling a bunch of words said or listening to Stefan even shrug it off about his parents, it becomes the taboo topic, which Alex would avoid

It becomes a passerby with immunity.

It becomes the person who sees it all and only gets inner turmoil, perhaps when we don’t.

I want to kick him out at first, as he keeps his silence to himself, but I just feel frustrated and I wonder how do you even speak of it, if you’re the one getting turned on by a fucked up fetish only to wake up next morning and realize how fucked up over you’ve become, that all the shows you watched wanted you dead and Alex had uttered jokes which could’ve possibly trailed onto some slur me or Jamie might’ve heard on the street or could be a replica of words we’ve both heard or Brian had to yell back against at his father. 

So is it even sleeping with the enemy and for what purpose? Is it great reckless sex?

But it always narrows down to the if you have chemistry with the person, but you can always be angry, anger is always justified, as I recall Jamie stating that he’s angry on more than different occasions, specifically when he has mania and it’s awful when he comes to mine’s, just that he’s not alone, whenever he’s off with Brian or Brian once had to visit his parents, a ticket bought and Jamie had no intentions of seeing them and it was agreed that I would take care of him, Brian telling me all the dos and don’ts and I remember thinking that Jamie was lucky to have someone who cared of him so much and Brian had been back the next day, banging on the door and Jamie in his arms.

I try to push thinking far back, as I look at Alex, musing on some future and where would I even stand, I’ve even grown to liking being more alone than ever, feeling uncomfortable and feeling that Jamie and Brian storming in on me whenever and every week or so was enough and now I knew that I wouldn’t kick Jamie anywhere because when he had just started off with Brian, that’s when I had told my parents, there was this trend that everyone had to come out, there was this motion, which both me and Jamie had done.

And it was one of those mistakes where everyone who was out and miserable, everyone who had already been kicked out and settled for ages, decided to speak out and tell you that it’s ok even if their children hadn’t talked to them in years, that their partners were gone, that their friends had vanished but they were happy now, that now was the time and it even felt like a task to say. 

Even if I had seen Jamie, who had come out a few years before, he had been drunk and said that it was my choice, but seemed that mine would slip, we were going somewhere, that all could be done, that all could be done, that I could come out.

No one really talks about people from middle class which get kicked out, people forget that many youths didn’t even know the value of money until they were kicked out, forcing to crash at other’s and I remember shaking at Jamie’s house, who they had assumed was my boyfriend and told me that he was a bad influence a week before, because then everyone would think that I was gay.

I was gay.

And speaking things which escalated into more silence and then shouting how I would never give grandchildren, how everything I did was wrong, how I was showing that civilization was falling, that being gay became some trend and how come I had wanted to become a woman then, how come everything was wrong with me.

And you’re shoved outside. 

And I couldn’t even go back to university the next day and as summer passed, looking for jobs it dawned on me that I wouldn’t be able to do anything, Jamie helping me with everything he could, triggered by my own parents and I recall both of us sitting in his small tub, an apartment similiar to the one he had been renting, a bit before he had met Brian and we had looked at each other, entirely drunk and forgotten, feeling as if there was nothing left at my feet.

“I won’t continue university.” I felt as if all the future I had was taken away from me, even the lie that I could simply continue English Literature was taken away from me, I wouldn’t be able to do anything myself, I wouldn’t be able to starve myself either just for the idea and desire that people would care enough to care about some gay guy’s illusions and sexual fantasies on paper. 

“Your call, Miles.” Jamie had decided to continue, but I figured there was no point and I started sobbing. 

The water didn’t seem relaxing anymore to either of us it seemed and I wondered what the fuck was even going on with us, I couldn’t make out of anything and I just remembered how much I wanted him just to silence me and he looked at me and I realized that if we were to do something, it would’ve been wrong at the time we would’ve and I just dunked myself further underwater, that Jamie tapped my shoulder as a reminder for me to breathe and for the months we lived together I wondered what the fuck keeps people who get along together until he was drunk one day and told me that sometimes he’s awfully daft, that he’s awfully daft and sometimes doesn’t see when people like him and it takes him ages to want someone and it has rarely happened to him, most of his attempts which like mine were with women we hadn’t wanted. Mine mostly, Jamie would just wiggle himself out of them. 

“I guess I’m just demisexual. I really don’t think I’m a gray asexual. I just can’t seem to get connections going far too easily.” He had told me and I had watched him, the mornings were he would look like a total mess, unshaved for a few days and his hair curly, something I hadn’t realized until I had moved in with him, as I sat at his for the first few days I would watch him shave, realize how fast his facial hair grew, how he would blow dry his hair and sometimes apply make up, a bit embarassed as I’d watch and then he would just sit next to me besides me in the bathtub and I wondered if I should just let it slip.

And I did.

He soon enough met Brian, who started showing up at our doorstep all the time and was smitten with Jamie, as he felt a bit uncomfortable with me at first and even asked me once when we headed outside for alcohol, if I loved Jamie and I just shook my head, feeling my cheeks heat up lightly as the shorter man watched me, narrowing his eyes, it’s odd to think of a time when me and Brian didn’t get along too well and now we don’t again, I don’t think we will. We never do when he and Jamie are off. 

“He’s just fucking daft, mate, I’m telling you. Just... give him time.” I said as before he stayed outside smoking, tapping his platforms on the pavement, watching everyone walk by as I felt a bit uncomfortable in store and I wondered what had Jamie’s own thoughts been then, as I never decided to ask him then, I just figured he would ask me when the time would come. As we walked back to the apartment, I sighed, saying that Jamie was demi and all and could take a while.

Brian still confessed the two weeks after that and I would sneak out of the apartment, Jamie just shrugging as Brian would ask Jamie to play guitar for him and what they would do or talk about would be left in their minds only as I would just roam around town, feeling a bit freer, maybe because Jamie had started to find someone who he had liked.

I wondered if I had loved Jamie just because he had taken me in and we were the only ones who didn’t venture away from each other or was it because I really did love him and what is the wrong love anyway.

And Brian had stayed one night, when I was falling asleep and I had dreamt of Jamie properly, waiting for Brian to leave for his own lessons, as Jamie had gotten back from walking Brian off to his classes and he had been wearing a lazy hoodie, his hair a mess, a stubble and it was a different way of seeing him and he had been grinning, apologizing and I just felt something either tear or build up inside me. 

And we’re all daft, because we’re scared of ruining nothing.

Because we’re scared of losing the people we’ve held on long enough. 

Because we’re so used to never touching them. 

We kept looking at each other, as if we had both known, as if we would have shared a kiss, but we never did. 

“I just want you to know... that you mean a lot to me.” He had said out, quietly and softly. Jamie looked down, zipping up his hoodie. He looked up, trying to find more words, but sometimes you don’t have to confess to be obvious. 


“So you and Jamie are platonic or what?” Brian had asked me once, when he was staying over and I had been moping and it had started to get a bit weird, that I hadn’t had a boyfriend and Brian and him had just gotten back together. 

“I don’t know, honestly.” I answered honestly and fast before I could be taken away with his question. 

“I really don’t want to venture on you two admirers, but whatever you guys... Fuck this, maybe friendship does exist. But you do want to fuck his brains out.” Brian said pointing his coffee mug at me. 

“Aren’t a bit uncomfortable with it, Brian?” I asked back, fast as he just shrugged, making coffee as Jamie had gotten some ridiculous small job of carrying someone’s items from one house to the other and all week we had joked calling it the break up move, because both parties were far too tense and it seemed a bit too much like a TV show move, without flying knickers, though. 

“You guys aren’t doing anything, I’m not aware of, so...” He shrugged. “And I know Jamie’s side, which you don’t.”

I felt a bit flushed, bit toned down, letting the feelings slide with months now. He smiled at me. 

“It’s odd, that we’re friends with the current situation.” I smirked. 

“Well, you are my boyfriend’s best friend, well, I’m addressing how you guys go ‘officially’.” He sat beside me. “Because frankly we all want to fuck our friends, well, unless we’re ace or demi. Jamie’s an ass. I had to fucking spell out that I wanted him up my ass like three times.”

“He told me.” I rolled my eyes and Brian laughed with me. 

I would be lying if I missed Brian already and when they were both on. I didn’t ask for Jamie’s side of the story, though, as I presumed that Brian kept our stories separate that’s what never made sense, why they would go off and Brian wouldn’t talk to me much. Sometimes when they would be off, he would knock on my door and enter my apartment, years on and I remember he would always be in something far brighter as if to hide his depressed side and he would reapply his make-up as he would speak. I would never understand why he would even hurt Jamie. And it seemed that he didn’t have an answer.

“You know... when you love so much... you want them gone, because you think that’s what is going to happen anyway. That’s always the reason. No matter what.” He had confessed and hiccuped that I should never tell Jamie that and I mused on it for a few days, wondering if we were all just nervous of hurting ourselves in the end instead of the significant other, because we’re scared of our own break up rather than the other’s pain. Or maybe none of our loves were justified. But the more I watched Brian the more it seemed to lack logic yet have sense. Sense that he was breaking Jamie down and that he was fucked in the head and me and Jamie had forgotten what we had been, even if we would take baths, because feelings flee and lovers venture back.

And people leave our lives and it becomes like unfinished novels, as I look back at Alex.

The last time they had broken up on Valentine’s and it was ridiculously snowing and Jamie broke down crying on the street, already on the way home, when we had discussed it in a loud gay bar with bad cocktails and he couldn’t stop crying. And I had hugged him.

Feelings don’t flee.

I sit up to raid for cigarettes as I give Alex the opened box, as if I have cigarettes stashed everywhere. Alex takes one a bit confused.

“I love you.” I had told Jamie and it seemed to convey everything I’ve felt.


I'm actually sorry that this chapter is 400 words shorter than the usual but it's like 3.4 k and I wrote frankly all of it besides maybe the first few paragraphs in two sittings: yesterday and today. I'm having a manic episode so I'm a bit off and I binged the remaining 2.3 k in one sitting xD that's a lot frankly xD I just wanted to discuss many things and because it's mania, my mind focuses on one thing and I can't stop until well... I stop and writing is a good way to get rid of when it's at it's peak. It's quite bad mentally but I guess I am a bit better. 

I really wanted this out and I've been in love with this story.

It's a bit weird that I leave to pick up stories at a sex scene coz I kind of have to be in the right mindset so in those cases it's pretty much, dive in, get into the scene and start writing it until you're done xD and I always get very technical and it's very visual for me so sex scenes are always the ones I type slower and think what they would be doing. I also kept thinking that I think my sex scenes are maybe a bit too vanilla at time until I looked back and realized that not really, but I've been inserting a bunch of different stuff and I have the new BDSM milex story called So you can sink. So you can check that one. Also I've been just like anyone who is trans masculine ticked off at tumblr. So I've kind of been more keen to talk about gay men, because I'm tired that people think that it's easy. Ok, I'm jumping ahead.

I'm rather consious and paranoid regarding condoms and STIs and whatnot, so I kind of keep that because well, you should be very aware and whatnot. 

I dunno, I've been tired of bad sex scenes that's why I always try to make mine long and unique I guess, I dunno, maybe I'm too sexual. xD

I've had a lot of breath play in stories now that I look back, so nothing new and I think gay men rank #1 on breath play, so figures. Big death rates though, play safe. I think what always amused me I wasn't the last to lose my virginity and I always would get sad because when I was growing up, I was socialized well not as my gender obviously and I would get sad how many women would be either on one end of not orgasming, not enjoying or being far too revolted by sex, I barely knew anyone who actually liked it and it was seen as very deviant, so many things I've discovered obviously with Callie and whatnot, so I guess the stigma of straight cis sex being horrendous kind of comes from growing up and it being plain and boring. I mean, we all have things we might prefer over others, but I just found it sad and limiting to an enormous extent. So I kind of talk about raising here and stereotypes in this chapter, so I gave Miles my judgement I guess. 

What I like about this story is the whole because straight men are frankly the virginity when it comes to gay sex these days apparently, which is frankly annoying. Maybe I'm just too demisexual, so yeah, it's hot in a porn context, we all watch porn and then are like what. But there it's frankly and thankfully a roleplay, but it kind of slips onto real life and the whole chapter was based on well, then was it to be with a straight guy who never got kicked out of his house then? And that's why Miles' backstory unfolds entirely. 

Fight Club is such a gay movie. I can't. Anyway, moving on.

Me and Callie kind of I always speak of it, but not entirely, but no one really speaks that frankly all classes get kicked out, all get aliented and I get ticked off that people think that just in working class, you get kicked out. People don't realize that people just frankly go off just for their own sanity, to avoid abuse and torment from relatives and that they are people from different backgrounds. People really don't realize that you have to work instead of education and think of how do you squeeze hours and with this job market when you have no one behind your back it's tough. And what ticks me off is that people really avoid cases where people from higher classes just collapse, because well in my case it had to do a lot with xenophobia, but it's fucked up, I was told that I would just go on and on into uni and Miles discussing English Literature and being a writer, figuring it out something on the way, is I guess me openly discussing and touching my own personal story in a way. I had to give up because frankly my diploma got rigged and then I had to start all over again with Callie who had just moved in. No one talks of that, that you escape your families frankly not to get killed, not to get abused again and that it's a big shock, no one talks of that, no one talks and everyone just goes 'oh, gay men are priviliedged or NB as well'. No one realizes that you have to pay for your roof, for your food and there's two of you and you're fighting a diploma.

So that's why I give my characters deep background stories, because that's what happens.

You escape or you don't get accepted. 

Before I address Jamie's mental health I'll end on the relatives.

Theres this whole trend on the western world, US and UK specifically of having to come out and frankly you've got people and ads down your throat yelling come out come out it's safe, all my family rejected me, but it's good. And that fucks you up. Because it doesn't get better, you know if it's safe to come out, only you do and not some shitty ad. So I wanted to talk of that, because I don't want people to come out if it's not safe. No one should be obliged or shamed for staying in the closet for their relatives if it's for their sake, but that trend happened and destroyed lives, making youth homeless and suicidal. So that's why I took Jamie and Miles' stories in different periods, keeping my headcanon regarding Jamie in this story as well and making Miles' uni dreams collapse in a different way from my own. Thing is, you stop getting money obviously if your parents refuse you in that case, so then what? You lose your uni. Is that priviledged? Are you going to tell to my face that two homeless youths are not the same because one came from a priviliedged background? No one talks of the conservative parents which aren't working class. 

I have mania now, so I gave that to Jamie and I pretty much have Callie like Brian in this story, so I took that really.

There's this new Alison Mosshart interview, well, latest and she goes on and you see how she lives alone and I kind of found that interesting, the weirdest things inspire me, so I took that for Miles, since I've been with Callie for years now xD and we're very tight-knit kind of like Brian and Jamie in this story when they're on. So it was seeing something else, really and it was interesting, just like people are like imagine couples, I was like shit, is that how living alone is? And it felt odd, so yeah, I figured that's what I wanted for Miles in this story, but obviously with Brian and Jamie pouncing in xD

I way before I even talked of myself, I had a close friend and she was a lesbian and I remember I was revolted how people avoided her and she was a big Placebo fan, I remember we would talk for ages, but I wasn't really attracted to her (now I know why geez xD) and I remember I was told to stay away otherwise people would think I was gay too and would alienate from me as well, that revolted me and frankly, looking back, she's maybe the one person I would've kept in touch with, but I lost her number and whatnot, she changed schools and I'm not one to keep old friends and explain who I really am and all. Where I come from it's better to cut ties for your own sake.

And White Stripes' There's No Home For You Here plays as I thought of where I lived, oh well xD I knew that anyway xD


I come from frankly where there's an obsession with grandchildren and birthgiving, so speech is cissexist but it's the main arguement, children, not being able to reproduce. C'mon look at Volkova's speech, gay men are an abominations because they're not fertilizing women, but lesbians are okay. 

Civilization is falling because of homosexuality has got to be my favourite insult of all time.

One man, one woman, always. Quotes, quotes, quotes. 

I know I speak very freely regarding not having friends when I do have some, but I still find it hard, I get attached to people and then they end up being transphobic, because frankly those who you become really close with, in my case, please, unless you're ace frankly either you want to fuck or they want to fuck you and I kind of wanted to talk about that, because there's those cases where you're so close for the person with so long that you don't even know what to do anymore, because you're scared of losing and it becomes disasterous. And in my case I'm demisexual so my feelings show up in ages frankly xD sometimes up to years and I think this is the first story where I have an openly demisexual character, even if frankly I make many of my characters demisexual by default, I never really addressed it like now, since it becomes a bit of the confusion between Miles and Jamie here. 

Because the question is, if you get along why don't you date? That's something which caused an enoumorus dispute between me and my ex, who put friends above lovers, while I'm the radically opposite, keep your friends further, besides a few but then would it be platonic then? I don't know, then it becomes murky ground with those and I guess I wanted to discuss that and here I am xD 

I had this period, bathtubs aren't really a big thing in Sweden or at least in the apartments I've stayed and I remember when everything collapsed we were in hotels and I would always take baths and they would stop helping. Bathtubs were always the symbol when I can't take it anymore and I would lay there. So I used that.

I had that moment where I was like do I want to get them physical, but I decided that I need to address something else, this kind of relationship and I guess muse on it, so I used that, because I've got Alex and Matt in To Miles which did get physical, but I never had full on platonic and I'm sorry I don't know how I will deal with it later, but I tend to either break or make it sexual, being honest here, because I really want gay sex representation, I'm really sorry about that, so I'll see. But I wanted to explore that topic and shed light that well, you can love without physical, platonic really for a good extend without saying or explaining, that doesn't devalue your feelings, really. But in this case they're both very scared I guess and it's interesting because what they feel for Alex and Brian is different, but I really don't want any friendship bullshit, they're fucked up and they're trying to figure out their feelings and frankly they confessed, so no fucking just friends, really.

I think I am a bit weird, we're all weird with our idols, but yeah, unshaved Jamie is precious and etc. I think I talked enough, I'll fanboy now xD

I think the whole talk was based off because I had this guy who was going after me and he actually asked Callie if we were a thing, when we weren't so yeah xD

I dunno, I really love Brian in this story and I actually wanted to show how he and Miles are friends in a way, because they both have Jamie as an important figure in their life. I know, this chapter really focuses on the backstory to shed light on the actual contrast and I guess flip side to the fantasy. I'm a fucker, I know xD I'll go on Alex as well and well, let's be realistic it is s'posed to be complicated and it's not easy. Fuck you if you think otherwise.

I always dream of people I like, I'm honest in my dreams. So I used that.

The hoodie is a mock from me because there's a few occasions where Jamie stated that he doesn't wear hoodies, but he had and I even felt like doing a photoset of that, but I'm not that much of a fucker xD

I'm demi, so it took me a while to realize how deep my feelings for Callie were and it was weird, because we had confessed to everyone that we had no intentions of dating and bffs for ever and ever and we were sulking on the side, so I had taken that. And of course you have confessions like that.

This chapter nearly made me cry and I read it out to Callie later and she went under the covers and was nearly crying. I dunno, I just love it and it's kind of divided in three parts: 1. sex 2. coming out 3. platonic love really. So yeah, since it's so big and I wanted to keep it big so here it is 8) and I'm still nearly crying.

I love Brian's honesty and how fucked up he is, I dunno, he looks like the guy who fucks up and then confesses up front, but fucks up all the time, so that's my headcanon and I love Brian here. I really really really love Brian here.

I dunno, I'm rather explicit on the story and I like how it built up and explains, so obviously I'm missing bits which are self-explained like Brian and Miles' talk. I always ship everyone with Jamie. I'm sorry, but in this case it was planned out and yeah, sorry and it was also a contrast and backstory for Alex and Miles. I can guarantee no To Miles, don't forget Brian/Jamie is my OTP. I get paranoid that people don't like Jamie in my stories, honestly xD

Abuse fucks you up, you don't think that people can love you, so I had a hard time in life accepting love in the beginning and I kind of wanted to touch that and give it to Brian here, really.

I liked the "feelings flee and lovers come back line" a lot and I kept it because it's pretty and good, even if Miles disagrees with it a few lines later. (It's so fucking late and I want this up with a good backstory xD). I find it weird that we lose people and lovers, well, the lovers fucked up, but it's really weird and it happens, so it was addressed.

I like how Alex pops in fast, confused. And yeah, I'm not telling anything and we all know that my characters have a mind of their own xD

And yeah, I cry regarding the last line because it's obvious at times and conveys everything you'll ever feel.

Thank you and I hope you've enjoyed it as much as I did and please please tell me if you did, I'm barely sleeping tonight coz I wanted this up xD 


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