Tuesday, 23 April 2013

Talk to the night

“I only like the flowers near the roads, the narcissuses.” Stephanie, Lana’s girlfriend smiles and I do as well. I see my sister Lana start laughing slightly, her eyes closing and I see that one arrow on one eye is shorter, but I don’t say anything, from those time when I was dating women and I would get a snap in my direction.

“I liked them because...” I make a pause and I see Lana giving Stephanie a spoonful of cake and I can see their rings glittering, reminding me that they had found each other in their early twenties and I was stuck in my mid thirties with no hope. But I catch Stephanie’s attention and she looks like a reflection of Lana both having their hair straightened, only Lana’s hair being brown and Stephanie’s a very light blonde. I had seen her with Lana applying the white powder once, she changes tones sometimes, just as she changes hair, being the exotic out of the two, while Lana was more insane in life, Stephanie was in looks. Lana was the one who would randomly take a truck and drive through few cities, her future wife laughing and she’d be the one getting the booze and shaking off men, but always being nice.

Sometimes they were like a picture, when you enter their house, they have photos of each other instead of the wallpaper with photos of dogs which they’ve had or could not find, some magazine cut outs as Lana would always walk around with a camera, grinning.

“Because?” Stephanie asks, her green eyes glittering. I swallow.

“Because that was the only source of understanding I’d see from heading out of a counsellor.” I say. Lana looks down, but Stephanie’s interest is already like tools spread out on the table.

“Why did you do counseling?” Stephanie asks. And now this is Lana’s turn to reply as I simply go back into the kitchen to pour myself some tea but I hear my sister and her wife clearly, even if I would go underwater, I could still hear her.

“Max dated this guy called Jamie. He cheated on him and when he realized Max wasn’t coming back, he shot himself, leaving a bunch of letters addressed to Max. It was even years after, he had kept banging on Max’s door.” I continue where I can interrupt Lana.

“He said he had fallen in love with me again, wider and more than ever. We were each other’s first so Jamie had no idea how to act the first time, he would even bring me flowers and besides blow jobs.” I smirk at the odd memory. “It took a while.”

I don’t say anything, seeing Jamie on top of me and how he would come, his neck stretched out, his fingers digging into my hips, my whole body aching as if from a spell which shatters. I could ask what she wanted to know.

“Anyway, he cheated on me. All I know it was a woman.” I say from the kitchen and I come back with a mug. Then something goes in Stephanie’s head. She turns to look at Lana. Lana just looks confused.

“It was a lot of years ago?” Stephanie asks.

“Yeah.” I say.

“Hince? Jamie Hince?” She asks and I feel a knife in my throat and I can see his stubble running through my head, him pulling me down and resolving all the love.


Stephanie just sits in silence, drinking her coffee, Lana starts laughing, she has nothing to fear, it was back when all women were closeted and thought being a lesbian was a sin and me and Jamie were out, scared of holding hands in public, back when we had been in our twenties. She dated her when she was a teenager. Stephanie would have never known.

Lana has nothing to fear. Jamie told me that the girl broke it off once she found out he was in love with another man and cheating.

Jamie told me it was back when spring just came and I had been walking, eating a 99 and for once I had a rainbow badge on my sling bag. He told me that’s when he realized if I have the guts for once, he would. He couldn’t explain how falling in love was like again, instead he just kept banging on the door.

And I lied for the first time.

“I NEVER LOVED YOU.” And he had shot himself on my doorstep. I lied.

I just didn’t love him then, the coward who couldn’t bring himself to fuck a man and fucked a woman instead. So the blood was mixed which was running. I had read the letters and I had known that they were poisoned.

But I had always loved Jamie Hince when I walked through narcissuses in the spring.


Been a while since I've written one shots which I want to be one shots. I hope you really enjoyed it and if it isn't obvious Stephanie is Lady Gaga really xD Yes, I'm a Little Monster :D I just prefered using Stephanie here and yeah:)

I got sad when I finished it and yeah :(

I loved it and I hope you loved it as well

Thank you



No comments:

Post a Comment