My mother would ask me what am I drawing and my father would worry, but the melancholy of it seemed stinging, that I could listen to music, which I cannot listen to now.
It seems very depressive so that makes me wonder was I actually more depressed before? Then how come I wasn’t on prozac and forced to exercise and have a shrink?
I feel bad for feeling miserable on my parents’ couch, never telling that Lana was my lover. I feel worse, losing all jobs I had and just coming back, everyone knowing how tragic Lana’s death was and how some people were expected to be the killer and I’d be asked. I was there when she was killed. I was shopping for some dumb gift with Jamie, his wife, not too attractive and the fact that back when I thought I was straight, I thought I loved him, makes it worse and I don’t think we’ll last long enough.
He doesn’t feel comfortable hugging me and the last hug we had was him telling me that I will come back to him and men, which resulted in anger from my side.
Maybe Lana was murdered by a woman? With all those bizarre sugar mommies she had, it would be no wonder.
I had been punched by one, because Lana hadn’t broken up with her and she had seen me, calling me a femme and that all femmes want butches in the end and vice versa, but I didn’t say anything. Calling me a femme sounded bizarre and Lana laughed it off for a long while before she’d kiss me on the bed.
“Was I your first girl?” She asked me, stroking my clit, licking my neck, both of us fully dressed yet her hand hooked on me.
“No.” I watch her head dive in, her hands pulling my pants down and she starts licking me. I start gasping. “I fucked Kate once.”
Lana stops licking and starts laughing.
“Jamie’s wife? What the fuck? Really?” And she blows hot air on me before pulling my clit with her lips, lifting up her dress and I help her pull it off.
“No, before she came onto him. It was just a quick fuck, she kind of startled me, it wasn’t about fucking Kate Moss to me but rather, fucking a...fuck.” She’s sucking me hard. “A woman. Fuck, Lana, fuck, fuck.”
I start thrusting my hips up, pushing her head closer so that her tongue goes deeper and her fingers play with my clit and I clutch the bedcovers tighter until I come, arching my whole body, gasping, stroking Lana’s hair, as she continues licking simply and I come again and then we start scissoring, both of us in t-shirts and she pulls me by my hair, as I grab her breasts.
“Jealousy turns me on. Knowing that you fucked other women, well, another woman.” She kisses my chin and looks at me, slowly trailing her kisses up to my lips.
“It’s because you keep fucking so many sugar mommies or whatever.” I say grabbing her face and pressing a rough kiss against her as she pulls me closer and our hips rock together until we come.
Lana nearly always squirts and in the end, the mattress is soaked.
“Y’know what I find irritating, people don’t think that we squirt and heterosexuals use condoms if they ever have sex. Sex ain’t messy, which is bull. No one thinks about how to clean up. Sex is a sin, if the woman has pleasure.” That irritates me to no end and still does.
There are a bunch of flashes.
I get my picture taken numerous times and with Lana gone I can only think about my massive roots, how my hair is growing and how Lana’s isn’t.
They start asking me questions and soon enough they get Jamie as well, they confirm both of our stories and shop CCTV.
Jamie buys me a milkshake, we’re both no longer vegans, both converted back by the people who we loved. In the beginning I was envious of Kate even if we had bonded naked, that she had taken Jamie away from me even if I had never truly loved him, it had always been about the women.
I had girls throwing stones at my windows and spread rumors how much I had broken their hearts and even when I go back where I had taken high school I wear a hood up, wondering how many of them are still closeted, how many had abortions and how many had already married and had dead children. I don’t think someone’s sexual slavery leads to hapiness or good children. If I were God I would never allow such couples to have children, you’re gay and hiding?
Fuck off.
I was so closeted myself that I ignored all those lady kisses I had, which were pecks from girls with affection.
But if I was God, I would never kill Lana and I would make us both pregnant, holding happiness within our stomachs, but guess what, God’s a douche.
They tell me they had found no one but some clues and trails which they had which could lean to Lana’s murder and it is confirmed she had been murdered, but how it is to investigate and I can’t see her split body as it is held like a cross.
I wonder how would I feel to see them open my dear Lana,
I don’t think I’d think
I’d bang on the damn window, praying for her to wake up,
because this is the only fucking God I get.
-
Feel free to request :3 I just added a bit and this had been written for a while :3
<3
Poison the Rose 4
It seems very depressive so that makes me wonder was I actually more depressed before? Then how come I wasn’t on prozac and forced to exercise and have a shrink?
I feel bad for feeling miserable on my parents’ couch, never telling that Lana was my lover. I feel worse, losing all jobs I had and just coming back, everyone knowing how tragic Lana’s death was and how some people were expected to be the killer and I’d be asked. I was there when she was killed. I was shopping for some dumb gift with Jamie, his wife, not too attractive and the fact that back when I thought I was straight, I thought I loved him, makes it worse and I don’t think we’ll last long enough.
He doesn’t feel comfortable hugging me and the last hug we had was him telling me that I will come back to him and men, which resulted in anger from my side.
Maybe Lana was murdered by a woman? With all those bizarre sugar mommies she had, it would be no wonder.
I had been punched by one, because Lana hadn’t broken up with her and she had seen me, calling me a femme and that all femmes want butches in the end and vice versa, but I didn’t say anything. Calling me a femme sounded bizarre and Lana laughed it off for a long while before she’d kiss me on the bed.
“Was I your first girl?” She asked me, stroking my clit, licking my neck, both of us fully dressed yet her hand hooked on me.
“No.” I watch her head dive in, her hands pulling my pants down and she starts licking me. I start gasping. “I fucked Kate once.”
Lana stops licking and starts laughing.
“Jamie’s wife? What the fuck? Really?” And she blows hot air on me before pulling my clit with her lips, lifting up her dress and I help her pull it off.
“No, before she came onto him. It was just a quick fuck, she kind of startled me, it wasn’t about fucking Kate Moss to me but rather, fucking a...fuck.” She’s sucking me hard. “A woman. Fuck, Lana, fuck, fuck.”
I start thrusting my hips up, pushing her head closer so that her tongue goes deeper and her fingers play with my clit and I clutch the bedcovers tighter until I come, arching my whole body, gasping, stroking Lana’s hair, as she continues licking simply and I come again and then we start scissoring, both of us in t-shirts and she pulls me by my hair, as I grab her breasts.
“Jealousy turns me on. Knowing that you fucked other women, well, another woman.” She kisses my chin and looks at me, slowly trailing her kisses up to my lips.
“It’s because you keep fucking so many sugar mommies or whatever.” I say grabbing her face and pressing a rough kiss against her as she pulls me closer and our hips rock together until we come.
Lana nearly always squirts and in the end, the mattress is soaked.
“Y’know what I find irritating, people don’t think that we squirt and heterosexuals use condoms if they ever have sex. Sex ain’t messy, which is bull. No one thinks about how to clean up. Sex is a sin, if the woman has pleasure.” That irritates me to no end and still does.
There are a bunch of flashes.
I get my picture taken numerous times and with Lana gone I can only think about my massive roots, how my hair is growing and how Lana’s isn’t.
They start asking me questions and soon enough they get Jamie as well, they confirm both of our stories and shop CCTV.
Jamie buys me a milkshake, we’re both no longer vegans, both converted back by the people who we loved. In the beginning I was envious of Kate even if we had bonded naked, that she had taken Jamie away from me even if I had never truly loved him, it had always been about the women.
I had girls throwing stones at my windows and spread rumors how much I had broken their hearts and even when I go back where I had taken high school I wear a hood up, wondering how many of them are still closeted, how many had abortions and how many had already married and had dead children. I don’t think someone’s sexual slavery leads to hapiness or good children. If I were God I would never allow such couples to have children, you’re gay and hiding?
Fuck off.
I was so closeted myself that I ignored all those lady kisses I had, which were pecks from girls with affection.
But if I was God, I would never kill Lana and I would make us both pregnant, holding happiness within our stomachs, but guess what, God’s a douche.
They tell me they had found no one but some clues and trails which they had which could lean to Lana’s murder and it is confirmed she had been murdered, but how it is to investigate and I can’t see her split body as it is held like a cross.
I wonder how would I feel to see them open my dear Lana,
I don’t think I’d think
I’d bang on the damn window, praying for her to wake up,
because this is the only fucking God I get.
-
Feel free to request :3 I just added a bit and this had been written for a while :3
<3
Poison the Rose 4
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