Friday, 9 August 2013

Ian's Ghost 2

Depression gets worse, I start counting the hours, no two hours are the same. It gets worse and worse, the only support I get is getting told that those around me feel worse, because they see my state.

Everyone fights over what to give me and who to drag me too.

Joining Ian seems on my lips, but so many things have happened and alcohol doesn’t help anymore. My whole body aches, sometimes it’s just parts and sometimes it’s the whole thing, I can’t turn my head anymore without losing my vision.

I don’t count the times I’ve cried, I don’t know where the money is going, as me and Ian split the apartment and I can’t afford it anymore.

Money from jobless parents just on pension doesn’t make sense either and my hands are too tied to find a job.

If I had a gun, I would shoot myself, my hands just don’t reach out for the plug, the only thought stopping me is that someone will find me nearly dead and will yank me out, just because suicide is illegal, I don’t even care about the words whispered among the family.

I’ll be dead.

I know there’s no heaven and I know there’s no Ian.


I do feel better now after remembering Stephen from The Well of Loneliness and recalling Lady Gaga's history, but I guess all the feelings and thoughts had to said and were indeed chucked into this chapter, so yeah

Well, yeah

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