Tuesday, 10 July 2012

Stale Smoke In A Running Circle5

He breaks a cup and we stare at the shards and I sit on the floor and lean my head against the shards as Alex leans lower and picks them up and cuts two fingers and drops the shards in the garbage can.

“Put your fingers under the water. Cold.” I say and he does so, opening the tap with the other hand and his blood mixes with water and everything seems like a pink elixir which I could drink and I press my lips against and I wonder what would happen if I would press lipstick into it too and mine and Jamie’s future kiss and life underneath Alex’s healthy blood and I start digging my hair under the water as well.

Alex doesn’t say anything as the water starts filling up the sink and my hair becomes the moss of the lake and the pond to become a swamp of thoughts and Jamie butterflies to fall away from and fly deeper into the forrest and I’ve got Alex the younger kid try to drink the water

and then Alex pulls me by the hair up and I gasp my first shard of air, like birth and I start crying harder.

“Jamie. where is jamie where is jamie mamie jamie jaiwef “ I sob and he holds me and the night is all we’ve spend so he touches my hair and we hold there with all the windows now open and I lean my head against his and we both end up smiling or Alex for both and I look up and see no butterflies in this season and in the end I stand up and tell the kid how to make pure coffee and he doesn’t get any milk so we head out and spend some money on it on the way back into a second Tesco and we stop as he takes my hand and twirls me around as the lights go on and off.

Sometimes you feel love towards a stranger you adopt.

We head back inside and have more breakfast and then Alex suggests going to the park and feed some nuts to the squirells in Kensington as he says his parents would take him there as a kid and the tube ride is long and I relax even if everyone and anyone is and looks like Jamie, I’ve got a fake Alex to hold onto, a plastic cheap Queen mask to smile against and the fake smile will be the world’s and the rest will be for Alex to hide from.

Stale Smoke In A Running Circle6

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