Lights

I’m in the pool, but I’m not drowning

I can breathe, even if I’m underwater

That’s how loneliness feels, like a scene from a movie when people yank me up and keep talking to me.

She had left me.

And I’ve watched her day after day, sometimes the pain so unbearable that I let Holt deal with it, my mind entirely closed like suicide.

And then he brings me back with whistles in my mouth, my clothes ripped, sometimes scars under my eyes and I have to face school again, he never goes to school, being bored and figuring that my glasses should match my brains he leaves me as such. 

And my entire life revolves around boredom and loneliness lately, everyone seemed to side with Frankie as they knew her more than they knew me, how Holt was doing, was something I barely cared about.

Sometimes I’d go and play video games with Heath and made sure to sit away as far as possible so that he wouldn’t really burn me.

So when Clawd walks in between the classes and starts saying how we should defeat a Zombie school team in Casketball, I feel bored but with Heath signing up, I figure there is nothing too bad to lose. And his speech wasn’t inspiration or anything, it was just there, how we should boost Monster High.

On the field I am ever worse than I imagined, I brought my eye contacts, but it felt bizarre and I got knocked down a few times. I couldn’t see anything, at least that’s how I felt with the ball bouncing around from arm to arm and when Clawd passed it to me, I just lost it nearly straight away.

I saw no point and Heath had been ill, so he skipped it and I understand that him sneezing fire is not a good idea, just like standing anywhere near the pyro. 

I don’t feel too comfortable of the idea of changing now that everyone is rushing to go home, so I choose a toilet cubicle and I stay there for a while, checking all the bizarre scribbles of monsters confessing their homosexuality or how many pies they had eaten and I nearly fell asleep just like I had once when I was a child on the toilet.

I spring open as I stop hearing much noise and I walk out, taking my sweaty shirt off-

And I see Clawd taking off his shirt and I look at his arms, how muscular they seem and I wonder how strong does he hug. I watch him for a while, as he seems to be counting something in his head.

“So, d’you like it, Jackson?” He asks me and I just fiddle with my shorts for a bit, feeling a bit uneasy, but I nod regardless. 

“Yeah, only I’m not sure the team would like an anchor to bring it down fatally.” I smile weakly. 

He just shakes his head and I just stare.

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