Sunday, 7 December 2014

I'm waiting to greet you 3

Some studios are just cursed, that’s why we go back to them and that’s how Alison finds the feathers, grinning and I just ignore Jack’s calls and I know who is fucking who. I don’t even think I’m the one who is the gambler, I’m the prize already and she headed up, hands up and left as he is left to wait for me and we’re both different flavors, both of us being with women or rather with the same woman for far too long and it makes it ironic that he’s in a suit and without a guitar. And I just follow him into the park and we sit on a bench with the squirrels already too fed to beg and they just hop around and he just lights a cigar as if it could rain and all the rain would fall off his suit, leaving him dry like a goose.

I don’t know how you confess attraction and I feel undone with him. 

It’s been years and he grins at my thought.

“You never properly told me, that you’re gay.”

“Neither.” I swallow. I don’t smoke from his cigar.

“Alison told me.”

“Alison tells many things when she’s on the road.”

“So you’ve driven her.”

“She’s like the medium.”

“Then whose the dead-” We look at each other. He leans in to blow cigar smoke against my lips, doesn’t beat my faint scent of cigarettes. “Whose the alive?”

I flick my eyes upon his, breathing in his smoke, brushing the bottom of my lip against his without a kiss. 


I'm in an odd mood, but I still want to publish something and I was thinking a new chapter of To Miles, but that would be an enormous backstory to write and this story is self-explanatory, it was binge-written and yeah. I dunno, I just get sad because even if I am much better, I still get triggered by people's ignorance and then I get scared that I don't matter and then the cycle begins again for a while. So yeah. People are assholes. 

I haven't written it in a while, because as funny as it is, I feel odd, sometimes as if I were talking to myself here, I'm not in the best of moods, I feel like I'm talking to myself, anyhow, I get anxious about certain stories and I drop them for a while because I think that people don't like them and I specifically get anxious about the Jamie/Jack pairing and awfully anxious as well. So pretty much a lot of Jamie/Jack or all fall under the anxiety. 

I don't understand Jamie's obsession with chasing down cursed things, but everyone has their own way. So yeah. 

I had found feathers the day I was writing and I think I lie to myself when I say a story will have one chapter, I always end up expanding. 

I really enjoy the Jack/Jamie pairing maybe because I love them both and I dunno, I just love their chemistry and they're always both interesting to write and I guess being gay, of course I enjoy writing about two men frankly. 

I hope you enjoyed it and thank you



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