Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Man on the Moon

It’s hard to bottle up feelings and harder when candy canes are practically chewed on every corner and gingerbread companies compete with each other their ads yelling at you and stores yelling to stock up before they’ll leave you dry and everyone carries so much alcohol under their arms as if it will be forbidden once again.

The years pass and I even forget who I am, the questions about girls get fired aimlessly even Alexa chuckling at her own question and everything seems to be revolving around me being single, I’ve even forgotten I even had a liking towards anyone, sometimes the lyrics are pulled closer to just write something and love comes out, something so distant and faint yet it never goes past the subconsciousness.

It remains still up to the point that we’ve stopped calling each other, sure I see him and a pat is done on the back, but that’s all we’ve got music and he’s got that cheap gal from LA. It seems even offensive that he had chosen her over me, but I’ve managed to get over with it and I still regret flicking with the lights on the plane as Jay told me to fuck off as he had been reading Morrissey’s biography and I flipped him back, my mind far from at ease then and he had went to the toilet and something had flicked in me, I had been thinking about Alex far too much that I had just headed with Jay and I’m not blind or stupid, I knew he wouldn’t pull away and his hunger for my lips was more than evident as I had pushed him back in.

It had continued a few bizarre photos, my mind telling me this is what could’ve been with Al the cocktails, the bars, the bizarre sleep ins with pizza and bad comedy movies where we’d both yell out the lines.

But I didn’t love him, I think he realized it when I had pushed his hair back in an attempt and Jay just stood up and left. I just headed out, not even going towards food, just bought a block of cigarettes and headed back home to watch some football, not even caring who was playing.

Alex didn’t want me anymore.

And it wasn’t new, it was just shocking and every damn Christmas season it gets worse, it starts as a buzz in my head and then it just starts making my entire being null, strangling it and leaving it to hang, some bizarre shade of life and death.

Christmas was no different, only I had avoided everything besides putting Christmas lights around the Beatles’ portraits pretty much just to illuminate them and give myself some tacky festiveness.

It was Christmas morning and all I’ve done is smoke three cigarette in a row, not even turning on the television, I felt like the Grinch.

“Miles, where is the damn Christmas tree?” And a pause followed from the living room and I had frozen, lighter in hand, cigarette in the lips, the flame stupidly burning the air. The voice much softer yet drenched in cigarette smoke, entirely stained and soon enough the cigarette had fallen out of my lips as I had wondered when the fuck had I given Alex a pair of keys, where had the soft tint of America gone in his voice and why had he sounded younger, instead he does appear, shorter, hair messed and in a motherfucking Little Flames red shirt.

It’s a fucking Christmas portrait.

“Miles... man, you look like shit.” Alex rubs his eyes and I stare at his quiff long gone, arms not even close to muscular and much more evidence of acne. He starts walking around my room and his eyes drop to my iPhone, he’s hangover. I can’t say anything, my mind is playing tricks on me as there is a young Alex Turner in my room, probably still saying wank more than he should and if you look a month ago he’d have a fucking curfew.

He’s asleep.

He picks it up.

“What’s this... thing?” He smirks and I think that’s when he properly looks at me and my cropped hair, how I had aged much more than he is now... at 19?

“Miles... did you do a lot of cocaine last night?” And he is silent, looking at me and at the iPhone in his hands and then he drops it, backing a bit off and I don’t know what to say myself.


“I’m Miles, Alex.” My voice got deeper and this is a sick twist of fate, this is before we had even kissed each other, before I had pinned him against the wall, much before he had broken up with Alexa and walked into my embraces on Christmas, causing me to lose control, both of us flip at everything and fuck the entire night, drinking coffee just to fuck again, our minds going insane with desire and lust.

He had appeared and he had been running, hair all messed up and he appeared on my doorstep, coat all unbuttons undone a warm woolen sweater underneath and a wrapped box under his arm.

But this was something entirely different even I can’t remember how the fuck had I been at nineteen the front man of the monkeys already rummaging through my thoughts, causing full chaos and I had wanted him and here he is, some bizarre twist of fate.

Alex had last Christmas before he had walked in, he had taken out a ball of yarn, it had oddly been pink fading to purple and I didn’t even question his colour as he had asked to walk in and he had, running a hand through his hair, pressing himself against the wall, coughing lightly and I had noticed how much sweat had been running down his face, his knees bent a little but he had kept looking at me in the eye.

“Alexa broke up with me. I think I’ve had my thoughts...” Pause with a few heavy breaths. “Bottled up enough for too many years, Miles. I fucking love you.”

And he had thrown his coat on the floor, grabbing me by my chin and pressing his lips against mine, my shirt already gone, my mind buzzing, my hands already undoing the zipper on his pants, everything had been happening too soon, but Alex still had the yarn in his hand. We only stopped on the bed, him pinning me and fear and anxiety still riding me, I couldn’t reply.

I look now at the lost Alex who looks at me, scared and looking at the surroundings once more.

“W-” He tries to speak but soon enough he leaves the room and I wonder if he’ll stumble back into his time and I don’t even know if I even want him to leave me. I honestly don’t know. But he had walked back hugging himself and I wondered what the fuck should I do. “Miles.”

“Yes?” I say and I can’t help but look at him, this had been when I had fully understood that my love would never go away, but I was so so wrong. It would go away, Alex would fade light the spirit of Christmas and the belief in Santa. All of this would collapse.

He had stopped kissing me and looked me in the eye and the love was consuming, it had been overwhelming to know that such feelings even exist, it was like standing on the edge of the world, not even knowing what’s going on, what’s causing it yet it was there and it was somehow mine. The yarn was now in my hands as he had tugged on one end and tied one end on his finger and bit off to tie the other end around my own pinkie.

“We were always united, love. It’ll never break, sure let it lead us somewhere, opposite directions, let it drag us back, but... it’s there.”

“...Where are we?” Then Alex notices how the wrong question was asked and he keeps staring at my face, trying to catch what exactly is wrong or rather why have I aged. “I mean... obviously we’re in your flat.”

I don’t know what I look for in his lost dark brown eyes, how big they seem and how smaller he is, even just a bit. I recall the ball of yarn and I try to understand when had it been thrown around our fingers.

I freeze but I force myself out of the bed and I’m shirtless, the heating being pretty good as usual and I think he’s seen me in my underwear before, so I just try to shrug it off, standing up and I head to the wardrobe already grabbing a pair of jeans and a shirt as Alex just watches me. I should really reply but he keeps looking at me, oh so lost.

“Yeah, Al, this is my flat.” I don’t think either of us says the bizarre thought going on in our heads, but it’s happened. He’s here and I don’t know why, I don’t even know why the string of fate had broken so abruptly right after Christmas Alex had laid in bed and I knew he was going to leave and he had left with both of us yelling at each other, I’m surprised we hadn’t even ended up in a fight, because even now the fight and Al’s decision seem so absurd especially after the yarn speech and I had kept that ball, just finding out that it should’ve been red not pink.

“What year is this?” He asks me and I know eight years have passed and it feels odd, because I still can recall myself at age eight when eight seemed massive and twenty so far away.

“2013.” I say and I don’t look at him as he just stumbles and presses himself against the wall and I hear his footsteps and then he just walks towards me as I look at the mirror in the door of the wardrobe and honestly, Al, I don’t-

“I don’t know why you’re here.” I mutter, my mind spinning, the Christmas miracle becoming a disaster some sick trick when I’ve blown my candles and wished upon a star too much for Alex Turner, but I didn’t wish a young Al to stumble into my bedroom. And I look at him. I don’t even think he’s fallen for me yet

Maybe he still had to.

Maybe that’s when the yarn was discovered on our hands and when we had both seen it, when I had given the t-shirt, grinning, that Al had still liked our band and asked me how to play songs and holding the same fragile figure years later in that same shirt, feels nostalgic and an old love comes stumbling into my thoughts once again as Alex Turner.


This story went through so many changes before it was written, while it was getting written and even the title and yeah.

The initial idea I think might've come from a dream. I can't recall but it is a tribute to The Time Traveller's Wife (which has to be the worst love line and heterosexual one I've read) but I guess out of all the novels I get depressed that the plot hadn't been mine and I love the novel even if it had made me cringe so many times and I've read a good fanfiction a few years ago which was Radiohead and it was good. But no you won't really have Alex jumping around, sorry to spoil, but I guess just like Audrey Niffenegger had linked it inspired by an unstable relationship I guess this would be some bizarre coming back to an old lover. And I'm still highly fond of the book and I honestly love it even if it had horrid lines like (the baby feels your sperm O_o) and another thing I guess I can relate is how she had dyed her hair to match Claire (with my attempt at doing a quiff and how I'm pretty much fingerling over navy things lately xD). I've never seen the movie, pretty much scared of it. And in general I'm very critical of anything non-LGBT these days, but I shall forever love the plot and the idea of time jumping and etc.

Another tribute or nod would of course be the yarn on fate which I've read about so much, the yarn idea to use came to me as I've actually got a pink yarn ball as a Christmas Tree decoration and I had decided to use pink even if it's red. Back when I was in my early teens I surrounded myself by manga and the amount I've read is enormous and of course one of the best was Fruits Basket which had a mention to it as well and checking the wiki I noticed that of course fucking Ikuni has mentions of it in Mawaru Penguindrum the anime. I love Ikuhara and Revolutionary Girl Utena in general is a great anime and massive influence. I mean, nothing is more perfect, fuck, I even ship Touga and Utena so fucking hard. And trust me nothing gets in my way of shipping two lovely women xD In general it's a common myth but I guess I just decided to chuck in a few things I enjoy so yeah and it is fanfiction where pretty much you've got no limits.

Another reference is the title. I was checking on the articles on the red string of fate and I just kept looking forward to the Chineese mythology that the God had lived on the moon and I guess sleep came in and I had wanted to call the story Men on the Moon, but in reality it is the young Al who is kind of the matchmaker here, so pretty much he's the bizarre Man on the Moon. And it's an amazing R.E.M. song which I was obsessed with years ago as well (so many references from my early teens wow xD)

Anyway. The idea was that a young Alex would appear with Miles as his and Al's relationship is on the rocks or I was even thinking to put another event far much sooner, but it's postponed and will ache. Gf hates me for it and pokes me about it coz I will be going forward with it. So Miles as depressed wasn't planned and neither was the fact that he and Alex were nearly in no contact.

Also it was greyplaydough's birthday :O SO I AM SO SORRY AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEARIE!!! and she requested a Milex Christmas one shot and I had struggled for half of the day my mind entirely blank as I hadn't thought of doing one and I had decided well why doesn't this story happen at Christmas and originally a one-shot spin off was going to be from Alex's point of view when he came to Miles at Christmas but in the end I was itching to write chapter one and actually the first paragraph was from Al's point of view which was chucked into the story since the prologue I think will be told through out the story.

Also I hadn't intended the ending to be cheesy and I had wanted to keep Miles annoyed at Al, I mean he still is, but it's less and the whole OH MY GOD WHAT IF THEY DISCOVERED THE STRING THEN AND AND HJSDGCHJSDJC

so that was told because that is a lovely ending indeed.

And I know I write a lot about fetus Alex, maybe coz I'm 19 I dunno xD

I hope you enjoyed it and yes, I know, now I've got four Milex stories upon my shoulders xD Please feel free to request and I think I'll have Al and Miles' Christmas adventures up tomorrow and gah, I ship 19 Al x 27 Miles XD

And all feedback is welcome as I'm anxious if it's good or not xD



  1. Am I getting it right? It's a younger version of Alex apeared in Miles flat? Fantastic. Very intriguing beginning. I would like to read more. You know, Milex is like my favorite pairing now. I bet there's something between these two. So yeah...Thanks for writing.
    I'm looking forward for more.
    (P.S. Do you have twitter account?)

  2. Yes, you got it perfectly right!:D Thank you! I'm slowly writing the next chapter just that now when it's not Christmas xD I know, they're lovely together :D I just want them to confess already!

    You're welcome :3

    I do, but I haven't been using it at all??? I actively use tumblr, Facebook sometimes, I'm a kik person now XD or instagram :) I can give you my twitter but I went online just now to check and last time I used it properly was a year ago???


    1. Confession would fit perfectly. Damn, they look so good together. Like a perfect couple. All this just breaks my heart.
      Could you please give me your kik username? Mine is H_H_Ecstasy. I don't have any contacts there stil...You'll be the first. yay
      And facebook. I use it pretty much recently. Well, if cheking timeline and messages could be considered "using much".

    2. I'm tired of Al and Miles hiding, it's far too obvious IRL xD I know T__T
      I added you on kik:) I'd rather not reveal my new kik here, I'll just say it has the word "green" in it:) I've added you :D
      Um, I think kik is better but we can still do Facebook just that I rarely check it these days to be very very honest xD