Threesome12

For some unknown reason I sit in the local, which Jamie usually drags everyone to, because he doesn’t get anyone in his way, everyone who wanted dragged their friends already to admire from afar and have noticed that he’s still drinking the same beer or wine everyone else is. I just try to hold myself from thinking that Kate would most likely be cheating on Jamie and I’m not even sure what the boundaries of their marriage are and my own. 

I order some beer, playing with the table by tracing my nails down the wood, wondering how much would they chip in the end. I get far too anxious, either dunking the beer down or not touching it at all and always ending up with the same anxiety running me down and over. I can’t even think of Kate properly, the misery of the past weeks replaced with some screech of tension and my whole body impatient. 

I shouldn’t have chosen the window location.

Jamie stands on the opposite side of the window, smirks, takes off his sunglasses and heads inside.

“Fuck.” I try to dunk the beer down, eyes closed and he pats me on the back, I’m sure he’s itching for a cigarette. I do a small wave and I don’t manage to drink the beer in time. He orders one as well.

Fuck. I smile at him. 

I remember I’d speak to Jamie in my mind, begging him to remind me that he loves me even if he’s never said it. I felt a need and it’s odd sitting besides him in silence, until he motions for both of us to head outside for a cigarette and he watches me, a bit of longing taking over him, since we haven’t seen each other in weeks as he pulls me closer for a desperate hug. He kisses my cheek, asking how I’ve been, not talking about the lack of everything we’ve had when the moment finally arrived. 

The local seemed like an obvious choice, because it’s nearby and I would see when Jamie would leave, but the problem is that I didn’t think that Jamie would join me, also with beer he comes back and I try to hold a smile, as I can see him fidget with his own fingers as he quickly glances at me, we’re known each other too well to read moods. And he keeps his silence and joins me by observing everything outside.

I don’t know what to tell him, now that roles are reversed and he got a bit of his attachment added. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes for the both of us and I look a him a bit wide eyed and he just shrugs. Our sinister silence is following us to the grave, because we’ve chosen to kill it with our own deaths. We’ve grown too much apart, we don’t speak the same language anymore and we accept each other as one accepts own age, not much and a bit bewildered. 

-

I really missed this story and I like the course it's taking which was the initial, so yeah.

As much as I may have some issues with Alison, I still love her and she's still a big part of The Kills even if my Jamie fan part might argue otherwise. I dunno, I guess I'm sad that their chemistry is gone in a way and it's really interesting to see them live and actually see what's going on. I know, I don't speak a lot of the concert because unlike anything you'll see, the concert is very personal, you honestly feel like you've been let in to see behind the scenes and I think it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen and I guess I just want to keep some things to myself xD which is funny because I'm quite open in my stories and whatnot, but yeah:)

I just like the ending age metaphor because it's quite an interesting thing. I went gray a few days ago and that depressed me, because I don't feel my age, I just feel like an older worn out soul with everything and depression

I have a bunch of things written so keep checking every day as I'm posting all of them every 1-2 days or so:) and there's a few new stories coming up because I've had so many ideas xD and of course older stories getting updated :D like I just finished the last bit of the chapter just now :3

I hope you enjoyed it and please tell me if you did, as now isn't the brightest of times and you guys keep me going

thank you

so so much

<3

Jamie