Untitled 5Silence Seems To Feed Us 13

It gets worse when I actually peek into a gay bar, frowning at the bad attendance and realizing that I should be with Alison and I just crawl back home, recalling all the stereotypes which I might’ve missed over the years and I wonder how does Brian do it or does he still just suck off Stefan. 

I think jealousy is my problem whenever anyone ever tries to flirt with Alison and she dismisses it with wide eyes until I step on her foot under the table, keeping a stretched smile and during a quick exchange during smoking I would expect her to grin, shyly and tell me to fuck off unless it’s two people then we just shuffle both jealously whilst we smoke, two hungry wolves with different prey in mind.

Depression seems to take its toll as we decide if we want a different place of our own, money slowly running out as Alison would end up painting the whole day and I would watch her smoking, melancholy now in my lungs. 

“Let’s remain friends and then I won’t lose you.” She exhales the last drag and stubs the cigarette against the floor before she goes outside. 

I lay on the floor.

How many friends have I even lost?

More than lovers, and the alcohol is humming in my wine and I let her leave because I know the waltz is going nowhere and we both enjoy this cheap fuel.

And once you break up you’re back to how you were, so she starts despising relationships and she would go on tirades how everyone is obsessed with fucking, even if we never broke up, there is something stale in the air and it gets far more intense and I wonder if I had known who she was and if she had known who I was. 

Because once you’re reminded of who you are/were, it’s a different plate, battle and rain. 

And is a loss of one the gain of the other?

-

I'll be honest, I even forgot I had a chapter written >.> it's one of those stories since they're going to take over a large gap of The Kills, I honestly have no idea how far will it actually go >.> so yeah and my whole body is aching from moving and carrying things, but yay, new apartment xD so yeah:) I just really wanted something up and I've got a bunch of stuff up my sleeve o.o

I'll see where I drop this story off, I honestly dunno.

Even if I fucking despise Alison, I still love her as a part of The Kills, so yeah, but yeah she's overrated, but meh, I can't really control people can I? I just wish actually talented musicians would get recognition, but hey, in this day and age there's a whole hype about female singers/musicians because there's frankly none or close to none, but that doesn't mean just coz now she screeches into a microphone makes her something idealistic, prior, yeah, but not now, but then I can't really say until I see the album, can I?

I dunno, I enjoy fucked relationships or writing about them, trying to dissect, I love romance and I love frankly proper sexual representation so that's what I do and same for this story. When I started writing this I hadn't know as much as I know now but I think at the time as we know Jamie really pushed his past away so it only makes more sense. 

I hate how people idolize friends and I still think it's more of an American thing and these days, we're really bombarded with what we should think, so Alison sometimes in a way is a stab at how culture is these days, if there is any.

Anyway, I'm being too tired and critical, but yeah, sometimes I critique things I enjoy a lot. I dunno, I have to critique :) you need to think not just love something, really

I hope you enjoyed it:3 

And yeah, the thought of losing more friends escalated and yeah, I dunno, friends have always been awful backstabbers, I dunno, it becomes daily.

<3

Jamie