Close 5

I can’t be Kate, I can barely hold a gun in my hands knowing that I’d have to shoot and at the moment, I wouldn’t able, I’d even press it against my own head, just not against anyone else’s

and what if I miss-

I could see him, but not myself. 

Jamie doesn’t tell me his masterplan, saying that it’s better for it to stay in his head, to make sure it’s not insane, so that the idea would sprout and he said it motioning with his hands, that he would be convinced that it’s good enough-

At the time being we enter a diner, intending not to pay and I can’t help but chew slowly and the food barely going within me as if the first time all over again, when he had invited me out and I had dreamt of him, wondering how would his lips feel, how he would pin me down, my breath stopping, all of its speed shifting to the heart as he would trace his fingers down my lips and neck, something being ridiculously gracious about him, as if all was planned under the cape, eyes only left to reveal the magician’s tricks. I was nervous even with him and he seemed colder than I had thought and he had told me briefly of Kate, as I had recalled him in the papers and then the hand cast seemed to make sense all of a sudden. 

He orders food as I keep silent, looking outside at the street and I wish we were by the sea, like the first month after Kate’s death when Jamie seemed not to realize that she was gone and whenever he’d leave the hotel room, I’d think in a drunk haze that he would try, that he’d go to find her, that he’d really try and I’d find that romantic, even if I wasn’t the centre of his love, I enjoyed watching him, I enjoyed waking up earlier and guess with every stir if he would wake, I would enjoy the rise of his shoulders, his sleepy shave, when he would never cut himself, used to the whole process of doing the same thing day after day and not blinking when I’d ask him if he’d ever miss a day, besides hangovers, didn’t seem to be the case and I wondered if he ever counted the strokes. 

I don’t eat as I watch a dog approach Jamie and he just smiles lightly as he starts stroking the dog behind the ears, the animal’s hateful expression slowly melting as he just sits besides my companion as Jamie catches my eye and we just look at each other, wondering where has the love gone, why couldn’t we grasp it and use it as an umbrella again?

And we eat, as the dog sits under the table, blissfully aware of Jamie’s stroking and scratching his ears as we glances at me and changes his mind. Then with one last bite, Jamie nods towards the exit and he starts muttering the numbers in German, some small thing he had found amusing and on the two he shuts up, as the waitress walks by and once we reach three we make a run for it, the dog instantly springing to life as well and as we run out, I can hear the dog’s heavy breathing mixed with our own. 

Jamie takes out a crowbar quickly out of his coat and breaks the window of the first blue car and the glass smashes, causing the dog to start barking so that I have to grab it and try to shut it’s fucking mouth and instead the dog runs to Jamie as he opens the doors and we both just jump in, the dog deciding to be the third passenger, Jamie starts to hot wire the car with Archie still barking and poking Jamie with his head, demanding some attention (he should queue since we haven’t fucked in a while) as before I even exclaim what the fuck Jamie hits the gas and we just all jerk backwards.

As we drive I look at the dog’s medallion around his neck in the shape of a bone.

“What the fuck... His name is Archie.” I look at Jamie disgusted, Jamie smirks once we’re out of the region, all of our shoulders easing from tension and the car already low on gas, at least the owner didn’t lose petrol money for today. I wonder if I should pet the dog, as he licks my hand. “Why the fuck would you call a dog a human name?”

“Because he’s as smart as a person.” I glare at him. He quickly pats Archie on the head. “I like Archie... his name and his-”

I narrow my eyes.

“Essence.”

“What the fuck.” I snap, just turn to look at the window as Archie proceeds to bribe me with licking my fingers and biting my already chipped nails, as I feel Jamie keep glancing at me until the car runs out of gas and we all exit, long gone and we briefly hug as I smile into his coat, feeling his fingers tangled with something not love in my hair. 

-

I was shy to post the chapter yesterday when I finished it (and I'm nearly done with the next one). I quite missed this format and I dunno it's lovely to pick up something I've started writing before and I just love this story and I ship Jamie/Alison here as fuck XD and me and Callie were discussing how nice and weird Jamie ended up being in this story. 

One of my biggest inspirations for this story is the Satellite video, which I have no idea how often I've watched it and I think it's surely one of my favourite music videos ever made and my favourite scene had always been the diner one where they just flee after eating a bit. So I had shamelessly stolen that as it seems fitting. 

The whole idea with Archie was actually Callie suggesting out loud like what if Jamie ended up grabbing Archie somewhere to which I had replied that I have a better idea xD and in general, it's weird because Archie was never supposed to be in this story and he's not an often character in my fanfics unfortunately, I should change that xD 

I just love describing touch and pretty much intimate emotions and I always get shivers, so yeah xD 

I kind of found the choice of calling a dog Archie weird, but that's just me. xD 

I just ship them too much sometimes even if I think we all know that well… in reality they broke up for good, so yeah. But yeah, dunno, I loved them as a couple and I have no fucking idea what the fuck happened between them and with Alison's allowance xD which she had stated, we all can fantasize about them xD 

I hope you enjoyed it and please tell me if you did, as I'm quite anxious about it as I fell in love with the story all over again :3

<3

Jamie

Close 4

London seems distant, its colours washed away, everyone looking the same and the gloom seemed to be injected not just onto the people, but onto the streets as well, but I seem to have some cheer within me, just because I’m with Jamie, trailing behind, just to watch him, letting my imagination wander. 

But I know that I stumble from the lack of his attention, his interest in me nearly gone and blown from his own fingertips, the powder dissolving as if in water, it so does in air. 

He seems to be counting the days silently, as we seem to be some crooked reflection, some odd balance where all the love we’ve held is tipped over to me, as his depression seems to be taking its toll. There are days when he is always in the mask, pulling me closer, letting himself pretend and there are days when we just sit outside, Jamie looking above at the sun, as if it can no longer blind the dead. 

My body seems to rejoice from being with him and slowly I try to ask him, as squirrels seem to jump and replace the eagerness of life in all of us. 

Have you ever walked drunk under the stars with rock under your feet, tumbling?

It makes you feel fucking miserable, the at you want to puke and I wonder when would the watch just fall and break, showing how insignificant time is and Jamie’s belief in Kate’s death would pass, as he sometimes puts the ring back on, just when I’m about to exit from the shower, his eyes nearly closed, slowly putting on the ring, before gingerly taking it off, he doesn’t speak of it, only his mere thoughts lingering, 

maybe the dream of death foresees death, but usually it means a long life,

but does it count suicide?

As his eyes just look at me, as he looks at me from the floor, his mind slowly coming up with a bigger robbery, his mind on the floor with his head and I wonder how he had looked younger, how his hair had felt and how much lighter he had been. 

And I wonder upon my own feelings, how they overflow and with Kate’s death he had flung himself upon me, the ideas glittering in his eyes, the obsession read in books and the desire of doing something he had done before, some sort of harsh crossing out to forget how he was like with a woman he loved, how he had everything planned, his mouth speaking as sleep would slowly cuddle against him. 

My own fear of losing him gone, just anxiety over when would he kiss me without guilt and without the desire to erase it as soon as he realizes his doing days later whilst siting on a beach, throwing rocks. There’s a desire of going back with him.

Anxiety seems to be tearing him down, as he seems to be planning, forgetting that he is even chain smoking as he’d sit staring at the window and we’d change hotel rooms not even for our own security but for the plain fact that he believed that the right room would give him the right idea as he’d even sleep on the floor for inspiration and I would watch him, feeling his tense up even under my touch, his sleep becoming extinct as something healthy as it seemed like some backup plan which would lure him into ideas, one after another as he’d try to voice them but none seemed to make sense and we’d just walk out and walk around.

Robbing a bank seemed too obvious. 

I saw him hold a photo of her and his eyes glittered and I just took the photo, ripping it in half, not that I disrespected her at the time, I just didn’t want to do the same thing she had done-

and his eyes darkened.

I wasn’t Kate.

I wouldn’t have the guts, my knees wobbling at the thought as he had told me of the incident, shaken by her death and seeing it as something beautiful, how her hair became red and how her life seemed to seep away not just from her body but through his fingers, 

and I know how he regrets not being fully conscious, wounded to even fight back,

how they hadn’t repeated it-

even if it was heavily intended, an obscure feeling should’ve been felt is what I had always thought and I wonder how would everyone’s blood taste like-

but the thing is, was it the bad blood to kill?

and I glance at him again and I wonder if he would point the gun at me, but instead he just stares at it, sighing, his own strange feeling of resolution gone,

and he goes to bed, calling me even if on the outside he seems grasping of smaller crime,

I know the blood he wants,

and maybe it’s Kate’s all over again, with her bleached blonde hair

and I wonder if I would become the symbol by actually letting the trigger out, walking maybe outside myself, getting the car and instead of a gag gone wrong, we’d actually drive, looking back 

to see nothing split, but blood and disaster ruined. 

Anxiety strangles me in my sleep as I wake screaming from the opened window and Jamie smoking, the light from the lighter no longer illuminating the room with Jamie cluttering the room with his existence as I pull the covers over me, praying

the death

-

And it's been… nearly two years XD I'm so sorry, but until recent I've been running on a request basis and nothing was really asked about Close, so it was stored on the shelf, making Callie quite angry as this one of her favourite stories, so she would always sulk about it:)

And yeah, I think I just went through and I don't really read my stuff and it seemed awfully interesting with Jamie and Alison running around and Kate's death hovering. I was sad that it never got finished. And I pretty much picked it up all over again with my renewed Kills obsession I mean, Jamie Hince obsession and I just keep looking at old stuff and updating it, because my love for them is pretty much back and I'm happy that… well they seemed to find some peace among themselves even if to be honest, I don't think they'll get back together, but at least they're not snapping at each other all the time xD but I still ship them, we all do xD I still feel a bit off Alison, maybe because every fucking photo of them live is usually Alison and the videos XD and I'm like c'mon, camera left please XD 

Anyway, about the story

I actually wrote this chapter a day or two ago ? XD and I've also picked up Pillshop:) which is a Jamie/Jack story :3 so pretty much The Kills/Jamie updates all over on earlier stories xD

I dunno I guess what got me off them was their very cold era during Dream and Drive and it kind of even was the reason I didn't get the book, I just didn't want a toned down version of their relationship, because again, we know thanks to Kenneth who thankfully stated the obvious, that they had indeed dated and then broke up and that its was weird, so I'm pretty much in the same mindset now that I've cooled down my own pissed state at their passive-agression and so have they.

I think in general I really find Jamie inspiring and his descriptions of his state really kind of empower me, because I get really bad depression episodes sometimes and I guess that's why I love showing Jamie's depression in stories and in general he becomes an easy or rather natural character to write. 

I stopped writing the chapter as to be honest I'm still thinking what kind of crime I want them to commit next and I kept wondering, like literally asking myself what would Jamie do and I guess as any Kills fan I recalled Florence Rey, which to be very honest, I've tried seeing some… romanticism in it and I guess I just can't. I see the appeal, like I get what he means, but it just goes past me, I guess I've got a different mindset and in general my own attitude towards deaths is different with everything going on. I dunno, I find more psychological murders more interesting then, while Florence is quite in your face, which I guess… I dunno, I really try, I just don't get it, but either way, that's not for me to romanticize 

So his whole kind of even obsession with Kate, which seems to be love as well, seems interesting and making Kate the Florence Rey of this story was an idea which just clicked in my head, when I was just asking Callie a few weeks ago, that I had no idea how Kate died and then it just seemed to match perfectly xD

And I guess I've shoved my own reaction to being a Florence Rey in the shape of Alison and in general Alison didn't seemed too thrilled as Jamie did, so there

I dunno, I really missed Close and I hope you did as well

If you liked it, please tell so I can continue with a light heart xD and in general if you can just pop me a message, telling that you liked it or any old story, honestly:) I'm quite a depressive, anxious person so all would make my day, honestly:3

I hope you enjoyed it and thank you

<3

Jamie

To Miles 31

When you’re in love you’re on a illuminated stage and the thing is, sometimes you don’t see all of the audience and you don’t always know who and how is looking at you, it can be a handful of old lovers or people you were never even aware of and anxiety from being loved sometimes drowns you or maybe it’s because you know your life is a bunch of shards which had been long gone, too much desire flicked upon many and many people. 

Or maybe it’s just one shard in the oddest person you’ll ever find, smoking a cigarette the wrong way as he watches you and he’s the only one you’ll ever see still in his captain’s hat. 

I feel tender once we both break the kiss, daze from the new sensation of lack of touch after such a kiss, as Jamie gives me a drag from his cigarette, something I myself forgot to offer him as he still watches me before the lights come on and all he does is look ahead, still sitting just as close. 

I’ve just got a smug smile on my face as I look at the menu before me, wanting a drink. 

We usually lay naked for a while, post-sex after our whole body feels swollen and sticky from the waist down, legs or hands and our entire beings intertwined as Jamie would pull me close, closing his eyes, his own softer smile, as he’d stroke my hair, kissing the top of my head before resuming a lazy drifting to eternal sleep kiss. 

Sweat would be the second cover of the spider web, something we keep doing even if it’s dangerous, simply because it seems to be in our nature. I don’t think we’re black widows either as the term seems to be lovers, nothing less and somehow not approved by the person who had created us and even shoved us on this path of consciousness together if to believe what Miles believes in. 

I keep flicking through as we both keep stealing glances at each other, but shying away from the other as if we’ve never been lovers before. 

Love is a bouquet, it’s barely ever a single rose unless you happen to find the love of your life as soon as you start getting hungry for something mutual and far further than any blood bond you’ve ever formed before the eyes were opened and it was handed. We all become greedy in a way and love is a bouquet, every person a flower, some rot and they still remain in the bouquet, while so many are thrown out, but the other ex lover might still hold onto it, when the other tore it into pieces long ago. 

As I excuse myself, I feel sleep dawn on me for some reason as I look at myself in the mirror and my haze seems to confuse people as I think I see Matt. But it’s not him and my whole body aches as I recall him, our only exchange being letters and I feel myself sulking lightly and it seems to grow in intesity as I realize that we’ve only touched briefly all of our lovers, current and past as I feel myself smile lightly at the small touch of hierarchy which makes me feel guilty and I wash my face, telling myself not to be as jealous of Alison as Miles used to be, that in the end his own jealousy was the thing which wrecked everything from what I’m aware of.

Matt is also a rose, now blossoming all of a sudden, when I had given my rose to Matt ages ago and now I just found out that he had kept it. 

I don’t know how would we face each other and how come we had never carried on a topic, never fully discussing Miles or Matt or Alison, hell, I’ve only seen a photo of Hince’s child, as they seemed to be elsewhere or he wouldn’t take me to see them. It’s not that it’s cold, it’s just that our bouquets seem to have too many things. Maybe I take far too long that even Jamie walks in and waits for someone else to exit, as he combs the sides of his hair, ignoring my gaze before letting it dig into me.

“You ok, Al?” He asks me and I feel tense even if he is my antidote to everything. How do I even start, we stumble upon Miles when drunk and somehow even his presence seems ironic in our conversations, both of us becoming parallels to each other. I surely couldn’t bunk out Alison even if I wanted to. He cups my cheek and I nearly pull it away as his fingers start stroking my cheek. I don’t hold and I yank him backwards into the stall, letting myself ease by the taste of his mouth as I still cling onto his shirt, both of us far too eager as he pins me against the wall and I can see that we are trying to get all the anxiety out but soon enough we both break it. 

“I’m sorry...” I can’t hold the pause too long. I know I have to speak before he does. “I... He kept slipping my mind. He’s always in and out.”

Jamie keeps looking at me, confused, but I’m assuming he thinks it’s Miles.

“No, it’s not Miles.” We both tense up. “I...”

I can’t call Matt a lover. He’s not a lover yet. I dig my nails into the fabric upon his shoulders. 

I think there are too many things which trigger me towards him. To both. It’s two different flowers, I’m useless when it comes to identifying flowers, as mom would plant them all over the garden and they just seemed like a den for insects when I was growing up and when Matt had to date, mom would sometimes cut a few roses off and I wondered if I could do the same for Matt, but when he told me that he himself didn’t like flowers, the idea was stung by a bee and that was it. 

I have someone else?

Jamie doesn’t tense up he just looks at me confused. I feel like I’m sharing my own past, my own fears which I will never be able to meet against Miles or Alison, I feel like I have my own special person and I can’t help but stare at him, our bodies glued to each other. 

It feels odd to have no fear with Jamie now, before when I would wake up at night, flirting with the idea of waking him up, watching his hair sticking in all directions, sometimes he wouldn’t even bother to put on a robe and it was a magical roll of the dice when I would catch him off guard or sometimes he would just yank me in, when our relationships started becoming purely sexual and I knew that he had been playing with me, the feeling of love far too hidden within the deck of cards which awaited us, making both of us lose the interest of the initial price and revealing both of us as ordinary players, both ranks stripped bare. 

Sometimes I feel bad that I miss how rough it would be, but we’re still quite rough and I have to make sure that no marks are left, trailing my nails down his spine as he would thrust deeper, smirking as I would pull my head back, feeling enlightened by someone consuming and drinking me entirely, looking back it seemed to be under a veil only now I see that it’s lace, both of us sitting just as awkwardly, wondering about the lingering war and by the end of the day we are still breaking the law, first of all we thought with sex only to realize that love strapped itself onto it before we even touched each other. Hell, we’re breaking religion and what humanity holds dear, even if everyone is more than a little queer.

I press my forehead against Jamie’s neck, kissing him, feeling his skin under my fingertips as I trace and slide my finger under his collar, Jamie leaning his head down, capturing my lips, sliding his tongue in, giving a quiet moan, our minds triggered by each other’s presence. His tongue slowly moving against mine.

I love you in all forms,

Where my body leaves my soul,

drenched in your pain. 

Matt’s poem pushes itself up into my mind and consciousness. I feel guilty of thinking of Matt, letting him glide in, as I make out with Jamie, my hand already pulling his tie loose.

I let him sink in, before I kiss him, before I let out my life in front of him as I’ve known a bit of his and even held hands with his former lover, as Miles seems to crawl in the back of my thoughts as I wonder what had been thought of before he slept, letting all his ideas run wild, Jamie still in his head and I wonder which Jamie does he recall, how old is the Jamie he imagines, is he already a captain, does he chain smoke, what had he been thinking and it’s weird to know that it hasn’t been always since you’ve known your lover. 

“It’s Matt.” We both seem to be on separate walls and Jamie just nods, motioning towards the door, if we want something more private, offering and I nod, as he kisses my cheek, telling me to hold my thought as he traces his fingers on mine as we walk out, Jamie quickly fixing his hair before we leave and we keep walking as the same singer from before, looks a bit irritated at the audience and sings of the ghost of a pilot which had died before the war, that even if he had survived, those meant to die in flight would die anyway, war or not, because the war is in their mind

“And it only dissolves when peace is achieved, that is when it is no longer weak.” She continues singing as I quickly glance at her, as she watches us with a brief smile as we head towards backstage into a corridor with all posters and I see all different colours and Karen also on some dancing and even with the other woman, who had been singing of the ghost of a pilot. I hear applause and that’s when Jamie kicks a rug to reveal a small green painted key and he opens the dressing room, which I believe is Karen’s filled with flowers and gifts all scattered and feathers laying from all her boas. Jamie lights a cigarette as we head in and he locks the door. We take opposite chairs next to the huge mirror taking the entire wall and bottles of perfume scattered and even some nail varnishes open. 

“Don’t worry, Karen, won’t disturb us. I...” He pauses. Jamie glances down. “I’d bring Miles here, but it’s just that Karen is a dear friend.”

But he catches himself and looks up at me, as he motions for me to go on. 

Do you ever wonder what would you tell your younger self. I do, when I’d still see myself with longer hair, complete dumbstruck by Matt and motivated by going to the navy, since he wanted to be a navy pilot, but I didn’t seem as interested in aviation, but I’d still listen to him as we’d stay outside, anywhere until it would go dark and I even recall how I’d wait for him to kiss me, saying that he’d always prefer to be outside, so that one day he’d have the courage to kiss me. It’s not that he was the only bloke I could lay my eyes on, it’s just that he had meant everything with us even trying cigarettes for the first time, how I somehow happened to fail to light a match and how he had lit my cigarette from his own or how he’d watch me with his light eyes.” I don’t even know when I started speaking out loud, as Jamie just sat there not even inhaling his cigarette and his hand pushing the box in case I had wanted one.

“Sorry, I-”

“No, don’t worry, go on, Al.” He says, smiling and curious that I was revealing something of my past again, only not to dodge this time as usual. I look up at him, and I think I’m too confused or still heartbroken by the mere sight of my old self in my imagination and Jamie pushes the pack towards me again and I nod, lighting a cigarette.

“He never did anything... well.” I scratch my brow. “A few months ago we fucked for the first time.”

I gulp. Jamie doesn’t look shocked, he just watches me. 

“I love him.” I mutter it. Fear washes over me, but Jamie still keeps looking at me, now inhaling and keeps looking at me. He breathes the smoke out slowly.

“I love Alison.” Jealousy is small and mutual. “I’m married and I have children.”

All cards seem to be shown, now with Alison no longer shuffling the deck, revealing all there is and maybe not telling at all. Jamie lights another two cigarettes as soon as we are done with these and he hands me one. 

“Well, if it helps, I was in love with Karen, well...” He pauses. “Well, Karen didn’t know who she really was. It was back when Karen and me just started off in the navy, it wasn’t anything too deep either, I didn’t seem to let myself get attracted to anybody, I just ended up locking myself and reading as I was growing up and sailing really, there was never much to it and we had met at the naval academy.”

I am about to ask questions, but instead Jamie quickly exhales and continues talking. 

“Karen wasn’t aware that she was a woman, really. Well, people think that whatever you are born with dictates who you are. And she tried to play a role and she had met me, she was awfully quiet and she was the one who dragged me to drag shows and she would stare at the performers wide eyed and whenever she could once we got on a ship, she’d do a drag show and she’d watch the performers all the time onshore. She didn’t have luck with women and there I was...” He stares at the cigarette with a soft nostalgic smile. “Just don’t tell her, she always teases me.”

I watch him even blush lightly at a mention of a first love. 

“I was quite attracted to her, well, when she wasn’t aware of who she was. She was quite flamboyant and eccentric and would do the best make up you’ve ever seen and she pretty much would look on stage as she does now, but before she was confused and I think we were both just together because it was queer enough for us to be together...” He smirks. “Until Karen realized that she never was a man, realizing how odd she felt in male attire with a masculine name and in the navy in general. But we did fuck on the night she left the navy and I recall that I was just telling myself, that nothing changed, but for Karen it did and she kissed my cheek, saying that all would be gone.

I sulked for a while and then I realized maybe I just didn’t like women at all and I would just fling myself upon men for a while, until I had met Alison who had told me that I would be the father of her children, which was the oddest pick up line I’ve seen and I followed her around, seeing all her crazy quirks and I just became more and more attracted to her, how she would ask around people if they wanted predictions and how she tried to see if I could predict something. I couldn’t, but she still got me a deck and -”

He pauses. I see some intimate memory, which rinses his mind and I’m sure it’s something sexual, as he looks away and Jamie continues. 

“Then I started struggling with Miles, really. So... I guess, no, I do know how you feel, even if I don’t. I just... never really had such a bond with someone from my childhood.” He smiles and his eyes are on mine. “You’re the strongest bond.”

I recall his love is blood. 

The last cigarette is shared amongst ourselves and when Karen walks in and I make sure to check the leftover love, but instead I see her throw a boa on top of him and they don’t kiss, instead they both laugh, no longer lost lovers. 

-

Sorry it took me exactly a month to write this chapter which is really weird to be honest, but I just kept writing lots of different stuff and all xD and yeah:3 I hope you enjoyed it :3 

I dunno, it's really weird to describe Jamie's and Alex's love as the more I think of it, it's maybe the purest love I've described as it ended up blossoming more natural for me as I'm demisexual and I don't really get attracted to people straight away, it takes me a while and I was pretty much falling in love with Captain Hince as Alex was and I guess I base off all the emotions I feel towards Callie when it comes to Jamie, because I remember how Callie just seemed dazzled by me when we met and took me a while and only after I got to know her and I'm really judgmental of people so yeah xD 

The smoked wrong cigarette was actually inspired by this photo of Jamie where he's smoking the cigarette backwards, well, about to for some fucking reason and he looks gorgeous as always xD 
I guess has to be noted, I've been off Alex as his whole Pepe-Dracula whatever image seems kind of pushing away to me, so in my head he's still stuck in early AM era, when he still had the quiff and he still just had something heavily attractive to him and I dunno, he seems changed to me and I dunno I didn't seem to catch the drill of Finsbury park, yeah, I fangirled over Miles because he was adorable as always, but Alex is really off for me and yeah, of course everything at once xD so yeah, I'm just here ready if he happens to shake himself back into place, but I still think he's a great musician, I guess I'm having the same thing which I have with Jack White, I prefer the old Jack White to the new, but if he's nearby I'll see him, just he doesn't have priority xD 

I realized well, Alex didn't really touch the subject of Matt before, so I reckoned that it should be mentioned and yeah, here is Matt and in general his poetry sometimes pop in, as he writes them for Al, which is interesting because Jamie also writes poetry, but again 3/4 of my partners have written poetry for me, so it just seems obvious to me because I've written as well and in general I enjoy poetry, so yeah, of course Matt's poems are kind of me putting myself in to write something xD but just for the story xD I rarely write poetry these days, mostly focusing on fiction xD 

I dunno, I sometimes miss how the relationship had started, but in general Jamie is still a dark character, as I was discussing it with Callie, even if he's pretty much Alex's partner, he has changed or rather gone back to his usual self, but he still has his inner demons. And I guess that's why I like or refer myself more to Jamie's character (not just the name, ok? XD) but as much as I may be like Al with him being the protagonist, I'm more antisocial, depressed and I think cruel and rough like Jamie in this story, so pretty much having a character with inner demons like my own I guess is comforting and I like that all the characters have their flaws and mistakes. 

I think I like the paragraph where Alex doesn't even know when did he start talking as it's kind of what I felt when I was writing, I caught myself thinking wait, when did Alex start talking which I think is a very interesting touch xD

And I guess Jamie's demons are very in the face and I had written this small piece which I had wanted to use as a chapter, but it's just like a more straight forward explanation to Jamie and a few more things and Miles of course, it gives a great insight and yeah, I was thinking since I'll have the book ready soon, I know I've been saying this but the end of part one is actually nearly done and I will have the book then. I did the cover! I'm not kidding after struggling I was randomly drawing and I did the perfect cover! So that piece will be unfortunately only available with the book, but don't worry it's more of a backstory explanation, I want to keep it as a surprise but yes, Miles and Miles xD so yeah, I hope that's exciting haha xD 

And dun dun dun dun! The transwoman character  I've been waiting for and Callie who had been dying for her story arc to start, Karen :D yay! I was quite sad that I didn't really have any trans characters in the story and I was thinking and Karen came to life in my head as Jamie's friend and ex-lover and as a transwoman. 

And about Alison, I guess somewhere subconsciously the image of Jamie and Alison in this story was of course (obvious to me xD) inspired by them in The Last Goodbye video as it has this vintage feel and I always liked that video as it reminded me of a doomed marriage where Jamie tries to cover everything up, which is funny because it's a bit different in the story, but their image still remains and besides Alison's hair that's how they were inspired for my novel here xD 

I still see love is blood as my favourite written quote by myself, which is funny because previously my favourite quote was the darkest black you'll ever see is blood, which was a story written about murder which I never actually got to post here and I wrote when I was… sixteen? Four years ago xD I ended up publishing other fiction works of mine because this blog is going to be four years soon xD which is odd xD 

anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and please tell me if you did, because I love To Miles and it's surely one of my greatest accomplishments because I always wanted to write an epic and I guess I was always scared to touch WWII and in general with all my studies I even got a bit obsessed with the navy so yeah xD I really love it and I hope you do as well :3 if you do please tell me, haha tell me even your fave ships, anythingXD I'm really happy to answer all questions and yeah :3 

Thank you so much for your support
<3
Jamie


To Miles 32

Saints Preserve Us 2

“Hey dad, you think John celebrated blow job day at a gay bar, then?” Alex makes me snap out of my coma as I look at the presidential candidate wondering how the fuck do I tell him to get out of Grindr. It’s odd when you discover what people actually do in the privacy of the bedroom, it’s not even that I don’t want to know, it’s more of because well, myself as well, try to censor sex so badly that once it’s mentioned we are all like nine year olds, thinking that it’s the latest drug to try on the streets. Only much less harm, supposedly. 

“What?” I don’t even raise my eyes as I keep looking at his profile, trying to believe that it’s not him with the frizzy curly hair. I even maximize to make sure it’s the next president’s damn face. 

“It was international blow job day, yesterday, dad. So-” Alex decides to explain himself in much more detail, which I clearly seem to lack, I glare softly at him. 

“I’d rather if his wife did it for the sake of his own election.” I mutter. 

"I’m sure you celebrated it with Miles, then." I smirk, adding, not thinking as I try to get my eyes off grindr and I flirt with the idea who else is not concerned about their career. Or who else is with him in this rendezvous with bears and otters and all of mother nature’s strip clubs. 

"Yeah, he congratulated as well." Al makes a click with his tongue and I just glance at him before wincing at the information. "We did it at the same time."

"Fuck, don’t go into details. I really didn’t fuck your mother standing to conceive you for this." I smirk, closing my eyes laughing, too much information even not allowing me to show my full disgust of knowing my son’s sex life. 

"That’s disturbing. I’m not interested, dad."

"I wasn’t inviting you. But trust me, neither of us are as disturbing as…" I flick through a few photos until I find the gold. Literally a photo of John from behind naked. "This."

"Miles had a similar one." Ok, I’m not just wounded, but killed, I glance at Alex’s smirking face and roll my eyes. I need to take the crown. I need to handle the affairs within the family, not just outside the country which is literally me saying how much I hate everyone while eating crackers. 

"One more and I will tell you in graphic detail me and your mothers sex life." Not that ours is too colourful but he doesn’t have to know. I grab a drink as we walk in. To cure anxiety before my speech and I wish I smoked more in a row. I can’t help but keep glancing at John and he notices me. I also have Alex’s iPhone in hand.

Shit. 

“Y’know, maybe I do want Gillis to win. He’s kinda hot.” Alex can’t stop his underground smirking festival and I just shove the iPhone in his hands as John seems to wave off someone who I can’t recall who heads off to Liam. 

“Turn Grindr the fuck off.” I quickly hiss at Alex who mouths a ‘no’. In his eyes since John has grindr on, why shouldn’t he and I see his logic as the candidate approaches us and I happen to know his sexual preferences and how he is looking for a young athletic top. My eyes cringe even before he says hi and Alex seems to check him out. I just widen my smile like I do when I actually don’t think we’ll make it out of some crisis where everyone hates us. 

Depression swells me, as I realize how many idiots seem to pollute the party and I seem to be regretting the decision, but I guess Josh was right, your life is still the same, you don’t change wives or children, you go on, strolling, just with much more money. 

“Heterosexuality is a social construct we must pursue, then.” For some reason springs to my mind as I still see Brian and me on the balcony as we seemed to be stuck in time, back in college, still musing on how would life unravel itself, that I’d have to take dad’s business and keep expanding until Josh offered me to join politics. It’s funny to think he had said it, mockingly, the break up only building its sourness later, months later and even years as his face would still be with me, something had shut down in me, until I had met Kate and even then it wasn’t a gracious dance like it had been with Brian, Kate just reminding me how to let myself loose and soon enough we both found ourselves with a child, exhausted, my wife’s make up smudged and now holding Alex’s mouth from coming out of the closet, which could damage the ideology I hold for the people of America. 

“James, good to see you, again.” John smiles and shakes my hand, as I am a bit too out of it as I glance at his dark eyes, my eyes undressing him not due to attraction but because I’ve seen too much and I feel a bit distubed of knowing how he looks naked, then I watch him shake Alex’s hand and as soon as he opens his mouth.

“My son, Alex.” John nods, smiling. He seems very picture perfect someone who you wouldn’t imagine with a whip at all or someone who would risk blowing their cover, but maybe that’s the one you think would do it, the less likely one to commit murder as I can’t help but keep looking at his neat hair, his dark tie which seems to match his eyes. 

“Sorry, I didn’t have time to talk to you properly before. We should really meet up and get to know each other better, since we’ve got this election in the bag.” John continues smiling as Alex keeps a smirk on his face, muttering ‘erection in the bag’ under his breath, which the next president seems to be oblivious to his face and words and he just lets out a small noise, something like a satisfied giggle and I try to ignore it. Alex just nudges me lightly with his foot. “But from what I’ve heard we’ll make a great team.”

“Sure you will.” Alex mutters under his breath, already back on Grindr. John raises his eyebrows, not catching Alex’s pun as I wave it off, already wondering how big would the scandal be if someone actually realizes who Jack White is on Grindr, how do people get through with this? Wouldn’t their glass ideology fall and then they wouldn’t vote for us, nagging that we had betrayed Jesus and maybe then Liam would run for president since whenever you go down, you have to choose the most appealing conservative and Liam’s idelogy seems to be attractive to most of the population which like us lie to everyone about their sex life, not matter if they have it or not, we always hide it, as if there is too much or too little sex to share. And since Casablancas appeared with a typewriter, typing that he approves of this message on the last elections, we don’t seem too favourable anymore. 

“Would you like to come tomorrow for dinner to discuss the campaign because we decided that we should have everyone in our ad do something like an American would.” Alex holds his hand over his mouth and I’m positive he wants to say like Americans fuck, but he decides to keep silent as I glare at him and John just watches us, amused. 

“We’re not having Julian with a typewriter again, are we?” I say before I even hold myself and John starts laughing as Alex starts messaging random politicians. I notice Doherty nod at me very slowly. I quickly glance at my son, who seems to be discussing something. 

“Oh, no, no, that backfired. No innovations, I’ll be speaking straight into the camera.” Alex gives a smirk at the word straight, I don’t hold and grab his phone, smiling at Jack as I see the conversation closed and my own name and a dreadful photo of me in trainers as the profile pic.

I got three messages.

“Excuse me.” And I harshly grab Alex by the shoulder, my hands shaking as I yank him out of the building and throw the phone in his hands, past a bunch of men who might just end up being in the coffee app or musing on the seeings of Jesus as told by Liam. Josh gives me a brief wave, as he drinks water, but I ignore him. 

“I’m not gay and I’m surely not fucking interested in fucking Pete Doherty, who ended up in a cocaine scandal last month!” I actually yell at him, as I see a few men exit the building and I just get a pack of cigarettes, Alex grabbing one as well, before I even mention anything. I don’t bother to mask my voice, since apparently everyone here seems to be on grindr, by the looks of it. 

“Whatever, dad, I’ll message Mr. Jack here. You seem to be an athletic top...” He eyes me from head to toe. “Or just work out a bit.” 

“That should fly.” I don’t reply anything, continuing smoking before John ends up opening the door, smiling at us. I try to avoid his interested stare at me. He taps his iPhone, as Alex turns around, shoulders shaking. 

“Sorry... I should’ve been more clear.” He leans to whisper in my ear. “I am inviting you.”

I bite my lip until it bleeds. I don’t open my mouth to make sure my teeth don’t have traces of blood in them and I’m more than pale for sure. I can’t decline, that would mean engaging in why and my whole mouth seems to be metallic, as if my tongue had been poked by a blade a few numerous times. I just nod, forcing a smile, as Alex just doesn’t even laugh anymore, he seems to be enjoying himself awfully, as John just grabs my shoulder, squeezes it and holds my gaze for a while. He’s much taller and it’s not that his height or preference for men scares me, it’s his attraction to my fucking disastrous photo of me in trainers, because Kate thought it to be fashionable, attracts him or his belief that I seem to be interested. 

I don’t think we’ll be discussing politics. 

The rest of the evening is uneventful, John texting me to meet him tomorrow night, that we’d be alone and I just continue seeing Alex, as we get driven back, on Grindr, until I don’t hold and I scroll through the few messages which seem John asking for nudes, which Alex, thankfully declined with not the best of lines, implying that he’d get to see everything soon. I take off my suit, running hands through my hair, not bothering, as I loosen my tie and Alex just watches me. 

“You need intimacy with the next president of the United States, dad.” And he continues laughing. I watch him, smirking lightly, because I’m sure I’ve done that if I had the chance to my dad, but I was too concerned about my own problems and acceptance and trying to understand what should I do with life. I keep looking at him, as he exists Grindr eventually, cooling off his own joke, as I close my eyes, trying to keep John away from my thoughts, at least for now. It was around this age, that I kissed Brian. The memory crashes upon me with Brian’s chapped lips covered in red lipstick, as I had hurled him on top of my bed, locking, pinning him down, making sure he wouldn’t make a noise. 

I light a cigarette, Alex now letting me to myself, as we slowly reach home and Kate greets us with Archie ballistically jumping on both of us, as I keep my silence, Kate concerned with Alex’s rendez-vouz with Miles later tonight. I watch all three of them for a while, before I just push the door open to head in, not even Archie following me. 

I close myself in the office, closing my eyes as I rest on the sofa, forgetting that Kate had refurnished the room last month, so it still seems new to the eye, as I just sit there for quite a while, making sure that my appearance is surely after Kate’s bed time. 

The anticipation for tomorrow is far too odd, I haven’t been on a date with a man for a while, I sigh, recalling my talk with Kate many years ago, how she wouldn’t mind still seeing women, both of us not too thrilled with the idea of marrying, but each other seemed like something tolerating and we agreed to speak of if someone worthy appeared and years passed and our toleration just got better and Kate seemed to enjoy the life she had with me, she was pleased, not content, sometimes muttering things and we both had an affair with my secretary, who I ended up firing, because nothing seemed to be going anywhere.

Kate still sees her from while to while, as Alison would just glance at me, I ended up hiring her again and we still have some coldness among us, Alison’s confusion only being thrown into the pool as our own. 

I start recalling Brian briefly how I had walked from college, my lip bruised and split open, blood already staining my shirt from the trail on my neck, as I had stared at myself in the mirror, observing the bruised lip after the fight I had gotten in with whoever had called me and Brian fags during the brief period where we had decided to make out in front of one of the buildings and then we had both been hurled against the walls, in warning, but later that day I was the one pushed against a wall and pushed, I had managed to redeem myself and I hope had broken that person’s nose, but I had tripped while kicking him on the floor, only to stand up to be punched and have my lip split open, a coda to the fight, as I had went back to the dormitories, suit in hand, all body shaking

to see myself in the mirror with naked fear

and soon enough me and Brian would stop dating, so visibility was no longer an issue.

I close my eyes shut, telling Alex to talk to me tomorrow unless urgent when he knocked and eventually he left, music slowly playing from his headphones. 

I check my watch, still displeased with the time as I just open my laptop, wondering what else could be leaked of John, nothing on google and seems to be likely that he would cover up anything else. 

Confusion and some slight desire for the past seem to wash over me. 

It wasn’t the fall of innocence, it was fall of oneself, the fall of love really. He’d go through and forth in my mind, year after year, like a flower I was manually dismantling the petals, hoping that the memory would go ugly somehow. That all had collapsed on the night of dad’s death, as he had found out about Brian, I had known that I’d inherit the business but he kept yelling that someone as impure to touch another man would never be able to be a human being,

it’s metaphorical that when I recall his words I still see myself in that mirror, as if I would be banging against it, hoping that on the other side of my reflection there would be something else, if everything would be turned around, that there wouldn’t be any homophobia and I stopped caring if it wasn’t even me on the other side of the reflection, that I would change, I didn’t care-

I just wanted out.

Words strike you, even if you can’t recall them sometimes and I had met Kate then, who I had known slept with women and she had smiled at me, I wasn’t as shallow to say that she was good-looking, but we got along, she heard about how I had inherited, that I’d have to take over the business and she was fascinated by it, even if people thought that the golf club would just collapse, it was quite small even if it afforded the life of the entire family in quite a good way, it was still a local club. She was adorable and she could hold a conversation, either read or be about to read the books I’ve read.

We tagged along for a good while, becoming really close friends, Kate sore from her last break up and we seemed to be very refreshing to each other and soon enough, the idea since we got along and it had been a year, I was slowly bringing the business somewhere, graduation nearly behind, I had kissed her, it wasn’t fireworks, it was a mix of confusion, yet I still adored her, how she resembled a pixie with her blonde dyed hair and obsession with fashion, how she seemed to always check on me and soon enough we got our own place. 

It’s not that we’ve even had ups and downs, sometimes we’d just distance ourselves from each other and ended up getting old in our own ways. Kate had embraced the life of a Republican wife and I still struggled, she disagreed with nearly everything, but she enjoyed the conventions, the bored wives as she’d still fight to teeth and bone on outfits and sometimes I’d wonder if she’d mean it and by the end of the day, she did, but she was enjoying herself and we seemed to love each other, just not in the way you’d ever want to be loved. 

-

And this ended up being 3k xD it was a bit over 2k and I wanted to write more so I kept it and this is what happened xD 

I started writing it back on blow job day as I was informed of it's existence and I ended up chucking it here first before Fellatio (the milex story which is very graphic xD) and yeah xD 

I dunno I kept discussing it with Callie how much I love Jamie's and Alex's relationship because usually I end up shipping them one way or another and that's usual their bond rather than a family bond, so I quite enjoy that and their whole jokes and puns xD 

And originally I was wondering if I should just do Jamie as someone whose first attraction to men would unravel in the story, but it ended up being unrealistic in my eyes for Jamie in this case and in general I've been musing a lot about Jamie and Brian, so he was chucked into this story and as usual they had broken up by the beginning of it, not that he wouldn't come back though xD I dunno, I'll see xD

The erection joke came after that paragraph was written actually xD please forgive me for I am very sleepy at the moment xD I don't know what to comment, I find it funny and I hope other people too, since this is the second chapter, so you've put up with my humor so yeah xD

The image of Jamie looking at his bruised lip seemed to stick to me and I was thinking to stick it in Canteen, but I ended up taking it here and it just seemed like a strong lingering image of a younger Jamie. The whole idea with the mirror is inspired by a paragraph I had written for Blue/Jacket regarding being trans and I just applied it to Jamie's situation, because being queer in gender or sexuality is fucking hard and sometimes you wonder why does society struggle so much to accept.

And I quite love Kate here and in general I love Kate and I always call her a pixie in conversation with Callie, so I used that because dunno I just always liked her and I'm sad that the topshop collection is ridiculously pricey and the quality isn't too good either, as we've got pretty much nearly item of clothing here in Sweden in Topshop for ridiculously even higher prices. Oh, well, I'll be waiting for the colored mascara. I just can't stand people who do nothing, so I'm quite happy that Kate is designing a bunch of stuff, coz she's really cool and I've been a fan since… she dated Pete? And yeah funnily enough I didn't like Jamie when she just started dating him and I was sulking wishing for her to reconcile with Pete xD

I hope you enjoyed it and if you did please tell me so:3

<3

Jamie

Blue/Jacket 3

I can’t help but look at his chilly state and how much of a contrast our attires our, our appearance in general is quite contradicting, even if our height is close to each other, we still seem like a broken reflection, two sides of a card. We keep walking and he doesn’t go deep into Gamla Stan, walking faster, now the pick and mix gone, either smiling at me softly, observing or asking me about what jobs do I do and I just feel myself start blacking out, wondering what does he even want of me, as I observe the paradox of entity. I feel odd as if all my life, all my dreams were leading up to the moment and even with shuffling a bunch of cards and being fortune told by different people he would show up, sometimes the fortunes told would be wonky, never done by people who knew what they were doing, but he would show up. I can’t help but keep staring at him up to the point that it’s even impolite.

Is he too airy for me?

Is he the one?

Are we supposed to shag and I just feel insecure and dysphoric about my body, but he doesn’t seem to be showing much interest, just some polite curiosity. 

“So... what bands are you into?” He asks for the third time after I ask him to repeat his question, as he actually zips his jacket for once, when it’s actually not that chilly and I look at his black boots. I wish I could pull mine off as well as he does. I scratch my head. We should have similar music taste. 

“The Jam?”

“Oh, I like the Strokes and 50 Cent.” I don’t think I want my dreams to come true. I just look away, I know I’m kidding. It’s aligned and I think I pretty much want it and it seems to be the blood within me, which I pump in and out of my heart. 

I think I’ve started the affair in my head already by the time he kept coming back in the dreams, already acknowledging my age and by seeing him still airheaded from myself gives me confusion. But doubt still seems to linger as I realize that we both know close to nothing of each other and he surely knows nothing of what I believe seems to be wrapped as faith in fate. I still can’t seem to keep staring at him, my cheeks warming up and too many doubts in my head, that I’ve still got a long way to go for surgery and I’m not entirely flat with my binder, that my hands are still small, my face shape isn’t the best and pretty much I’m only thankful for my voice already being deep as given and some facial hair which I pompously shave in the morning. It was odd to do for the first time, pressing the razor against the skin, a daily task which seemed to be not mine was now in my hands and shaving off something I want to grow. It’s an odd metaphor, killing off something you want.

And it’s surely not Alex I want to kill off.

I’m sure he wants more pick and mix as he slows near the 7/11. 

And he walks in, as I see that he has a bunch of quirks which I seem to have been tied in at the present as well, meaning I get to see him choose all the sour pieces all over again as he just walks in circles around the small section.

Do I want to be with a person who just bought a kilo of pick and mix?

But what is fate? Is it walking up to a person and saying that I’ve dreamt of him and his jacket? And where do I fit in? I’m sure he has friends and he is friends with doctors and I’m sure he’s taken anyway. I don’t even know if he’s gay or interested in men, actually, I don’t know if he’s transphobic, but then he never said anything and he doesn’t seem to mind me as we head out and I quickly buy a coke, annoyed at the price which is pretty much the same to a litre bottle of coke in ICA. He offers me it again, as we slowly make our way out of the old streets, past an English bookstore with a poster of Kerouac hugging someone else, but I don’t pay much attention, instead staring at the BUY THE GUARDIAN HERE sign, but I just walk past with Alex, who seems to look up and see the lights which still seemed to be hinting out Christmas, but they’re still pretty so they don’t seem to bother him. 

I can’t help but frown at the side and I don’t understand why would people hang onto something which forced them out, but instead I see a guy walk out, said Guardian under his arm, and smile briefly, looking at my companion. He’s much shorter than us and his skin is also a few shades darker, evidence of some long tan and he walks up to him, a dark blue coat which seems to stick out even here. 

“Hey, Al.” And he stretches a packet of cigarettes as the nurse takes one and the man’s attention is shifted towards me, as Alex greets him. He keeps looking at me, a bit too intimately and he glances at my chest, which is fucking well binded and my coat is over it, so I do give out a flat impression and I just stick my head closer to my scarf as he just shrugs and inhales, glancing back at Al.

“I’m Miles.” I say, causing both of them to glance at me and I just want to slap my gender before anything else is presumed and Alex just smiles, lightly, the other man lighting his cigarette as his dark eyes are still looking at me, not a glare, but something far too untrustworthy seems to be glued to my forehead which causes him concern. 

“Jamie.” The man says and looks down at his cigarette. I could nag about his gender neutral name, but I don’t, a bit too used of throwing back “compliments” at people who seem to think that something is wrong with me, so I point them out that maybe something about them is just as queer as I am. I feel a bit insecure as I look at him cleanly shaved and hair clearly styled and the coat, which seems a bit too much of a female fit, but he seems to be comfortable in his own shoes, while he catches me on the fact, that I don’t. 

We both take a side from Alex, as he seems to be the middle ground, as we start walking already out, the bridges in sight and soon enough the train station. We all keep our silence. 

“Miles, this is...”

“I’m Alex’s ex.” He interrupts bitterly, his heavy gaze now on Alex, who just starts searching his jacket pockets for the train ticket, as we all swiftly follow and I feel the blood in my ears pulsing.

He’s into men. 

Alex is into men.

But would he count me as one?

I feel myself grow cold and even shiver lightly as I wrap the gray scarf tighter around me, wishing I still thought it was cold enough to bring gloves. 

And Jamie is into men, as well.

It feels unsettling to see him with the Guardian, which is later passed onto me, like a muffler as he whispers something into Alex’s ear, his eyes still holding a cold stare, as if he’s with a hammer trying to shatter my wall to reveal me naked, but he sees me already and in the train I end up flicking it over, trying to block my mind with one poison to the other, as I flick through pages, which speak of different things and I keep flicking, my throat clogging up and I see people like me, graze the pages, an outbreak of transphobia and it feels like some sad irony to remind myself of how much I’m not wanted back home and I try to clog up memories of traveling to different small art stores and before leaving, how weird it felt not having a student ID anymore.

Jamie keeps looking at me, unbuttoning his coat, glancing at Alex who keeps looking at the darkness behind the windows. 

I look up to drop up at our Slutstation, which literally means last station and once we jump off, a man takes off his hat, mocking and I just see Jamie rolls his eyes as Alex smirks, as if all three have held hands once to realize that neither of them were lovers to the other and once I glance at the new man’s dark eyes something dark seems to yank me, like the hidden crack in the deja vu and I hear the noise of a train and I turn around to hear nothing.

Alex is into men.

The new man now exchanges cigarettes with the other three and I wonder if there is some hidden catch, behind the three, but no deja vu feeling came with Jamie who once I glance harshly exhales his smoke, throwing his arm around the new man, kissing his cheek as Alex awkwardly shuffles his feet and they all turn, as if torn to the escalator. 

-

Sorry, I've had this written for quite a while and I'm finishing the next chapter actually xD and it's nice to be in Stockholm where the story is set, it's good to be back XD and I can walk around, like today me and Callie passed the 7/11 where Al bought the pick and mix again xD 

I didn't post it because I figured that the prologue should really show Jamie, Alex and Jack better and yeah I wanted to post the first chapter of it as well :D 

Well, I fortune tell and I've been fortune told and it's weird to know what awaits you, yet soothing so yeah Miles confusion is quite understandable xD 

Originally Miles was going to meet Jamie and Jack in Alex's apartment but the idea was shifted. 

The bookstore doesn't have anything really and yeah, it exists and has a section dedicated to the Beats which is lovely though:) and the poster exists xD and the fact that they sell the Guardian, which I guess for me sticks out as someone who lived in the UK would want to buy and read, frankly I never liked it and I had to do a bunch of coursework on it which was quite boring because analyzing their articles from a writing perspective. And yeah, there's enough photos of Jamie with the Guardian xD 

Of course I had to shamelessly mention that Jamie is a nice gender neutral name, because it is XD :P and yeah, I have this thing for Jamie's double breasted female section coats :3 which he always wears pretty much. 

And Jack briefly shows up:3

I hope you enjoyed it as well, I just love the fact that Miles is trans and yeah, we should really stick more non-cis characters and myself as well. I dunno, I just really love this story and yeah :3

Please tell me if you enjoyed it as well as I was quite anxious, I mean, this is the only non-cis milex story so yeah:3 

<3