Thursday, 27 August 2015

and it takes a while

I dreamt that night, as if I had forgotten, everything as if it were all one crumbled up lost day in my childhood. Fear had been strangling me, all comparisons gone as I couldn’t even walk, but I dreamt on, just like life, it would go on, you can never stop the clock even if you break it, even if you break down people will still do things, no one will listen and no one will pretend that the day is finally gone no matter how horrid it had been, everything is written and everything remains as such in a catastrophic manner. 

I had kissed him, I had seen him on the stage, wondering how many people had decided to come see us despite their own accusations that homosexuality was wrong. I wondered how many were in the audience every day, the thought ended up winding me until I couldn’t even process properly through a sea of haze which I had inflicted onto myself. Because I could change a queer kid’s or two’s life around, but how much could I really do? If the general population thought me to be wrong

How many of them were here to listen to a popular band?

How many?

And scanning the crowd gave me no answer, as the moment ended up being stolen by my own vanity of kissing an old lover I had never laid my hands upon. 


I was musing the past few days how I missed the short format I had held back when I just started writing fanfiction rather aggressively on this blog xD and I was like okay, well, that should come to me naturally xD and it did, I was actually going to post a chapter of something else today, but I ended up staring at the photo of Brian and Stefan making out as a protest in Lithuania, where they protested quite a few years ago

It stands out to me not just that act but that it was done in front of a homophobic relative of mine and that still strikes as significant, that they had done it in front of someone who yeah, I think I've been open enough about it

And I just wanted to write something and I was terrified writing it so maybe that's why it's small but I dropped it at the moment I actually wanted it to end xD So yeah 

I kind of wanted to capture that because it was such an amazing and loud statement between Stefan and Brian and it became personal for me. I also wanted to play as if it had been their first, sort of making it a bit AU, we all know they fucked. And the ending is about how in end it narrows down to two people and I also think that's what it was to Brian for a split second during the kiss before it becoming political again.

I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, tell me so, you'll make this nervous thing's day xD

thank you :3