Poison the Rose 4

“Alison!”

I stare ahead.

“Alison!” I flinch as he nearly grabs me and I hiss unwillingly, my eyes and my whole body dry and drained from lack of love which she would give in the mornings. Apparently we had descended into something else and people nearly took shifts to sleep at mine’s as if the thought which people wanted to avoid would happen exactly at the time of their shifts. 

It seemed like a natural continuation but the puzzle didn’t fit making me wonder about the death and keeping me to linger on Lana’s remains. 

“What did you tell them? What did they ask?” Jamie asks both questions not to overflood me but rather yank me back into reality, where I didn’t want to be. I refuse the milkshake at first before I actually try it and I leave it halfway after the first few sips, because I didn’t realize that I had a sugar craving just now because my body couldn’t handle it anymore. Everything stings.

“That we were recording and then you wanted wine, so you dragged us to Tesco. The CCTV saw it.” I sigh and get a hand to my forehead as I start sobbing with no tears, shoulders shaking and Jamie pushing his chair away and rocking me in his arms and I feel the faint scent of cigarettes which gets weaker every year.

He’d tell me we’d get married and I refused. I cough, my nose stuffed from all the crying I’ve never reached. 

But for some reason, my throat clogs up on the fact that there are surveilling everyone to see who could’ve done what and any evidence and the shorter days go, the worse the energy fades and storms arise due to weathers, blowing things away and sitting in an empty apartment in the floor, is no longer comforting, so I try behind the couch, where Jamie still greets me from time to time, getting take away and rejoicing at every bite I’ve eaten.

And it goes on, until they announce that they have no clue.

I sit there, Jamie waiting outside the door with his promise that we would walk Archie later, he insists that I join him every morning at 10 am for his walks, even if I hadn’t slept the day before. 

I think the hate starts settling, once they tell me they have no idea, that the killer could be anyone and that’s when I walk out, knowing all they had found, taking out my notebook and writing down the few things, as if my mind could tell me something or maybe Lana herself would come to my dreams

As me and Jamie sit on the bench, I observe how different his silence is from my own and maybe that’s where hate should be buried, it stops being a competition of genders, people yelling to erase labels, we just have different wiring and we are all interesting to observe, just like I had observed him, with years to realize that I was solely into women, Jamie keeping his thoughts and lovers to himself. His own misery was for him to share, so I just sipped more on the coffee, my mind clearing up, maybe some mania would catch up on me as the past few months even to Lana’s death my mood was flaring and talking with Jamie, me behind the couch, only asking for nail polish, made me realize that maybe I should yank myself out, just to see if my depression had escalated to bipolar.

“I don’t think I hate you. I just didn’t understand you.”

“Same.” He smirks, offering a cigarette, just because we might be interesting, we’re never really interested, lovers from friends is a long way, as some mean nothing on the death bed. To Lana I had meant something and so had she is my arms, dying-

-

A bunch of my stories take course and I don't edit, but Poison the Rose had to go under um… some editing due to my own fucked up state. So things are getting revised, I'm not going to lie, I'm going story by story, so it's taking a while, that's why things aren't categorized properly yet:)

Basically I mused on the initial thinkings and I'll see but I have always held a strong head canon about Alison's gender, since there's a lot of quotes when they started on Jamie talking how Alison defies gender and going head canon on head canon, Jamie has an attraction towards people who identify as androgynous and close, so yeah. I might be playing with that, because I love fanfiction and I want more trans characters and I've explored my theories on Alison's gender in Stale Smoke In A Running Circle which I miss dearly, so I will continue that with Poison the Rose again and I guess it's a middle finger to all the things I've said really xD

I started writing this chapter ages ago and detaching myself from female, finally felt free and I started seeing characters as characters and I guess I went full Ikuni or Almodovar on many of the characters like in One For The Road. Poison the Rose is a bit of a different story since I'm thinking to go Alison explore her gender and discover androgyny which is also pretty much something close to home, regrading Callie 

I also kind of went on with the intention of making Jamie more of a side-kick here, kind of none-romance Close-style. Frankly, I need to think a lot regarding the murder and etc even if I know the killer if you must and reason and etc, I need to plan out everything else xD which is fun, considering that the story is very Twin Peaks-esque.

There's a very very old Kills interview where Alison says that Jamie said they would get married eventually.

I am very often depressed, behind the couch is good place to hide, because I get very agoraphobic and I need a very closed space.

When it comes to murder investigations they obviously raid everything and rinse through.

I've been giving my characters bipolar now, sorry xD

The small interaction at the end was a big reply to my fuckups in earlier chapters, so feel free to revisit and reeler the plot.

I hope you still love Poison the Rose

thank you

<3

Jamie

Poison the Rose 5