Monday, 21 April 2014

Bar Eyes 6

I wake up to feel a warm body, clothed besides me as I sit up, not bothering about my revealed chest as I turn to see a different shade of tousled brown hair and someone looking much older than me or Alex. A wave seems to hit me as I just sit there, observing the sleeping figure, scared to touch, yet even if my side of the body is pressed against his back. I wonder what I should do, so all I do is trace my fingers down his spine, down the gray t-shirt as I observe him with the mole on the left side of his nose, his eyelashes and it’s not that he looks familiar,

it’s more of knowing something odd about the person in front of you.

Jamie turns, in boots in my bed and he lightly opens his eyes just to close them, fear taking over and that’s when I hear something with the doorknob happen, it keeps turning in one direction and that’s when the man sits up and stares at me with dark green eyes. 

I don’t tremble. Jamie takes me by the chin.

Alex walks in and that’s when the man quickly glances at him, Alex with a bloody bat now and that’s when the man pulls me by the hair and digs his teeth into my neck, eyes closed, eyelashes brushing against me, as Alex drops the bat, a sudden pain going through my entire body. I push the man away as he just wipes the blood of his lips, as Jamie’s lips seem to be in lipstick now and I just hold my hand against my neck, letting the blood flow out, some other substance travelling, pumping through my veins as Alex just yanks the man and presses him against a wall.

“You’re not the one who bit Alison now.” And Jamie smirks. And before Alex gets a chance to hit him, he vanishes, waving at me, as the blood keeps flowing, drawing petals on the bed covers. Alex’s hands fall to his side, the bat also gone as I start coughing out blood. 

I feel myself choking as Alex just sits besides me, just staring ahead. It keeps getting out of me, vanishing as soon as it reaches the floor and he doesn’t even hold my hand, some invisble grudge against the other man and I feel the floor bending until I feel myself slowly swallow myself. Anxiety choking melancholy to make sure it doesn’t come back with any weapons at arm, letting itself be poison to the lack of blood in the stream. 

I feel myself being carried, something pressed against my throat, kisses far too airy and once I open my eyes I’m alone in the bed, with a sudden urge as the sky seems to be nearing purple with the end of the day. I just dress up and I start walking, getting a bus and just sulking downstairs, knowing where to go, where to await and knowing the misery which awaits me behind. First Buses seem like a dreadful choice, but Lothian don’t seem better as I just zip my hoodie, wondering and my mind dissolving, my neck stinging only lightly just reminding me of the existence of nothing. 

It’s not the fear of the unknown, it’s the fear of the well known. Alex had told me snippets of what was going to happen and going into the arms of someone who surely wasn’t going to harm you still seemed threatening. 

I float, I seem to be floating, insomnia now the night, as I keep going, feeling myself weaken, hardening in a state of eternal awakeness. I jump out of the bus, Edinburgh snoozing with me as I keep going, hood up for no reason as I walk on the heads of hung people, feeling death reach its fingers out before I open the shop to the damn vintage/second hand store with it’s bridal dresses, cowboy boots and army leather jackets to see death release me as Jamie lights a cigarette, he seems the same age, eyes just as tired as he watches me. A few customers are still in the shop and assistants still wearing last season’s clothing, nowhere close to vintage, but then maybe I’m the one confusing seasons as everyone watches me, as I just stand there before I start pretending to browse the kilts, as Jamie just walks off to a few girls, mutters something and disappears. Soon enough he comes back, wearing a fringe jacket and motions for me to follow him. 

I feel his tension as we walk on, on to Cowgate with it’s eerie streets going up, as you feel there is something else other than the Royal Mile and as we go, he just grabs me and pulls me closer, pressing his lips against my own, I feel his hunger and frustration but my love isn’t quite there.

He releases me. Now it’s my hair which is tussled and my mind which is messed with as I can see that it wasn’t him who had to bite me, but it had all supposed to be in reverse, with my own confusion as he says, as we walk on and he holds himself from holding my hand out of habit as I just wonder what could rearrange my mind. 

We all get our hearts broken, sometimes we know it sometimes we don’t at all. We don’t know the reason why people vanish or why they walk away or why they had worn the carnival mask just to reveal your greatest new enemy underneath and all of a sudden you don’t even hate yourself, your hate flees to hold onto that one love which you truly do not want.
Alex had vanished, died.
And he had told me of another man who had graced his life, took him in and he had just started the bar to avoid himself, the marks on his neck from that man.
I didn’t flinch as I’d listen, many many nights before as Alex would exhale the smoke and speak of the man who thought he’d stolen his heart.

Sometimes we don’t even know why we fall in love or why are we with the people we are, the people we pace with, that’s how I feel as me and Jamie just walk on and I guess it’s something we have done. As he goes on and explains about the dream parallel, something Alex had started explaining, his mind trailing off, intertwining with Miles as he had just left Alex alone and I wonder what would happen if I would show up on Miles’ doorstep if I knew where he lived up north, how would he look like, how short would his hair now be, how many buttons would be unbuttoned and how would it feel to see a different love through different eyes, how would it feel

“The point of a dream reality is that no time exists, that’s why Alex jumped in time, that’s why I jumped in time.” Jamie continues, cigarettes discarded as we head towards Leith for no reason, how the city dissolves now into the night and I wonder if me and him are slowly entering the dream sequence and why Leith, as we keep going and I wonder when will I see Alex. 

“The immortality you are granted as a vampire, is the one which you are handed with no time attached or included, see it as an absolute reality, where you always are and this is the show you are allowed to watch and get inspired by the death, the killing and the sex plays.” He smiles. 
Miles doesn’t look like Alex at all neither does he look into him. 

Sometimes the words in your head, they speak much louder than the actions, maybe that’s why paper is our friend as I look at Jamie, stepping in further, into the stars and the broken staircases, my hair getting length and something pulling me fast forward, something deep like forgotten and gained eternal love. 



The idea of sticking Jamie in was spontaneous and I had missed him far too much and it was more than obvious that the fucker would appear again, to be very very honest:) 

also it's a massive plot twist since the story we know is how Alex vanishes and Jamie proceeds to get bitten by Alison in the end, but he doesn't now. 

I was musing if this is the end, but I don't think so, it's just a sense of euphoria because Alison turns into a vampire and having Jamie, already loved by him enters the dream sequence, which has never really been explained properly in the whole course of this story until now. It has always been decided by me the meaning and etc of the dream sequence and I hope these chunks in the light and manner of Used Lighter are nostalgic and will be loved. I love Bar Eyes and I guess looking back it was my first polyamourous story as well, because Alison always loved both Jamie and Alex even if it takes her time. And in the end it doesn't matter who you love as look as you yourself are open to everyone and we are all queer I believe in one way or another. I dunno, I love people xD even if I'm gay, so yeah, go figure xD

It's funny how I kept musing over locations in Edinburgh here because regardless of my experience, I still love the city, because it's a lovely setting even if I hate its contents with my guts, I still recall Armstrong's the store which Jamie owns in the story and the bar which Alex owns. All of it became loved by me in the UL story. 

Miles was also the one who had bitten Alex and I thought that Alison'd visit him, but I like it this way.


And yeah, all is explained, all is written

and Alison is a vampire now

and I will be twenty in a few minutes

thank you




  1. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!! :)

    Not gonna lie, tad confused but I think I'll read it again and hoepfully understand it a bit more :P

    Annnnnnnnyway hope you have a good day!!! :) xxxx


    haha, no worries :D it's kind of closer to the UL format than an usual Bar Eyes chapter :)

    I did, thank you so so so much :D