Saturday, 17 August 2013

Poison the Rose 2

Men felt wrong, that’s the word, it felt like forced attraction, my eyes rolled back as their kisses traced back and forth. They were never there, while with women it was always different, on a phone both of us, dying nails, applying lipstick, mixing colours with kisses.

I don’t hate men, it's nowhere close, it becomes just the leftovers of some childhood right and wrongs, which I didn't follow.

I was terrified always of society raising their hands on me, because I was taking away something which was “rightfully theirs” to use in their needs, that I was taking women away, that other men were taking other men in the end hate becomes blind and my own speech becomes harmful at times, anger is hard to direct properly, when it's a whole structure maintained to hate itself.

Hate makes hate.

I don’t go on rallies, I just open my mouth on a woman and I french her like society tells her that love is something she will only read of, there will be no need for a pure hate-bred cishet family like in Orwell's 1984. But they forget that trans people may reproduce, that reproducing is a choice and when society does not feed, why give birth to the unwanted?

Thank God, amen.

Society makes us be with someone who we will love just to be bred, we are done as copies of copies, only numbers start mattering.

I leave, just wondering how much I like red heads and I could see Lana with red hair and I was fucking her a few days ago. I light a cigarette, wanting to dye my own hair red in her own death, wrap her bones around mine coming with the wrapping of flesh. I want to go inside and dissolve in her, it’s funny how I see Lana already skeleton or sometimes I see her mouth open, but now I know she has no hair and hopefully her eyes are closed unless the opened them to observe the tomb she is and carve things with her long nails, as she’d smile.


But she’s on the autopsy table, seen as a murder and sometimes they let me in, just sometimes and I can drink coffee, looking at her, the ring still faithfully on her finger and on mine as well.

We all love and I don't understand why should I be told to be with someone else. I thought that the best joke was that there is a lesbian that fakes her orgasms, the sex is very different, it becomes an act of something forbidden you had chosen to do, because you had wanted it so. I felt alive by women, I felt as if my colour was injected into the world. I can look back all I want and I’ve been kissed by women and had women hold my hands. It boils down to many things, I am attracted to women, that's all.

What becomes worse is when women reduce other women to their genitalia, when transwomen are rejected, when transmen are rejected for being trans. We become the movement we were always against, we ourselves become as shallow as those who yelled at the cis gay couple to breed.

I don’t understand sometimes how many hate speeches are done whether it's against men or women and they remain attracted to said gender either, that I would choke on my black coffee, myself not being a detective but watching my own rerun of Twin Peaks, eyes wide open with circles as black as the remains and I start seeing Lana  stroking the television, turning around and dancing in a silk dress, her hands upper and I stretch out my head, as if it would break and I feel her hands dance around my cheeks and I want Lana.

I kiss her hard, only feeling the silk of her material, a small cheating flirt, like she was, with all the butch women around her and I would sit in the corner as she would admire their tattoos, their necklaces and ask if they had bikes.

Lana’s first girlfriend comes to mind.


I wrote this chapter quite a while ago, actually I was very interested in the story and I love the pairing. A lot of ideas have been changing, but I believe the main one will still be there, I was thinking to change from Alison to Lana and back, but not now :D

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do :D and yes, there will be more and more sex XD (we're all here for it xD)

Please feel free to request and please donate:) if you donate you get a request which jumps over the queue :O

(2015): I don't want to go all Billy Martin and be all, hey, I don't like what I wrote so stash it, so frankly, I'm out in the open. This was revised. Back when it was written I had a problematic mindset and times were different. I'm sorry and yeah. We all fucked up, we all get told the wrong things and now I can just edit this and it has a different meaning and a fucking good one. Also it's a product of it's time, know it's more accepting to be a cis lesbian, back then it wasn't and I spoke of it. It's good that we gain acceptance somehow somewhere in time. 

Poison the Rose 3

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