Tarot Cards

It’s a new loneliness which is fondled over time and sometimes pierces you as the floor is ignored for it’s sole existence.

It’s as if day is nothing besides a whimper and a struggle.

And the angel descents upon it’s tree to remind us all of some miracles waiting to happen, day two is no longer different than day one, as the misery trickles down thicker than blood resolved in Kaworu’s eyes. He had held his silence the first day as I kept sleeping or observing how he would flick through channels as if synching with all he could see.

“Why is Christmas a lone thing to celebrate?” Kaworu asks me confused, seeing all the people in window and online talking of how everything seems stained and we portray the exact opposite of what we sell. We are like a big lottery, we have the brightest of things to gain yet everyone loses just because of the government’s true fingers pulling the threads. 

“Is it because Jesus was born, making birth a time of solitude?” He continues, his questions open, metaphorical and rhetorical, yet he still seems pleased to have caught my attention in days, but we don’t touch in any comfort and I can still feel the scent of death from the kitten around his nails. Killing never goes away neither does mine. 

“So it makes it clear to make all lone, even if we all gather to celebrate with party poppers.” And Kaworu seems like the type which would do the party poppers people seems to point at each other in the movies and he just keeps watching and all is far too closed for us to do much and neither do I want to go anywhere.

“Maybe it’s because of us that Christmas is painted black, because our thoughts trail on the bones of the deceased and there is everything for us to hung upon, yet we still chop down trees, make melodies to symbolize a birth which ends in a tragic death which is only intertwined even harsher with all of our existences.

And celebrating a numbered death is what we always do.” Kaworu says and he stands up to get the kettle, as I continue observing him. “And maybe it is ironic to die on Christmas.”

He pauses, waiting for the kettle to heat up, steam pouring up. 

“At a time of birth do you die, then?” Kaworu gets the mugs, without asking and I wonder how long have I kept silent. “Maybe it is the most symbolic.”

“And if we are the reason for our misery, we should be the one to put it out.” He says rather grimly, as I still remain on the floor and I know that we are a few minutes away from hitting midnight and the anticipation just goes through the veins even further as being with him is as soft as velvet and he places the mugs near us and I can see how regret goes through his mind in a moment, seconds soon replacing bigger numbers and we have nothing but ourselves.

Because in a tale of religion, you end one with one

It’s not a retelling or a cracked sphere

If you were the one to put out your misery,

If you can’t.

Maybe an Angel should.

And it’s your own interpretation to understand who destroys who.

Kaworu kisses me and I ease, breaking the silence in days with my own reply.

-

I'm not really the most humorous or light writer ever XD so yesterday I was like shit, I literally have no Christmas stories and today I've been binge watching NGE with Callie xD I read the manga, so I'm still half-way through the anime, so my knowledge is all I've read manga-wise and online, I started writing this hoping to be more of something else, but I might pick that idea up again. I don't want to abandon my favourite gay couple. I know there's a lot of speculation regarding both of their sexualities but um, I'll just go with my head canon that both are gay. The more I read Anno's interviews the more I see it and please, this is my head canon but we all know that Shinji was solely attracted to Kaworu and vice versa and as a gay man I want proper representation so yeah:) 

Anyway, I just binged through the whole manga in 3 days and I can't stop watching the anime even if I'm in an awfully cheery Christmas mood xD

We reached more plot resolutions in the anime, so I was like, SHIT CHRISTMAS RELIGIOUS AND THAT AND GAH

anyway, this odd one-shot emerged which I want to drag on or maybe I'll leave this as a one-shot and do a different short novel:) but either way, Kawoshiiiiin T__T

I was editing through out as I was writing as I kind of like how the manga gave depth and deep thoughts outside Shinji, so I decided to voice Kaworu here in a dystopic manner and being heavily depressed I identify with Shinji's mental state and being unable to speak. 

I read that Kaworu died on Christmas in the anime, so that was me being ironic. Again, my blog isn't the most positive xD 

I had the image of them kissing at the end, so that was used.

I'm posting this minutes away from the end of 25th for me and Merry Christmas to everyone and I hope you all had a blast and I'm off to watch NGE further and develop more ideas XD

And yeah, I just added the title, so I'll be pushing the story forwards :) 

Tell me if you enjoyed it and say hi, if well you've stumbled onto me a first time since I haven't written fanfics for NGE before:)

<3

Jamie