Tuesday, 9 April 2013

Always Golden

I just wish I could operate with a cigarette in my mouth, as I press the brain lightly to get a reaction. And in less than an hour I’m done.

I get called out by the nurse to see my father.

I walked out in bloody gloves just to give him a small fright and we walk into my cabinet. I’ve got a break, I can do what I want.

“Yes, dad?” I raise my eyes and I realize how much I need a fag. I start taking off the bloody gloves as he just stares at me and I don’t raise my eyes.

“She’s dating, Brian, she’s fourteen. I mean, she’s my little girl, I don’t want anything to happen to her.” I choke.

“What the fuck? Dad you sound like a fucking pedophile.” I cut him off, I motion two fingers to my mouth, hinting that I want a smoke. I’m not interested in listening about my younger sister and he knows that. Dad just shows me the cigarette box and I grab a white bic lighter, another reason to freak out my dad, as I am left handed. Shame, I play drums not guitar. We both head out and I wave to another doctor, looking past all the patients who run around the infirmary.

I had a dream last night where I just had to look at someone and I could give them oral. Mmm. Man or woman, doesn’t really matter, this is where I am pansexual and I’ve came out and gone to pride with someone’s blood on my shirt when I was a teenager, when we were dissecting something, but people go to pride with animals, so I went with blood my patients would later give me.

“What is it?” I exhale and my dad sits on the bench, shame we don’t have wooden benches, all the memoir we have is literally paintings and posters of good doctors and patients, I’m guessing.

“I’m telling you, my little girl is dating.” He says again.

“For the love of fuck, just cut it off. I dated when I was twelve-”

“Steven.” Dad interrupts me as well, we’re as impatient yet we stand each other with our family circle being awfully small.

“So? You didn’t go around, oh my God, my poor little boy is getting fucked in the ass, did you?” I say inhaling deeply, rolling my eyes behind my eyelids, tension flowing away and my mind becoming a light haze. “Hey, little girls, little boys, all sounds like you’re a pedo.”

I’m being harsh, but I never got the protectiveness I would have gotten as a woman instead I got footballs in my mouth and broken teeth to be fixed later by a dentist in a few weeks time, waiting list. If I were a woman I’d be taken somewhere else, I always thought being a girl would be better, but the thing is, I don’t have to become a woman to be sensitive. I’ve gone in dresses and thought of dysphoria, but in the end I just became a man, more manly, actually managing a game of football and I love men as much as I love women. I had to linger between bisexuality and pansexuality until I realized that I don’t care what you have, I don’t care if you’ll fuck me with silicone, as long as our sex isn’t simply you fucking me or me fucking you monotonically until you cheat on me, I don’t care.

I like sex toys, I like dildos, vibrators, clothing, I even do doctor and doctor but my previous partner shrieked when I’d dress up as a doctor and she never visited me at work. She lied to me about being ok and was straight. Sometimes I hate women more than I hate straight men, who get grossed out as I speak of anal sex and double sided dildos with men.

Sometimes I even hate my own father for being so heterosexual, but he accepts me, so we finnish our cigarettes, agree to go to the arcade and cinema later, no matter what movie, I guess the moment matters.


The idea came to me as Callie mentioned something random, like joke with Brian and a doctor, I don't even recall the conversation, besides me saying "I'LL MAKE BRIAN A DOCTOR". And I've been really irritated at the whole "my little girl will not be touched", it's gross, so it went in play here. I love Brian and in my head Battle For The Sun never happened:) I'm an old Placebo fan and yeah:D

I really like pansexuality, not being pansexual myself so I've been toying with having a character like that and I know, this is AU so Brian has a different sexuality and doesn't play guitar.

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did:D Hopefully I'll write one request a day now, yay! ^___^

Request and thank you



  1. I'm fuckin curious about the next part! Good job!!!

  2. :D awwww, thank youuuuu request taken ^__^ sorry it's gonna take a while chapter 2 is request number 40, while chapter 3 is number 44 >.>

    thank youuuu