Threesome 15

I try to make myself talk, as if it would be after the stage sex, which was carefully planned out and we would sometimes push beyond, but Valentine would always be waiting and it was just heavier a reminder to all of us how fake we had been, that our authenticity was just scorned with our old demons and shards of fucking up our relationship which we had never uttered, so far away stashed that we had started to believe that it never happened.

It wasn’t even that long ago.

I can recall older things much better than our first kiss. 

It wasn’t that long ago and we had stored it away, elevating sex like a bad thing but what happens is that you become what you’re scared of because fear shows who you really are.

I never wanted to be someone who I never wanted to be and I will fall years later to be single and overvalue things which I had ran away from, because that is the fate we ourselves bring upon, because we’re scared, so we make it happen ourselves, because suicide is better than murder. 

Misery makes self-doubt worse because I don’t know what I even want, as I take a while to let silence sink in and I only take out my phone when Jamie is about to speak, revealing the address.

“I’ll call you, yeah?” I say, still looking at the screen, thumb irrationally holding the name. Jamie shrugs and I kiss his cheek, smelling faint leather and tucked in cigarettes from the morning. 

I make myself to the door, hood up already even if the cold is solely in my mind.

“Alison!” I turn to see him. “I booked the studio for next week.”

“Oh.” I say, it’s more of a signal for him to compose rather than for me. 

Love builds a person. And then when you’re stripped bare and without it, you walk around telling yourself that friendship lasts longer just because your love didn’t. And it becomes a graveyard and a reminder that you’ll die, some suicide day counter which got stuck eternally or some slow torture, walking down a labyrinth eternally with no exit and you know there is none, only we’re not even holding hands anymore, we don’t even have to walk together and even if we depart, the walls become glass so I always see him, walking even if I sit down to accept my misery, because I don’t even know who loves who. Who gets rids of who and how come ones’ thoughts can change during a morning-

Like a confession of breaking up nothing.

You think you know people, but you don’t.

-

I had a few chapters of Threesome written and this is the last one for the moment even if I'm bursting with ideas regarding Threesome, frankly xD 

I dunno, I think feelings are very hard to pin down because you can go from nothing to everything and back and forth and there's the nostalgia, so there's everything to fuck you up unfortunately xD

I dunno, I think one of the myths regarding The Kills debunked, the stage sex makes a lot of sense once you realize how staged it is and how much a lot of it is played out (that thought made me write a bit of the next chapter, hooray xD) 

Basically it's still interesting to watch and think of it, considering that there's a lot of queerness there. 

I guess with the whole nowhere near recording, the phrase of booking a studio is ironic, unfortunately. Well, hopefully all will be fixed and we will get something new soon!

I dunno, I still enjoy writing from both of them since they made a whole novel for us to analyze, so I love The Kills dearly.

I'm sorry for the short story, but I'm tired and I wanted to push this out and I hope you enjoy it and since the chapters are short, I can't really spoil and they're written literally just me analyzing and thinking here xD

<3

Jamie