Sunday, 7 June 2015

What's Wrong? 4

I don’t get to say anything at all, as I can only glance at her briefly from afar with her clothing and see how skinny her wrists are and how tired her eyes are. People don’t talk much or rather women don’t pushing themselves further because until you let go of the carousel of what should you look like, it messes with your head and I had been yanked out of it while I had been dating a bloke who insisted I was dragging myself to the grave and I had still found it hard to eat but I still tried to catch up with Daniel on food. She looks at me with colder eyes as they contrast the heat which is creeping onto our toes and she goes back to the said Vogue. 

I could never approach people, I would wait until they do and she goes before me into the bus as I go after her, looking at her ripped shorts and heels. So the question is really what would sexual attraction be and how often does the pendulum swing? Is it really just attraction to people then or is it something deeper, but pansexuality just felt normal because everyone was just people as I sat a few seats behind her, propping my legs on the opposite seat in the back of the bus, getting chewing gum and pretending that the streets were prettier than she was. 

And how is it even that you approach people who wouldn’t even leave my throat as me and Daniel sat in the gardens, both eating a salad each, watching dogs run around with their boyfriends, Daniel complaining that one bloke he knew broke up and ended up getting a boyfriend the next day later and I just shrugged, knowing that we had ended up being in a relationship where we had not touched each other and slept on the other’s couch and even done a fort while the other had been ill. I wondered if I even felt a rush from him.

And trying to open the dressing with my teeth I see the Vogue girl with her shorts asking people for a lighter as the fork in my hand starts shaking and Daniel opens his mouth to ask before he starts blindly trying to find what the fuck has caused my anxiety all of a sudden. 

“She gave him a razor.” Daniel says gibberish to distract me as I snap to look back at him and then she’s gone. I was staring at pure grass. And then I look at him confused and I wonder if she had even managed to find the lighter and that’s when I look at Daniel again, wondering how come I’m not a teenager anymore to take risks and cry while listening to The Velvet Underground, realizing how come he had slipped from my fingers because I just couldn’t risk anything more, because already talking to someone even for an hour of a day was better than in a solitude cell, so you decide that a draw is better than a win. And it would be funny to cry with the same CD again over some bloke. 

The rest of the day was me and Daniel talking about the economy and how we both had to cut down buying dolls and even sinned by ordering some rare ones online still. He had been excited to get the Nefera, as I had the first one so I just waited for the Catty Noir instead, wondering and trying to picture if she would ever walk in and get a doll as well and maybe it would only ever be me and Daniel and we would never utter something we had both known as he told me that I could have the first Catty indeed. 


It's really weird because this story is short so it's very plot-driven so there's not a lot to tell like everyone's significance here xD 

I've been on a semi-hiatus due to travelling, moving house, doctor's (yes, I finally started bipolar medication hoorah) and I get anxious if people enjoy it so I'd like to say a thank you to everyone who enjoys my Interpol stories and not only. Everyone. You make my days.

Because I barely had time it takes ages because now I'm rusty to type up, but I typed up all this chapter today yay xD and a bunch of bits of others so soon enough you'll have longer chapters in stories and etc (keeping the suspence on which stories xD)

I kind of wanted to address weight loss and skinny culture which thankfully I don't give a shit about to myself since I'm male and it's very refreshing to see that it's not as toxic so I've been accepting my body more, so I'll be addressing it here because it is toxic and that's why the choice of characters here:)

the "she gave him a razor" I think was a line I was learning in duolingo and I like the sound of it so it had been in my notes and I used it xD

Also shoutout to MH dolls xD

I hope you enjoyed it and sorry, I really have to keep my mouth shut on everything because it's all so closely-knit xD

Also I would cry to The Smiths, but Alison in real life hates them so I took VU also shout-out to the nameless ex (aka Jamie through out here xD) which is really just a mention because well most of us have an ex list:)

thank you so so so much for your support and thank you



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