Tuesday, 19 July 2016

days of innocence 2

They still all look at me, disapproving of my plain briefs, but Miles is already in the water, so I just go forwards, leaving our clothing behind. There are no valuables with us since there is nothing to really drag around. I don't really bother much, even if it feels too cold to begin with – the water, that is. Miles already starts by floating on his back idly, lifting his head a bit to make sure that I am next to him and I just join him on his idle activity, letting my hearing go away from me as soon as my ears go underwater. It's far too calm for anyone else to disturb us, as we happened to crash a bunch of over forty year old's tanning sessions, so we had the lake all to ourselves besides the fishermen on another side of the lake.

Soon enough I got bored of just staring at the sky and decided to swim a bit ahead, leaving Miles behind, realizing that I haven't seen him in too long to splash him out of his trance. But it wasn't like my swimming wasn't leading me into a trance as well, I just swam further to observe the feral trails between the woods and the naked hills. I never understood how come people called it beautiful, it all seemed like the same fields to me, the same grass and the same nurturing green which you could see anywhere.

But I kept swimming, until I felt Miles catch up on me, smiling and wondering himself. I saw him slightly open his mouth to say something, but he decided against it. I guess we were far too old to pretend that we were bored, because we were actually bored and we seemed to be harvesting a conversation, allowing it to arise somehow without either of us even trying. I don't even know what to ask and how awkward can we even get when it comes to questions.

So I decide to dive, allowing my body to try and pretend that something idle but nicer has happened to it. It's just so boring, that the thoughts just crawl in my head, but I run out of oxygen too soon, so I decide to head back to the surface, leaving the warmth of feeling nothing and some sort of nostalgia for last summer which was just as boring as this one should be. I end up gasping a bit for air, as Miles is ahead of me, but once he hears my breathing he turns around to check on me and eases from the sudden thought that I could be in any sort of distress.

Miles after a short pause, starts swimming again, somewhat closer to the middle of the lake, making me realize how much we had swam from the shore and I wonder if we would even be able to make it to the other side. It seemed more like drowning was a stronger alternative to that.

Once I catch up to Miles, he just looks at me and I guess we both try to ruffle our minds and try to act as casual as we could. Because as children, you don't have to think much about being awkward and how it would feel in failing a conversation. So-

“So you seeing anyone, Al?” Miles asks me and I feel a blush creep up on my cheeks, because literally everyone had started shagging and I kind of felt behind, always tumbling around when it came to girls. I had girlfriends and girls I've kissed and even crept up their shirts, but I still had to go further. I knew that eventually Miles would ask that and I'd have to confess that I was stuck with that torture.

“No, not now.” The last girl was just us making out during some gig and that had been it. Maybe I had taken her to a pub, but it was so short and she had left so early, that I decided that it was not even worth recalling even if I could still see her leopard print coat even if the warmer days of spring had already hit us, giving us a trembling peak of an orange summer. “You?”

“No.” Miles says, but realizing that saying no always kills a conversation. And after all this was the juciest coneversation we would have and we already decided to pick out the ripest fruit. “I broke up a while back from this girl, got unlucky, I guess.”

I bet he would shrug and I actually got sad that neither of us had the luck in girls, so I wondered if he had managed to shag someone. If he had better luck than I had. We both looked at each other in desperate hope, that somehow we would click or maybe I was just panicking on how awkward I was.

“What happened? You alright now?” I quickly add the second question, as if I could touch him and pat him on the back in some comfort.

“Oh, yeah, yeah. We just... I don't even know what happened. She just said she wasn't feeling it. I mean, I wasn't head over heels in love with her and well, it would be strange for it to be so after a month of dating, but she just said, that there was something off.” He pauses and looks at me. “God knows why.”

“That's sad and I'm sorry that it happened. Did you like her, though?” I feel like he would lie even to himself, as he looks rather distraught from the whole turn the conversation has taken, even if he was the one to tie the noose around his neck.

“M... Yeah, I guess. I did like her. But I can't really chain her to myself, can I?” He sighed and stopped for a bit, to rest, to pause everything and it was just us alone in the lake and I looked behind to see that the pensioners had long gone apparently, as we were swimming this whole time. It would have gone dark by now, if it were to go dark or if it were a different season upon us, but instead we are drenched in a milky sky and no illusion of the night which causes us to fall asleep, instead it feels like chunking down life in a way.

“Of course.” I pause finally as well and we just swim close to each other. “But that's still... sad though. I'm actually sorry. I mean, sometimes it doesn't work out because it's not meant to be and sometimes the right person will be right next to the lost one, so she was just giving way.”

I think for a bit.

“Maybe the other one will have bigger tits.” I shrug, moving my legs a bit faster because it's starting to get a bit chilly.

“Hopefully. She was actually a bit flat.” Miles remarks, himself looking back and dreading the swim back.

“I don't think I'd care too much.” I think about it for a bit before saying.

“Me neither.” He adds flatly and we both give small smiles.

“I just figured it would be a supportive message.” I say.

“That's nice, Al. Thanks.” At least there is some bond, because we've played as kids, so there is at least something to pretend about and after all, we won't see each other again unless we get dragged next summer again, but it feels like this could be the final end of childhood. After that something else awaits, which will just somehow unravel like a night's scarf will and show the stars and you'll never know how many.

“I really think we should start swimming back.” Miles says and I just nod, a new question creeping onto me and I wonder if I do want to unravel more complicated questions, as everything feels like a clean but known slate. I just glance at him. “What's up, Al?”

“I guess I'm rather tired, that's all. And I started thinking. I had this girl just walk out on me, so then I started thinking if I were to be one to ask if you believe in love, is it stupid that I'm asking at such age?” I actually voice out my thoughts, which causes Miles to swim a bit slower and look at me rather confused. I would look at myself the same way, if Miles were to hold a handheld mirror right to face me, but instead if the water were calmer, I would be able to look down and see my own confused self.


I don't think so. It's alright to ask, I think.” It feels like a question which I could ask to bring us closer, after all, at least I wouldn't waste time with nothing upon my hands, at least I would get a close friend. And I imagine us actually meeting back in the city, when the winter hits low with snow and we can look at each other and laugh at the red cheeks which frost gives us. “I do believe in it and I think you can find it at any age.”

Maybe I give him a funny look.

“What? Aren't you supposed to be the romantic one with the Little Prince and shit?” Miles softly laughs at me. “Of course you can meet anyone at any age. Just like you can meet them when you're rather old.”

I realize that I've had this conversation with girls who hadn't cared about me, but I try to tuck that away like a bad card on my hand.

“And then just die of a heart attack and not even in the arms of your beloved, because they served you coffee last night and you weren't at that stage yet. It's sad.” Miles says and I wonder who of us is crazier.

“I just try... to calm myself down, that it's alright to be late or that everything will come to me later.”

“Did you not fuck a girl or something?” Miles teases me. It feels too much, so I make a face and look at him, as if begging him not to go there and I'm sure the sun has decided to roast my brain, that I am already revealing all my secrets or it could be because of the cold water or because I am terribly tired of swimming. Miles look at me, feeling a bit bad. “I'm a virgin, too.”

I blink, as if I had found another alien, just like me when I thought I was abandoned.

“I thought I'd shag the girl I told you about, but alas. I did like her.” Miles bites his lip and looks down, still swimming faster.

“I just thought I'd shag, to be honest.” I smirked, trying to lighten up the situation, but I guess that's why Miles raised the topic in the first place, because he wanted to speak of it, to let it flow away instead of letting it eat him this summer. And I try to think of something.

“You can stay with us for the night, if you want. Then we can just relax, instead of you sulking around. I mean, I don't really share my love life with my gran. If you do, that's alright, but I don't.” I say. “Then we can have a sleepover and stuff. It's not like there is anything else to do anyway.”

I add, as if making this sound like a terrible advertisement.


I really love this story and I'm really feeling it now since it's summer and whatnot. I really love it.

I did this in two sittings, with most just written now and I just kept binging and stopped literally because I had reached the word count, to be fairly honest. I would've even gone on to keep describing everything which is going down. 

I'm having a tough time keeping them apart, because I'm not good at keeping any of my characters from fucking right away, that's why they go on such a deep conversation, but it's also something I dp rather often, because I'm always craving to know people who I know or who I'm interested in, even if Miles and Alex don't fully know it yet. 

Ah, yes, no valuables, no cell phones, what an odd time that was. 

I just kept binging this and binging, thinking of their conversation and that's how it really came to be. I let my imagination go wild and there's not much backstory, this story comes out of thinking of boredom and summer love, really. 

I hope you really enjoyed this and I'm happy that the second chapter is out :)




  1. I want to binge on this story too :D I like reading about the innocent Miles and Alex ... It's very different from your other stories and with my current mood it's perfect ❤
    I really hope you'll update again soon.

    Ps. I guess I'll soon upgrade to "stalker" the way I comment on every update of every milex story ... Can't help but love them! HaHaHa

    1. Haha, I'm so obsessed with this story that I have a chapter done so I'll be posting it later today:) I know, I love how different and carefree it is and it's quite relaxing to write it as well.

      Hahahah, no worries, it really really really motivates me and makes me feel better that you're reading them tbh:)