Saturday, 11 October 2014

National Anthem

There are too many things which have to write down, even with a fucking marker to remember and this is one of them. It’s the post-coital imagination which seems to be riding horses and carriages, the vision still seems far too foggy to recall everything and the numbness of the fingers and the mouth is more than evident. The memory is far too vivid to recall everything step by step and the whole experience seems surreal from sharing cigarettes too getting drunk and observing every move he would do, as he would order and how slowly everything would start making sense that he’s into men as well, which seemed too much of a fantasy. If I could I would’ve tapped it all and lying to Alison wasn’t high on my agenda, but then not speaking enough would that still be lying as well? Sometimes fear takes over one’s head that you don’t even speak to those who you love or the answer “okay” to “how are you” seems bigger of a lie than ever only I can seem to glue the smile yet. 

The bar seemed to have a weird choice of music and in general hearing Blur outside the UK seems a bit too weird for me every single time and each establishment seems to have yanked some weird collection of songs which don’t make sense and don’t match the walls, and Sing by Blur had to be one of them. I can’t smoke inside, as I had been waiting for him, as Jack just solely offered a drink and Alison declined due to some headache, no jealousy just interest in both of us, which I had tried to ignore and even now. It should take a while, the mind has too much parallel thinking, as Alison can just swiftly slip through. 

It doesn’t snow, but the song always sounds like that to me, for some reason it makes me think of winter, how it barely ever snows in London, but when it does it gives a surreal feeling, that something is wrong, that something is caught in the frame which shouldn’t have been there and when Jack came in I tell him that and he just listens, interested.

I have no idea why should I even be interesting and it’s very bizarre to see him up close, his interest in me hadn’t dawned on me until much later in the night and I had nearly tripped carrying the new drinks, as I realized his eyes were locked on me the entire time, he was single as well. Well, he is single. 

Meg and Alison were avoided, yet talked about, as Jack seemed to have more fondness for Meg than Alison, but then me and Alison seemed to be a broken unsolved Rubik’s cube and discarded as well, only Alison seems to pick up it and throw it at me and I just stare at it, nostalgic and wondering why can’t I ever switch to even try again, but whenever that thought crosses my mind I either leave it or she’s nowhere to be found. 

And now all I’m left is with some post-sex glow which is soon to be reduced by a badly lit streetlight as I’m alone and I can’t even force myself to even get out of Alison’s room, that’s why I’m being not-so-vague about everything flashing in my head. It’s more of a hit of concentration which is needed. 

And the concentration doesn’t come, just thoughts racing and images flashing as if I were taking photos of him, back in the bar, just one after another as he would slowly move closer and capture me with his lips. In reality, I was more of a mess and I felt even intimidated as it was dawning on me that his eyes were for me solely, not for anyone else and that seemed to disturb me, shake me a bit and give me far too much hope and anxiety, considering that I’ve been with women for the past few years and his past might’ve just been a clean slate to me, he was the fantasy crawling in the back of my head and he was pounding on my imagination, telling me to let him in. 

One thing is flirting on stage and letting your thoughts get distilled later, but on the meantime let the smoke carry you away and for some reason no matter how much I would drink, I would still feel very much sober, my finger pulsing from anxiety and soon enough Jack just stood up and I just followed him and he offered to follow him upstairs and I felt as if I was just being tugged and pulled apart by ropes, but then all my anxiety draining as he had asked me far too many things, which I can barely recall now, my whole body still drenched in a mixture of kisses, sweat and all fluids. 

He seemed sober as well, I could barely trace any anxiety, just some surety in his voice as we would stand for a while in the middle of the room and the double bed was more than an elephant in the room. Sometimes not all stories are about love. 

“Sometimes no matter how much you try, you can’t get drunk.” I had smirked, throwing my two coins in for some bad flirtation. “Sometimes you just get drunk from the person.”

My insides had done a somersault as Jack had smirked and leaned down and captured my lips, my whole body getting electrocuted and lifted, as I just grab hold of him pushing him against me, clutching his jacket, teeth, tongue, lips and now he lowers his head as I expose my neck and he sucks on it harshly and I moan. Fuck.

Images flash in my head, but I’ll try to fucking keep it in my pants, sometimes it’s hard to keep accounts of everything. 

He had pushed me onto the bed, pinning me down, still biting and sucking my neck, my hips roughly grinding against his as I could feel him very hard in his pants and I wasn’t any less than he was. We both tasted of alcohol, cigarettes and some tucked in lust and luck from earlier. Jack took off his jacket and shirt as I lifted myself up and kissed him fast, biting his skin down his neck onto his shoulders, sliding my hand down much lower than my mouth, stroking his cock through his pants fabric with one finger, as my mouth keept leaving red traces as I would bite him down and stop at both nipples, closing my eyes and biting them before pushing Jack on his back and his fingers stopping at my hair, pushing me lower. 

As I got lower, licking now my way down, stroking his hard on roughly with my hand, pressing myself against the mattress, wanting release desperately already, but everything was just the peak of the whole scene. And there was also an epilogue to be awaited with. 

Anxiety keeps trying to shatter me that what if it’s just sex as everyone would speak, but having him laying on his back is more than a satisfying feeling. I unzip his pants, which already leave nothing to the imagination and I smirk at the black underwear, as if colour coordinated always and I kiss him over the underwear fabric as he just pulls his underwear down and I bite my bottom lip, holding for an act as I see his hard cock and it’s even bigger now released. I kiss the base, as I quickly glance at him, locking eyes before Jack moans and I lick my way up to his tip and slowly keep licking as he struggles to keep himself, diving himself before asking me to get a move on or enjoy torture. 

Sex is a form of elevation and scanning what I had written last night, I shouldn’t really be breaking the sex scene. It still has its own doubts and it’s as striking as shattering something dear in your hands in a fit of rage. And elevation always happens regardless of the degree of not admitting your own feelings. 

And it hadn’t gotten any better, my whole body shaking from the fact that we were both in bed and the desire of physical closure was becoming more than a shocking reality. And I was in it. I torture him even more as I go on top of him, now pulling my clothes down and over, so that I am naked myself and I grind myself against him, getting even harder and I kept my lips away from his as I watched him let me do whatever I want as I rubbed myself harshly against him as Jack moans, looking me at me directly in the eye and neither of us leans to kiss the other, making sure our eye contact is not broken, keeping us both on edge and not tipping each other but walking roughly on the edge. I press my index finger against his lips and he just keeps watching me, arm around my waist to make sure that I don’t stop rubbing and he only starts sucking on my finger as I slide it in his mouth and he closes his eyes for a brief while. I take my finger out pulling him back against me, crashing his lips against my own as we engage in a rough kiss, Jack grinding against me even harder. 

I get my self off him, as I get a good view on his whole naked self and how he clutches the bedsheets, fully erect. I sit next to his mouth as he just takes my cock and I moan lightly, tilting my head back, his fingers running on my tip before I feel him shift on his side and take me in his mouth, sucking as I am the one who clutches the bedcovers, trying to hold my hips firm as he takes more of me in his mouth and more before letting me slowly slide in and out, as I don’t even register how I’m fucking his mouth, my fingers now entangled in his hair as he puts his hand back on my cock, sliding his fingers up and down before he starts to fully stroke me, sucking half of me as I stop thrusting, all energy leaving me and escaping into my moaning as I open my eyes to see Jack’s hand slowly start stroking himself. I bite my lip, smirking.

“Can’t hold?” I breathe out, now back to fucking his mouth as he takes my cock out of his mouth and I sigh heavily, painfully turned on. 

“You’re the one who’s going to come in my mouth.” And he takes me back in as I gasp, as he takes me fully in, sucking, licking and booming me faster and harder, as I am back to lying on my back, Jack’s curls between my fingers as I push his head closer against me, forcing him to take much more and deeper, as I hear him moan, his hands now holding my hips down as I slowly start feeling myself closer and unraveling, Jack’s hands not holding me down anymore, as I thrust deeper and harder, my whole mind spinning, my body sweating and it’s getting worse, as he booms me faster and faster

I moan louder as my mind goes entirely blank, pleasure running through out all my body, as I quickly swore but Jack kept his head down and I come in his mouth, arching my back, digging my fingers into his hair, hips as close to his lips as he can take, dissolving entirely, some twisted ecstatic feeling of elevation not leaving me until I am fully done and I collapse, breathing heavily, Jack letting me slide out and he just spits me out on the bed covers and I am breathing too heavily and trying to catch my breath to smirk properly but I just flip him off for no good reason. 

I pull him back towards me as I kiss him, feeling myself bitter in his mouth but soon enough the taste wears off as I keep kissing him, rubbing my hands all over his body, as he pulls me closer and closer. I slide my hand between us as I kiss his cheek before sucking on his neck as I start stroking Jack’s cock harsher and harsher as he moans, eyes closed, his fingers roughly pressed against my skin, as he thrusts against my hand and then I switch us over, already turned on as I kiss him harsher, pulling his bottom lip with my teeth as he watches me half-hazed, too turned on as I kiss him before sliding a second hand between us, pushing his legs apart. He breaks the kiss. 

“Lube.” And he points to the bedside table and I open a drawer, rubbing my tongue against his as I raid until I get the small bottle, I smirk, thinking that it’s his travel choice and I pull myself from Jack’s lips, squeezing a fair amount on my fingers. He’s flushed from all the excitement and a small nervous flirtation greets us before I get back to where I was, tracing my fingers against his entrance as I lick his lips, Jack watching before I slide a finger in, moan, two fingers and he moans against my lips, watching me, keeping my gaze as I keep teasing him sliding with my fingers in and out. I keep stroking Jack with my other hand only much slower and even slowing when I see him near and he curses at me, even biting my lips if we are kissing, but not refusing, letting me torture him willingly as I get more turned on. I take my fingers out, getting more lube on myself and more into Jack, as he watches me, turned on and itching to release. I breathe a bit deeper as I position myself and close my eyes, slowly sliding in and Jack’s moans break my reality as I exhale, feeling far too turned on and hazed inside him. 

We both breathe harder as I stay inside him before thrusting for a while, as we both watch each other and Jack pulls me in for a kiss as I get my hand back to stroke him lightly as he moans against my tongue, arching his back as I slowly start moving inside him slowly, then going a bit faster, in and out, as Jack clutches my back, biting my lips harder, sucking on my tongue as I feel him breathe heavily and moan against me, his cock hard in my hand, as I slide my hand over his tip feeling his precum. I pull his lip with my teeth as I start thrusting in and out, harder, faster, my mind spinning even as I recall everything, my second hand’s fingers getting bitten by myself, as I was thrusting inside him deeper and faster, Jack’s eyes closed, biting his lips, barely holding until he doesn’t anymore and I keep thrusting deeper, feeling myself dissolve again and harder, as I pull him closer, pulling him up, sinking against his lips, feeling my hand covered in his cum as I come inside him as well, sinking even deeper, not stopping for a second against his mouth, kissing him even sloppy with heavier breathing. 

We both collapsed back on the bed, all time shattering and vanishing, breaths shared and lazily still snogging, bodies drained entirely. 


This story was requested by and dedicated to Amantfille

I literally outsexed myself XD My longest sex scene was 1.2 k in No. 1 Party Anthem and this one is nearly 1.7 k 8) I feel so sexily proud XD and yeah, I guess I've been plunging more into sex revolving stories as requested really. Sorry, I haven't been taking a lot of requests and posting I guess whatever and whenever I feel like, but don't hesitate if you want something, just I honestly dunno when I would have it up.

I spent a good while on this one and it was funny because I was scared if my sex scene would be short or if I would end up with a bad one. Yeah, I get scared when I write long sex scenes because it's more of a ok, focus, describe as much as you can Jamie, fucking concentrate, stop dazing off XD because I kind of have them fucking in my head, it's too distracting XD 

the idea I guess comes from my head canon if you must, I guess I ponder too much and I always wondered about Jamie and Jack and I guess this is just me aimlessly throwing darts with guesses and I don't know if I even hit anywhere close xD (I actually thought of this phrase for the backstory as I was writing the story xD) well there was this period where Jack spoke fondly of Jamie and vice versa and they both fangirled specifically over each other and Jack's performance of Kissy Kissy and the photos leave literally… no imagination. If you've never seen the video poke me and I'll find it, I'm too lazy now xD and tired, I've been sleeping like mad since we changed house and I've been awfully knackered o.o ever since. But I really wanted this up so I spent my evening writing, anxiously asking Callie if it was hot enough and yeah xD

and the scene where Jamie wakes up next morning was when I had woken up next morning.

Ok, I'll go scene by scene XD

Hearing Blue outside the UK was something me and Callie experienced weeks and weeks ago. We heard Coffee and TV by Blur in McDonalds and that was frankly fucking weird xD so that's I guess a small snippet xD

I always think of snow and winter, it sounds as if it's snowing to me, when I listen to Sing and it dawned on me that maybe I was the only one seeing that connection and I spoke to Callie about it after I wrote it down and I just honestly like Blur and I had a period where they yanked me out of depression and Blur introduced me to bandfic back when I was… I dunno, 14? I was quite depressed in my teens and Blur would just yank me out during some periods, so I love them a lot. Funny that I've never actually written fanfiction about them myself. 

I like how messy his thoughts are and I wanted to go back and try a journal approach because I am just putting all the links back in place on the blog and I was rereading Paperbag Writer and it was weird when it dawned on me that well, To Miles is still in a journal/biography style, but I wanted something closer to diary and that's why I had chosen it for the story and I got inspired by the old Kills website with Jamie's diary getting scanned and put up and I tried to aim in the beginning for a style similar to his for a more authentic feel but I dunno if I got that xD and yeah of course how he had written the 3 quid rabbits story. And I guess since we're going style-wise how it abruptly ends is something I enjoyed as well, as the entries would have chunks of some backstory in the beginning and then drop by the end, once the main described thing is over. But that was semiconscious xD 

I randomly decided on the title while listening to Lana's National Anthem because it's quite a worn-down title to be honest with Radiohead having their own song and in general it's quite washed down if you put it in context and in general there's a lot of ambiguity in it. Sometimes it's weird how I write a backstory and I realize that I would write more later, but I guess I want to keep some secrecy xD I'm just kidding, I'm just not properly explaining xD so it's more of a metaphor of something worn down in some senses depending from what you look at it really. 

Um, next it's the sex scene xD I kept dropping it many times, anxious and picking it up half an hour later or even a day later XD well, um, the sex scene is really just me describing xD I don't know what kind of backstory is there more sorry xD 

I hope you honestly enjoyed it and thank you and yes, I outsexed myself :3

Please tell me if you did and thank you



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