Sunday, 14 December 2014

let's make straight offensive since they're such bigots 7


The thoughts need to be recollected as coins, but they all seem far too scattered with her taste in my mouth, it becomes too blurry and disjointed, as if it wasn’t even an explosion, yet the effects seem to be scattered and evident. 



I button up the suit, I’ll be in the same clothes even if I’ve lied and I’ve seen that bloke eye me before and he did look hot, but he had a redhead around his arms so I figured another straight and just proceeded to tweak with Alison-

Her face flashes in my mind. 

I light a cigarette far too fast and it’s two hours.

I even lost my virginity, if it even be in the concept when we could’ve done it ages ago and I’m still highly turned on. 


Her face.

The way she clutched her sheets and how she’d flip off every straight couple who would sit next to us, thinking we were them, Alison was always the one with “me and my girls” and I couldn’t feel attracted to any women anyway and it all seemed to make sense with her “Jamie, you’re gay”.

Ok, great

And then I just laid thinking of it and well, it’s a weird label, it’s weird to put on labels, but I’ve only been attracted to blokes and then I just end up fingering my best friend and fucking humping the bed with my zipper killing me as she comes. 

Sexuality is far more fluid.

“No, it’s not.” Is what Alison would say yesterday with a fork in the air, pasta in her mouth, my mother still shipping us like no tomorrow, I’m not even sure where I fit. I’m gay, but I still always loved her. I’d love how outspoken she was and how we had started talking how she couldn’t stop drawing when we were young, just telling me stories and how she fell off a tree and I’d stare at her. Oh, Jamie? Oh, Jamie’s gay. But sometimes it felt far more complex when it came to her, specifically during her rad fem period, but it lasted a day. A fucking day until I told her to fucking stop being a bigot, that not only women get raped and she shut up, not all rad fems do. It’s a loud word these days because people who fall under patriarchy just use it, they throw it as they lay under their husbands.

I don’t want to be that husband. 

I wanted to be the husband to walk back home to my bloke and he’d do whatever he’s good at it and I’d burn my grilled cheese and we’d fucking have sex, which people don’t talk about on television.

But that’s not how it happens.

Even you don’t know yourself. 

I walk into the used vinyl store recalling Alison’s glowing eyes, saying how I were the best bloke she’s ever met

But I was still a bloke and she was still female. And we’d both try and nothing-


I made her come. I didn’t even know where the fucking clit was. It was as a ridiculous wank when suddenly double penetration seems arousing and you’ve been holding all day.

And it’s two hours to go. I just go through the sleeves, all of them either rusty or tattered like they had been five years ago, barely new stock and the owner with his bob smiles at me. I don’t smile back.

I’ve had enough boxes. 


It's really weird because this story had evolved from numerous plots since it was quite a few years since I had decided to pick it up again. I really miss it and I had the document open and Callie got sad coz she thought I continued it, sometimes I get sad and I think of what happened later on to the characters or random daily scenes, but the stories are done and I dunno, I always like making sure that after the end they still keep their own world. So yeah.

My mind was full on binge-mode when I was writing this. I guess what makes this story special is that I rarely change point of view, the few stories I have changed point of view was To Miles having one chapter, The Blunderbuss Angel Said The Union Is Forever and this other fiction story I had written ages ago. I really despite changing point of view for some reason and I don't like using third point of view either, I've stopped using it when I was 12 to be frank besides assignments xD I dunno, I just like getting into the character and their thoughts, I don't like leaving mystery about the narrator.

But I figured that the best person to tell the next chapters (this one and the last one, the next is last sorry!) would be Jamie really.

I miss the short format were the words and sentences are much more concentrated instead of my usual dilution (To Miles for instance xD I mean that thing is like 150 k xD) 

Ironically I never agreed that sexuality was fluid before recent, so Alison's views and her whole character is really based off what I had considered to be true and whatnot, it's just a brief way of letting out my female lesbian side, but sexuality is fluid, sexuality doesn't really empose exactly who you fall in love in and that's really the motto of the story, because you still fall in love with the person, so originally this was a story about gay people within their labels if you must and homophobia and ended up being against society's labels, because even in the LGBT community we've got the whole "I'm gay, I'd never date a woman", so that ticks me off. Because it's really not like that, love is about love by the end of the day. You won't miss a good person and that doesn't change your sexuality. I won't spoil more, my mind nearly drifted off  xD

Me and Callie used to be very rad fem quite a while ago but we really loudly argued regarding gender, so yeah. It's odd to admit that but yeah. We all fuck up because society makes us think the wrong things, I'm not gonna lie. I did do a comeback with Jamie in that part, because I am getting annoyed at the rad fems yelling that only women have problems, erasing other genders and statistics and problems. I get angry to this day and sometimes I may snap something rad in conversation, like I still find women who clearly have nothing to do with feminism yap about defending Nicki Minaj and praying for boyfriends, just for the girls to eventually lose all sense and hey, I'm not ever going to defend cis straight girls for their own stupidity, sorry, since they're the ones yelling about only women having problems and frankly turning their back on everything after they get someone or yap that they miss being straight. I'm like Jamie with Getting Down here, I see xD I'll get off that track xD But yeah, I never see them as feminists if only their problems matter and women above all, yet I end up with men like the ones I riot against. Maybe that's the only good thing from rad feminism, who the fuck knows, all was bull as well, well besides that. I did go yelling that cisstraight women could never be feminists, so yeah. I don't think it's as bad, but it's a fucking fair portion these days unfortunately. But anyone with a head regardless of sexuality and gender can be a feminist as long as they understand what they're fighting for. But fuck it's never protect all girls or all men, because anyone can be problematic. Defend those who fucking need it!

I kind of have to speak about that, so yeah. I'm very vocal, so nothing is surprising or unheard of from my lips.

I hope you enjoyed it and yeah, poke me and I'll have the last chapter up!

Thank you for loving this story all this time!



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