Bring to boil

It’s the tables and the lesbians that don’t make porn.

I don’t find lesbians as porn, but then that falls into the category that I do not find women attractive at all and I see how I take the lighter from Dita as she pretends to be smoking something herbal just to waste time and get the same break I do. I look at her fluffy heels and I just admire how she gracefully manages to carry so many mugs at the same time with a smile and then fix her entire make up.

I hate it when men complain that they find her plastic, an injury which caused her to do new breasts and how she makes her skin pale, joking that when she had been in school she’d draw ballerinas on it instead of maths.

“I’d do him.” I tell her.

“Yeah, Max.” She just replies. “Ooooh, I’d do her.”

She nods at a blonde girl with a smaller child, pulling the kid by the hat and we both smirk.

We finnish out break and Dita gives out gum as much as she does lighter. I always wondered where she got the spare money from but her reply would never come. With her imagery I did though some kind of strip bar but I went once to her in the night and she had her face mask on with some small kid goofing around, baby sitting.

It was a simple task and it payed her a gum and a lighter so that worked for me. It was for her neighbors and she would do it if it was in her apartment, she’d cook gently a meal, read them something and all with her face in all the possible beauty products she’d scrap off at boots.

Dita tried making some once and failed, all the ingredients costing more than the thing. She managed home dye though and I’ve seen her do it, how she bends over the sink, lipstick still on her face, untouched. Surely, if I’ve been a woman I would do Dita, but it’s not about what’s between the legs, it’s not about caring too much or not at all, it’s just someone I can’t talk to all the bloody time, we need a break from each other, I won’t do eye masks with her.

And that’s it,

that’s not love despite what humanity thinks.

-

I hope you enjoyed it:)

Feel free to request and yeah a lot of Max Bemis requests now in a row xD

MERRY CHRISTMAS :D it's boxing day already over here but yeah:) I survived Christmas with all Tescos being closed XD yay me and Callie XD

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Hold The Flag2

The first time I ever had sex was terrifying with no joints shared but a cigarette before the girl had crawled into my bed, revealing a red thong.

I had no thongs back then, no guts to try and pass at a lingerie store, still going even now in plain cotton briefs.

It felt like biting a pillow, no one would hear and there would be no point, you would miss. She had trouble finding my clit and she kept getting hair too much in her mouth, I had no idea where to mouth her, she had a brazilian while I had a grown bush. I still don’t understand how can some women have full hair, fuck when it comes to straight men, that isn’t sex, never will be, a sex scene makes me close my eyes because I see it as rape, it’s fake, no woman should be or can be turned on by some asshole pounding into her, it still creeps me out.

That’s why I really dislike people who sleep like that. Women, men who let themselves be used.

I remember I got told that I was a lesbian due to my father being a spiritualist and being a massive fucker. My mother had died and we’d eat roast potatoes because that’s what I would cook. In the end he died off too.

I have roast potatoes and I’ve got a Jesus in my window because he didn’t believe in him.

I look at the woman with the cigarette, breathing out smoke and words which don’t match the music.

-

I haven't been posting lately will being ill and I've been writing stuff like further Paper Guns chapters so yeah:)

I hope you like it and feel free to request:3

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Heteronormativity is just that bad movie which is always on television because people think it's good according to sexism

Love is a memory which comes alive on the streets and when you’re exhausted when I’m asleep and alive, I dream and think of all the streets.

My room becomes a cage as it doesn’t have as much acceptance as the outside does.

I stopped smoking to get off drugs and I don’t want to drink alcohol when I people and women who smoke in front of me with their hair long.

I am bisexual and people don’t understand it, I say I don’t want a woman, I want a person, I want to be in the kitchen and cooking all the roasted chicken instead of a woman who will burn everything and the salt will spill.

I want neither.

Sometimes the date ends up with a woman wanting me and I spill my drink on her dress, sometimes I think she does so on purpose.

“Wanna fuck?” She whispers through her lips, a woman.

“Only if you fuck me.” I say and then the drink should be in my face but instead all cute men are called gay and never bisexual.

I don’t want a woman who won’t penetrate me back, I don’t want a woman who will stand on the kitchen cooking just because she wants to, I make great ravioli myself and I sit near the oven, flicking the light on and off as I eat.

I started growing my hair, letting it curl around my face and I’ve tried makeup.

I am not myself when I’m closed.

I am myself when I walk the streets of deserted history and when the Royal Mile turns into Holyrood and I can ride a 34 to Leith and lose connection.

-

Originally it was going to be a Alex Turner/New York, I Love You. I started watching it, I thought it was just going to be something like Paris, I love you, but alas, it wasn't. Sorry for being straight to the face it was awful, sexist and disgusting in my opinion. I had the idea of doing the whole Edinburgh, I love you, because well, Edinburgh, I love you XD so yeah:)

I got really irritated at the movie and when I was writing it ended up being less and less Alex Turner so yeah, but basically I can keep it either as a very queer Alex Turner fanfiction or do fiction :) I even have a name and I guess I'd prefer fiction.

I hope you enjoyed it and thank you for waiting, I've just been very ill for the past week but now I am quite better and yeah:)

Please do feel free to request

It's awful how many stupid heteronormative sexist movies we have, sheesh.

I just just keep rewatching Weekend on repeat.

Thank you:)

<3

drive to recast

They had slapped the door in my face.

I think after a while they had realized with all my three brothers they had enough grandchildren and I’d be the naked branch for them.

They had let me in a year later.

Maybe I shouldn’t have been this old.

It felt old.

It had been just a few exchanges and money from them for college, my music hadn’t given me anything yet and the way I coloured with crayons wasn’t too bright.

I want to colour my life in crayons.

I started growing gray, I had laughed more dull.

I had wondered if I had cancer, reading all the leaflets when I was at my GPs and Prince Street should’ve been lit.

I remember wondering how would it be living in Gorgie with Domino’s on the first floor and I wondered how would it be with pizza away so near, would it be like the ocean? I haven’t really gone anywhere besides seeing it from a distance and never holding a map in my hand.

There is nothing to control, just grasp as I had grown older, failing and just going on, making now my own money, the instrument between my legs as I’d eye the people and hold the bow.

It’s a feeling of dismay as we will never be accepted and the table is filled soon enough with children and I just have nothing, too numb for drinks and the crayons all broken with all the paranoia.

My neighboor also plays the cello and she has her hair up and dyed blonde.

We don’t have a Domino’s downstairs and she looks better than I do in her capes with no sleeves and she looks a bit chubby which is funny to how skinny I am these days.

I had my hair cut again at a barbers with men eyeing me for a bit as I had tried to find my credit card emptying my wallet with my driver’s license.

“Cathy.” I heard the woman call me, as she eyed my license and I payed for my cut.

I left, having oral fixation but no desire for cigarettes, just the movements, lighting and exhaling and I pulled my collar up, my fingers playing with my pockets as I wandered to see how Christmas would tackle my city.

-

I guess I want to go back to something dark and I was trying to find a title through watching different bits of Mulholland Drive.

I'm ill so yeah, a small piece of writing while I'm sleeping.

Feel free to request, Kathy would love it. S'nice to see my characters in my head XD Ok, bed.

<3

drive to recast2

Pale Blue Eyes3

It’s awkward with a bra fitting, feeling that you have no boobs. I feel that and I swallow every time the woman touches my chest to see if they fit and the way she looks at me, people keep complaining that women are bombarded with sexual images, we are and she looks at me as I change and my nipples are too small, it starts being too awkward like when you walk on George street at night and all the women feel naked and you just instantly feel wet down and you’d rip their clothes off, it’s a mental note to all

let’s fuck

and sometimes I don’t want to fuck everyone, actually I don’t want to fuck everyone, well, every woman.

Maybe I should stand in front of a mirror like I did when I was thirteen before I became scared I remember jumping up and down in my Converse before I stopped and said to myself and the me in the mirror who became more pale and how butch I had looked then

“I’m a lesbian, Alison is a lesbian”

And I started jumping again and I left home for a while to ask a girl for a fag and she lit it for me and we just stood there, once you’re out you know who is a lesbian and not, you’re proud and you know who likes vaginas as much as you do and she had been taller, maybe my age and I looked at her skirt and I wanted to lift it up, push my fingers inside her and make out with her, I ended up nearly burning my lips off and I just kept staring at her with those rings

Fuck me

I went back home and I stood in front of the same mirror, pressing my forehead against the cool reflection of a beautiful woman wanking, I looked at my fingers stroking myself in the reflection and I kept thinking that it would be another woman and I pressed myself harder, touching my entrance, thrusting, moaning hard, rubbing my breasts or what I had of them harder and harder, I was losing my balance and I started thinking of a girl on her knees and how I press my juices against her mouth and how good it feels with her tongue

Oh,

And then she pushes me on the floor

“I like girls” and that gets me near with her pale blue eyes

and she presses her clit against me

and I scream

moan

rant that I want more

And by the end I stand up alone, mirror having a stream of liquid and the rug smelling of my lost desire and my hair a mess

I knew I was a lesbian when I was thirteen
and old

before the hammer of homophobia struck my jaw and made me lose a few teeth

There Is Something About Jack White 3

I remember how I met Jack White it had been when and I guess I still do call him sometimes Jack White in my mind because it sounds nicer, I had known him as John for a brief period, just briefly, when he had introduced himself muttering John and sipping his coke anxiously, something on his mind and we both shifted in the queue for chips.

I had met him when I had just had about the first girlfriend which had black hair to a side and I think I had just dated her because the word lesbian would be only applied to er on the only women I knew. Jamie had invited her and we ended up talking as she closed her eyes and muttering the ice clinging against the walls of the glass about her girlfriend. It had been exciting to touch and I guess it had been in the end all about just having a girl rather than anything else.

So we just stood in the queue, Jack biting the straw, hands in pockets, glasses on him and I was infront with Jamie speaking something into his mobile, biting his lip to blood and I had turned around and started talking to Jack about what would he have, it had been a bit too normal to talk to him even if at that point it had been just gibberish about ketchup versus mayo and that I was a vegan so he had to expect me just to eat the chips and he got himself a beef burger. In the end I would quickly steal a bite when we started dating but that was later when I would have his glasses on and he had a few rings scattered on his fingers and looking further to something else.

The girl had asked me about how had it been to meet Jack White and I just shugged as she stood in an apron and a stripy dress, Jamie sitting on the sofa rereading Kerouac and sometimes quoting aloud and we would all just nod and maybe clap our hands, laugh and go back to try and mix the mojito the girl was doing. By the end of our dating I was the one who ended up dying her hair blonde, leaning her hair back and seeing that her black roots wouldn’t fade and I keep seeing that even if I meet her now her roots would still be a bit darker but instead she goes maroon now with another girl with blonde hair and big teeth.

I met Jack after I had finished with the girl with him poking the ad for some new recipe in Friday’s and we both took nachos.

“Jamie said you were a lesbian.” I was expecting a smirk but instead he ordered and I just watched my fingers pointing exactly at the food I wanted to see in my mouth soon as we both took nachos, we ate the nachos in silence and I recall him wearing a red shirt with jeans, legs crossed and he always looked ahead besides when he looked at me and smiled.

“Yeah.” I said as if just a minute had passed and I brushed my hair with my fingers hastly, quickly managing to try and bite half a finger as well. “Just broke up.”

“Oh.” Jack said quickly lifting himself up and waving to some redheaded woman and fell down again, sighting, exhausted and putting his arms around his eyes as if he were expecting to fall asleep and that his chair would turn into a bed, it didn’t.

“Last nacho?” White asked still looking at the woman, I expected it to be a former lover because everyone is. Jack looked at me and my shifting and forced laughter at some ballon going up and popping.

“S’fine. I’d fuck Jamie.” He ate the last nacho and I just smiled, looking down, wondering if I had ordered the right thing. I poked the table with the fork, feeling uneasy from people trying to find an excuse to say to my sexuality.

“Sorry.” He coughed, gulping down the coke and it felt like an old high school date, only I’d give him a bowtie, for a brief second I felt disgust but I gulped it down, looking at him sigh and the abyss of silence between us between the wonder where all the food had gone.

I had ended up meeting Jamie and eaten an apple on the couch, most likely my food had arrived then as I left before the main course.

-

I've written it back a few months ago all together, so yeah:D I hope you're enjoying it so far and I love the story well, yeah, as it takes a different turn from what I was writing usually, now everything is a pussy fest XD

Feel free to request:3

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There Is Something About Jack White 4

Before The Stripes2

I stayed at my parents for a few more nights as I had a hungover. I think I ending getting a bug and I just recall as if like a scene from a movie people would put mashed potatoes in front of me.

I remember when I just moved in my flat, mom told me to buy loads of potatoes that they are cheap and that you can do anything with them.

I guess we were having a rough time. I try to avoid buying potatoes for my home, before dinner I headed out and I met up with Brian and he lent me a cigarette as I tried to save up my own and I had spend too much money on booze. The point of booze was, you end up screwing too much money on it, true, it drains your memory and the cheaper the faster it will get to your head even with a shot. I’ve seen some even get just one shot, get enough pissed and sting onto someone else and get a second and so on.

Or just mix two things too quickly.

Brian just kept talking and I just watched as we walked on the street and I looked how night coloured the day and how the lights would go on and how some women would undress themselves for the men or maybe even women, some things had been whispered to me in school.

We went into the bar and I ended up drinking from Brian’s beer and then he had drank from my own and I looked at the bar girl with her hair in two ponytails and I found myself looking at her skirt.

I ended up winking at her and she just interpretated it as another drink and this one would be me and Brian sharing the alcohol along with the price.

I went into the bathroom and I wanted to scream.

I ended up vomiting, I might have had tempearture and after a while, I headed out, waving to the girl, having nothing in my mind but I had made it to my apartment with unmade chairs and after a very long rest I made a few chairs and fixed old to see the sun rip through the curtains which were stained.

I went to wash my face and I had falled asleep on the toilet, humming something.

The next week my mother had taken me to a doctor.

-

I'll be honest this took me quite a while to figure out what to write, as I've been writing more and more fiction and yeah. I was really thinking where I want to go with this and I don't think I want it too long as it's getting a bit troublesome, but I quite love it, so yeah xD

Feel free to request

Thank you

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