Friday, 12 December 2014

The Blunderbuss Angel Said The Union Is Forever 7

The world starts to unravel as I have a cigarette and a bruise right under my eye, as I smoke a cigarette, all alone only Archie’s barking seeming to grace everything around me and sometimes even the dog gets bored of me so he comes back and sits, looking at me.

That’s when I open my drawer, ruffling through before going back to Kate’s and going through all her foundation, until I find the whitest to start applying it on my skin, as Archie starts barking and I just get depressed as I apply over my skin, hiding the wrinkles and imperfections, hiding all the shards as I don’t even bother with therapy and the leaflets to medication are thrown away as soon as they are prescribed.

I feel like I’ve reached a new method, drain whenever you need and sometimes it’s too much and always mixed with alcohol as I don’t have energy to leave the house or call anyone. In the end everything seems like some bad alcohol intoxication, depression reaching such levels that don’t seem to please me, I keep applying the foundation, Archie bored of myself, not as much as I have.

The guitar is discarded, the television turned off ever since Kate left, her own eyes avoiding me, everything with Alison long enough stained to even fix, maybe everyone just sees the threads and is scared to pull any thread in case it pulls everything else apart. 

So I keep smoking, my face now entirely pale white, hiding any dry skin, any wrinkle, making me as smooth as a balloon and that’s when I take Kate’s black lipstick and I draw myself a grin, my insanity left alone for myself

and I think of men in powder rooms, I can see Jack walking in, his own lips a cherry red

I don’t think I’ve ever felt outside myself and neither do I feel outside myself. 

“The years passed...” I start mumbling, Jack not yet approaching.

“Backwards.” He finishes giving me the first interaction of the day. 

Depression seems to be pulling me in and out of time as I try to focus on his face, how his make up is done and I just seem to be collapsing backwards, my own make up shattering against the floor and I just raise my eyes to see his fingers trailing against my skin, the scent of reality seems to be at loss, as I lock my hands behind him, giving me a faint recognition of the fact that I am still alive, that the dream had failed in giving me the illusion that I am gone and I give in, seeing those fake eyelashes stuck onto his eyelids and I give in, letting the dream shred me, pull me out in the open, his lips crashing against my own as I feel how still chapped they are under the lip gloss as he straddles me, pushing me back onto the chair, cupping my cheeks. 

I can’t help but be stroked by his beauty.


I'm sorry that this story is so rarely updated, but because of frankly half the story had been from Jack's point of view and the rest of Jamie's and being non-linear it's rather hard to write and I've been kind of writing other stories as well and I really enjoy them and I've been more attracted to writing more realistic or horror stories recently or supernatural, while this one has a surreal, non-linear narrative, so yeah:3 but I just banged out the next chapter, so I won't be torturing as long, expect it in the next few days or so:3 or tell me if you want it ASAP, as I'm pretty much putting a new chapter out every day and I frankly sit and go, hey, Callie, what should I post today? xD so feel free to spare me and choose a story if it's written:) or I'll write more of it or a final push:3

I dunno, I really enjoy Jamie and Jack *coughbecausetheybangedcough* coz they were kind of canon, so yeah xD and in general I just fangirl over both, even if I don't enjoy Jack's solo as much. Love Interruption did get to me when I had broken up I was listening to Icky Thump and Blunderbuss, but why people go ohhh such love, I have no idea. Neither how did he manage to kiss Alison under a fucking break up song, but then those two are fucked up xD 

This chapter was written so long ago and I had thought I would add something else before posting, that's why it was on hold for so so long xD but the more time went the more I kept realizing that frankly I should drop this one and start the next disjointed chapter xD

Also what tempted me is that I've been awfully ticked off at the lack of proper gay men representation, being one and all, so I just wanted to push out more and I've been binging Neon Genesis Evangelion after reading the entire manga in three days xD but fuck that, people are always assholes and well, before it was all about cisstraight white men, now it's about women of all sexualities, so yeah. Fuck that. 

So yeah, I do what I can do, write more. I write about all sexualities and genders, so yeah, fuck this xD

I had the idea of doing some previous centuries powder room sort of AU with Jack and Jamie instead the idea was discarded and shoved into this chapter along with Jamie's depression. I guess about this story is that even if the chapters are short, the ideas are rather big and cumbersome, so yeah. 

I like how surreal this is, I was writing this today and I'm so used to realistic stories these days that I was like, fuck, I have no idea, I'll just write realistically, we need this and I'll be writing this for the next few years, even if I had the thought of writing the last chapter, I want to torture myself and keep this open, even if my mind is all so many stories, end some, you've got to many and hold the fuck up, you've got new stories which aren't even published, oh noooo… finish something XD which is fucked up xD but yeah, I'm a creative mess in a good way, positivity xD in this day and age where people tell you you can't be male is needed because once the world thinks you're fucked up for being a transman, you have to do something at least within you and well, keep writing and yelling in my case:)

So yeah, I hope you enjoyed it and you won't toss a boot at me for being male

Please tell me if you enjoyed it and thank you:3



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