Friday, 4 July 2014

No. 1 Party Anthem

It’s just knowing that he wouldn’t go for you. I keep looking at him, across the dancefloor, beer still in hand and shuffling always around ladies and people softly mocking me that I should take one as well, that I would have as much bravado as he does if I ever wanted to. But instead, being closeted is more than an appealing option and the question is just thrown around, like why I’m I still fucking around here where cigarettes are smoked and discarded and where no man will even look at me twice, even he wouldn’t. 

The music keeps pounding and if I were to approach him, he would see it as friendly gesture, honestly thinking that there is nothing homoerotic between two male friends, people are daft like that. 

I have to discard my cigarette again and I try to find some beer in the kitchen, raiding the refrigerator which for some odd reason has jelly stuck on it’s walls and I can’t help but feel stale beer approach me. He mocking kicks the door on me, so that it could’ve been a guillotine and I lift my head up to see a drunk smirk. 

“Oi.” Foot in shoes still on the white door. I’m not the owner, neither am I the guest of honor to protest, I just raid to find an unopened beer bottle. 

I have to look at his intrigued dark eyes and I try not to focus on how he is slightly illuminated in this cheap kitchen, which seems to be some decent rent or how he takes a swing of beer. He passes it onto me.

It shouldn’t contain ruffies, he’s straight.

I drink from it. 

I love daft straight men. I straighten up and he puts his arm around my shoulders and pushes with me to the dancefloor which is a cramped up living room. He yells some artist I am not aware of and the music is changed so that I can observe his horrible dancing and his back turned to me and face to the ladies. 

“Fuck this.” I mutter under my breath and I take one swing and I feel tempted to throw the bottle down and frankly, it wouldn’t matter because the music is loud, heels are solid and platforms are worn. I throw the bottle down, a few people glancing at me, along with the man with the intriguing eyes, he follows me slowly out. I grab my leather jacket, zipping it and he observes me.

“You caused a ruckus.” He laughs, still looking at me. 

“Yeah, well, the party sucked.” I say, playing with the zipper as he watches me.

“I’m the host of the party, Alex.” I nod and we shake hands, formally. I narrow my eyes, not even wanting to look at his messed quiff any longer and frankly I am overdue on work, I should really get the fuck out at least I would have some excuse to get drunk or decide to drink some xanax before sleep. People don’t help you and my last therapist sucked anyways. 

“Miles.” I mutter.

“Where are you heading off then, to?” Alex asks me and I recall his daft dancing and I just shrug, as Alex takes the chance to light a cigarette, taking a box from someone elses’ jacket and I’m guessing him providing booze seems to give him the excuse that he may do such things, as steal someone else’s cigarettes. 

“Home.” I start rocking on my heels, due to the impatience and I regret wearing my white jeans, they deserve to see something better and I’m sure the ends of them are now soaked in beer, just like my shoes, but it seems like a fitting end to a party, which could’ve been better. 

“Cool. Can I join?” Alex asks and he takes one of the jackets and I presume it’s his with the tightness and some coolness added to it. He zips his own, because it is fucking cold and I just stare at him. “What? I’m joining you. My party can go on without me, I’ll still be tagged in photos.” 

I just shake my head and ask a cigarette off him, as we start walking in silence, but he keeps observing me, a bit too straightforward and I can’t even be bothered to start a conversation. We keep walking and he gives me some loyaltly, that he trusts that I will actually lead him home, that I am even aware of where I live and soon enough he just brightens up at the sounds of my keys taken out of my pocket by the appearence of the block of flats, I just sigh as he keeps watching me. 

“Why are you even following me?” I ask. 

“I got told you have a nice apartment and that you’re cool. Also that you’re sad coz you broke up recently. You ok?” I even try to remember which friends do we even share since I’m rather fond of even having no one on my porch, I open up the door, not hiding my frustration from sharing my evening with someone else, as we both discard our jackets and I can imagine that such said friend would knock on the door tomorrow, demanding me to reveal the man which had passed out drunk on my couch on vodka, which had been gifted for my birthday due to lack of creativity and observation that I had a man which didn’t even come close to me. 

“Yeah. My ex-boyfriend was an asshole, though.” I stress on the ex-boyfriend, a smile creeping on my lips, as Alex’s shallow straight world seems to collapse. He widens his dark brown eyes and kicks the rug under his feet a bit. I wonder if I have to repeat ex-boyfriend out loud, but he seems to still be taking that in. 

“I... I didn’t realize you’re gay.” Is the phrase uttered. 

“Well, maybe that’s why you shouldn’t go around following blokes back home.” I snap back, kicking off my shoes and going to the kitchen in my socks. “So, straight boy, you want tea or do we just have sex now?”

I seem to be taking the piss too much, as Alex just walks in, shoes still on and shiny, which is a miracle for autumn as he just observes me and the apartment is nice, I’ve pretty much moved in here after university and decorated every piece of wall I could with whatever I had found attractive, a cut out or a vinyl sleeve. 


“Sex later, then?”

He keeps quiet on the whole sex thing and I wonder how did he even manage to crawl from university. I pour both of us some fruit tea, watching him observe the walls and slowly dissolve into thinking that he is caught in a trap and I just watch him amused, he is far too striking with his self, his hair properly quiffed, eyes far too round and skin far too young and even having some traces of acne, which he seems not to bother much with. Alex catches me staring at him and I just shrug. We’re both the same age, but he seems lighter, because he doesn’t have too many things on his shoulders, whilist I have too many and with my own mental health banging the hours like a clock, reminding me of the misery I am fated in. 

He seems to have slowly taken the stance that he might still end up here for a while, since he already crawled in, Alex just checks his phone to see that his absence is unnoticed and maybe appreatiated because then the bedroom can be thrashed with straight sex and whatnot. I watch him sulk with a conflict of interests and in the awkward silence when the tea steam seems to be dominating the kitchen and the small table. 

I see his conflict of interests and I wonder where do I even shift the topic to or should I just let this silence blossom. I wonder how do you even hold a proper conversation, it’s a bit different if it’s someone queer like Jamie, who will just keep rolling up cigarettes, and keep talking about his on and off ex, whining on and off, who would never shut up and who we can end up sitting, watching television and saying who’s gay or not. What do I even do with someone like Alex?

I barely even watched the World Cup this year and even then I’m sure I rooted later for teams he didn’t even care about, as England was kicked off far too early. I start tapping my fingers on the table, as Alex seems to be rather fond of all of this. 

“So... what do you do?” He asks me. 

“Excuse me?” I just seem as if I am repeating my own confusion. 

“For a living?” Alex phrases his question and his eyes are caught on mine and we both realize that we are far too absurd to be with each other at this point, Alex being the wrong man on the wrong hookup, our tongues should’ve been in someone’s mouths at this point and our partners seem to have different genders. 

“I’m a journalist.” I mutter, wondering if he expected me to have typewriters and a more explosive apartment, perhaps like Jamie’s and Brian’s whenever they seem to be on, but then the apartment just seems to be half empty, but still has all the musical junk lying around and whenever their groups aren’t fighting and whenever Jamie yanks me to some small pub where either he or Brian are playing. 

“Oh.” Alex doesn’t even bother to ask which magazine or newspaper for, as he just randomly stands up and starts walking around, stopping on the shelves filled with every goddamn book you can scrap off in Waterstone’s which could be gay or anytime I can force myself to go to some bookstore which would have anything interesting. “How did you know you’re gay?”

I start laughing at his daft question and he just looks at me, a bit scared and slowly resembling a moth flying towards a flame and I just wonder if he would actually crack by the end of this. I go back to my jacket and I get out a cigarette for myself, putting it between my lips and offering him one. We both light our own, but the thought of lighting mine from his or the opposite, seems far too appealing and Alex’s fear seems to be dissolving, maybe that one crack which then straight men seem to hide, I don’t know for I’ve been with far too many men in my head to be considered straight or something else on the Kinsey scale. 

“How did you know you were straight?”

“Women turn me on?”

“Yeah, well, I wank to men. Does that answer your question?” I smirk, really holding from laughter and I look away so that I don’t blow smoke in his face. 

“Yeah.” Alex looks a bit too lost and I imagine, just like I felt odd at the straight party, because I just couldn’t handle ending up in some calm evening with Brian and Jamie until some shag on the side would emerge, which would fire up Jamie and for an understandable reason and they would kick me out of the apartment to resume their argument, takeout in hand. 

“You ever had anything with a bloke?” I ask Alex and he just looks at me and I’m sure he wished he had some alcohol drink in hand. Instead he just focuses on his cigarette and he closes his eyes, as he slowly inhales and opens his mouth to exhale, opening one eye as he catches me looking at his eyelashes. 

“No. I wondered though, but briefly. Decided that it’s too...” I blink, waiting for the vague word which I wouldn’t understand regarding my sexuality, but instead Alex just wanders off and he starts pacing from the living room into my bedroom, touching the frame of the door with his hand as he walks in. I sigh. I watch him observe the few scattered photos on the wall which is mainly with people who I’ve forgotten over the years, but the walls haven’t. I watch him keep checking stuff, just to avoid dialogue and I just sit on the bed and eventually I just throw myself back on it, arms stretched out and I just feel Alex shift to sit next to me. Both cigarettes now discarded in the small ashtray on the bedside table. 

“Is it the same?”

“The same to what?”

“Straight.” I open my eyes to see him laying besides me. I blink at his sudden shift and change of emotion and heart. Maybe he will just blame it on the alcohol and I cough lightly,  a bit cold due to the lazy heaters and I can’t be bothered to even turn the heaters up fully because the day was rather warm unlike the night which grazes us. 

“What if I’m not straight?” Alex asks to the ceiling as he just stays besides me, looking up and I can get a full look of his face and his slim body and I just feel a bit excited, but I try to shake it off, but it’s harder with him on my bed and the fact that I had noticed him on the dancefloor because he was far too goodlooking and it was a roll of the dice, joking with myself, that perhaps he wouldn’t be straight and that I would drag him to my bed and here he is. 

“That’s something you have to answer for yourself.” I shrug. “Ever wanked to a bloke?”


“So I presume sex neither. Crushes?”

All questions I can come up with seem to have a negative reply and his worried face and eyes glued to the ceiling. I feel like I am a porn actor where the straight boy says that he is open-minded and the daddy bear just pounces, only I happen to have shaved myself and am nothing closer to a bear along with Jamie and Brian, who seem to be even less hairy than I ever was when born. I imagine them looking at me with a judging look, dining with cigarettes in their hands and black coffee for Jamie, milk deliberately on Brian’s side. 

“But if I try, that doesn’t make me gay?”

“No, but that doesn’t make you straighter either.” I smirk and I turn my head to face him and he slowly moves and I can see his lips. I swallow slowly, feeling a bit excited and pretty much understanding that if I do the right twists and turns, I’ll get a one night stand, which would leave Brian laughing and clapping because I’m more than sure that the next day he will wake up and leave the house, promising to never sleep with a man again and I will only be talk in a very drunk state to other men, the irony. I continue grinning for the fuck of it. “So I presume you want no toys for now, then?”

“Excuse me?” Alex blinks, a bit pale and I have no idea where should I even be dragging this to. 

“As in, what do you want then?” I sit up slightly, grabbing a pillow and putting it under my head. I take the second pillow and I stretch it out to him. Alex looks at the pillow and he leans over me and I watch him, I watch his lips, slightly opened and I just freeze, wondering what the fuck is happening and which buttons should I press once his lips are over mine and I feel his taste on my tongue, as I pull him over me, realizing that he must’ve been hard for quite a while and I thread my fingers over his gelled hair, getting it out of place, as he gently pulls my bottom lip and I guess he knew what the fuck he was going for or maybe he had realized that since he’s here he might as well just do his little experiment and I wonder if I am even up for this, but my tongue and mouth seem to be on their own, my pants tightening as he is entirely over me. I push him off to pin him down, taking him by his wrists, watching his bewildered and excited face

of something forbidden from his subconscious to conscious. 

He bucks his hips forward, closing his eyes to make sure to hide his reaction, as he bites his lips from a moan, as I lick his lips and I kiss his cheek down to his jaw and I slowly start biting his neck, Alex now wincing and I suck on his neck harder, as he doesn’t seem to be in control of his whole body, as I feel his erection dig into me. I wonder how clueless he is as I unzip his jeans and kiss his cock over the fabric of his cock, pulling his jeans off, as Alex opens his eyes, far too shy up to the point that I feel like I have to ask him if he even wants this, but instead he pushes my head down and as I slowly take him in my mouth, he holds my head and thrusts, making me gag lightly and push his hips down

“Sorry.” I just motion with my hand for him not to worry, as I slowly start booming him, as he clutches the covers, apparently now shy with asking and being more patient as I take him out of my mouth as I slowly start tracing the tip of the cock with my fingers, teasing it, as I go down with my fingers and up again, now repeating the movement with my tongue and slowly using my other hand to stroke his cock. Alex starts moaning louder, his hands back and pulling my hair so that I take him back in my mouth. I let him thrust as hard as he can, as I feel myself more turned on so I slowly start touching myself and I have to let both go of both of us so that we don’t come. Alex looks at me painfully turned on and pulls me closer to kiss him. I pull him closer to me, as we pull away the remaining items of clothing. He starts biting my shoulder, running his hands through my body, grinding against me, still bewildered and excited, lost with no confusion, just some daft idea which most likely crossed his head maybe also back then on the dancefloor. 

“Fuck me.” He breathes and I just blink. Well, that was expected in this light of the night with his cock bucking against my hand. I kiss him, pushing my tongue against his, as I stretch to the bedside table, opening a drawer and I keep ruffling all the toys and condoms, as I have to break the kiss to glance at the condoms, as I stop to think for a second. I grab the lube though. 

“When was the last time you got checked?” I ask, opening a new box of condoms, figuring he’d need the extra lubed ones.


“When was the last time you got tested?”

“...I have no idea.” I blink at him, confused. Are straight people really that reckless? Where are the campaigns? Oh, right, they don’t need those at Straight Pride, since of course only the gays can get AIDs. I grab the condom, sighing, that I should’ve started this before. I open one, my mouth now on his nipple, as I hear him moan, sliding the condom on. I tap his leg for him to spread them out and he does. I slowly slide one lubed finger in, hearing him moan as I lick my way down to his excited cock as I keep sucking harder and harder, sliding a second finger in as Alex keeps pulling me by the hair, moaning much louder, thrusting his cock deeper into my mouth, as I keep sliding my fingers in and out, sliding a third finger just in case, now slower, as I see him moan louder. 

I start licking his cock slowly, trying to turn him on as much as possible, sliding the fingers in and out, in and out, licking his cock up and down and then taking it in my mouth, as much as I can and repeat it all over and over again. I feel Alex near and that’s when I kiss him, telling him to switch onto his stomach. He does so, as I keep stroking him now, lubing up my cock again as I spread him out

“Tell me if it aches, yeah?”

“It’s supposed to ache?” I roll my eyes. I hesitate if I should actually reply and I do, saying that he should say if anything is discomforting in any way. I slide my fingers over the tip of his cock, licking his neck before biting it and I slowly slide in, a loud moan from Alex. I start stroking him harder, contuing to slide in, biting his neck, pushing my fingers into his mouth for him to suck, his quiff entirely destroyed and face filled with pleasure and I kiss his shoulder as I get a more steady pace, as he keeps moaning-

“Deeper.” I swallow, too turned on and I start biting his shoulder, sucking on it, my hand clumsily stroking him now due to pleasure

“Deeper, Miles”


I start breathing heavier as Alex thrusts against me, moaning harder, clutching me from behind, turning his head to kiss me as I keep going deeper and deeper, harder, deeper, harder

I break the kiss, breathing far too heavy, turned on, Alex thrusting harder and screaming out, I open my eyes to see his orgasm, feel the fluid start running against my fingers and I thrust far too deep and I scream myself, both of us contuining to thrust for a while, until the orgasm lets go of both of us-

I collapse on top of him, my lips finding his, as I still kiss him hungrily, slowly pulling out, Alex wincing lightly, as he’s back on his back, breathing heavily the bed covers an entire mess of fluids and I try not to think of the washing as I look at him, now myself scared, as he closes his eyes, arms stretched out to the head of the bed. I watch him try to regain his breath, as I sit up and sit besides him, both of us red,

I think he’ll leave.



This is for the really old Milex sex request I had. I ended up really enjoying it and it started off as a short story and I dunno, I think I'll keep it as such but as I keep writing and included Jamie and Brian, I'm like shit, I don't think I'll be able to make it a short story, damn xD but I dunno, I really really enjoyed writing it and to be honest I started off slowly not even sure where I was going. I just felt like writing that request today even if I've been obsessed with these two recent ideas of mine, one which I believe will be fiction (I know it's been ages xD) and the other will involve my beloved doomed OTP which make a cameo here, Jamie and Brian, because I ship them as fuck xD 

Anyway, I kept thinking that I'd want some daft straight Al, as I've been pretty "ugh" by the whole Chung incident, so I was thinking maybe some post shag with Miles and then I kept thinking and I ended up writing the whole small party in the apartment and originally Alex and Miles were supposed to have sex toys involved but I kept thinking and realized most likely it would be in the second shag or so, since Alex pretty much never slept with a guy before :)

A lot of this story was inspired because Callie told me of a story where some guys went to Italy and basically they thought the guys who offered them drinks were just being "friendly" and I was like, dudes offering you drinks regardless of gender want to fuck you. And the story pretty much ended up with finding one of the guys who was kidnapped, naked two or so days later. So the daftness and belief that every guy around you is straight pretty much inspired me. I think I'm so fucking queer that I forget that people think that everyone is straight. 

I quite enjoyed describing Miles' apartment to be honest and the whole settings, along with Jamie and Brian's apartment. Yeah, they remained in Placebo and Scarfo, in the very beginning of their musical careers really xD I was thinking which job to give Miles and I was thinking freelancer, then decided ah, let's make him a journalist xD 

I tried not to include Jamie, I failed and while I was writing this, I'm not making this Jamie/Miles, fuck off, yeah, don't even think about Jamie kicking that fridge (I had the image xD) 

I was also amused writing the wonderful mutterings of "straight" Alex. 


Regarding the sex scenes, they're actually really technical as I actually end up thinking how to make them more realistic and I guess in this case, I needed Alex as aroused as possible and I also had to make sure it would be realistic for a first time and avoid questions and what not xD so in reality I always really think how to write them and it's hard because I have to keep them descriptive, so I think of it more technically, like how to make them hot, whilst trying to keep myself calm and maybe near the orgasm, I try to think more of the moment so that it gets more heated. So yeah, that's how sex scenes are usually written xD sometimes I ask Callie stuff, like today I was like for a first time easiest position and stuff xD 

But yeah, I just felt like doing the sex scene request really, because well, I just wanted one more gay sex scene in milex fanfiction written by someone gay really. 

Also I guess I am weird but I have a head canon that straight men don't get checked as much xD dunno why, so I included it here really xD 

Also I think this is one of the few gay sex scenes which I've written which wasn't bareback so that was a first xD So honestly, practice safe sex :) and Sweden does amazing condoms xD the other day I saw an ad that ICA was selling 60 condoms for 100 kronen which is 10 pounds xD so I'm sad now XD 

The idea for the story was inspired with No. 1 Party Anthem in my head, so that's the title:)

I hope it was hot and that you enjoyed it and please tell me if you did and if you want me to continue or just leave it as it is :D and yeah, I'm proud of myself for writing 3.7 story which 1.2 k is the sex scene :D yay!!! :D



No. 1 Party Anthem 2


  1. You said it's gonna be a novel. At first sight it looks like one shoot and to be honestly it looks absolutely okay as it is. There's uncertainty at the end of it but it still doesn't demand to being resolved.
    So I think you could leave it like this. It's just my opinion. The rest is up to you.
    Sex scene was hot. Hell, I like this Alex. He's something special here.
    Have you noticed me commenting a lot of your posts? Well, not that much, but still... You're good. And you turned my attention to trans issue. Cause up to this moment, I've been concerned with the whole LGBT community, being the B-letter here. (Well, I guess I'm bi since I scored 3 on Kinsey's scale test. Quite irritating). I've realized that it should be harder for trans people to accept yourself at first, and society reacts even more violently and unaccepting to them.
    Maybe I'm wrong...

  2. It was going to be and then people kept poking me a lt to continue it and I had a good scene in my head, I haven't written it down yet because I've just got so many stories going on at the same time xD so I should be continuing that soon:3
    I am just eager to write that scene and then it would be interesting to see how things go on and I wouldn't mind some Jamie/Brian on the side xD
    Ah, thank you :D haha, I'm so proud of it :D yeah and Alex is very precious here:) have you read Snap Out Of It? I started this new story (I know I juggle a bunch of stories) and it also has closeted Alex:)
    Yeah, I did :D thank you so much, honestly! I really enjoy discussing my stories to no end and I'd love to if you want to really:) so feel free to ask me anything and I've been quite depressed lately so your comments really make me feel much better :3
    Yay! I'm glad I did :) (I score a 6 on a Kinsey scale, but I'm genderfluid so Callie, my gf, always jokes that I'm a 12 because when I'm female I'm attracted solely to females and when male to males, so yeah xD)
    No, you're absolutely right. I fall under the trans umbrella being genderfluid and my girlfriend is trans as well, so it is awfully hard and we come from highly unaccepting countries.
    It's a nightmare to come out to yourself, I came out to myself as genderfluid when I broke up with my ex (I'm polyamorous so I had two partners recently) and then I just got so frustrated at her and yeah, quoting Callie that relationship was so bad that it kicked you out of the closet XD
    so you're entirely right and there's barely any proper representation. I can only think of two genderfluid characters and they're both quite bad xD
    so yeah, that's why I enjoy writing Blue/Jacket even if Miles is more binary than I am:)

  3. Hey I really loved this thing, straight Alex was hilarious. I would love it if you continued.
    It's Annekine by the way (Valensionlylivesonce)

    1. Awwwww, thank you :D haha, he was and he is xD
      It will be continued :3 just give me some time and the next chapter should be up soon:3
      hiyaaaaaa :3 :3 :3

  4. wow this is really freaking impressive! i like it so much! please please please continue! i like how you write the characters and the story and everything! i already reread it a couple ot times, thats how much i enjoy it haha

    1. dvhsgvgdvgjsdvgjdvgj awwwww thank you so so so so so much :3 :3 :3 this really made my day and I'm very self-conscious so this means a lot a lot to me :3 I really enjoy this story myself and I should sit and binge write the second chapter because I know where it's going and there's a scene I'm looking forward to write to :3 and in general I love Al's cluelessness here:3
      thank you so so so so much!!!
      the wait will be over soon and more chapters ahead :D