My mum says I’m lying, that it’s all in my head. Hmph grown-ups can't explain, they blame it on you, because the society says so. If I'd be badass and not real, my mission would be to kill it, but I am a dinosaur condom.
They say that’s it’s easy to explain, but I just stare.
I show them my writings, but they ignore them, looking off into a distance as everything begins to spin.
They say side effects. All of them, as I hear them hissing, talking, hushing as I feel a pain screeching through my body as all I can emit is tears, as I hold my tongue not to scream.
It fades out.
I wonder if they’ll cut me. Dig their hands into my body, most likely my chest, fiddle with my lungs and yank them forward, as I’ll gasp from my sleep.
It feels horrible.
I see myself sitting.
Cars, cars, cars, cars, cars.
I emit a hissing cough as I cup my ears watching the cars grab speed and drive faster, further into the driveway. I look down, or rather back to see more cars below. They all go in a maniac speed that I can’t make out the colours as they turn into a bleached out intense gray. I stare dumbly at them, behind and in front of me, dodging every possible move of mine.
I realize how my hair out grew.
I realize that I need a shave.
I realize that I am sitting cross-legged staring at the gray, wondering if I’ll ever come back.
It feels like life, going so fast that it is impossible to catch it.
And you have to sit cross legged throughout all your life, waiting for days to pass dumbly, as we kill them ourselves. School. We just kill our days by going there, dazing off at lessons, as we pray that we’ll get the fuck out of there and do-
What did I want to do?
It felt blank all of a sudden.
I have no reason
Who did I love?
It felt like a suicidal moment, when the mind goes blank, the breath is getting heavier to do, a nagging in the head and the option of ripping the thread apart with your bare hands seems like the only option. I gasped, looking down, watching more cars drive by, as an echo held out in the tires, cars breaking air, hissing traffic.
It was calling me.
I closed my eyes, swallowing, still feeling the numbness and pain in my throat. I leaned back, feeling the cars nearly touching my head. Just an inch. I stretched out my legs, not letting them too near as I opened my eyes feeling my head fall to the ground.
Day Twenty Two