Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Bar Eyes 4

I see him carrying boxes around, he doesn’t really ask anyone to unload them ever. I’m guessing lack of eternal sleep gives him enough energy and boredom to do so. 

I get my breath ready and I show up with my own backpack stuffed with my clothes and I’ve got two sweaters in hand as well. 

So I stop and I watch how he starts noticing me, box in hand and eventually he grins fully, teeth exposed and he’s in a gray shirt, not feeling cold and in a plain gray shirt. He drops the box and he walks up to me, taking off my hat which didn’t fit in my bag, ruffling my hair slightly as his fingers get tangled in it and he kisses my forehead and I feel myself melting not because I’m warmly dressed.

I grab him and I start kissing him, I feel Alex try to pull back from the lack of touch, but instead he leans in, pushing my backpack off so that he can hold me.

In the end I still watch him unload the boxes and get them inside. 

He tells me to follow him and we’re upstairs in his apartment. He has a double bed though which still has some clothes lying around and Alex just shoves the clothes away, blushing lightly most likely he ended watching some old football matches all night and he pushes me on the bed.

I feel his whole weight on me and fuck, I close my eyes and he kisses me. 

He starts frenching me as I open my eyes and I see his hands trembling. Sex between us feels like a conversation, it’s the closure I get from him, as one shocking thing at a time and I feel strongly attached, when I was leaving I dreamt of him.

He had a bloody bat though and he asked my age.

I replied and he just kissed my forehead. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” He says, pulling me up and sighing into my shoulder, his hair tickling my neck. “I haven’t had sex well... since ever, really. And-”

Alex stops.

“I keep having bizarre dreams. I don’t sleep, but like they come... I mean, it’s hard to explain. But there’s this guy and he keeps telling me to stop hitting him. And there’s you and you’re... making out with him and obviously I’m jealous. Do you know a Jamie by any chance? Or James, something like that.” He swallows and looks at me.

I just shake my head.

“You had a bloody bat, that’s about it, you were holding it and you asked my age.” I tell him.

Alex sits up and leans against the window. I wonder how does it feel to sleep or rather lay to see whatever you can see from that window. He doesn’t even have curtains. I’m sure he just pins a hoodie with bluetack or something if he gets too bored, he seems to have a lot of clothes, but when you look at it, he doesn’t seem to have a big wardrobe either. 

He should sweat right?

And I’m sure he makes himself some drinks in the bathtub.

“So... no Jamie? Ex-boyfriend? Crush? Anything?” Alex asks me still concerned, jealousy already stapled to his face. I just keep shaking my head at every question which is aimed at me. I really don’t know any Jamies. I knew a girl called Jamie in kindergarden but she stole my sweets, so I didn’t like her and I can’t even recall her face, frankly.

“No, no Jamies.” I smirk and peck him on the lips. That wakes both of us up from the dreams and we forget about them for a while and start making out. 

As he starts biting my neck it dawns me that I’m still with my shirt on and he’s shirtless. I have a thought nagging at the back of my head as I start having visions of this said Jamie and I can see him smoking a cigarette and carrying the bloody bat. 

I wonder who the fuck he is, that we both think of him and I wonder what would the relation be-

Alex is pinning me down and I feel bad that my thoughts are wondering off, I move my head a bit slightly and it takes him a while to stop and he pulls me up. Alex bends down and sticks his hand under the bed and takes a new box of cigarettes and I check to see no fire detectors and that makes me wonder actually, how he got away, but most likely he bit all of them away. 

“Just a second.” He strokes my head, pulling my hair between his fingers until it slips away as he leaves downstairs, most likely for the lost lighter. 

I sit waiting.

Would this be my newly found home?

The year started and I go no acceptances and I couldn’t have the guts to go to the job centre and maybe I should stop for a second, I just dissapeared from my friend’s couch and I didn’t even get a call, asking where the fuck I was. I think if I ever were on a couch to be asked why don’t I have the support from my friends, I would ask what friends?

I don’t think I’ve ever managed to choose the right ones, which would listen. 

Maybe I just don’t know anything, my stories have always been being intertwined with someone until they wouldn’t call back, just that lovers lasted longer than friends for some reason.

He comes back with a small black lighter, closing the door and lighting the cigarette. Alex tilts his head, because I managed to sit upside down, my legs against the wall and I have a black halo around my face, bringing out all the dark in me and he just looks at me for a long while, not even inhaling the cigarette as the smoke dully fills in our room.

“I don’t think Glasgow is my home anymore. I mean, no one accepted me, y’know. It felt bizarre, losing what you thought was home, the seagulls which would try to steal your chips, all of it...” I make a poof hand motion. “I have no home anymore. I can’t even force myself to find a job. Will I even find a job?”

I don’t know if I’m asking him more than myself. 

Instead he gives me his half smoked cigarette, holding a laughter and lighting himself another one.

“You just couldn’t give me a new one, could you?” I smirk and he starts laughing before he trades the cigarettes and he traces my cheek with his finger.

“I can only offer what I’ve got, you’re the one who decides if it’s home enough.” Alex says and lies besides me, putting his feet up as well, smirking. I keep looking at him, chewing on the lit cigarette, inhaling and exhaling.

I keep wondering.

What do I need for a home?

Would it just be Alex or the fact of walls and everything.

“All I can give is my love.” And he bursts out laughing, realizing how horrid and tacky that sounded, kicking the window open and he sits up to lean out of the window. We watch a few busses pass in a row, including a one floored 34, which is bizarre, for those who wouldn’t know a 34 is always a double decker since it comes from one end of the city A to another end of the city B. So Alex tries to aim his cigarette to reach the rooftop and fails.

“Fuck.” Is all he says and takes out another cigarette to smoke it.

He tries to avoid me and I lean back, I watch the room in it’s silence and then look at him, leaning out of the window, smoke disappearing and wind ruffling his hair lightly. It’s bizarre now watching him without me and I wonder

too many things and I hug him from behind. And I hear all the busses wander off from leaning against his back, tracing my fingers on his back.

“Maybe there’s no need to mourn a lack of home, you’re right.” I add to the air, for it to drench the walls and I know where I live now, as he turns around, removing the cigarette from his mouth and pulling me on his lap and kissing me. 

“Hey, how do you look like with shorter hair, just out of curiosity?” I ask wondering whose hair is even longer, his hair curls a bit, while mine is just well, there.

“Not too good.” He stops. “Why?”

“Dunno, just tried to picture you with facial hair and decided that a smarter question would be about the hair length, since that seems to grow.”


I've decided to post it, yay :D

And dun dun dun, Jamie is slowly back in the game and it's interesting to have dream Alex back with his infamous bloody bat and yeah, I guess slowly this story is starting to build up it's course and back to the tension which holds and the whole plot with the dreams xD 

This was written pretty much when all had happened and I had no idea what was going to happen and frankly you don't get a lot of characters who happen not to get into uni for one reason or another so I kind of ended up on this spree of giving the same outcome to a few characters and Alison happens to be one of them and she holds the fear of, will I still get in, can I get a job back when I didn't have a job and I was still strongly fighting. It was an odd time and writing Bar Eyes really helped me and I just love Alex and Alison in the story, so yeah. 

Choosing Glasgow was quite symbolic as my offers were in Glasgow unis, so yeah, making Alison from Glasgow moving to Edinburgh was… interesting because I had to do the opposite moving, but yeah, we all know how xenophobic everything ended up and frankly I am happy that I'm out all I want is justice now really xD 

The one floored 34 is something I had oddly found funny when it's a bus with a gigantic route and it's always two floored yet sometimes in the mornings you'd see a one floored one and I always figured that someone hadn't given the two floored so the driver had to deal with what it would get xD

And it was just when me and Callie started living together so there's the whole feeling of just moving in as well which the story is dipped in :) 

I guess I love Used Lighter but I love the comic moments between Alison and Alex here xD ah, Jamie is gonna be Jamie xD so I'll keep silent and please feel free to request the next chapter which is almost written :D last pun left to do haha xD 

Please tell me if you enjoyed it as it always means a lot to me and thank you so much for loving both Used Lighter and Bar Eyes :D




  1. I READ USED LIGHTER!! IT IS SO GOOD!! Ahhh it's just so dark and mysterious and I'm actually somewhat confused but totally all the more eager to see Bar Eyes continued, wow I just love your stories!!!!! Thank you love :)

    P.S. Is UL actually finished completely??


    Yeah, UL is very confusing to be very honest while Bar Eyes isn't and it will explain a lot of UL further on:) and it covers what happens after UL for sure:)


    P.S. Yeah, it just has 7 chapters ending on Jamie's death :) but don't worry all will come in Bar Eyes :D


    1. Ahhhh ok! You're the best!! :D <3 <3

    2. Thank youuuu!!! You are, sweetie :3